CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CAILYN
Cailyn tried not to glance around the lodge as they prepared to go. She always experienced reluctance when leaving her home behind, but never as much as this time. Firstly, she would never be returning and secondly, Drocco’s presence had made it a completely different experience to what she normally had. Usually, she relaxed when she came to the lodge. This time, her whole world had changed—nothing could ever be the same.
She stood staring at the fireplace while Drocco packed up the bedding and the last of her books. She hadn’t been able to pull her thoughts away from the fact that her mother could be alive and living in the Omega Compound. She tried to think of all the reasons why the Mothers would lie to her. She remembered asking the Omegas that looked after her, Amara, and Victoya as they grew up—they had all asked about their families. And she even remembered specifically asking the Mothers when she started taking live missions if she would ever come across any of her family members, or if there were any that they knew about. They had been adamant she would not and that they didn’t. Yet she couldn’t deny she felt some truth to what Drocco said. The man was many things, but not an outright liar—not on an important topic such as this, one he himself felt strongly about.
Their time together over this last week had been… odd. She couldn’t deny that strange feelings for him had developed and flourished since their argument. It was as though by laying their thoughts bare, they had moved into a new state of existence. Her mood lifted whenever he entered the room; she took an incredible amount of pleasure watching him do simple, boring tasks, and she wanted his hands on her all the time. A sense of peace had settled over her about him—she no longer felt any guilt or torment about wanting him sexually. She had needed his touch ever since she met him and the craving for it had never diminished. An unreasonable, passionate ownership of him consumed her whenever he rubbed her rounded stomach, and his touch aided the aches and pains of her changing body. Not only did his presence appeased her, but that acute feeling of belonging and safety that she had felt at the Palace, had returned ten-fold. And she knew it was him. She had never felt like that in her own home before. Maybe she had finally accepted the connection between them. Or maybe it had been easy to embrace her feelings because she knew her death was coming.
She had been reluctant to tell Drocco that she wanted to break their agreement, partly because it wasn’t really true—she did still want to die to some degree, but only because she was unable to see what her life would be like. She could stay with Drocco, but just because they had something different at the lodge, didn’t mean it would transfer when they went back to the Palace, where he was an Emperor and warrior. She had no idea how much of a close hold he would want on her or how he would behave with her, and he was unlikely to negotiate with her when he had such rigid ideals about Alphas and their Omegas. Additionally, he would still want to locate the other Omegas and she could not be part of that. Regardless of her doubts about the Mothers, her Omega sisters would be at risk. Drocco could not guarantee that every single Alpha would treat Omegas well. She didn’t even know if he would treat her well once they left. She couldn’t truly be with him if he still pursued the Omegas.
Additionally, how could she continue on knowing that her mother may still be out there somewhere and not try to locate her? And what about her father and his family? She would want to investigate, ask questions, and possibly confront the Mothers, but Drocco was unlikely to allow her such freedoms. The whole thing was a headache, and it caused her a large amount of uncertainty and nervousness.
“Are you ready?” Drocco’s arms slid around her as she nodded. He hesitated, as though he wanted to say something, but the moment passed and he moved her toward the wall they had come through when they first arrived.
Drocco once again wound his arms around her waist, one hand on her stomach the other on her chest, and the chain reappeared at her neck. He didn’t say anything, this time, just rested his cheek against her temple.
Cailyn closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Focusing her mind, she reached out to the magic surrounding them, a scatter of goosebumps darting over her as she felt it responding to her instruction. It came to her in a rapid rush, even faster than last time. She wove the pattern for the portal, infusing it with the location of the Palace, and within minutes the shimmering doorway was complete.
Drocco straightened behind her, but kept his arms wrapped around her. "Let's go," he said, shuffling her forward.
Cailyn tried to untangle herself from his arms but he squeezed tighter.
"I'm not letting you go," Drocco said firmly. "We go through like this, as one. All three of us."
Cailyn's insides melted and she wrapped her arms over his own. “All right.”
They stepped through the cool, silky magic and into his bedroom. Cailyn drew in a breath to prepare herself as the familiar surroundings drew on her memories, but she discovered her emotional connection to those events had considerably dulled. It felt like a long time ago, like they had been different people. She had certainly changed since she had last been in this room.
She released the portal behind her, but Drocco didn’t move. They stood like that for a long moment, his arms around her, staring at the mess of their history displayed in the room around them.
“Drocco?” Cailyn whispered finally.
