The specialist care home Beth is living in is set in the beautiful grounds of what was once a manor house in South London. The place is stunning, with a long gravel drive that leads up to a white brick Edwardian building with sash windows and a bright red door. Daffodils and crocuses peek up through the well-kept lawn. Even though there is still a nip in the air, and it isn’t quite fully spring yet, some of the patrons are being wheeled outside by their nurses to enjoy the relatively warm day.

“It’s beautiful here,” I say as we pull into a parking space.

Hudson puts the car into neutral, pulls up the hand brake and turns the engine off. He places his hands on the wheel and leans his head against his knuckles.

“It gets harder and harder to come here. It’s like a piece of Beth disappears each time. I miss her.”

Hudson doesn’t often show vulnerability, my heart aches for him. “Hey, I’m here for you. Every time you visit Beth, I’ll come too. You don’t have to do this alone,” I say, rubbing my hand up and down his back.

He sits up, facing me. “Thank you, baby.” He cups my face in his hands and presses a soft kiss against my lips. “God, I love you,” he murmurs against my mouth.

“And I love you,” I respond, pressing my lips back against his briefly. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Getting out of the car, we walk up the steps to the front of the home. I can hear classical music playing as we enter the light and airy reception area. A woman in her fifties with a kind smile looks up at us both.

“Afternoon, Hudson. We weren’t expecting you today, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Apologies, Judy, I should’ve called ahead. We’re going on a business trip tomorrow for a few weeks and I wanted to see Beth before I went.”

“Oh no, that’s fine. Beth will be pleased to see you, I’m sure. She’s doing well today,” Judy says kindly. “You’ve brought a friend?” Her brown eyes linger on me, curious more than anything.

“This is Louisa, my girlfriend actually,” Hudson says, taking my hand in his.

Judy gets up from behind the desk to greet me. She holds out her hand to shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Louisa.”

“You too, Judy,” I respond, taking her hand and squeezing gently.

“Beth is still in her room, she’s dressed. Daisy was just about to take her out for a walk in the grounds. Perhaps you’d like to do that instead?”

“Sure, we’d love to,” I say.

“Right then, through you go.” Judy walks back behind the desk, leans over and presses a button. An internal door swings open. “See you later.”

Hudson and I make our way to Beth’s room. Inside, it is more like a hotel than a care home. The halls are decorated a soft lemon and hanging on the walls are pretty landscape paintings. Underfoot are patterned tiles, similar to ones you might expect to find in a Moroccan home. A lovely scent permeates the place, there is no smell of ill health here.

“This place is nothing like I imagined it would be,” I say.

“It’s designed to be more like a home from home. The health care that is provided here is discreet and kept mainly to the residents’ private rooms. We loved that about this place. Plus, all the staff are highly trained and incredibly caring. This is a vocation, not a job, for the people who work here.”

We pass by a large floor-to-ceiling window providing a beautiful view of the garden beyond. Over the far side of the grounds I can see a large orangery, the sun glinting off the glass. It’s stunning. “I don’t think you could’ve picked anywhere better than here for Beth.”

“It’s the least I could do. I wish there was more. We’ve investigated all sorts of treatments, but there is nothing we can do for her.” Hudson stops outside a white door with a gold number 10 hanging on it. “Here we are,” he says. His hand is trembling. I must admit, my own anxiety levels are high. I really don’t know what to expect, but I must be strong for Hudson’s sake. He raps his knuckles on the door lightly.

“Come in,” a voice calls from inside.

“Beth?” I say.

“No, that’ll be Daisy, her carer. Beth doesn’t talk… at least she hasn’t said a word to me ever. I’m told she occasionally speaks in single words to others, but that’s been a more recent development.” His voice trails off at the admission.

We enter the room. A young woman dressed in a light pink top and trousers greets us.

“Hello Hudson, nice to see you again. Beth is out on the patio. She’s having a good day today,” the carer says, by way of greeting.

“Thank you, Daisy. This is Louisa, my girlfriend. I wanted to introduce her to Beth, if you think that’s okay?”

