ELLIE

Once I’m seated on the bus and away from the rain, I unclasp the front of my wallet and slide out the picture I keep tucked away behind my photo ID.  Thinking back to the day the photo was taken, I run my finger along my father's cheek.  It was one of the happiest days of my life.  I remember the smile my father wore on his face as he made my favorite Mickey Mouse pancakes for my birthday.  The way he held me on his arm, singing and dancing around the kitchen while the pancakes cooked away. 

Blinking through the forming tears, I look back down at the picture in my hand.  I've been walking around numb, emotionless since Grams passed.  Turning my head, I stare blankly out the window with the photo of my father clutched to my chest, letting the tears stream down my face. 

The emotions coursing through me now are threatening to swallow me whole.

I hate the fact life has taken the two most important people in my life from me, leaving me in this world alone.

Movement next to me jolts me from my thoughts as a strong arm wraps around my back.  I can smell him before I see him.  It’s a new but comforting scent, mixed with the smell of rain. Rubbing my fingers beneath my eyes, I turn and look up and see the man from outside the bus as he envelops me into his arms.

I don’t react in the way I normally would.  The old Ellie would lock her emotions away, covering up the hurt she is wearing.  I would push him away and tell him I’m fine.  Everything in my life has taught me not to trust people.  I do none of those things because something deep inside me tells me even though I don’t know him, I can trust him.

Instead, I let myself feel, and in that moment, God do I feel everything. 

I feel the weight of the loss and grief pressing down on me. I feel the betrayal and hurt of all the events that happened after my father passed. 

And I feel fear because the fear is always there clawing at me and my conscience. 

Pushing it all down, I focus on the feel and sound of his heart beating beneath where my head is laying on his chest.  The steady rhythm calms my rapidly beating heart, taking solace in this moment.

I can see him lean back out of the corner of my eye, staring at the side of my face as if he's checking on me.  I want to look up at him but I know as soon as I do, the concern will be there and the moment will be over. I fight it off for as long as I can until I feel his mouth press against the side of my head.

“You okay?” he asks.  The words are soft as I lean away from him, opening my eyes.

He is staring at my mouth, waiting for me to respond as I run my tongue along my dry lips.  I don’t speak, I can’t form a word, so instead I nod my head.

He rakes his eyes over my face again, until they meet mine.  Rubbing my fingers along my cheeks and beneath my eyes, wiping away the mascara in the process.  “Oh, God,” I cry internally as my cheeks heat in embarrassment

“Don’t worry, you still look beautiful,” he says.  The words coming out of his mouth are spoken with such conviction.  My stomach flutters as his eyes bore into me, causing desire to pulsate through me, pooling low in my belly. 

I can feel my heart rate increase as I struggle to breathe. The rise and fall of my chest visible.  He flashes me a wide smile, cueing me in that he's aware of how my body is reacting to him. 

“Thank you...” I say, letting the end hang in the air. 

“Callum,” he responds, picking up on my question.  He holds his right hand between us, which is kind of funny considering his arm is wrapped around my shoulders.

“Ellie,” I say, returning his warm smile as I slide my hand into his, shaking it while taking in the feel of his rough skin against mine.  The feel does all sorts of funny things to my stomach. “I think I’m just going to lay back and get some rest.  We have a long drive ahead of us.”

Letting go of his hand, I lean down to pick up my backpack off the floor.  Sliding the wallet from my lap, I tuck my picture away before dropping it in my bag, zipping it up, and keeping it between my legs. 

“Fine by me, sweetheart. I’ll probably get some shut eye too. I’ll wake you when we make our first stop.” He smiles, winking at me.

Nodding my head to him, Callum crosses his arms and leans his head back against the seat shutting his eyes.  I’m surprised he doesn’t move to go back across the row where he’d have more room.  A man his size could use more space when he’s trying to get comfortable.  I don’t say anything as I know all too well how vulnerable you can be when you're asleep.  I’m relieved to have him close to me.

Pulling my iPod out of my pocket, I settle on a song before I lay my head back against the seat.  Once I’m situated, I lean back and angle my head against the window; the cold glass feels good against my warm skin.  My thoughts drift to what is waiting for me at the end of the bus ride. 

I struggle through the first part of the trip to get comfortable and eventually pull a sweatshirt out of my backpack to use as a blanket.  A couple of hours later, a large hand wraps around the top of my knee, jolting me awake.

“I’m sorry to wake you.  I just wanted you to know we’re making a quick stop before we are back on the road.” I look up, seeing him standing in front of me with a warm smile. 