Drocco slowly pulled away from her, the heat of his body moving from hers, but he kept his hands on her shoulders. Turning her around, her heart lurched to see his eyes. He looked at her with an expression she had often seen at the lodge, even when they first arrived, but she had never been able to place it. Now, among the only other environment she was familiar with him, and now her acute attention was focused on what was about to happen, she could finally see it; a blended expression of adoration and anguish.
“I cannot be without you, Cailyn.” His deep voice penetrated her, straight to the core of her being. “I cannot be a leader or warrior without you. You give me something I need as an Alpha, something I cannot be effective without—not anymore. I’ve been waiting for you and searching for you and hoping for you since I was eight. I cannot go back to a life without you, especially not if your death has to come by my hand. I know it’s not the same for you, I know you don’t appreciate my attentions and cannot forgive my actions.”
Cailyn pressed her lips together as they trembled, her vision blurred with tears. His need for her was so strong, so desperate, and now was the first time she could truly feel it. It stirred a dizzying warmth in the deep recess of her being, an echo of something so familiarly instinctual, her breath left her.
“If you force this, I will give up the Lox,” he continued. “If you force this, I have to break my vow to the Lox and follow you and my child into death. At least we will be together.”
“You would break your vow?” she whispered.
He nodded, his blazing eyes drinking in her face. “It isn’t fair to my warriors if I’m impaired. And how can I ask them to follow my leadership if I am the cause of my own Omega’s death? I’ll find them a good leader, perhaps someone to lead with Torin and make sure they accept him.”
The horror of such an idea left her speechless. He would break such an important vow? The man who was known for the strength of his word? The thousands upon thousands of Alphas relying on him… their dedication and faith in him… She couldn’t let him do it. She didn’t want him to find the Omegas, but she didn’t want him to break his most important vow either. There had to be some kind of compromise. “No.”
Drocco stood still, tense. “No?”
“No, Drocco.” She reached for him, but he got to her first, scooping her into a hard, secure hug. His desperation matched the strength of her resolution. “You can’t do that.”
“Then break our agreement,” Drocco said into her neck. “Break our deal and let me look after you.” He pulled back to look at her. “I’ll make sure you don’t hurt anymore. I promise it.”
The door to their bedroom burst open. Drocco instantly roared and pulled her behind him as he faced the person entering.
“Drocco!”
The man said the name with such relief, that Cailyn instantly knew they were not in any danger. She peeked around Drocco to see Commander Torin standing in the doorway.
“Torin,” Drocco greeted, relaxing his stance.
“I’ve been worried about you, Drocco, we’ve been searching for you for months.”
“What do you mean? When did you arrive?”
“About a day after you disappeared!”
Cailyn edged around to Drocco’s side and Torin’s face clouded as his eyes landed on her.
“Do you need her to be arrested, Drocco?”
Drocco started. “Are you crazy? Why would you do that? What is going on, Torin? How did you get back so quickly?”
“Malloron was furious that you had disappeared from his castle. He knew magic was used but he couldn’t figure out how and who did it. He increased the magical attack on the Lox and mentally damaged a good amount of them.”
“How many?” Drocco said, through gritted teeth.
“Three thousand.”
Drocco growled and when he spoke again his voice was low. “What happened?”
“The army began to leave as soon as the Talent-crafter twins felt your Omega’s portal, but some of them couldn’t escape the area quick enough and suffered Malloron’s attack,” Torin explained. “Then the twins detected a long-distance portal in the castle and I realized he was heading here after you. They brought me back here with a tiny amount of the Lox, and we have been trying to defend the Palace and the Eastern Lands from him since.”
“He is here?” Drocco asked, surprised. “In the Eastern Lands?”
“He’s in the Palace,” Torin stressed. “I thought maybe he had somehow captured or injured you, but the twins said they couldn’t detect any residue of another portal that had opened here from the Western Lands. That’s when I realized she took you somewhere else.” His eyes lingered hard on Cailyn and she instantly realized he didn’t like her. “The twins just felt a portal come through now so I came to investigate.”
“We were in the Eastern Lands, Torin, just not here,” Drocco said. “I had no idea that Malloron would come here, knowing that we will protect our home. He doesn’t have any true warriors.”
“Neither do we,” Torin pointed out. “Our warriors are still traveling the White Ocean, Drocco. He used that to his advantage. The twins could only take one hundred warriors through the portal and that’s all we have protecting the Palace. The warriors we left here are trying to help but Malloron has blocked entry from the outside.”
“How many do we have inside the Palace?”
“Eighty-three left of the one hundred who came back.”
Drocco was silent for a moment and Cailyn watched him. He had spent three months with her and all the while, his Empire had been under threat.