Daisy looks at me. She too has a sweet, open face. Her gentle blue eyes regard me with interest. “I think it will be fine. Let’s see how it goes, eh? Follow me.”

Daisy makes her way through Beth’s surprisingly large room, which is more like an apartment really. It too is decorated beautifully. This time a calm, baby blue colour covers the walls. The word serene comes to mind. Hudson places his hand against my lower back as we follow Daisy through the French doors and onto the patio beyond her room. An inconspicuous ramp slants down from the doors to the path. To our left I can see a dark-haired woman sitting in a wheelchair. Her hair is long and shiny, held off her face in a plait that Max would be impressed with, and her head is supported by a raised headrest. My stomach does a little flip as I see her delicate hands resting on her lap, and the thinness of her body encased in a huge cream blanket. From my position I can only see her profile, but it’s enough to know she is beautiful, ethereal almost.

“Beth, you have a visitor,” Daisy says gently as she bends down in front of her so that Beth can see her directly. “Hudson’s arrived. Would you like to see him?”

Beth doesn’t speak, but she must indicate it’s okay another way because Daisy stands and beckons Hudson over. I make a move forward, but she shakes her head at me. “One at a time, okay?” she mouths.

“Sure,” I say softly.

Hudson looks at me for reassurance and I lean in and give him a kiss. “I’ll be right here.”

Daisy comes to stand by me as Hudson approaches Beth. He too bends down in front of her. I watch his expression change from abject fear to a bright smile as he leans forward and presses a kiss against her cheek. Beth’s eyes close briefly at the soft passing of his lips against her skin. My heart aches a little at the contact, not because I am jealous of such a show of affection, but because I can sense the sadness and longing she feels. I can’t imagine how horrific it must be to be trapped in a body that doesn’t want to work anymore.

For a few minutes Hudson talks to Beth about everyday stuff. He is sweet with her, caring. Not once does he show just how much he’s affected by her condition and in this moment, I love him even more than I thought possible. Hudson looks up at me and shakes his head minutely. Daisy presses her fingers lightly on my arm.

“I don’t think today is the best day to introduce you to Beth,” she says softly.

“It isn’t? How do you know that?” How does Hudson, given she hasn’t uttered a word?

“Her face is very expressive. She might not talk much, but she speaks to us in her own way. Over the years we’ve all learnt how to read Beth.” Daisy smiles kindly. “Come on, let me show you the orangery. It’s really rather lovely in there.”

I glance over at Hudson, who is holding onto Beth’s hand. She is staring intently at him. He must feel my gaze because he looks up briefly, an apologetic look crossing his face.

“We’re going for a stroll, be back in a bit,” Daisy says.

Daisy and I walk along the path, towards the orangery. She stops every now and then to say hello to other residents, introducing me as a friend of Beth’s. Most people are happy to chat for a while, whilst others avoid conversation. Eventually we get to a point where we can talk more freely.

“How long have you worked here?” I ask.

“I started four years back. When my last resident passed away, I was assigned to Beth. She’s a lovely woman.”

“Hudson’s told me a lot about her…”

“He’s a good man, your Hudson. There are some relatives and friends who just can’t cope with seeing the people they love so entirely different to what they once were. At first, they visit regularly, then those visits dwindle. It’s sad, but I see it happen a lot, unfortunately.”

“I can imagine. Hudson says Beth suffers with post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“That’s right. Her ordeal was horrific, and she withdrew into herself. It’s common in cases such as hers, but lately she has been saying the odd word here and there. We’ve had to tread carefully. We don’t want anything to prevent her from progressing further. Which is why…” Daisy holds the door to the orangery open for me.

“Which is why I wasn’t introduced,” I say, finishing the sentence for her.

“Beth has trouble communicating verbally because of what happened to her. There are days when she is lost within herself, and it takes some time to coax her out. We don’t want anything to set her back. Your relationship with Hudson could have a negative impact on her. Hudson could tell just by being with her that it might be a possibility.”

“I understand.”

