How many times can I look at her phone number and never call before it becomes absolutely ridiculous? I’ve had so much happen to me, a handful of big moments in my life, and the one person I’ve wanted to tell I can’t because I broke her heart and never looked back.
Hearing Sydney tell me she loved me was the best and worst moment of my life. I still love her and want her, but it was bad timing. After what happened between my parents, I didn’t want to settle down with anyone until I was financially stable. Mom didn’t just leave my dad for an old boyfriend. She left because she wanted a better lifestyle. She wanted him to be filthy rich, essentially. It killed Dad that he couldn’t take care of Mom in the way that she wanted to be taken care of. It didn’t matter that he made sure she was well taken care of. It wasn’t up to her standards.
So, she left.
Ever since, I’ve known that whenever that time came for me, I needed to be financially secure for my own sake. Still being in college and having to scrounge up money to visit Sydney was not that. I didn’t mean to hurt her as badly as I did, and I didn’t want us to go this long without talking either. I was so sure she would reach out to me at some point.
She didn’t.
I followed her lead.
Sydney Jarvis is not the type of girl you string along. That is what I did and that is the only thing that makes what I did a little better. By not talking to her, I couldn’t possibly string her along. But it’s been long enough.
I need to make amends and get my woman back. I’m playing hockey professionally now with a team in Canada—a dream-turned-reality that still baffles me, and I’m so thankful for it. Anyway, I have money. More money than what a regular job would get me. Enough that I feel good about trying to be with her again. At the very least, I need my best friend back. If that’s all she’s willing to give me, then so be it. I’ll take it.
With a deep breath, I press her contact. It rings and rings and rings until I’m sure it’ll go to voicemail. And then...
“Hello?”
“Hey, Sydney.”
“Ian?”
How does she not know it’s me? “Yeah. Are you at your mom’s for the summer?” A little late to be asking, but if not, I can change my plans.
“Why?”
“I just landed in Raleigh and picked up a rental car. I was hoping I could see you and talk to you.”
“Seriously?” I wince at the fury she packs into that one word. “It’s been two years, Ian, and you want me to drop everything and see you today?”
“Please? It doesn’t have to be today. It can be tomorrow or the next day. I can wait a week if you want. I really want to talk to you.”
She huffs and is quiet as she thinks. “Fine. Let me know when you get here and I’ll meet you at the hotel. You’ll have thirty minutes to say whatever you want. After that, I don’t care what you do.” She hangs up without another word.
Shit. I was hoping time would soften her anger, but it definitely hasn’t done that.
The drive is a long one—seemingly longer than the ones I used to take to come see her. I almost told Dad that I was coming to see Sydney, but any time I’ve mentioned her over the years, he tells me I’m better off without her. I don’t know what the fuck that even means. How am I better off without her? It makes no sense, so I didn’t mention how I was making a pit stop in North Carolina before spending some time back home since it’s the off-season for me.
I don’t wait long at the hotel after I text Sydney. She looks so different, but still gorgeous. She looks older, more grown up, and her hair is shorter than the last time I saw her.
“What do you want, Ian?” She stands by the door with her arms crossed over her chest, not wanting to come in any further.
“I’m sorry.”
“If you came all this way to apologize, then you’re—”
“Will you let me talk?” I interrupt. She glares at me, but stays silent. “I miss you.” She scoffs, and I ignore it. “I wanted to tell you that I lied when I said I didn’t love you.” Her eyes widen and she gulps. “It’s because of stupid shit that happened with my parents, because I was stupid, and because I wasn’t ready for what that meant. The whole thing with Stacy made things worse, and I felt like a piece of shit for a long time about that. I didn’t mean to go this long without talking to you, but it just happened that way. So, I’m here to say I’m sorry. If it’s at all possible, I’d love for us to be friends again.”
Sydney stares at me until it’s about to become uncomfortable. “That’s it? That’s all you want to apologize for?”
I frown in confusion. “Yeah. That’s all there is to apologize for. I haven’t seen or talked to you since your graduation. What else could I have done?”
She sways. Without thinking, I reach out to grab her hips and steady her.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. I haven’t eaten today.” She takes a step back, so my hands have to fall. “We can be friends, but that’s it.”
My chest feels so much lighter at hearing that. “Can we go out to eat?”
Sydney shakes her head. “No, I’m sorry. I have to get back. How long are you staying?”
“Depends. Will you eventually have dinner with me?”
“Of course.”
No hesitation whatsoever. That gives me hope. I can’t lose the only girl I’ve ever wanted, even if we never move past being friends.
“Then, I’ll be here. Text me when you’re ready.”
She nods and leaves. It almost seemed too easy, to be honest, but I don’t care. She’s giving me a chance. That’s all I need.
“He doesn’t know!” I shout when I walk into my mother’s living room. “He doesn’t know!” The tears start falling as I go over to take my startled daughter, Savannah, from Mom’s arms.
“What are you talking about, Sydney?”
I sit on the couch and rock, feeling comforted by having my fifteen-month-old baby in my arms. “Ian doesn’t know about Savannah. He came to apologize for what happened when he came down here last. I asked if that was all and his words exactly were, ‘That’s all there is to apologize for. I haven’t seen or talked to you since your graduation. What else could I have done?’ He doesn’t know! Mr. Rhett must not have told him.”
“You don’t think he’s playing dumb to get back into your life?”
