As soon as the door closed after Harper, I stilled. The anger I’d experienced earlier, in the gorge, after Jax revealed himself as still very much alive, came back in waves of hot red. My blood simmered, and my heart twisted itself into a painful knot.

Jax moved slowly toward me, his jade eyes wide and hazy.

The tension between us was so thick that I could cut it with my broadsword. Except that, with the rage coursing through me, it wasn’t the tension I was willing to slash into. I’d spent a good quarter of an hour thinking Jax was dead, while fighting daemons and struggling to free the Imen prisoners. Those had been the longest fifteen minutes of my life. I was raw on the inside.

“Hansa, I’m sorry I gave you a scare in the gorge, but—”

I slapped him so hard my palm hurt. He grunted as his head shot to the side, and he nearly lost his footing. I’d lost a whole tribe and my own daughters just three months earlier. I’d fallen for Jax, and he was giving me this hot-and-cold routine that was already driving me up the wall, only to leave me in temporary hell, thinking I’d lost him too. There was so much pain, so much grief already piling up inside me. There was no room for anger in my heart. I had to let it out so I could breathe again.

My fingers, my whole arms trembled. I breathed heavily and glared at him.

He straightened his back and groaned as he touched the left side of his jaw. His skin was already turning red there. He pushed his tongue into his cheek, then made a grimace and clicked his teeth. He gave me a sad smile, then took another step forward.

I was so mad at him. But I was also glad he was still standing. I felt tears coming to my eyes, but there was no way in hell I was going to let Jaxxon Dorchadas see me cry. I inhaled deeply and tried to get my anger under control.

“Hit me again, Hansa,” he said, and I sensed the tremor in his low voice.

I frowned, trying to deal with the bundle of emotions cluttering my throat and making it difficult for me to breathe in his presence.

“Hit me as many times as you want,” he added, calm, his arms stretched out from his sides. “I deserve it, I know…”

“I thought you were dead,” I hissed, still livid and trembling from every single joint.

“I know.” He nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on my face. “It all happened so fast. I had to do something drastic, and I didn’t have time to tell you. It would’ve been counterproductive, anyway… I am sorry, Hansa. It seems like no matter what I do, I still end up hurting you.”

Tears burned my eyes, and I felt my whole being caving in, chunks of me collapsing with painful echoes. I swallowed it all back as my heart took over. My brain blacked out. I closed the distance between us, and I pressed my lips against his.

His breath hitched, while I held mine. I’d thought he was dead. I’d thought I’d lost him, and we hadn’t even kissed. We hadn’t even touched one another in an intimate manner. I’d yet to feel his lips on my skin, his soul entwined with mine. This was the least I could do to soothe my own pain, my own fears of losing him.

I needed to feel him.

Just to get an idea of what his lips might feel like.

Bliss…

Before I knew it, Jax’s arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer as he deepened the kiss. A thousand suns exploded. I closed my eyes and lost myself. His heart thundered against me, and I couldn’t help but moan as his mouth consumed mine.

The intensity was more than I could handle, but I didn’t want it to stop, either.

This had been three months in the making, and we could both feel it. There was fire coursing through my veins. My flesh tingled as one of his hands moved up, tracing my spine, until he gripped the back of my neck and groaned, his tongue working mine in endless circles.

He exhaled sharply and pulled himself away, blinking rapidly as he struggled to catch his breath. The jade pools of his eyes were dark and soft, his lips tender and plump. He took a couple of steps back, running a hand through his hair, and cursed under his breath.

“This really isn’t a good idea, Hansa,” he managed, his voice low and raspy.

I took several deep breaths, still relishing his scent. It filled my lungs and made my senses expand like newborn stars. It took me a while to regain full consciousness.

“What… What exactly isn’t a good idea?” I croaked.

“This… Between us,” he replied, guilt pulling his brows closer together. “I’ve already proven that I’m highly capable of hurting you without even intending to do so. I don’t deserve you, Hansa, and you don’t need more pain in your life. You really don’t.”

