Jameson
Sixteen times I circled the island, panting, the fog of my breath hanging around me. I broke the collar off my neck, slamming it repeatedly against a boulder. Eventually, I padded back to the cabin, pausing on the wooden steps as I gazed up at the door. The stairs creaked under my weight. I reckoned I was heavier than I had been yesterday. My soul, my heart, all of it was definitely dragging me down now. Had to be.
It would have been easy to blame myself, but it wasn't my nature. Ulvic was the culprit here. My teeth had struck the blows, but it had been his will behind the command.
I shut my eyes, whining softly as I tried to fight away the pain inside me. I didn't want to return to my human form, knowing it would be harder to keep the grief away. And I didn't want anyone to see me crumble. Me, Jameson, I was the one who never cracked. And no one was going to see it. No one. I was the one who dealt with shit with a smile on my face. That wasn't gonna change now.
I don't break. Fact.
I lifted my head to the dark sky, the moon glaring down at me. How had I been out here all day? It felt barely more than a few hours.
Inside, the bodies were gone. Dealt with. Ulvic's blood stained the floorboards red, but it'd been scrubbed. Someone had cleaned up the mess. And I had no doubt it was Nadine. Whether she'd done so at Ulvic's command or of her own choice was yet to be seen.
The quiet was pressing as my eyes were coaxed toward the shadowy corner of the room where my dead pack had lain.
My ears twitched as I located Nadine and Ulvic within the cabin. Nadine was singing softly, her voice lilting – she'd always had a pretty voice, not that I'd ever told her that. Not really my style. Compliments were saved for girls I fancied one-nighters with.
I headed upstairs, returning to my human from in the privacy of my room. I gazed at the band posters and the records, a grimace darkening my features. Couldn't take any of it with me when I left this island. And I was leaving, come hell or high water. This place wasn't my home anymore; it was a graveyard.
I dressed in warm clothes, packing a bag and throwing it over my shoulder. Before exiting the room, anger boiled up inside me. It was dangerous, the kind that would normally have me turn and rip someone's throat out. But I was still bound by Ulvic's command. I couldn't hurt him. And whilst I'd circled the island all day long, I'd fiercely hoped he'd bleed out before my return.
There was a photograph on my night stand: our whole pack sat around Ulvic in human form. We were at a bar in London, beers in hands, smiles bright and care-free. I took it in my fist, glaring at the man at the heart of us all. How had we ever seen him as some kind of hero? He'd tricked us. Glossed over the truth of what we really were, painting our world in colourful tones so we didn't see the monochrome reality beneath it. He. Owned. Us. We weren't friends. We were his possessions. His pets. His attack dogs. Just like the Helsings had kept Varick. And when danger had come Ulvic's way, he'd thrown us all under the bus to save himself.
The wooden frame snapped between my finger and thumb, my grip so tight the glass splintered and fractured down the middle. A lightning bolt of a crack passed through the centre of the photograph, splitting Ulvic's face in two. Fitting. Two-faced liar.
With a final, lingering glance at Emerico's smiling face, I dropped it at my feet, crushing it beneath my boots as I exited the room.
The next step would be even more difficult. But I had to find a way to leave. A way to reach my friends.
I headed to Ulvic's room, Nadine's voice guiding me there until the toes of my boots pressed up against his door.
Dropping my bag in the hall, I shouldered inside, my body tense, primed, but ultimately useless. I couldn't fight him. All I had were words. But luckily for me, they were something I'd always been good with.
“I'm leaving,” I said as casually as I could, my gaze falling on Ulvic propped up on his king-sized bed. Nadine was winding a bandage around his stump for a hand.
Ulvic's face was sallow and the blueness of his lips spoke of how much blood he'd lost.
Good. Traitor. I wish you'd bled out.
“Jameson-” Ulvic started but I held up a hand, finding it difficult to continue looking at him.
You will not see me come undone.
Instead, I focused on Nadine, her plum hair pulled into a ponytail, her tan face free of makeup for once. Her eyes were heavy with circles; she looked older, changed, altered. Wasn't gonna happen to me. I wasn't headed that way. I was still the same man I'd been yesterday, goddammit. And yet...
“You can command me to stay, but I reckon we'll both want rid of each other now. I don't wanna remember this night.” I forced myself to look at him, his dusky eyes watering with tears. “And I know you cared for us – not as much as yourself, of course – but enough that this will haunt you forever. So I'm leaving. And you'll allow me to. And Nadine, too, if she wants.”
Nadine lifted her head and the dried tear-streaks on her cheeks became visible. “Yes.” Her hands continued to fix Ulvic's injury which confirmed she was under his command. “I want to leave.”
I saw no blame for me in her eyes. Good. I was as innocent as a choir boy. She understood what Ulvic had done. Not me.
Not me. Please not me.
Ulvic slowly nodded, his gaze boring into mine as if he wanted to say something. An apology perhaps. But I think we both knew the insult that would have been. No apology, no words, no act would undo this.
Ulvic cleared his throat, the sound chalky and raw. “I can take you to Brendan Grey. I'll call him...get the coordinates.”
“And what will you do then?” Nadine whispered softly, her hand clutching Ulvic's wrist. She still cared about him. Which sucked for her. And made me want to shake her. But I didn't. Just stood there. Waiting for Ulvic's words, not really caring where he ended up so long as it was miles from where I was.
“I'll go in search of Mekiah and Reason...”
The names of my fellow pack members bit into me, snaring my attention. I couldn't accompany Ulvic for such a task, important as it was to me. I couldn't be around him anymore. I needed out of this life. “And where will you look?”
