When I returned to the table, there was another round of ales waiting for us. I wasn’t in the mood to partake in any more drinks, but I didn’t want the men to think anything of my quick disappearance, so I took my seat and took three greedy gulps of the foamy stuff. I wiped it from my upper lip and leaned back in my chair, trying to feign satisfaction.

“Looks like we’re staying for the night,” Mathias told me. “The man working on The Duchess sent a boy here to tell us that there’s more damage than they’d first anticipated. They’re going to be working on the ship all night long seeing to the repairs. They’ll also make sure Hildie is fed and cared for. Luckily, the barkeep tells us he has two rooms available for the night.”

“Two?” I asked, trying my best not to sound too alarmed.

Mathias nodded. “It’s fine. Three of us will share, and one will stay with you.”

“Surely, if you can fit three to a room, you might fit four,” I began, trying to think of the best way to convince them to let me stay on my own. After what I’d just done, I wasn’t certain I could keep it together all night long without the truth bubbling over, or, worse, doing something foolish with whoever my protector was. The last thing I needed was to bond even more with any of them. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Besides, I’ll make sure I keep the door locked a--”

Titus cut in before I could finish.

“Not going to happen, lass. None of us are willing to take that risk again where you’re concerned,” he said sternly. “Not after last night.”

I met Eryk’s eye for a quick moment and looked away before nodding my submission. Protesting more would only put them on high alert.

“Okay.”

Mathias broke the tension by standing. “I’m going to go secure the rooms and make sure we have everything we need. A hot bath, perhaps, Iris?”

I swung my gaze up to him. The idea of sinking into a tub of hot water amidst this cold weather to scrub off the salty layer from my skin was more than enough to lift my spirits. I nodded vigorously.

Mathias gave me a rare but beautiful smile. “Very well. You shall have it, then.”

“Thank you,” I said, as he turned away and slipped through the throngs of tables to make his way back to the bar.

“I wouldn’t have minded a bath,” Dimitri griped. “How can I get myself one of those?” His sharp blue gaze landed on me, and the corner of his mouth twitched as he lifted his drink to his mouth.

I knew what he was suggesting and, despite the tightening of need in my stomach, I barked out a laugh. “I suppose you could go and pay for one, like Mathias is doing.”

Titus chuckled deeply and tipped his head to me. “Indeed, he could. What say you, Dimitri? You still fancy that bath?”

“I’ll take it but I admit, it loses some of its appeal if there’s no company,” he said shamelessly, those eyes still fixed on me.

His boldness was, for some reason, quite charming. I shook my head at him, unable to stop myself from smiling. Right on the tail of that was an instant tug of guilt again. I was trying to thwart their plans, and there was a very high possibility that I could be putting the lives of the people they cared about in jeopardy, no matter how much I tried to avoid it.

“You alright, Princess?” Dimitri asked, the humor in his eyes and on his lips gone.

I nodded and drank more ale. “Yes, I’m fine. Just tired, I think.”

It was at that moment that Mathias returned back to the table. “When you’re ready for that bath, the barkeep will send a maid to ready it for you. One of us will stand watch at your door to make sure none of these bastards tries anything funny.”

“I’ll stand watch,” Dimitri offered. Mathias’s quick look suggested that the position of standing outside my door had already been spoken for. Dimitri shrugged his shoulders as if to roll off the rejection. “Or I’ll stay here and continue filling my belly with ale.”

Titus chuckled but didn’t say anything.

I finished my drink and stood. “All right, then?”

Mathias nodded and stepped aside for me to slide out behind Titus again.

“Enjoy,” Dimitri hollered after me as I fell into step behind Mathias.

I shot him a look over my shoulder, unable to resist teasing him just a little, in spite of the weight sitting on my chest.

“Oh, I will,” I said, “and I’m going to take my sweet time about it. Just me and all that hot, steamy water.”