I paused, wondering whether I should slap him again or focus on the tears that were quietly making their way back up. I bit my lower lip, to the point where it hurt and I nearly drew blood, trying to find the right words to tell him everything I was feeling. We’d never really put names to our feelings. We’d been tiptoeing around each other since the war with Azazel had ended.

I’ve had enough.

I was done putting up with his excuses. I was done with his cowardice. We both felt it. It was there, hanging between us like a big, red bubble that we needed to pop. I had feelings for him, and he had feelings for me. It was there in the way he looked at me. I could feel it on his lips, in his arms wrapped around me.

I was done pretending that it wasn’t real.

“Screw this,” I muttered, then threw my arms around his neck and kissed him again. This time I leaned into him and unleashed my succubus nature. I felt his chest pressing against mine. He growled as he parted his lips and let himself go, no longer able to control himself. I’d often struggled to keep my nature under control around him, but this time I just couldn’t.

I needed him to feel me—all of me.

He tasted like spiced rosewater and honey, sending me over the edge as he gently bit my lower lip, then took over my mouth once more. He breathed through his nose, his eyes shut. His hands roamed freely up and down my back. His fingers then gripped my hips, digging into my flesh and pulling me closer, our tongues clashing as we devoured each other.

Jax wasn’t just responding to my kiss. He was reacting to my succubus nature, and I could feel him shuddering in my arms. He wanted more, and he couldn’t stop himself. I had that effect on him, and I was seconds away from pushing him into a physical frenzy.

But I stopped. I shut myself down, then pushed myself away.

My lower lip throbbed. My throat and my chest burned. My core was blazing, sending heatwaves through my limbs. But I had to put an end to it. I just needed him riled up to the point where he could acknowledge how powerful this thing between us was. My succubus nature didn’t work like it did for the rest of my species—though I’d never told anyone about it. I could only amplify what was already there.

My sisters could get anyone to fall head over heels for them, to lose control in their presence. I could only influence those who already found themselves attracted to me. Given my looks, however, it was hard to find someone who didn’t find me beautiful, who didn’t desire me. But I knew, deep down, that the reactions that Jax displayed under my influence were all his, simply boosted to a much higher intensity.

He let out a tortured sigh, his shoulders dropping as he leaned against the table behind him. He was highly aroused and befuddled, his eyes twinkling as he stared at me in disbelief. I had never let myself loose on him like this before, and not for so long. Our little episode at the ball could barely qualify as a “taster”, a mere sample. He’d never experienced my full succubus effect.

“Let that sink in for a while,” I said, gritting my teeth and trying hard not to unravel before him, “before you tell me this is a bad idea. Come talk to me when you’re ready to act like the leader you are, not the coward you’ve been acting like.”

I opened the door, welcoming the evening breeze as it caressed my face and soothed my spiking temperature. It pained me to see Jax like this, but I couldn’t let him break my heart. This was going to end up one of two ways. Either we’d just had our first and last kiss, and things between us would forever be broken and sour, or we’d merely started a good conversation about what we wanted from each other, despite everything we’d yet to say out loud. One thing was obvious: this Mara needed some tough love to get the sense knocked back into his thick head.

“Someone needs to stay here and watch over Minah and the daemon until Patrik gets back,” I said coolly. “So don’t go anywhere.”

I stepped outside, and the six Correction Officers stationed on the terrace gave me a brief nod as soon as they saw me.

“So, what? I’m grounded?” Jax replied from inside.

My eyes found his, and I had to work extra hard to keep my pulse from racing at the sight of him. He was so soft, so raw and intense, like nothing that he usually displayed. I wanted to pat myself on the back for having managed to bring out this tender side of him.

“You’re damn right you’re grounded,” I hissed, then slammed the door behind me.

I stormed past the Correction Officers, then went up to the Broken Bow Inn. I passed my fingers over my lips—they were so sensitive, tingling with the memory of his kiss.

I need a hot bath. Or a cold shower.