Chapter Ten
Liam
Seventeen Years Old
THIS IS A MISTAKE, I think to myself as I walk toward Mrs. Turner’s house. This is a huge mistake.
I shouldn’t be so nervous to see Leni, but after the way things were left between us last summer, I am. Truth is, things have been pretty rough between us for a few years now. I don’t know why. Every June is the same, I excitedly welcome Leni back as I always have and then some mystery catalyst sets her off and she blows up on me and storms off. I’ve racked my brain, trying to figure out the reason, and I come up empty-handed every time.
One day, Leni was my best friend, and the next, she wasn’t. There was no rhyme or reason to her behavior either. I know she has a rough home life. She has shitty-ass parents, and it takes a toll on her. I’ve chalked our hot-and-cold relationship over the past few summers to her stress over her parents. I mean, what else could it be?
My dad and I were passing Mrs. Turner’s farm a few weeks ago when I saw Leni’s mom’s Lexus in the driveway. Her mom always drops her off around the same time every summer. So, I know she’s here. I waited for her to run over to our property to see me like she used to, but she hasn’t come over yet. She’s been here for twelve days—not that I’m counting or anything—and she hasn’t come to see me. I don’t understand it.
But, screw it, it’s my seventeenth birthday, and I want to see my best friend—if she can even be classified as that anymore.
I walk up the wooden steps that lead up the back porch. Leni comes to the door before I even knock. It gives me a renewed hope, as if maybe she was waiting for me to come, watching.
She opens the door and steps out into the scorching summer heat.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” she answers.
She looks the same but different. Her hair is short, falling about chin-level. It has a funky cut to it, and chunks of her hair kind of go every which way. I can’t say this cut would be flattering on anyone, but somehow, it makes Leni even more beautiful.
“I have my dad’s truck. Do you want to drive into town or something? We could get some ice cream,” I offer.
“I don’t know.”
“Please, Len. I haven’t seen you in almost a year. It’s my birthday. Come hang with me.”
“That’s right. Well, happy birthday.” Her words seem forced.
“Thanks. Say you’ll come out,” I urge.
She sighs. “Okay, let me go tell Mimi.”
I wait anxiously for a couple of minutes for her to return. She does, and we start walking toward the truck.
“Your hair looks good,” I tell her.
“No, it doesn’t,” she scoffs.
“I think it does. You could pull off any hairstyle you wanted.”
We hop in the truck, and I start it, making sure to crank up the air-conditioning.
“I did it myself. I just grabbed chunks and started chopping it off,” she tells me.
“To piss your mom off?”
“Yep,” she answers.
“Did it work?” I ask even though I already know the answer.
“Sure did,” Leni says with a smile.
I drive toward town and notice Leni picking at her nails. There are remnants of black nail polish still there.
I nod toward her hands. “Black, huh?”
“Yeah. I attempted to anger my mom by becoming goth this past year,” she says.
“Goth?”
“Yep.”
“How goth? Are we talking black clothes and lots of dark makeup?”
I can’t imagine Leni with that style, but I’m sure she wore it well. She wears everything well.
“Oh, yeah. As dark as I could be. You know, all black clothes, black leather bands around my wrists and neck, black nails, combat boots, and eyeliner and dark makeup for days.”
“I’m sure it drove your parents insane.” I laugh.
“Pretty much. My mom’s been angry for a year straight. I’m surprised she hasn’t given herself a stroke or something. Dad’s been busy. I don’t see him much anyway, and when I do, he just looks at me with an indifferent expression. I think he’s over caring, not that he ever cared anyway.”
“Well, I’m so glad you’re here. When did you get here?” Not that I don’t know.
“A few days ago or so.” Her voice sounds bored.
“Listen, Len, I’m not sure what’s been going on between us lately. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. It’s just so good to see you. I’ve missed you like crazy.” I open up to her despite my better judgment. Yet the only way I know how to be with Leni is honest.
She was my confidant for so long; it’s impossible for me to hide my feelings from her, and I don’t want to. I want our friendship back. I want my Leni back. The one who had a way of making every summer break nothing short of magical. The one who would talk my ear off. The one who would make me laugh until I had tears streaming down my face. My best friend. My Leni girl.
The atmosphere within the truck cab changes instantly.
“Take me back,” Leni demands, her voice cold and firm.
“Leni,” I reply soothingly.
“Now, William! Take me back.”
After a quick look in my mirrors, I brake and turn the steering wheel, doing a U-turn in the road. Leni holds on to the dash as the tires squeal against the pavement.
I squeeze the steering wheel until my hands hurt. I’ve never been an angry person, but Leni makes me so furious that I just want to punch something. I only have a few minutes with her before we’re back at her grandma’s farm, and I have a sick feeling that these few fleeting moments are the last I’ll have with her this summer. We’re right back to where we were last year, and I’m just as confused.
“What in the hell is wrong, Eleanora? Seriously? What is wrong?” I yell.
“Don’t call me that!”
“Really, we’re going there? I’m pretty sure that you’re the one who just started the first-name insults. I don’t understand you. Why are you being this way? What have I done?” I press her for answers.
“Whatever,” she says as she looks out the window.
“No, I want answers. This isn’t fair,” I huff out.
“Life isn’t fair, William. Get over it.”
“I deserve to know why our friendship has resorted to this. Damn it, Leni. I haven’t done anything wrong, yet you treat me like shit. I want to know why.” I spread out my fingers on each hand, allowing the blood to flow again. My grasp on the steering wheel was so tight that my hands started to go numb.
We pull into her grandma’s drive, and she reaches for the door handle.
I grab her hand. “Stop. Before you go stomping away, I want to know what’s going on. I deserve to know.”
My stare catches hers and holds her there. I see the pain and regret in her eyes, but those feelings don’t translate to her words.
“We’re not friends. We haven’t been for a long time. There’s nothing to say, except that you need to get over it. Just because you exist, William Moore, it doesn’t give you the right to be my friend. It takes two to maintain a relationship, and you’re the only one who wants it. I don’t want you in my life! How much clearer can I be?”
“Leni—” I begin.
“No! You’re not listening to me. I don’t want any sort of relationship with you. God, you’re such a loser, coming over here on your birthday and guilting me into hanging out with you. You’re fucking pathetic. Go home. Find new friends. Leave me alone.”
Her words are like a slap in the face. They’re cold and ugly. Nothing like the girl I know—or knew.
There are so many things I want to say, but the words don’t come. I know, in this moment, that this is it. This will be my last few seconds with Leni. I won’t try anymore after the words she just spoke.
I want to say cruel things back because she deserves to hurt like I am, but I can’t.
I know we’re meant to be friends. I see it in her eyes, just as I feel it in my heart. I want to tell her that she’s wrong, but I can’t.
I want to beg her to reason, but I can’t.
I want to do and say so many things, but I can’t.
All I can do is watch as she jumps down from the truck and slams the door. My heart breaks as she stomps off toward the house. I pray for a backward glance, any indication that she regrets the last few moments, but none comes. She walks away from me with purpose.
Everything within me feels hollow, empty. It’s a desperate sensation that’s hard to comprehend. It’s more than just pain. I’ve been hurt before, but this is different, and somehow, it’s so much worse. At least with pain, I can still feel. Right now, there’s an eerie vacancy within my chest, a hole that I’d give anything to fill. I know that it will never again be filled with Leni. And, despite everything she just said, that sucks. It fucking sucks.