“I have an idea or two...” He hung his head and I shifted toward him, needing him to expand. “I will send word if I locate them, is that fair?”
My mouth twitched in response.
Eventually, I inclined my head, knowing it was the best solution for now. I needed time. Needed friends around me. Had to forget this, bury it, not lose myself.
You are Jameson Fairfax. Werewolf, man, legend. You did not do this. You are not responsible.
“Call him now,” I confirmed, turning on my heel. “We leave as soon as you can get up.”
I exited the room, not waiting for a response. A shudder ran down my spine as the door swung shut, the air seeming to contract around me. My lungs compressed and panic grew like bamboo in my stomach, piercing my organs.
I leant back against the wall, sinking down to the floor, sucking in slow, ragged breaths.
You didn't do this. He did. And one day you will kill him for it.
I jabbed my fingers into my eyes, trying to force away the memories of what I'd done. The taste, the cracking sounds of bone. It was all still there, waiting on the fringes of my mind to devour me. And I couldn't fight the fear growing in me. If this was Ulvic's fault, why did I feel so guilty?
Have to get up. Get moving. Find Varick. He'll know what to do.
I stood; my legs unsteady, but my resolve intact. I scooped up my bag, throwing it over my shoulder as I jogged downstairs.
Death hung in the air, silent but somehow everywhere at once.
I didn't have to wait long for the others to appear. They probably wanted off this island as much as I did.
“Where are they?” I asked, my voice coming out strong despite the tightness of my throat.
“I buried them by the lake,” Nadine breathed.
Her words cut me to shreds. I should have helped her. She shouldn't have had to carry that burden alone.
Ulvic hobbled down the stairs behind Nadine, taking her arm for support, blinking heavily. His trench coat was in place and a travel bag was tucked under his good arm. His breathing was slow, but some colour had returned to his face. Ulvic's medical supplies were extensive and his Hunter body would recover from the attack quicker than a human could- which pissed me off.
“We'll take the plane,” Ulvic confirmed, nodding to the door.
I led the way to the small hangar up on the east ridge, overlooking the sea. The moonlight sparkled on the water like diamonds had been sprinkled across its surface. This night was too beautiful to exist so soon after a massacre. The sky should have been crying. The sea roaring. The world splitting and tearing at the seams. But it was so calm, so quiet that it hurt even more. The world didn't care that they'd died, it just kept turning like today was as ordinary as the last.
The small aircraft was only big enough for four; two seats in front and two in the back. I took the back, letting Nadine help Ulvic with the controls. He was the only one who knew how to fly the thing, so I had to put my life in his hands. It was the last time I'd be doing that...
Was I an idiot for going with him? Probably. But I didn't have a whole lot of options right then.
The engine stuttered to life beneath me, the doors to the small, metal hangar opening on cue.
Ulvic prepped the plane, flicked switches, turned on lights, gauges – none of it I understood. Didn't care to either. I wanted off the ground. Moving. That was the answer. Keep moving forward. Every moment that passed took me one moment away from last night.
“Brendan gave you the coordinates, then?” I asked, glaring at the back of Ulvic's head.
He nodded once.
“Did you tell him what happened?” I growled.
He shook his head.
“Na, suppose he wouldn't have given the coordinates to a coward, would he?”
Ulvic didn't reply. Nadine sniffed.
The propeller affront the plane spun to life, the low whirring growing to a persistent buzzing. The aircraft bumped and jostled out onto the tiny layer of concrete we'd laid years ago when we'd first bought the island. That had been an ace day. Summer sun, cold drinks, mojitos made by yours truly. The flavour of mint lingering on my tongue...
Gone gone gone.
The plane rolled along, picking up speed bit by bit, heading toward the sea as if we might plunge straight down into it. Instead, the lightweight plane lifted into the sky and we soared higher and higher, leaving Skorpa island beneath us.
Below, the fjords stretched between the surrounding islands like stepping stones in a stream. The moonlight flashed across the white wings of the plane and I squinted out toward the horizon as the aircraft curved in a wide arc.
Even now, I was amazed by the mode of transport. Ships and carts had been all I'd known once.
And high above the world, I finally felt I could get some distance from reality.
“Thank you Nadine,” Ulvic said softly. “I can manage from here.”
Nadine nodded, unclipped her belt and climbed into the back seat with me. She looked to me for something, only briefly, then evidently thought better of it, shuffling up to the window and resting her head against it. Her sadness was written in her movements, her slumped shoulders and knotted hands.
Probably should do something.
I shifted closer to her, laying an arm around her shoulders. Silently she turned into me, letting the tears fall, quietly soaking into my shirt. I held her tighter, letting her cry until she found enough strength to stop.
After a time, her fingers reached for mine, sliding between them and clamping on tight. I gazed numbly down at our clasped hands, resting on my knee. Yeah, suppose it was the right thing to do. Let her take comfort from me. I was still her Alpha after all.
I gave her a twitch of a smile as she rested her head on my shoulder.
As we rose into some clouds, the view disappeared and was replaced by an impenetrable blackness. The persistent buzzing of the aircraft was the only sound between us, but it might as well have been total silence for the way it felt. An echoey space was growing between Ulvic and I. A space that could never be filled again.
Sooner than expected, the plane began to lower, the wind rocking us side to side. Nothing as simple as turbulence ever scared me, even when Ulvic muttered curses and yanked down a lever. I was an unshakable, immortal Werewolf. Nothing was ever gonna change that. Nothing.
Except what you did, whispered a voice from the darkest shadows of my mind.
Yeah, except maybe that.