Taylor

I fell asleep sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard. My body is stiff and achy, but it’s like that’s someone else. I feel so insubstantial, like I'm nothing more than the soft mist rising outside, which will dissipate as soon as the sun hits them.

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to go back in time and erase last night from happening at all.

But none of those things will solve it. And I need to solve it.

I climb off of the bed and open the door quietly, fully expecting Henry to still be sitting outside, merely pausing for breath before he starts talking again.

But of course he's not. I can hear him snoring in the other bedroom, the one I used to share with Claire.

I go to the kitchen, make coffee, sit on the porch and drink it, watching the mist disappear with the rising sun.

I imagine Adam watching this sunrise too, thinking of me as I think of him, until I'm sure it's really so, and not just a figment of my imagination.

"Good morning," Henry says, interrupting my daydream. "Did you sleep well?"

There's a tone in his voice, like he wishes I didn't. "Not really. How about you?"

"I meant everything I said last night," he says, standing over me so I have to crane my neck to look him in the face.

"I did too, Henry," I say, softly, since hurting his feelings was never my intention. "But I can't be with you anymore. It doesn’t feel right. And it's not just the cheating, before you ask. That only opened my eyes to all the other things that were wrong."

"Like what?" he barks at me, his dark eyes flashing, making me fear him again.

I stand up and move a few steps away from him, leaning against the porch railing.

"I don't have the same feelings for you anymore," I say. "I don't feel like I should for you."

The words are just toppling from my mouth, and they feel so clumsy, so stilted. Yet it's the truth.

He moves to stand next to me, so close his leg is touching mine. "I can make you love me again."

There's a real plea in his voice, real sadness. I feel it in my stomach. And there's nothing I can do to fix it.

"But I don't love you anymore. And I don’t believe there’s a way back for us."

His eyes flash again, but the anger is gone again in an instant. "After all this time?"

I shake my head before I can stop myself.

"I should’ve told you this sooner," I say quickly. "I’m sorry I didn’t, sorry for hurting you. I guess I was being childish."

I will him to believe me, accept the apology, but he’s just staring back with a blank look in his eyes, like he didn’t even hear me.

"Let's go into town and get some breakfast," he says and walks to the door. "We'll both think more clearly on a full stomach."

And with that he disappears into the cabin. I'm frozen in place, watching the dew on a spider web glisten with all the colors of the rainbow. Breakfast with Henry is the last thing I want, but I'll go along just as I've always done with him. But this is the last time.

* * *

Adam

I got to the diner before it even opened at six. Cold dawn had me shivering out in the woods, and for the first time in my life spending the night there didn't bring peace. Everything feels like it got busted open, is laying in little broken pieces all over the place. I wish I could just sweep it up under some rug of knowing what the fuck I'm doing, but I can't.

"Slept rough again?" Julie asks as she walks up, the keys to the diner jangling in her hands.

I shrug. "Yeah."

"Come inside, I'll get you some coffee," she says and leads the way.

I take a seat at the counter, and we don't talk while she gets everything ready. She's so meticulous in her preparations, but I guess that's to be expected. She's worked here for the last five years, since she was sixteen.

"Do you ever think of just leaving?" I ask.

She makes more noise than is necessary setting up the coffee machine. "Sometimes. I did try it once, but leaving isn't the answer for me."

"When did you leave?" I ask since this is the first I'm hearing about it.

"Soon after Jesse moved out," she says, slamming an empty mug on the counter in front of me, then pouring hot coffee into it. "But I came back. For Mom. Are you really staying this time? Helping out at least with this latest crap?"

I want to say yes, but it depends, and I have no energy to lie convincingly.

"I'll try," I offer and after glaring at me for a few seconds, she finally nods.

"I guess that's almost like a yes coming from you," she says.

After that we each drink our coffees in silence, until people start coming in. Then Julie's all smiles and pleasantries. No one's got smiles for me, but I'm used to that, so I watch the morning show on TV like it's the most interesting thing I've ever seen, and pay no attention to anyone else.

"So, you showed," Brad says as he sits down next to me. "Didn't think you would."