“Thanks, Callum,” I say, enjoying for a moment the way his name rolls off my tongue.  Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I smile up at him as I leave the bus in search of a restroom.  My bladder is practically screaming for relief.

After taking care of business, I take advantage of the opportunity to stretch my legs and get some fresh air, sitting on the bench seat outside the Travelodge.  It’s early evening, the sun has begun to set, and the humidity isn’t helping my already frazzled hair.

“Is this seat taken?” His deep voice vibrates through me, as I look up to see Callum standing before me. His blue eyes are a stark contrast against his dark facial hair and tan skin.

“Not at all,” I say, sliding over giving him more space on the already open bench seat. 

We sit here for a few minutes in silence while he eats a slice of pizza.  I can’t help but admire the way his jaw moves as he chews.  It’s sexy to watch, and I fight the urge to run my hand along his cheek.

“So where are you headed?” he asks, raising his eyebrow in question.  I know he is referring to where I’m going at the end of this trip.  The realization of what this fresh start means for me and the fact I don’t know this man snaps me back to reality.  If my past has taught me anything, it’s that the only people I could ever count on have either left me or betrayed me.

“I’m still trying to figure it out,” I say, suddenly feeling sad at the thought.  I know Callum didn’t expect that answer or my reaction. 

I don’t return the question because I want to avoid where this discussion is going.  Instead, I focus on people milling around outside before they board the bus.  Callum takes a bite of what’s left of his pizza and stands to throw his garbage away.  Raising his hands over his head, I watch as he stretches preparing for another four-hour ride. 

The movement causes the front of his shirt to ride up, and I can’t help the way my eyes take in their fill of Callum.  My body reacts to both his nearness and my attraction to him, appreciating the way he moves and the confidence he exudes. By the looks of the deep V hidden beneath his jeans, he spends a lot of time taking care of his body.

I hear him laugh lightly, causing me to divert my attention away from his tan skin back to his face.  That smirk is back in full effect.  I can’t help but want to roll my eyes at him because it’s kind of ridiculous how good looking he is.  He really should come with a warning label, good Lord!

“I hope you don’t mind but can I borrow your cell phone charger on the bus?” he asks, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I forgot to charge my phone last night and left mine at the hotel I was staying at.”

“Umm... I don’t have a phone,” I mumble awkwardly, “But I’m pretty sure I saw chargers for sale over there,” pointing my thumb behind me toward the lodge.

His brows furrow, as if he is unsure whether he believes me.  I’m probably the only twenty-something-year-old female in the state of Illinois or Iowa; I’m not even sure where the hell I am right now, who doesn’t have a cell phone. 

“You don’t have a phone?”  he asks, the surprise evident in his tone, and I work to suppress my eye roll. “I mean, it’s not a bad thing.  It’s just most girls I know usually have their phone attached to their hip.  It’s not very safe for you to be traveling alone without one.”

I can’t help the irritation that seeps through at everything he just said.  Clearly, his first impression of me has been misunderstood.  I don’t appreciate the fact that he obviously perceives me as a lost, helpless girl. 

Like a steel rod in my spine, I’m stick straight as the words he said sink in.  How helpless does this man think I am?

“I appreciate your concern over me back there,” I say, waving my hand toward the bus, “I’m sure it looks like I need some sort of protection, but I can assure you I don’t.  I’ve taken care of myself for most of my life and have gotten along just fine.  No one gives a shit where I’m going, much less how to get ahold of me when I get there.  So please, save your concerns and knight in shining armor act for someone else,” I spit out defensively.  Standing, I adjust my bag on my back and head toward the bus, effectively ending the conversation. 

This is exactly why I wanted to be left alone and, as predicted, he didn’t know what to say when I unloaded the truth. 

People don’t know how to react without their sugar-coated bullshit.

* * *

It’s a little after nine o’clock when we pull into Everton.  A small part of me was grateful it had taken this long to get here.  The two planned stops ended up turning into three.  I am just deflecting because when I think too much about what comes at the end of the trip, it scares the ever-loving shit out of me. 

Trying to keep my mind off my future, I spent the rest of the time overthinking how things went down with Callum.  I have replayed our conversation in the parking lot back in Chicago a hundred times.  I can still feel his touch and how my body reacted to him.  I can’t help but regret the things I said back at the Travelodge. 

I know he didn’t mean to upset me.  I’ve worked so hard to hide parts of myself from the outside world.  Knowing I had been able to open myself up to him in a way I hadn’t in a long time, had me feeling exposed.  It’s as if he was trying to see who I am beneath it all. 