“Go and see your people, Drocco,” she said, squeezing his arm. “They need you.”
Drocco turned to her, conflict flickering in his eyes. “I need an answer from you first.”
“Your warriors need to know you’re alive and well,” Cailyn said. “Our discussion can wait until you return. Go to them.”
“Just tell me now, Cailyn.”
Cailyn ran her hand up his bulky forearm and squeezed. “You have led your Alphas through every one of their victories. They need you now, you cannot delay to let them know you’re here.”
Drocco exhaled sharply. He glanced around the room. “You will stay here?”
“Until you return.”
Drocco stared at her and then pulled her into a kiss, his hand in her hair scratching her scalp as his tongue plundered her mouth. She whimpered, and kissed him back, reveling in the passion and claim of his touch. He sucked and licked and dominated her so intensely that she groaned with pleasure. When he pulled away she was breathing heavily and could barely stand.
“I’ll send someone to protect you while I’m gone,” he said to her, his voice low. “But I will return as soon as I can.”
She nodded, giddy with desire for him. She watched him walk to the door to follow Torin, that sexy animalistic way that he moved turning her on even more. He turned as he reached the door, hesitating with his eyes on the lock. He shot her a lingering look, and walked away, leaving the door open.
Cailyn stood staring at the door, the strange warmth within her igniting that possessive awareness she hadn’t truly accepted before. He was hers. He was still the Alpha that had kept her captive, who had tortured her, and who had forced her to have his child. But he was also the Alpha who always pulled her back from mental distress, who had been honest with her from the beginning, and who was willing to give up his most important vow for her.
She stepped around the room looking at the mess she had created all those months ago. Why hadn’t he cleaned it all up? She began to tidy and straighten the room, to give her something to do while she waited.
She had to consider that she would never find another Alpha who would be as passionate about her as Drocco. Malloron had stolen her and poisoned her in order to get her to do what he wanted, and she had never once felt anything toward him. Drocco had been cruel to her, but could she really hold on to her anger when she knew where it stemmed from? His hatred of liars and broken promises had been imprinted on him with the death of his mother. It had affected him so deeply he had created a fierce army and propelled him to conquer the Eastern Lands. He wouldn’t have responded well to any spy. She had to be willing to forgive him if she stayed with him. The only thing that concerned her was if he would hurt her again. Mother Azia had said she had to find a way to tame him for herself—had she done that? Did she still need to? And if Alphas could be tamed, why were Omegas in hiding?
Cailyn sighed and sat on the bed, her mind whirling. If she stayed with him, they would also have to discuss the other Omegas.
“Cailyn?”
Cailyn looked up to see a familiar face staring at her from the doorway. “Toya?” she gasped.
Victoya stepped nervously into the room. She wore a brown robe and her curly blonde hair was secured back. “Are you on your own?”
Cailyn ran to her and threw her arms around her friend. She never thought she’d see any from the Compound again, least of all another one of her closest friends. Victoya hugged her back hard, inching her backward into the room.
“I didn’t think I’d see anyone again,” Cailyn exclaimed, pulling back to look at her. Victoya was slimmer and shorter than most Omegas, a fact Amara teased her about because she hated it. She was, however, one of the sweetest, most awkward and clumsy Omegas Cailyn and Amara had ever met, and they protected her fiercely, often accompanying her on missions and checking in on her regularly. “What are you doing here?” Cailyn asked. “It’s dangerous.”
“I’ve been here for months,” Victoya said, turning to close the door. “I was here from before your mission ended, but I couldn’t find you.”
Cailyn shook her head, confused. “I don’t remember any missions in the Palace other than mine.”
Victoya’s mouth tightened and twisted to one side. She averted her eyes. “The Commander Torin mission.”
Cailyn frowned, trying to place what she was talking about. “The mission to seduce him?” she asked, confused. “You took that one?”
Victoya lifted her shoulders. “The Mothers thought I’d be good for it.”
Cailyn made a face.
“I know,” Victoya sighed. “I’m not the sexy type of Omega. I’m too skinny, I don’t have enough curves, I say the wrong thing and—”
“No, Toya,” Cailyn said, grabbing her arm. “That’s not it. It’s just that it’s dangerous.”
“I’m a spy just like you and Amara, Cay,” Victoya said, quietly. “I can’t rely on you both to be a safety net forever. You were both on missions—I have to learn to do things on my own. I haven’t messed things up on any missions in ages.”
“I know,” Cailyn said quickly, smiling. “I’m sorry. It’s not about your ability, Victoya. We’re just so used to looking out for you. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it. How is it going?”