Dimitri’s cocky smile faltered as Titus and Eryk began laughing at him. I let the laughter bubble over me, too, and it helped push away some of the guilt that was still gnawing at my insides like a ravenous monster.

They would understand what I’d had to do. Just as I understood what they’d had to do. Maybe someday they’d even forgive me…if any of us survived this nightmare.

Mathias stopped at the bar and stood with one hip resting against it. He crossed his arms and regarded me with curiosity. When he reached out and rested a warm gentle hand on my wrist, I froze, paralyzed by his touch and the softness in his gray eyes.

“Your bracelet,” he said, “did you lose it?”

My heart began hammering in my chest. Did he suspect something?

I lifted my hand to my wrist beside his and touched the spot where the chain had lain. The bare skin there felt a little odd. I furrowed my brow and shook my head. “I didn’t realize it was missing,” I said, “do you think it came off when I was trying the cloak on at the store?”

Mathias shrugged one shoulder, but left his hand there to trace a pattern on the tender skin. His touch was so much softer than I ever expected, and I nearly closed my eyes to revel in it.

“Perhaps. I will ask one of the others to go and look for you.”

“Thank you,” I said.

The lie was necessary, I reassured myself. Anaya had to know I was safe.

When the barkeep bustled over to us on the other side of the counter, Mathias let his hand fall back to his side. I could still feel the warm imprint his touch left behind, and as I listened to them negotiate the bath details, I pressed my fingertips to the spot again.

“The best you have,” Mathias said after some back and forth, “I don’t much care what the cost is.”

The barkeep nodded. “Two silver pieces, sir.”

Mathias handed them over. “Wait here,” he said to me, “I’m going to send Dimitri back to the shop. He needs something to do to busy that wandering mind of his.”

“Okay,” I said, turning to watch Mathias make his way back to the table. It appeared that Dimitri put up only a bit of resistance before getting to his feet. The two men headed back in my direction. When they arrived, Mathias put his hand out for me to take.

I took it, and he guided me away to the stairs. Dimitri made for the door. When I looked back down, he was watching me and Mathias ascend the stairs. He met my eye, gave me a broad smile, and then ducked out into the cold.

Mathias brought me to a room at the end of the hall. A maid was already bustling in and out as she filled a tub with hot water from large pots. Another maid appeared to help her.

The room was quite simple with white linens on the bed and even whiter curtains hanging from a window that faced the ocean. The cold breeze blowing in through the window fluttered the curtains and caused steam to rise from the nearly full tub. It smelled like lavender and I took a deep breath and sighed contently.

I couldn’t wait to step into the tub.

“This will do fine,” Mathias said, “you’ll be staying here tonight.”

“Alright,” I said.

Mathias went to the window. He rested both hands on the sill and leaned forward. When he hung his head, I considered asking him if something was wrong, but thought better of it. I didn’t want to push. Especially when I already felt bad enough as things stood.

“Iris,” he said suddenly, looking over at me as I leaned against the wall.

“Yes?” I said.

“I’m sure you know already, but…I’m sorry that we’re doing this to you. This isn’t what any of us want,” he continued, “I hope you understand that. There are… certain things that are outside of our control, and all of this is just a means to an end.”

I thought of the sickly father Mathias had back at home.

“I know,” I said.

“You do?”

“Well, I suspected,” I corrected with a nod, unsure of whether Eryk had told the others what he’d revealed to me, “not everything is as it seems, right? You’re all far too kind to want to hurt me just for coin.”

He pushed himself away from the window and turned to face me. “You are unlike any woman I have ever met, Iris. You deserve better than this.”

“I think we all do, Mathias. But here we are.”

He looked at his feet as his brows drew together. A strand of blonde hair slipped from behind his ear to hang in front of his face.

“Yes, well…I wanted you to know. Now, I will leave you to your bath,” Mathias said suddenly, looking back up at me. His expression was neutral once more. “I’ll be right outside the door. Call if you need anything.”