"Shut up, Brad," Theo says, which must be the first time he's ever taken my side in anything, so it sounds doubly weird for that. I ignore them both. "We should get a table. My friend from the Sherriff’s office will be here soon."

I follow them to a booth in the back, as Julie trails behind us with a couple of mugs and a pot of coffee.

"Just don't make a scene, OK?" she warns as she sets the cups on the table.

"Why would we?" Brad asks, both him and Theo glaring at her.

"I just know what these little family meetings lead to, that’s all," she says and pours the coffee. "What else can I get you?"

I already had breakfast earlier, and neither Theo nor Brad are hungry either. Nor are they very talkative, which suits me just fine.

Theo gets up and waves as a uniformed officer walks in. I recognize him from school. He was in Theo's grade, but I didn't know they ever even talked.

"So, what can you tell us?" Theo asks as the man sits down. His eyes pass over me like he wants words. Probably been talking to Sheriff Wade.

"Not much more than I already told you on the phone," he says finally, shaking his head and placing his hand over the cup, as Julie tries to pour some coffee for him. "Your father had meetings with the FBI and the prosecutor, gave names, was supposed to tell them more after he was released, but then he just disappeared."

I'm trying to avoid his gaze, focus instead on the parking lot.

"How hard are they looking for him?" I ask.

"The FBI's joining the search today," the man says. "So, pretty hard. It was important things your father agreed to reveal. Trafficking…drugs and people."

"Who was he giving up?" Brad asks, earning a stern look from both me and Theo. It’s gotta be Rick. One more reason to stay away from that crazy bastard.

"More than I can say," the man says, fidgeting with the end of the table cloth.

"But you're confident he isn't dead?" I ask, the words not even sticking in my throat.

"We don't know," he says and places his palms on the table, looking at Theo. "I gotta go. But I'll keep you informed."

Theo opens his mouth to ask something, but I shake my head, and surprisingly he shuts up.

"No use grilling him," I say after the man leaves. "You know who he was giving up, we all do. And I'd just as soon not get all mixed up in that part of the family business."

"But it's good news though," Brad says, looking at both of us in turn. "If the feds are coming, they think he's still alive."

It's not as simple as that, but Brad really wants to believe it, and I’ll let him. So I go back to scanning the parking lot.

"What are we gonna do now?" Brad asks. "Should we continue looking for him too?"

"I say let the cops deal with it for now," I suggest. "I'd rather talk about what we're gonna do about Mom."

"What about her?" Brad asks. "She's fine."

"She's not," Theo says, saving me the trouble. "And she's getting worse."

"I hope you didn't leave your daughter with her this morning," I put in, not really sure if I care or not. But I must, else I wouldn't be saying it.

"No, of course not. Veronica's watching her," Theo says.

"Good. What I'm thinking is that we should get her an apartment and a nurse, if she won't go into a home. Just in case Dad does come back."

"She wants to stay home though," Brad says, quietly, probably expecting to get yelled at again.

"Maybe if we all talk to her about it, she'll agree," Theo says. "I think it would be for the best too."

I'm still staring out the window, not really focusing on anything. Until Taylor and her boyfriend walk up to the diner.

My heart's pounding, nausea rising in my stomach. I should've left last night, when I had the chance. Seeing them together hurts worse than ten knives piercing me at once, way worse than getting shot.

Theo's saying something, but it's all just noise. Taylor's eyes lock on mine as she walks in, and I see her gasp, her chest heave. Her mouth moves like she's trying to say something to me, and I swear I see tears in her eyes.

I wave to her. It's a reflex. Like, Hey, everything's fine, though it couldn't be further from the truth. She waves back, smiles brokenly. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I should be pissed at her for leading me on. For lying to me. But really, I'm just glad to see her again. And I don’t want her to feel bad. It's mind bending.

And then the magic is broken, because the boyfriend takes her hand and drags her to a table on the other side of the room. Too harshly, I think, especially since she's limping again.

Theo and Brad are silent, both of them looking at me.

"Who's that?" Brad asks, craning his neck to see her better.

"None of your business," I spit out. Because everything is crashing all over the place again now that she's not looking at me anymore, and I don't know what I'll do if I stay, but it won't be pretty.

So I get up and stride out, the urge to run overwhelming.