Victoya bit her lip and shrugged. “I’m not sure. He doesn’t really notice me. I thought the dynamic scars would mean I wouldn’t have to do anything but I haven’t made much progress—”
“Wait, what are you talking about? What are dynamic scars?”
“To tune me to him.”
Cailyn stared at her blankly.
“To entice him to me or something. It was a condition of taking the mission.”
“How does that work?”
“It’s complicated,” Victoya said shrugging. “And painful. But the point is, I don’t think it works.”
“Did the Mothers do it?”
Victoya froze as a faint clang echoed from the corridor. “Stars!” she breathed. “Here I am to do something important, and I’m chatting away like we’re at home.” She guided Cailyn away from the door.
Cailyn smiled. Victoya rarely used cursed words, choosing to use random or made up words instead. It was one of the things that made her even more child-like. She allowed Victoya to led them to balcony door. “What do you mean? What are you here to do?”
Victoya turned to her, her large, hazel eyes filled with regret. “I’m here to take your memories, Cailyn.”
“What?” Cailyn stared at her for a moment and then withdrew from her as though her touch burned.
Victoya frowned. “The Mothers said they told you they would send someone. That you were expecting it.”
Cailyn breathed erratically, inching backward away from Victoya as an intense fear took hold of her. That was true, they had. But with all that had happened, and with her expecting to die, she hadn’t thought the time would come. “Y-y-you can’t.”
Victoya tilted her head, watching Cailyn. “They thought you would prefer a friend to do it,” she said softly.
Cailyn found she was unable to speak. She placed her hands on her stomach as the back of her legs hit the bed and she swayed, a dizziness taking hold.
Victoya rushed to her side. “Sit down, Cay,” she said, pushing Cailyn down on the bed and sitting next to her. “What’s wrong?”
Cailyn took a breath. “I’m pregnant, Toya.”
Victoya’s face lit up. “That’s great, Cailyn. Congratulations!”
“I went into a… depressive state of anger. I…” Cailyn struggled to find the words to explain. “I wanted to die,” she finally muttered.
Victoya scowled. “What did that monster do you, Cailyn? The Mothers say you’re better off with him but I never liked the idea.” She took Cailyn’s hand. “Do you still want to die?”
“No,” Cailyn said, immediately, realizing it was true. She didn’t want to leave her child or… Drocco. “But the memory wipe…”
Victoya’s expression sobered as she realized what Cailyn was trying to say. There was no guarantee any of Cailyn’s recent memories would stay intact during a memory wipe if she had suffered significant emotional distress. “I’ll be careful, Cailyn,” Victoya said. “You know you can trust me not to damage—”
“It’s not about that, Toya, I know you’re skilled,” Cailyn said, abruptly. Victoya was indeed a strong Talent-crafter—it was the one area her confidence shone. “I just cannot lose my recent memories. I can’t.”
“You won’t lose all of them.”
Cailyn stood and faced her. “I can’t lose any,” she stressed. “I’ve been with Drocco over the last few months, and I can’t do that to him. I can’t lose anything we shared, any understanding we have reached.”
“You will create new memories with him, Cailyn,” Victoya said, standing. “That’s not a reason for me not to do it.” She paused. “The Mothers were adamant. I can’t go back to them and tell them you need time to heal—not for that reason. I have to do it.”
“Do you know what else I found out recently?” Cailyn said, her voice low. “I have family.”
Victoya’s face slacked, and her eyes widened. “What?”
“I have a father, a Beta mother, and half-brothers living in Cillford. And my birth mother is an Omega, though I have no idea where she is.”
Victoya froze. “Where did you hear that? It can’t be true. The Mothers would have told you.”
“Would they?” Cailyn spat, her voice hard. “Would they have told me?”
“Why would they lie?” Victoya asked.
“So that we are not distracted on our missions?” Cailyn suggested. “Or to make sure we form a stronger bond with them as parental figures? Or to keep us from finding out about the part of the Alpha/Omega connection that they haven’t told us about?”
Victoya looked doubtful. “I don’t know, Cailyn. It seems strange to me.”
“Does it seem strange to you that not one Omega, even the elder ones, have their Omega birth mothers with them in the Compound? Surely not every single Omega was born from a Beta.”
Victoya’s brows crumpled in thought. “Maybe some do.”
“Do you know any?”
Victoya thought for a moment and then shook her head slowly. “No, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t any.” She took a step toward Cailyn. “I still need to do the wipe, Cailyn,” she said slowly.
Cailyn’s fear surged and she backed away. “No, Toya,” she said. “Please don’t.”