Callum didn’t bother trying to talk to me for the rest of the trip.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised and I can’t blame him after the way I snapped at him.  I’m sure he thought I wasn’t worth the time.

As the bus pulls into the station, I sit up straight in my seat hanging back as people begin pulling their bags out of the overhead compartments and moving to get off the bus.  Once the coast is clear, I pick up my bag off the floor and quickly shove my iPod and sweatshirt inside.  Sliding the straps up my arms, I make my way down the aisle.

The sun has long since gone down, leaving the night sky dark and the air cooler.  I can’t stop the shudder that passes through me, causing me to wrap my arms around my stomach, and I instantly regret my decision to stow away my sweatshirt.  The lights in the parking lot are dim, casting a soft glow on the near black asphalt. 

I don’t even make it five feet away from the bus when I hear my name being called.  The deep voice in an unfamiliar place takes me off guard, as I look around trying to decipher which direction the sound came from.  I silently long to hear it again in hopes it was him.  When my eyes connect with Callum, I want to sigh in relief at the smile on his face.

Pulling my suitcase along behind me, I head over to him, kicking the pebble rocks on the ground in the process.  It distracts me from the imminent conversation and the realization that this is likely the last time I will ever see him. 

“Hey!” I say awkwardly, not knowing what to say or why he would even want to talk to me. 

Looking up, I let my eyes meet Callum’s and don’t let the fear of him seeing how nervous he makes me push me away.

“I know you said you were still trying to figure out where you’re headed, so I don’t mean to offend you.” I can tell he is approaching the conversation hesitantly.  Nodding, I urge him on.

“I just wanted to make sure wherever you’re going that you get there safe.  Can I give you a ride somewhere?” he asks, his tone showing a hint of vulnerability.

Callum is dressed in a black hoodie and perfectly fitting dark blue jeans; it’s fucking unfair.  His arms are stiff with his hands fisted in his pockets, likely to keep them warm.  His shoulders are raised up, tense as if he is bracing himself for the way this conversation could go.  I know I can’t leave with him; I can’t even put myself in a position to be alone with a man much less one I just met.  Even if I feel like I can trust him. 

People continue to shuffle along around us, but it’s like nothing else exists as I let my eyes run over his face and take in the way his eyes sparkle under the lights.  His hair is pulled back underneath a light gray beanie.  The way his jaw flexes reveals the small dimple on his cheek, that’s so fucking sexy, it makes what I should say next difficult.

“I appreciate the offer, I do, but my friend is going to be here any minute to pick me up.” I lie, the words rolling off my tongue before I can even give myself an opportunity to change my mind.

“Thank you for everything, for you know, back there.” 

He doesn’t even hide his disappointment, picking up on my blatant lie.  I’ve never been good at lying, but I don’t allow myself the chance to think about it.  Holding my hand out in front of me, I force a bright smile and move to shake his.

“Thank you!”

Callum looks down, studying my hand as his brows crease before he looks back up meeting my eyes.  He doesn’t hesitate, his strong hand wraps around mine, and I relish the way his calloused fingers rub against the soft skin of my palm.  Using our connection, Callum pulls me close to him so we are nearly touching chest to chest and leans down so his mouth is near my ear.  His closeness sends waves of heat pulsating through me as I take a deep breath, inhaling him, but also to calm my nerves. 

“I’m sorry, Ellie,” he sighs.  His whispered words against my ear send a jolt through me.  My heart is beating wildly, leaving me struggling to breathe.  I know he’s saying he is sorry for upsetting me back at the Travelodge.  I want to say it’s okay; I want to tell him I’m sorry, too, but I don’t.  It’s as if every word escapes me at that moment as he steps back releasing my hand.

Without a backward glance, he turns and grabs the handle of his suitcase and walks away.  I want to call out after him.  My eyes begin to water as they take in the way he moves, how his back flexes, and his strong legs eat up the concrete walking further and further away from me.  It isn’t until he turns the corner, around the side of the building that my rapidly beating heart drops into the pit of my stomach. 

Instinctively, I reach up and clasp my hand in a fist around the compass necklace hanging from my neck.  It’s as if I’m clutching a lifeline to my Grams.  Closing my eyes, I release a deep breath, reminding myself of the promise I made to her before she passed away and how it led me here.  I came to Arbor Creek to start over fresh, and I don’t think I’d survive if I let him in only to have him leave down the road when he discovered the baggage that came along with me.

“I’m sorry, too,” I whisper to myself, opening my eyes as a tear trails down my cheek.

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