Selena
Life is grey, eternally grey. There is no light or dark, just an endless shade of something in between.
Jameson found me, falling to the ground at my side and taking me into his arms. He rocked me until our pain blended with each other's.
My hand remained wrapped around Varick's all the while. It was already ice-cold. I couldn't bear to look into his lifeless eyes, gazing up at the sky and reflecting the entire galaxy in the lakes of his irises.
You are my world.
There was no pain akin to grief. My broken wrist, the slits and bruises marring my skin. They were numb in comparison to the black hole opening up inside me.
“He never got to be human,” I sobbed, pulling away from Jameson.
His eyes were watery and reflected my pain. “Yes he did,” he said softly, running a hand through my hair. “You gave him back everything, Selena. He didn't need the cure. You were the cure for him.”
I melted into more tears, gripping onto Jameson's arms until he eventually murmured that we needed to move.
I glanced up, finding a crescent had formed around us. Cass, Sakura and Twyla gazed from Varick to me.
“I'm so sorry,” Cass gasped, dropping to her knees. She reached for Varick's eyes, silently closing them.
Silence stretched between us, marking his absence, burrowing into my body and hollowing everything out on its way.
“We need to move.” Jameson stood, lifting me with him, his expression lost.
“I can walk,” I said quietly, tucking my broken wrist to my chest, clinging to his side. He loved Varick, too. And I needed him close. Needed someone who could feel this pain. To lighten the load, if only a little.
“Ulvic's waiting,” Cass said, her eyes glazed, fixed somewhere over my shoulder as she spoke.
“We'll take him with us,” I told no one in particular, suddenly panicked at the idea of parting with Varick's body.
“Of course.” Jameson bent down, heaving him into his arms. Varick's arm swung limply as Jameson moved, his friend muttering apologies as he walked. We all followed like a funeral procession, my heartbeat dropping by the second.
This wasn't something I could fight back against. I'd been battling all this time for us. For our future. What was there to live for now?
Ulvic's face paled at the sight of Varick, but he said nothing, silently sliding the door of the SUV open to let us in.
No one spoke a word to him either, a silent unity between us. I despised him for many reasons, but he was our only way off of this island now. And I had to accept that.
When we arrived at the helipad, we moved in silence to the plane. Mercy stood beside it, a gun in her hand. When she spotted Varick, the world grew loud again with her cries. She pounded Jameson's arm, begging and wailing.
I watched her through watery eyes and before I knew what I was doing, I'd struck her hard across the cheek. Her sobs died. She looked up at me, then whispered words that sliced my insides to shreds, “I'm sorry.”
When we were bundled into the plane, Ulvic spoke over a radio, talking to Brendan, communicating little of what had happened, asking him to send a boat for the other survivors.
Cass slid her hand between mine as we sat side by side in the plane. She offered me blood from her wrist and I recoiled at the sight. Varick's words from the past flared into my mind.
You drink from me, no one else.
“Your wrist,” Cass said softly. “You need to heal.”
I shook my head, turning away.
Jameson lay Varick's body between us on the floor. I gazed down at him, tears streaming silently over my cheeks.
“Kite?” Cass questioned after a time, but I didn't look up to see who she was addressing.
“She died,” Mercy whispered. “She died for me...”
My eyes never left Varick's pale face. Gone...he was gone.
Loss was torture. This was something I wouldn't survive. I knew he'd want me to live, but all I longed to do was follow him swiftly into the grave. I fingered the gun I'd killed Abraham with.
One shot left.
Silently, I made the decision. But first I'd see Varick buried, put things to rest with my father, my friends.
Then I'd follow him into whatever life awaited us beyond this one.
Till we meet again.
◐ ☼ ◐
The time we'd been offered together seemed hardly anything now. It was too brief. The love between us was a fire, doused before it had really taken flame. Ripped from my grasp and stamped out. Love had given me back the piece of myself I'd lost in the games. Him. Us. And now it was gone.
Ulvic landed the plane on the beach of The Sanctuary. I barely remembered walking to the manor, but after an unguessable amount of time, I was sitting in Brendan's office with a cold cup of tea on the desk before me.
The tick of a clock in the room taunted me. Cass wouldn't leave me alone, not since they'd taken Varick away.