Victoya kept coming, sorrow clouding her eyes. “You’ve been away from us for over a year. You have clearly learned new information but I don’t know how much of that has been influenced by your Alpha. This information could be unreliable. We know what Alphas can do, what they are like.”
“No, we don’t, Toya,” Cailyn insisted. “Not truly. The things I’ve experienced with Drocco… they never told us any of it.”
“They did what was best for the survival of our dynamic, Cailyn,” Victoya said firmly. “Of course that meant we would have had to give some things up. It doesn’t mean we should now distrust everything they’ve told us.”
A moment of panic swept Cailyn. There was no way Victoya would believe her—Cailyn wouldn’t have believed it herself unless she trusted Drocco’s word. She felt for magic. The least she could do was protect herself with a barrier until Drocco returned, but her heart dropped when she realized the charm chain was still around her neck.
Victoya approached her with caution, watching her as though she was going to attack at any moment, but Cailyn reached forward and took her hands in her own. “All right. I understand that you have to do this,” Cailyn began, “but please, please let me ask them.”
Victoya blinked in surprise. “Ask the Mothers?”
“Yes.”
Victoya lifted her brows. “How?”
“Take me to the Compound.” As Victoya began to shake her head, Cailyn pressed on, “Victoya, you know I wouldn’t ask you to amend your mission unless I felt strongly about it. In all the years we have been sisters, I have never asked you to do anything that goes against direct orders. You know how committed I’ve been to the Mothers and my own missions. But I need you to do this for me now. Please?”
Victoya’s eyes darted over her face as she took a breath.
“I’m not asking you to not do the wipe,” Cailyn added. “I’m simply asking that you delay it until I speak to them. I need reassurance from them…” She hesitated for a moment. “When they first told me to stay with Drocco, I felt they had abandoned me. Then they refused to help me when I was stuck in the Western Lands with Malloron. It’s not my Alpha that caused my doubts about them, they have caused it. Please. I need to see them. Afterward, you can do the wipe and return me here, it won’t take long. Just give me an hour with them.” An hour was all she needed. It was unlikely Drocco would return in that time—he would never agree with her going in the first place, but if she could be there and back without needing to worry him, that would be preferable.
Victoya exhaled a breath, her eyes low as she thought for a long moment. Then her eyes darted up to Cailyn’s. “All right, an hour. Let’s go.”
Pulling her by the hand, Victoya led Cailyn to the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I can’t use magic in here,” Victoya said, cracking the door open and peeking out. “The twins recreated the charms that block the Talent in this whole area.”
“Oh.” So that was why she hadn’t been able to use magic before. “Drocco said he was sending someone to protect me.”
“All the warriors are caught up in this battle with Malloron on the other side of the Palace,” Victoya said as she eased out of the door, looking in every direction. “It would take time for him to be able to send anyone. This way.” She turned left and hurried along the wide corridor, pulling Cailyn with her.
Cailyn followed behind taking everything in. It was the first time she had been outside of the bedroom in this part of the Palace and it was richly furnished with wall candles, paintings, thick rugs, and tapestries decorating the way. They turned along another corridor and another, their footsteps clacking along the marble floor whenever they turned a corner. Finally, they stopped in the center of a corridor that looked the same as all the others.
“The charms end here,” Victoya said. She stepped back and faced one of the walls. “Help me create it.”
“I can’t,” Cailyn said. “I can’t use magic.” As she spoke, a noise behind her caused her to peek over her shoulder. A gray robed servant meandered along the corridor reading a scroll of parchment. He glanced up and stopped abruptly.
Cailyn turned to see layers of glistening magic forming the portal that would take her to her former home. “We’ve been seen,” she said.
Victoya glanced down the corridor and then turned her attention back to the portal, even more determined. “Nearly there.”
Cailyn glanced back at the gray-robed servant who was now stepping closer, a look of amazement on his face.
Victoya grabbed her hand again. “Let’s go.”
Cailyn stood rooted to the spot, her gaze lingering on the servant as he came closer. He could be her way to get a message to Drocco. She bit her lip, unsure why she felt such a strong urge to tell him. She was going back to somewhere that had once been her home, somewhere that had once been her only safe place. But something whispered in her mind that Drocco could be that now. What if she didn’t remember that when she returned, could she take that risk?
“Cailyn,” Victoya urged, tugging on her hand. “We need to go.”
Cailyn took a breath and turned toward the portal. All she could do was have faith that Drocco would create new memories with her. This was her one chance to find out if there was any truth to his anger and distrust of the Mothers. She stepped through the portal to get her answers, knowing she may not remember them when she returned.