The next morning, I stand by the hotel’s main entrance with Nisha and Calum. Although last night Nisha had insisted on returning with us, I’d managed to persuade her to stay. What’s the point of her coming home with me? It isn’t as if she’d be able to get Hudson to remember any better than I could. She’s a stranger to him as much as me, though he appears to have accepted her far quicker. Perhaps it’s the news of the baby, perhaps it’s the way Calum is with her. Either way, he is able to hold a conversation with Nisha, which is a darn sight better than what I am able to get him to do. There’s been no acceptance of me at all. Not even as Max and Bryce’s girlfriend. It made sleeping arrangements awkward last night. In the end, we all slept alone. It was awful.

“Are you certain you don’t want me to come back with you?” Nisha asks.

“Yes, I’m positive, Nisha. Stay here with Calum. Spend time together. Your holiday needn’t be cut short. Please, it would only make me feel worse if you returned home too.”

“Okay, but you keep me informed. Call me anytime, day or night.” Nisha pulls me in for a quick hug, squeezing me tightly.

“How is he this morning?” Nisha asks, nodding her head towards Hudson, who is watching us both whilst pretending to listen to what Calum is saying.

“He’s quiet. Withdrawn. He’s barely said two words to me and he keeps giving me strange looks that I can’t interpret. Whatever he’s thinking, he’s keeping it to himself.”

“What about Bryce and Max?”

I sigh. “Last night we all slept in different rooms. I don’t think either of them wanted to upset Hudson by spending the night with me. This morning was better, at least they were both affectionate towards me, but when Hudson came into the room they held back. It bothered me a lot, if I’m honest.”

“Louisa, you need to get some shit straight with them. I get this must be hard, Hudson not knowing you or what you’ve shared, but Max and Bryce shouldn’t treat you differently. That isn’t going to help anyone.”

“I know. I’m going to speak with them as soon as we’re back home. Thanks, Nish.”

“Looks like it’s time for you to go,” she says, nodding towards Calum, who’s approaching us both.

“The car’s ready to take you to the airport. You need to get going if you’re going to catch your flight,” Calum says, wrapping his arm around Nisha’s shoulder.

I give him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks for everything, Calum. Look after her, okay.”

He wraps his arm around Nisha’s shoulder. “Of course I will.”

“See you both in a couple of weeks,” I say, heading over to my men. Hudson’s already in the car when I approach them.

“Ready?” Bryce asks.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“It’s going to be another long journey,” Max says, and I know that he doesn’t just mean getting back to London.

* * *

Almost twenty hours later we arrive back home. The journey had been uncomfortable to say the least and I am mentally and physically exhausted. But I am not ready to sleep just yet. There is a conversation that needs to happen before this night is through. Drawing a deep breath, I follow Bryce, Max and Hudson into the house.

“Anyone want a tea or a coffee? I’ll put the kettle on,” I say as we all step onto the first floor.

“I’m going to be bed,” Hudson responds sharply. He glances at me briefly as though expecting me to challenge him. He’s right.

“Not yet. I need to speak with you. All of you, actually,” I say, stepping in front of him.

“What’s there to talk about?” he asks, folding his arms across his chest. Defensive, again.

“Plenty,” I say. “I know I’m a stranger to you, Hudson, but you owe it to your brothers to hear me out. Please…” I add as an afterthought.

Bryce moves to stand next to me. Sliding an arm around my waist, he squeezes me against his side. “Hudson, Max and I would appreciate it if you give Louisa five minutes of your time.” When I look up Bryce, he looks drawn, tired. There is tension around his mouth. I wish I could smooth it away.

Hudson shakes his head, about to refuse.

“Enough of this shit, Hudson. We’re not asking you. Sit down and listen to what Louisa has to say,” Max says, as he dumps his holdall on the floor. All of us look at him in surprise. Max isn’t usually the one to call Hudson out on any bullshit, that’s usually Bryce’s job.

“Ignoring Louisa on the plane was pretty fucking childish. Now you’re going to act like an adult and listen to her.” Max glances at me, his lips pressed in a hard line. He is looking out for me, being protective. It’s both endearing and worrying. The last thing I want is to place a wedge between them.