“I will,” I said as he brushed by me. His shoulder grazed mine and I almost reached out to grab him. To hug him and offer comfort. To take the same from him. But I let him go, and as he closed the door behind him, our eyes met for the briefest moment.

There was something hard behind those eyes. It was gone as soon as I saw it, but it left me wondering what sort of pain was burning inside him. My heart ached for him and for the others.

I blew out an unsteady sigh as I looked to the bath. The steam was wafting upwards and the fresh lavender floating on the surface was too tantalizing to forgo. A few minutes to relax and let my mind drift.

I stripped out of my new cloak and boots. I folded the cloak and left it on the foot of the bed. I tucked the boots beneath it. Then I stripped out of the pants I had been wearing, and the white tunic. I let them fall in a heap on the floor and lifted one leg to step into the piping hot water.

I sighed as I lowered myself into it. The water hugged my body with familiarity. I soaked for a while before committing to scrubbing myself clean. I dunked my head and scrubbed my scalp until it was numb. Then I wrung out my hair and twisted it into a knot on top of my head.

I stayed in the water, submerged up to my chin, until it started to cool down too much to be enjoyable. I stepped out and dried in the towel the maid had hung off the back of a chair beside a full-length mirror. I stared at the women looking back at me for a moment.

She was lean and muscular, more so than I remembered. Her shoulders and arms were powerful, as were her thighs. Her stomach was hard and flat. Her skin was pale. Her breasts were small yet firm. So different from the girl who had spent hours before a mirror primping to find a suitable mate just a year before.

Whatever my sister believed, I was a warrior now. And warriors did what they had to do to survive.

I wrapped myself in the towel and averted my gaze from my reflection as weariness settled over me like a cloak.

I knew I should go to Mathias and tell him I was done, but my emotions were bubbling just below the surface, fresh and raw, and I needed just a few minutes.

I padded over to the bed, I let the towel fall to the floor at my feet, and slipped beneath the clean, white sheets. I pulled them up under my chin and curled up on my side. I breathed in the smell of the fresh linen, and then I began to cry.

I muffled the sounds of my sobs in the pillow and hoped desperately that Mathias couldn’t hear me. I cried harder than I ever had as I ached for my home, and for my sister. The last time I had felt this broken was when Anaya had fled from Sebastian Du Monde with her suitors. I had thought, for a while, that I might never see her again. That maybe she was dead, and it had been too much for my heart to bear. I loved her more than I loved anyone and life without her would be empty.

Now the tables were turned and I could only imagine her grief. The fact that I was the cause of it was tough to swallow. Maybe if I hadn’t been foolish enough to let the men who had become my friends capture me, I wouldn’t be here now.

Luckily, by the time a knock sounded on the door, my tears were spent.

“Come in,” I said thickly, pulling the covers more tightly around me.

The door opened a crack and Titus popped his head in. “Hello, lass. May I come in? I have something for you.”

I nodded and remembered Dimitri had gone to find my bracelet. To keep up appearances, I asked him if he had found it.

“Unfortunately, no. The shopkeeper told Dimitri he would keep an eye out for it and we could check back in the morning before we set sail, but it doesn’t look good. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay,” I said, guilt once again licking at my insides.

He closed the door behind him. In his hands were folded up pieces of fabric. There were at least six or so different items there. He sat at the foot of my bed and handed them to me.

I awkwardly sat up, trying to pull the blankets with me.

I was painfully aware of how naked I was, and Titus’s sudden presence was doing all kinds of things to my body. My heart thumped wildly as my stomach fluttered. That tightness I had felt before Eryk took me was forming below my belly again and now that I knew the cure, I couldn’t shake the thought of doing those very same things with Titus.

I tried to ignore it as I looked through the items he had handed me. I was surprised and delighted to see that they were new clean clothes. Two pairs of britches, black and soft, as well as two green tunics, a brown leather belt, and, to my surprise, a dress.

“What is all of this for?” I asked.