Daisy and I walk into the centre of the orangery and sit on a wooden bench. Behind us a large vine is growing along the glass. It’s warmer in here than it is outside, so much so I have to remove my jacket.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you and Hudson meet?”

Daisy is genuinely interested, and I don’t feel as though she’s prying at all.

“I met Hudson, Bryce and Max in Alpe D’Huez in France.”

“Ah, yes. I remember Hudson saying they were going skiing over Christmas. He came to visit Beth before he left. Were you staying in the same resort?”

“The same chalet…”

She looks at me a little confused. I laugh.

“I was their chalet girl.”

“Really?” She grins at me. “I’ve only met Bryce and Max a handful of times when they’ve visited Beth with Hudson. They seem like a handful.”

“You could say that,” I say, not elaborating further. Daisy seems pleasant, but I’m not about to get into my relationship with Max and Bryce as well.

“Well, I’ve pried too much already. I’m going to head back, Beth gets tired after her visits. Do you want to walk back with me? I can show you the café, you could grab a coffee while you wait.”

“I think I’ll stay here, if that’s okay?”

Daisy swipes a loose strand of her copper hair behind her ear. “Of course. I’ll let Hudson know where to find you.”

“Thanks.” I watch her leave the orangery and head back over to where Hudson is still sitting with Beth. When he sees her, he gets up and Daisy points in my direction. They have a quick exchange of words before he returns to Beth and presses a kiss against her forehead. I watch as he cups her cheek and says something before walking in my direction. A minute later he is pushing open the door and entering the orangery. He spots me immediately.

“Hey, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t introduce you,” he says, striding over and sitting down beside me. His face is flushed, his green eyes bright. He looks happy.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, a strange feeling welling inside my chest. It feels a little like jealousy. I know it’s wrong, and selfish. I push the jealousy down, feeling sick to my stomach at my reaction.

“It’s better than okay. Beth spoke to me. She actually talked,” he says, grabbing hold of my hand. “It was so good to hear her voice, Louisa.”

“What did she say?” I ask, pushing down the jealous voice that is trying to poison my thoughts.

“Not much, a few words. I mean, I did most of the talking, but she was there, you know. Present. Whenever I’ve visited before, she’s always been lost within herself.”

“I’m happy for you Hudson…” I pull in a shuddering breath. Christ sake, get a hold of yourself.

“What’s the matter?” Hudson asks.

“Ignore me, I’m just feeling a little…” Jealous. Just say it.

Hudson brings his fingers under my chin and tips my head to face him. “Talk to me,” he demands.

“You’ll think I’m a bad person. I think I’m a bad person.”

“Louisa…” His voice has taken on a stern edge. He hates it when I hold my feelings inside, which is kind of ironic given he is ten times worse when it comes to sharing his own feelings. Although, of late we are both considerably better.

“When I saw the way you were with Beth, saw your compassion, it filled me with love and then, unexpectedly, with jealousy. You love her, and she loves you. Any fool can see that.” I chew on my lip, feeling horrible. Beth is in a wheelchair, she has suffered a huge amount of turmoil, and here I am, jealous of the place she holds in Hudson’s heart.

Hudson sighs. “I care about Beth deeply, I want what’s best for her, but I don’t love her, not in the way you think. Louisa, our relationship was only just beginning when this shit happened to her. Yes, I am filled with guilt, terrible guilt over what happened, but that isn’t why I come here.”

“I’m sorry, Hudson. I’m a terrible person.”

“No, you’re not, you’re human.” He squeezes my hand. “Beth will remain in my life forever. I won’t abandon her, and I care about her enough to want to remain a part of her life so long as she’ll have me in it, but we can never pick up what once was. I came to terms with that a long time ago and I think, finally, so has Beth. One day soon, when I think she’s strong enough, I’ll tell her about you. Daisy was right, today was too soon.”

“Does Beth believe you’re still in a relationship?”

“No. She absolved me of any sense of duty a long time ago. We’re just friends, but I am mindful of her feelings. You understand, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course I do. I’m so proud of you, Hudson.”

Hudson pulls me to my feet. “Come on, let’s go home. We’ve got a holiday to pack for.”