“Fine. I’ll give you five minutes, after that I’m going to bed. I’ve got a fucking headache,” Hudson concedes, striding over to the sofa and sitting down with an impatient sigh. I swallow my growing anxiety and unease, and head to the kitchen.

“Good, I’ll make that tea then,” I say in a voice that sounds lighter than I feel.

“Let me give you a hand,” Max offers. He’s jittery and clearly in need of occupying his hands and mind a little.

“Sure.”

I boil the kettle and Max grabs the mugs, milk and sugar whilst Hudson and Bryce sit on the sofa, talking in hushed tones. I can tell by the set of Bryce’s jaw that he is angry. Whatever Hudson is saying, it’s winding Bryce up. Perhaps this isn’t the best idea after all. My attention is drawn back to Max, who is making an awful lot of noise banging the mugs down on the counter. It’s a wonder none of them break.

“You okay?” I say quietly.

Max catches my eye and winces. “Hud’s beginning to piss me off. The whole flight home he said less than two words to you. I know this isn’t his fault, but I hate this bullshit. I don’t get why he needs to be so fucking rude. Either that bang to the head has given him a personality transplant, or I never noticed how much of an arsehole he was before we met you.”

I place my hand over his. “Deep down you know he isn’t an arsehole. This whole thing has thrown all of us. It must be hard for him. He’s doing what he does best and protecting himself,” I say, trying to soothe the crack that is beginning to form before it turns into a sodding chasm.

“I don’t like how he’s acting towards you, Icy. Lost memories or not, his attitude needs to change, otherwise…”

“Otherwise what? No, Max, this is not how it’s going to be. We will get through this without infighting between you. That won’t help, got it?”

Max clenches his jaw. “Got it,” he says, though I am not convinced he will heed my warning.

I grip hold of Max’s arm. “You don’t need to worry about me. I can deal with this.” Leaning over I give him a kiss, trying to soothe the anger I see bubbling, then grab two of the mugs and head over to Bryce and Hudson.

“Here we go. Just how you like it,” I say, placing their tea on the table.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Bryce says.

Hudson raises his eyebrows. It’s the first time Bryce has referred to me as his sweetheart in front of Hudson since the accident. I almost want to say, ‘See, I told you so’, but I refrain.

“I believe you have something you wish to say?” Hudson says, taking a sip of his tea. He views me from above the rim of his mug. There’s that spark of interest again. Good, that’s something, and a vast improvement from indifference.

Max settles beside me and rests his hand on my thigh. Hudson pretends not to notice.

“Yes, there’s a lot I want to say. Will you hear me out?”

“I don’t seem to have much choice.”

“For fuck’s sake, Hudson,” Bryce says.

“Fine, I’m all ears,” he responds. Those green eyes I love to lose myself in penetrate me with a hard stare. In business deals I imagine he presents himself as a hard arse, just like this. He gets what he wants. Well, this time he isn’t leaving the room until he’s heard what I want to say. I can be a hard arse too. I didn’t survive my mother by being weak.

“I know how strange this must be for you, Hudson. To see us so obviously in love and to not feel a part of it. I figure that cuts deep, doesn’t it?” He flinches. Bingo. So that’s where the attitude is coming from. If he is jealous, afraid perhaps, of how Max and Bryce are with me, then that’s something to build on. Better that than being uninterested, it shows that somewhere deep inside he has feelings for me, even if his conscious mind doesn’t recognise them just yet.

“You look at me and have no idea who I am. You don’t remember anything about our time in Alpe D’Huez. You don’t remember anything about Petite Cabane.” I hold his stare when I mention the place that is their sanctuary, that before me they’d never shared with anyone else. The surprise on his face is unmistakable.

“Yes, you invited me to stay there over Christmas. Selfishly, I want you to remember our time together for me, but more so for you, for Bryce and Max. These past few months have been the happiest of my life and I’ll be damned if I let them go without a fight.”

He seems surprised at my honesty, my courage to speak the truth. He may have reverted to the person who locks himself inside a glass prison of his own making, but I am not that person anymore. The brothers have broken through the ice walls encasing my heart, and I am free now to do and say what I damn well please, especially when it comes to confronting the ones I love.