“That doesn’t make sense because it’s not just me anymore.”
“So, you told him?” she asks.
“No. Not yet. I was too stunned. He says he wants to be friends again. I want to see what he has going on in his life too. I’ll figure out when to tell him. It’s not going to be fun, especially since I have to tell him his dad knew.”
Mom nods. “Be careful. You don’t need someone who will be in and out of Savannah’s life. She needs consistency. He either needs to be all in or all out. And y’all do not have to be together for him to be a father to her, so don’t let him talk you into a relationship.”
“No worries about that. A relationship is the last thing I want with him.” Seeing him, though, was hard. He’s bigger than he used to be, like he works out more than before. His beard is a little longer. He looks older and more manly. Other than that, he is the same Ian as always. I glance down at Savannah. Her eyes are green, just like his. That seems to be the only thing she got from Ian. Everything else is all me.
These past two years since my high school graduation have been hard, but so wonderful, too. My mom has helped me more than I can say and ever repay her for. This summer, I’m actually moving to Raleigh. Carey and Logan are already there from where they went off to college. We’re all living together. Savannah will go to a daycare while I go to school to continue my degree, and Carey and Logan will help watch her while I work as well. I’m hoping for a nightshift type job. It’ll be easier for Carey and Logan to look after her if it’s when everyone will be sleeping anyway. I’ll figure it out when I get there.
In the meantime, I need to decide how to tell Ian he has a daughter. Hopefully, he’s grown up like I have. I really hope he can stick to what he said about us only being friends. The last thing I need is for him to complicate things. He may not have known about Savannah, but that doesn’t mean I can forget about how he hurt me to begin with. I don’t care why he lied or if he didn’t mean it. None of that matters now.
Savannah grabs the necklace with my birthstone on the pendant and tugs. Yeah, I still wear the stupid jewelry he gave me. I’ve been hoping Savannah would tug too hard and break it, honestly. That’s the only way I’ll be able to take it off, it seems.
Ian Rhett is a weakness, and no matter what, I do not need to be anything more than a friend and the mother of his child.
It takes two days to gather the courage to meet him for dinner. When he opens the door, he’s dressed nicely in dress pants and a button-up shirt. He told me where we were going, so I’m dressed accordingly. The plan is to drive out of town to a nice restaurant. Is he trying to impress me? Why?
“Wow,” Ian says. “You’re gorgeous.”
I’ve been on three dates since Savannah was born, all at the insistence of someone in my family. That was never said to me. My cheeks burn. “Thanks.”
He steps forward, hesitates, and then his arms are around me in a hug. “Thank you.” My body betrays me and relaxes against him. “I promise you won’t regret it, Sydney.” He leans back. A soft kiss is pressed to my mouth.
Why? Why did he have to do that? Friends don’t kiss each other!
“Let’s go eat.”
He steps away from me to grab his keys like nothing happened. Nothing has changed with him. He’s still sending mixed signals. He still never said he wanted more, which I don’t want anyway, but he wasn’t supposed to kiss me!
Over dinner, Ian asks about my life. I tell him college is going well without mentioning it’s been community college up until this point. He says he travels a lot for his job, but then he asks me another question about my life before I can ask him what he does. Traveling doesn’t sound good on my front. How can he be in Savannah’s life enough for her to know him if he’s traveling all the time? Besides, he says he lives in Canada now. He doesn’t even live in the same country!
Soon, we’re back at his hotel and I’ve yet to tell him about Savannah.
“You still wear them.” He nods at my necklace and bracelet.
I shrug as if it’s not a big deal. “It’s the only jewelry I own.” I should go. I don’t need to be in his hotel room.
“Do you still love me?”
“We’re friends,” I remind him.
“That doesn’t really answer my question.”
“I think it does.”
Ian steps close to me, way too close for comfort. “Did you miss me?”
“Ian,” I sigh. Why is he asking pointless and stupid questions? My gaze drops to his mouth. That seems to be what Ian is waiting for, a sign of weakness, because he kisses me hard.
Game over.
Our mouths and hands move frantically. We stumble over to the bed. This time, Ian has a condom, thank god. The sex is fast, almost rough, needy, and all I can think is I missed this so much. But once it’s over, I give myself one minute to come to my senses.
“Where are you going?” Ian asks when I get up and start getting dressed.
“Home. You should head to Canada, and get back to work, too. We’re just friends, Ian, and that shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.”
I stare at him, waiting for him to challenge what I said. He doesn’t. So, I leave. At some point, I’ll find the right moment to bring up Savannah, but I still don’t know what he’ll do. The odds are against us, even though we’re not trying to be together. He doesn’t live here and I don’t know if he’ll leave his job to find one here to be close to her. Hell, I don’t know if he even wants that. It doesn’t matter to me one way or another because I’ve been getting by just fine without him.
But knowing that Mr. Rhett didn’t tell him I was pregnant means I really need to tell Ian. Just not today. I wish I knew why he kept it from Ian. I won’t find out anytime soon. Today, I’m going home to hold my daughter and forget I slept with him. Soon, I’ll tell him about Savannah. It’s a relief that Ian doesn’t live here because that should make it easier for us to be friends.
Just friends.
It’s hard to wrap my head around that concept when it comes to Ian and me, as it’s never been that way, but that’s the way it needs to be. He hurt me once. I won’t allow him to get close enough to hurt me again.
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