From the corner of my eye I see Taylor get up, watch as her boyfriend pulls her back, making her stumble, then crash into the table as she falls.

I stop dead. The next thing I know, I'm standing by their table, glaring down at him.

"What the fuck did you just do?" I ask him, way too loudly. The hum of conversation dies down like someone switched off the volume.

So much for not causing a scene.

"What?" he stammers, adjusting his glasses, which have slid down his nose.

"You made her fall," I say, glaring at him, watching fear snake across his face. I know the look well, seen it a lot overseas, on the men I killed. The memory is jarring, makes me doubt I'm doing the right thing here.

"I just took her hand. Can't help it, if she's clumsy," he says, arrogance returning to his voice. "She's fine. What's it to you anyway?"

Just the tone of his voice makes my guts clench tight. I'd like nothing more than to punch him right now. And it'd be the right thing to do.

"It's OK, Adam, really," Taylor says in strangled sort of voice like she doesn't really want to be saying it. Like she must. But she said it. And that's that. Rejection. I can't even look at her.

"Either way, you should at least apologize," I manage.

"Again, that's none of your concern," the boyfriend says, completely unaware of how close I am to beating the shit out of him just because he has what I want.

"You should leave, Adam," Julie says to me from somewhere behind my back, but it's really Taylor saying it. I should've left last night.

So I turn and walk out, maybe bumping into Theo on the way out, I'm not sure.

This is it. I failed. Like I fail at everything. Rejected. Again. But at least I'm fucking used to that.

* * *

Taylor

I'm shaking, sitting there frozen, not even sure any of that actually happened. But it did. And I caused it. Now Adam's walking out like he really won't ever return and this is my very last chance to be with him.

I get up, snatch my hand away from Henry as he grabs it again.

"It's over," I hiss at him then stride out, ignoring all the eyes following me.

I have to run across the parking lot to catch Adam. My ankle hurts, but it's like someone else is feeling it. All I know is that I can't let him get away.

"Wait, Adam!" I call out. "I'm sorry!"

He doesn't stop until he reaches his bike.

"Is that so?" he asks, already hoisting the helmet up over his head. I catch it, bring it back down.

"Yes, I am sorry," I say, sternly, because the set, crazed look in his eyes demands it. "It's over between me and Henry. I have been trying to tell him, but he won't listen. He followed me here. I couldn't stop him even though I tried. I came here looking for you. Because I want to be with you."

He's just standing there, solid and still like a statue. Only his eyes are alive, melting right in front of me, cycling through all the emotions I'm feeling in my stomach. Sadness, loss, regret, homesickness, longing, happiness, hope, love.

"I should've told you everything last night," I say, more tentatively this time, because I have no idea if what I'm saying is solving anything. "But I didn't want to ruin the moment. It's my fault. All of it. I've acted like a stupid little girl. But I haven't lied. Henry and me are broken up. Have been since the day I met you."

He's still just staring at me, his eyes once again under control, glowing, burning me.

"Is that true?" he finally asks.

"Yes!" I say, so relieved to hear his voice. "You're the only one I want, always—"

The rest of my sentence is cut off by his kiss, soft and sweet, yet powerful and demanding, and I'd probably topple down to the ground if he weren’t holding me so tight.

Time stops, the world stops, and there's no one else for miles and miles around us. Everything's right, we're the only two people in the world, and I never imagined the love I feel right now was even possible.

I spot Henry out of the corner of my eye glaring at us as we break for breath. The two guys Adam was with are standing between us and Henry, kind of barring his way. But I don't think he was planning to come over anyway. I look at him full on, and I try to look apologetic, but I know my eyes are glazed with the happiness I'm feeling, I know they're just as soft as Adam's.

Henry turns away, and strides over to this car, slams the door and drives off. And I know I have some more explaining to do, but all that will have to come later.

"Wanna go back to the cabin?" Adam asks, and I nod, kissing him again.

And then I'm leaning against him, my arms wrapped tight around his waist. I really wish I could feel the wind in my hair as we drive off, but he gave me the helmet again.

And this is just fine too. Better than fine, it's perfect. Because we found each other, and neither of us will ever be lost again.