Taylor

"So you are home!" Claire yells and jumps on my bed. "Why didn't you call?"

"It was a spur of the moment decision kind of thing," I tell her.

I've been awake for an hour or more, hoping they'll all leave the apartment soon, so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. I feel like someone beat me up, my whole body is hurting, though it's mostly my heart. I have no idea what to do. The mere thought of going to look at more apartments with Henry makes me want to go back to sleep. A very long sleep.

But there's no future in just passionate sex. And that's what me and Adam really had. But there is a future with Henry.

I throw the covers off and sit up. "So, what have you been doing?"

Claire lays back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Oh, stuff."

Her eyes are all dreamy though.

"You meet someone?" I ask.

She rolls over and gleams at me. "Yes, at one of the apartment buildings me and Amanda checked out. He's gorgeous, and we have a date tonight."

My tears are just seconds from spilling. "That must be nice."

Her face twists like she's in pain. "Sorry. You must be still upset about Henry. He called me a few times, but I didn't tell him where you were. Was that wrong?"

I shake my head. "Henry's fine. We went to check out a few apartments yesterday."

My voice actually cracks as I say it.

"It's not even him…" I murmur.

"There's someone else?" she shrieks. "Who? Tell me."

I shake my head again and get up, turn away from her, because tears are already spilling. "No one. I'm with Henry."

And then I walk to the bathroom, as steadily as I can, take a few deep breaths in front of the mirror. I don't even know who I'm looking at. But whoever I am right now really wishes Adam would walk up behind me. I want it so bad, I can almost feel him in the room with me. I dreamt of him. We were out by the lake, and a huge chunk of my mind is still there right now.

I manage to get it together eventually and come out to find Claire and Dad eating breakfast.

"Taylor, you’re back," Dad says. "Is the plumbing OK now?"

I nod and help myself to a bagel, lathering a heaping amount of cream cheese on it.

"How's the book coming along?" Dad asks, shaking out his paper loudly. It doesn’t quite mask the sneer in his voice.

"Fine," I mutter. "I only came back so me and Henry could go look at apartments."

"Oh," Dad says, glancing at Claire. "I thought that was postponed for now."

I glare at Claire. How much did she tell them? Did she tell them about me kissing Adam too? She really has some nerve.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Claire asks. "I just said you and Henry were on a break."

"And a needed one, I thought," Dad puts in, studying my face over his glasses.

"So my choice of career is no good for you? And my choice of partners is no good either," I say. "Tell me, Dad, is anything I do even remotely OK?"

I don't even know where all this is coming from. But I'm so sick of their snide remarks, so sick of this feeling that I have to please everybody. When is it ever gonna be about me? When do I get what I need?

Dad is blinking, opening and closing his mouth, and Claire is staring at me like I lost my mind.

"Of course you can do what you want with your life. That's not even a question," Dad finally manages to say. "As for Henry, I never made it a secret that I think he's too old for you."

I wonder what he'd think of Adam. Maybe he'd approve, if Adam was still an officer in the Marines.

"But I am with Henry," I say and stand up.

"And if he makes you happy, that's fine by me," Dad says and clears his throat, still looking at me.

I want to say, Yes he does, but it'd be such a lie, I can hardly think it.

Adam makes me happy. In ways Henry never did. And maybe I owe it to myself to try and be with him, see where it leads. Maybe I owe it to him too.

"I'm going back upstate today," I say, biting into my bagel.

Both Dad and Claire are staring at me like they're seeing me for the first time.

"I have work to finish," I explain once I'm done chewing.

"OK, fine by me," Dad says and goes back to reading his paper. I feel a million times lighter now. Like I could just float away. Adam will take me back. I know he will. I just hope he hasn't left town yet.

* * *

I call Henry while I pack.

"I'm going back to the cabin for awhile," I tell him once he picks up.

He gasps, makes a few weird noises before he finally says, "What about the apartments?"

"I'm not sure, Henry," I say. "About anything."

My stomach is swimming with butterflies, and I can't wait to see Adam again.

"What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me again? I thought we were fine now," he says, not even pausing for breath.

"We're not fine though, Henry, are we?" I say, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, I thought we were." His tone is sharp, biting.

"You keep finding faults with me, you don't even want to kiss me."

"Oh my God, Taylor. You're so childish," he snaps.

"See what I mean?" I ask, my heart not even racing anymore. I'm doing the right thing here. I can feel it. I also think Henry would be better off with someone else, someone more suitable.

"Sorry. I'm just…this is all so surreal to me. We were planning on starting a family," he says.

I sigh, my heart clenching a little. "Henry, I'm not ready right now. It wouldn't be fair to you, if I pretended otherwise."

"Is there someone else?" he asks sharply.

I barely find enough composure to lie. "No."

"Don't leave like this, Taylor. I deserve to at least get a proper conversation over this."

His tone is demanding, but that's how he always talks to me. I can't believe I'm only now seeing how offensive it really is.

"We'll talk when I get back," I say. "I have to go now."

He yells something into the phone, but it's cut off as I hang up.

I'm shaking, and I feel rotten. But I can't wait to see Adam again and that feeling is stronger, realer, the only one I want to hang on to.

* * *

Adam

"Ma, we have to go, if we're gonna do this!" I yell from the foot of the stairs. I've been waiting for her to get ready for ages. "The Doctor's office is closing in an hour."

She comes out of her room, but stops on the landing. She's wearing a pair of jeans, which looks odd, since she barely changed out of her house dress slash nightgown the whole time I've been here, except to put something over it.