He scrubbed a hand over his beard and shrugged. “Thought you might like them. The shop owner gave me a deal.” He looked down at his own belt and pulled a knife from it. He tossed it in the air, where it spun end over end, and then he caught it between thumb and forefinger by the blade.

He held it out to me. “I also think you should carry this.”

I couldn’t stop my eyebrows from climbing up my forehead. I took the knife from him with a shaking hand. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” he said, “I’d feel better if you had something on you. That whole mess with the pirates… I don’t like to think on it too long.”

“Thank you.”

The brash, arrogant side of him was locked away somewhere. His brown eyes were serious and his mouth was set in a firm line. I wondered, briefly, if he was considering telling me what Eryk already had. I suspected a confession like that would be hard for him. Beneath all his brawn there was a sensitive soul. I knew it. I could see it; feel it.

Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out and rested a hand on his. The blankets around my shoulders slipped down. I caught them with one hand, pulling them tight to cover myself. I knew my shoulders were exposed, as were the tops of my breasts. Titus was doing a valiant job of looking into my eyes rather than allowing his gaze to wander.

“It’s going to be all right, Titus.”

“Is it?” he asked. “I wish I could be so certain of that, lass.”

I felt like my heart had exploded into a thousand tiny shards of glass that were puncturing my lungs. His words held so much more weight than I could have ever expected. The guilt I was feeling at betraying them was reflected back at me. He was as torn up about his own actions as I was about mine.

He stood and my hand fell from his. “I was going to stay but maybe it would be better if I get a pallet in the hall-” His voice was hollow.

“No. You don’t have to go,” I said.

His jaw clenched. “If I don’t leave now, I will do something I might regret.”

I wanted to know what the truth was behind those words. What would he regret? Did he want to make love to me? Because if he did, I knew I wouldn’t deny him. My body was ready for him. That tightness had coiled into something so fierce inside me that I needed a release of some kind.

“Don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Ah, lass,” he breathed. Titus hesitated and then stretched himself out on the bed beside me. “You never have to be alone if you don’t want to be, lass. Surely you know that, don’t you? Us lads… we care about you. Far more than we should.”

“I know,” I whispered. That raw emotion was tickling my throat but I refused to cry again. My throat was sore and my eyes were so swollen and achy that any more tears would make it too painful.

“Come,” he said, patting the space between us. “It’s late. You’ve had a long day.”

I extinguished the lantern beside the bed and then moved closer, but our bodies were separated by blankets. I listened to him breathe for a while. The steady pace was relaxing, and the roll of the waves in the distance was soothing as well.

Needing the human connection, I shimmied backwards until my back was pressed into his side. Titus sighed in my ear and drew me in closer to him. His big body was like a furnace, spreading warmth through me like I was sitting in front of a fire.

“You can get under the blankets,” I said.

Titus was quiet for a moment before he complied. He slipped under the blankets beside me. Now, the only thing between us was his kilt. I rolled around to face him, tucking my hand under my cheek.

“Why have you all been so kind to me?” I asked.

I had been wondering for quite some time why they were treating me the way they were. It would have been easier for them to lock me in a cell somewhere on the ship and treat me like a prisoner. Surely their orders weren’t to buy me new clothes and keep me well fed. And their task would’ve been far easier on their hearts and minds if they hadn’t gotten to know me.

“We like you,” he said simply.

“Like me?” I asked.

He nodded and stroked my shoulder gently. “You are fierce, and strong, and you know who you are. We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into when we—In any case, now… now, all of us have developed a certain need to care for you that we hadn’t expected.”

“I care about all of you, too.”

Titus smiled but there was no question that there was a sadness in it.

“Come,” he said, wrapping a hand around my waist and drawing me to him once more, “sleep.”

I nuzzled into him, my body draped half on top of his. One leg was hooked around his and my arm was draped over his massive chest. And, despite my tortured mind, the rhythm of his heartbeat and his steady breaths lulled me to sleep within moments.