“Before I met you all, I came from a place where happiness was a rarity, where I didn’t feel I deserved it. Before you I had no idea what love was or what it meant to be adored. It was a fucking shit life, with a mother who cared more about her next drink than she did about her own daughter.”

“Sweetheart…” Bryce gets up and walks around the table, sitting down next to me. Hudson’s eyes follow him and his shoulders tense. Three against one, that’s what he’s thinking. But that isn’t how this is, this is us showing Hudson how we can be together. How he can be with us again too if he takes a leap of faith.

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I say, smiling at Bryce, and I am. I let my past go that day by the grave, it doesn’t have the power to hurt me anymore.

Hudson views us all. I can’t read him this time, so locked behind a barrier of his own making. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I won’t force it. I can only tell him how I feel and hope for the best. Hope that somehow what I am about to say can penetrate his walls, if only to let a pinprick of light through to the dark.

“You let me in, all of you. You broke through the ice around my heart and in turn I broke through yours.”

“It’s true, Hudson. Fuck only knows how Icy managed it, but she did. I love her, man. Please don’t push her away,” Max says, searching for my hand. I take it and he brings it up to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. Hudson swallows hard.

“Nothing will push me away, Max,” I reassure him. “I love you, it’s as simple and as complicated as that.”

“I love Louisa too, but you know this already,” Bryce says to Hudson. “What I said to you at the hospital remains the same. Louisa has changed my life for the better. She’s a fucking miracle. Damn it, Hudson, I need you to remember…” his voice wavers and he clamps his mouth shut.

Hudson swipes a hand through his hair and regards us all. “I don’t know what to say. This is too fucking much.” He looks at me in confusion, with fear, with… hope. Or at least that’s what it looks like to me. It softens my next words a little.

“You may never get your memories back, Hudson. That scares me to death too. I fear that whatever magic made us fall in love in the first place might not happen again, but I will fight for us. I love you, I will not run,” I say gently, echoing the promise I made to him a few months ago.

A small part of me was hoping the moment I uttered those words he would remember. Not this time.

With shaking hands, Hudson places his mug on the table. I want nothing more than to go to him, comfort him. My heart aches at this barrier between us. It’s killing me. But he isn’t ready for more than words.

“But this,” he says, waving his hand in the air. “The easy way you are with each other. I am a stranger to whatever this is between you all. I’m on the outside, looking in. I don’t know you. This I don’t understand.”

“Yes, you do. You just don’t remember.” I sigh. I am on the verge of crying bitter tears, but I won’t. They would do no good. Strength is what I need now. I need to be strong for all of us. “Hudson, I know everything about you. I know how you like to take your tea. I know where you like to be kissed the most, that spot there right in the palm of your hand.” His eyes drop to his open palm and he closes his fist over it, shock and surprise mingling on his features.

“I know what you look like when you’re about to come. I know how much you love Bryce and Max, how much you worry about them even now they’re adults. I know about your mum and what she did to you. I know about the cruelty you suffered by her hand. I know about Beth. I know the dark parts of you, and I also know the goodness. I know your heart. I know you.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” he says, standing abruptly. “I can’t feel something that isn’t there.” He strides towards the stairs. I get up and run after him, grabbing his arm. He whirls around to face me and I meet his angry gaze with determination.

“You can push me away, you can cut me off, but I won’t be going anywhere, Hudson. One way or the other I will remain in your life because of my relationship with Bryce and Max. I’m in love with them too and their happiness is just as important to me as yours.” I point to Bryce and Max, who are watching us in horrified fascination. “Right now, the only two people in the whole world you love the most are those two men sitting there. That love you feel, I feel it too. I adore them, and I will never stop. I’m not leaving.”

He pulls his arm free and looks at his brothers. “I won’t stop you from being together, but that’s the only promise I can make. Stay, but keep away from me and I shall do the same,” he says heavily.

“That’s all I can ask…” It’s a start, I think.

He nods his head sharply, then walks upstairs without a backward glance.