"Maybe we can go tomorrow?" she asks very quietly, and her sleepy tone is almost enough to make me cave in and agree.

But I shake my head. "Tomorrow's Saturday. Let's just get this over with. You need the forms, and you're not making any decisions yet."

"OK," she mutters and descends the stairs slowly like she'd rather not.

And I'd rather not be forcing her, but I have my doubts that Dad's never coming back. That man is a cagey bastard, and I swear he has more lives than a cat. Who knows why Cyril hasn't come bothering us here at home yet? Could be other things stopping him, other than my dad being dead. And even if he isn't, Mom can't take care of herself, and Julie deserves a life that's not all about taking care of her sick mom.

"My shift starts at five, just so you know," Julie tells me, since we're borrowing her car. "Don't know why this needs to happen anyway. Mom's been better these past few days."

I'd answer, but I've been over this shit with her a million times since yesterday. Mom needs a doctor's note attesting to her condition, and he'll only give it, if he can examine her. I want Mom to go to that nursing home. She'll be happier there. And if she refuses then at least I will have tried.

"I want to go with Adam," Mom assures Julie and walks out of the house with no shoes on.

Julie sighs and grabs a pair from the hall closet, handing them to me. "Get her to put them on, OK?"

Most of the ten minute car ride into town passes by me convincing Mom she needs to wear the shoes. I almost give up right before she finally does it, thinking she'll probably get the note faster, if she walks in barefoot.

The receptionist is eyeing me strangely as she gets our details, then tells us to wait. She looks vaguely familiar, but I can't quite place her. Though from the way she keeps glancing at me, she knows me well, and I get the sinking feeling she's not happy to see me at all. She's about my mom's age, maybe a little older. I pick up a magazine and leaf through it, ignore her gaze.

After about ten minutes of my mom crossing and uncrossing her legs, twirling a lock of hair on her index finger, and just generally fidgeting, the doctor finally comes out and tells her to enter. I get up too.

"I'll speak to your mom alone first," he tells me. "If you'll take a seat."

I nod and obey.

"So you're back for good now?" the receptionist asks me once the office door closes.

"What's it to you?" I ask, a little too harshly maybe, but I have zero patience for the rudeness of the townsfolk.

"Veronica said she saw you at the store," the lady goes on, but I still can't place her face. "She said she was glad, but we don't all share that opinion. If you were never in Davy's life, he'd still be around, even if you didn't push him down that well yourself."

My heart’s racing, and my skin suddenly feels too tight. She shouldn’t be talking to me this way, but I can’t start a scene over it. I'll be gone again soon enough, and Mom needs the doctor's note.

So I get up and walk to the door, before I tell the receptionist to fuck off or something worse. "I'll just wait outside."

I don't hear what she says over the little bell on the door chiming, but I'm sure it wasn't anything nice. She's probably one of Davy's aunts I never met, maybe even a cousin. I'll never get rid of this guilt. It's racking through me now like the accident just happened, like I'm still fifteen and everyone, the whole fucking town is talking about me behind my back, pointing fingers, accusing me of murder.

I lean against the trunk of Julie's car, staring down Main Street, tracing it in my mind all the way to the highway it eventually leads to. I'll be gone soon enough. Gone to find Taylor, tell her she's wrong to doubt me, that I'll prove it, if she just gives me a chance. Because she's the single best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm not about to let her just slip away.

I must be seriously flipping out right now, the stress and lack of sleep for the last few days finally catching up, because I see her in the silver station wagon driving towards me.

I straighten up to see better. I'm either going completely insane, or it is her, with that pale oval face, thick dark hair spilling in heavy locks over her shoulders, and those big eyes, staring back at me.

"Taylor!" I call out and wave. She stops the car, leaves it double parked in front of the butcher's and climbs out.

I don't even check for traffic as I run across the street. And for a moment she looks like she's gonna run too, like we're gonna meet in the middle of Main Street, falling into each other's arms like two idiots. All this scene needs is some snow. Or maybe rain. But she doesn't, and when I reach her, she's standing still like a statue, her lips slightly parted, her eyes wider than ever. I don't know if I can touch her, and it's killing me, because it's the only thing I want to do.

"Adam," she sighs, and throws her arms around me, resting her head against my chest. "I'm so sorry."

Her smell is intoxicating, the flowery scent of her hair mixing with something baser, sweet yet tangy at the edges.

"For what?" I ask like a retard, but I need her to say it. And then I'll kiss her.

"For just leaving, for saying all those things, for…for…" She looks up at me, her eyes open like she's a doe caught in the headlights. "For not telling you that I think I love you too."

It's good enough. I take hold of the back of her head and lean down, kiss her like it's the last time. She tastes like chocolate and coffee, but mostly like freedom and hope. And she's kissing me back, like I'm the only guy she ever wanted to kiss.

"Adam!" the annoying receptionist yells from across the street. "Come back inside now, the doctor wants a word!" And I just want to ignore her, make this kiss last forever.

But Taylor pulls away, her cheeks red. "Is everything alright with your mom?”

The care is so evident in her voice, so pure and real, that I can only smile and nod.

“Maybe you should go," she adds.

"In a minute," I say and kiss her again, because I can and it's the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life.

"Alright, now I should go," I say, pulling away. "I have to take my mom home. But I'll come up to the cabin right after, OK?"

I laugh as she blushes harder, and smacks my chest.

"You just hurry," she says, her eyes glimmering in a way that knows no shame.

"I'll be there within the hour," I promise her, kiss her quickly again and jog across the street while I still have the will to do it.