She was so silent in her movements that it was easy to forget she was present as I gazed numbly down at the grain of the desk.
At some ungodly hour of the night, the door whipped open and Brendan strode toward me, his hair unkempt and his eyes ringed with circles. “Selena-”
“Don't,” I halted him. I didn't want his condolences, his apologies. I couldn't bear it.
His shadow slid over me and I was forced to look up. He reached down, gently running his fingers over the skin near my swollen wrist. “Let me treat this at least, if you won't drink V blood?”
“I won't,” I confirmed, biting back another wave of tears.
I don't drink from anyone but Varick.
Gently, he guided me from the room, down to the lab below the house. All was quiet, still. Everyone was sleeping as if this night was as normal as the next. But to me, it was as if I'd stepped into another dimension. One where Varick didn't exist and pain stood in his absence.
Brendan slid an arm around my shoulders as we moved and I was thankful for his silence. I didn't want to answer questions, or explain what had happened, the others could do that. Perhaps they already had.
“Where is he?” I asked in a strangled voice, stepping into the laboratory.
Brendan gently sat me down on a stool. “He's being taken care of. Jameson offered to ready him for...burial.”
I dissolved. Tears rushed out so fast that I had no control, descending into sobs. Brendan moved to hug me and I clung to him with my uninjured arm, desperate for comfort. For the pain to ease. But most of all, for someone to take this night back. To bring him back.
Brendan ran his hand over my hair, hushing me softly, letting me cry until I couldn't cry anymore.
“Let me see that wrist,” he said, taking my arm.
He laid it on the work counter, assessing it for a moment before heading to a cupboard across the room. He returned a moment later with a syringe and placed the tip of the needle against the crook of my elbow. The sting was nothing compared to the pain unfolding inside me. I watched, detached as he worked on setting my wrist, eventually wrapping it in a sling. Whatever he injected me with soon took away the pain of the fracture, but did nothing for my broken heart.
“Dawn is close,” Brendan said when he'd finished. “I thought...perhaps we could lay Varick in the sun before he's buried? His body won't be harmed by it now.”
I nodded, mute, my lips chapped and split from the arctic wind, the salt of my tears making them sting. “I'd like some time alone with him.”
“Of course. Why don't you go and wait outside? I'll have Jameson bring him to you.”
A lump in my throat stopped any more words from leaving my lips. I inclined my head, dropping from the stool and exiting the room. I paused before leaving, reaching up and placing a kiss on my father's cheek.
Goodbye.
The house felt empty, but perhaps it was me that was hollow. I walked my final steps toward the front door, pulling it open and breathing in the morning air. My pistol was tucked in the back of the jeans I'd changed into. I barely remembered doing it. Perhaps I'd had help.
As I walked, the cold enveloped me, easing some of my pain, promising me the end was close.
I kicked off my shoes and focused on the feel of the damp grass sliding between my toes. Dawn was near, the sky growing brighter, a beautiful display of magenta clouds hanging above me.
Soon, the door behind me opened and I remained still as someone approached. Jameson appeared with Varick held in his arms, the blood wiped from his body. He was dressed in a new shirt, the arrow now removed from his chest. Jameson lay him on the ground at my feet then stood at my side, taking my hand in his, his eyes watery and empty. He said nothing, but I felt the weight of his pain as heavy as my own. I squeezed his fingers, fighting back another wave of tears.
Silently, he walked away and I dropped to my knees, carefully arranging Varick's hands by his sides. He looked at peace, which only made me want to follow him into death even sooner. I bent down, pressing a final kiss to his lips as I brought the gun to my temple.
Fear wasn't present. Survival didn't matter anymore. In fact, I didn't think it had mattered for quite some time. I hadn't just wanted to survive this past week, I'd wanted to live. To spend a lifetime in Varick's company, surrounded by the odd family we'd started to form here with Brendan and all of our friends.
Golden light poured over us and I blinked up at the dawn, sliding my hand into Varick's. My pulse slowed, my hand steadied as the bitingly cold barrel of the gun kissed my temple. Varick was bathed in sunlight, his skin not marring or burning, the curse finally broken for him in death.
I basked in the feel of it seeping across us, together in the morning sun. As it should have been.
“We did it,” I breathed, a tiny, impossible flare of peace passing through me. “We broke the curse.”
I pulled the trigger.