Chapter 22

Anna

I woke up to a dark room and had a moment of confusion. I recognized the scent of my bedding, but when had I gone to bed? My mouth was so dry, I needed water. I moved to stretch out and try to orient myself. My brain felt so foggy and I felt almost disconnected from my body.

I rolled over to find James watching me, which just made me even more confused. He set down his phone on the nightstand. “How are you feeling?”

“Thirsty.” I croaked out.

He smiled and handed me a bottle of water. I reached out for it gratefully and gulped down half of it before I even thought to ask him what was going on.

He leaned back and arranged one of my pillows behind his head. I frowned, he looked quite comfortable there. I tried to think back to the last thing I remembered but I felt like I was trying to swim through Jell-O.

“Don’t feel bad,” James told me softly. “More than one of our pack-members have had to be tranqed at one time or another.”

“Tranqed…” I murmured. I gulped down the second half of my bottle while I tried to focus. It slowly started to come back to me.

I had been running in the woods, hot of the trail of the killers, and someone had hit me with a tranquilizer dart! I shook my head to try and get rid of the cobwebs that lingered there.

“I was a wolf..” my voice trailed off. I could recall that the dart had hit me in the flank and I couldn’t reach it through my thick coat. I ran a hand over myself. The only thing I was wearing right now was one of Mason’s shirts, and I was human.

“How?”

James frowned at me. “Austin was worried about the dose being too high for you when the twins brought you in. He changed you back to human, so we could monitor your vitals more easily.”

“He can just change wolves back to humans? The twins mentioned parents could do that with their babies… but I didn’t think he could do that to me.”

James nodded. “Austin is a pretty powerful alpha. He can force the change on someone, but he avoids it if possible. If you were awake and fighting it, it could be painful.”

I threw myself back on the pillow. “I guess I just kind of think about us as humans who sometimes look like wolves. It still surprises me when you tell me about magical stuff like that.”

James snorted. “We might look human, but we’re not.”

I just grunted and closed my eyes. I still felt very disoriented and my brain didn’t seem to want to work. I tried to think back to what had happened. I was running in the woods, but before that…. I frowned and turned to James.

“How long have I been out?” I asked cautiously.

He sighed. “About five hours.”

I watched him, watching me. It was very odd to see James just lying in my bed beside me. He was always so vigilant and on edge that it was strange to see him almost relaxed. He also didn’t see as closed off as he usually did, he seemed comfortable to be here in my bed with me.

My mind started to go other places… I had James in my bed with me right now. I could just reach out and touch him. What would he do?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. These drugs had clearly addled my brain. I should be upset right now. My pack had shot me with a tranquilizer, hauled me back home, and set a guard wolf on me.

I narrowed my eyes at James. “I had a plan, I was going after Evelyn’s killers. You guys can’t just lock me up here, I’m not a helpless female.”

He raised an eyebrow at me and I could feel his amusement. “Obviously, we can.” He said dryly.

I sat up with a huff and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I held still for a moment, so I could let the sudden wave of dizziness that overcame me pass. “I have work to do.” I told him firmly. “We just wasted five hours, the scents will be fading.”

James rolled over the bed to my side and stood on the floor in front of me. I had to tilt my head way up to look into his eyes. “Our guys are on it, you need to rest and let the effects of the drug fade.”

I tried to push him away from me, but my body was still weak. I had tried to give him a hard shove, but he didn’t budge after my hands made contact with his lower abs. I removed my hands from him quickly when I realized just where I was touching him and blushed.

The fact that I blushed made me angry, especially because it seemed to amuse him. I hopped up to stand on the bed, only swaying a little, and looked down at him. He looked up at me with a faint smile and put his hands on my waist.

“You’ll be back to normal in less than an hour, why don’t you just sit down for now and let the effects wear off.” He said gently.

He was being reasonable, so I couldn’t think of an argument to make without seeming childish. “Uggg, Fine.” I told him as I sat back down on the bed and threw the covers over my bare legs.

I didn’t miss his gaze on my bare legs before I covered up. I hope I hadn’t flashed him or anything. “I’m still upset that I was drugged by my own pack.” I told him sternly, trying to deflect his attention to what was really important here.

“I’m supposed to be able to trust you guys.” I hated the fact that a little bit of hurt bled out into my voice. I was trying to be tough right now.

“And we are supposed to be able to trust you.” James told me pointedly. “You were running around in a public area, in plain view of any humans, howling.”

I squirmed and avoided his gaze. “Any humans who saw me would have just assumed I was a large dog.”

“And if they didn’t? Or if they called animal control? Or the police? I didn’t think we needed to have this talk with you when you first came to us, but clearly, we do. You will not do anything to expose this pack to the humans or put us in danger.”

I cringed at his words. He was right. I had lost my common sense and acted stupidly. I had let my emotions get out of control and acted completely out of character. I knew better; I had been hiding from the world for so long, I knew how important it was to stay under the radar.

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly, all of the wind taken out of my sails. “I’m just tired of sitting on the sidelines. I need to do something.”

James sat back down on the bed. “I know. But I think you have worked for the military long enough to know that you step up when you have the expertise, and you step back when you don’t.”

I nodded. “And rationally, I know that.” I picked at the blanket. “I’m just frustrated because this has been dragging on for so long without a resolution.”

James sighed. “Move over.”

My eyebrows rose when I saw he intended to get back into bed with me, but I scooted over to give him room. We were close enough that our bodies touched, but he was on top of the covers and I was underneath.

James laid back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling as he spoke. “Austin is in a meeting with Arminius now-“

I sat up in surprise. “Is he here?” I asked eagerly. The mysterious Arminius was one of the few people who I knew could tell me something about my mother.

“No.” James looked annoyed that I had interrupted. “Austin will be back later today with… someone who can hopefully end this.”

I huffed. “Way to be cryptic, James.”

He just snorted. “Lay back down and rest.”

I wanted to refuse just because he told me to, but I really did still feel exhausted. I snuggled down under my blanket and turned to face him. We sat quietly for a couple of moments while he texted on his phone and I reflected on what had happened.

The thought that Evelyn’s killer could have been so close to me while I was completely unaware was infuriating. If I had immediately chased after the motion in the woods when I saw it, I would know exactly who he was. I was so angry with myself for sitting idly by while my pack was once again attacked.

James probably heard me huffing and puffing in my fit of anger because he turned to me with a concerned look in his eye. ”Anna, it might seem like we lost this round, but trust me, we will win the war.”

“I’m just so angry with myself.” I told him honestly. “I don’t want to be lying here, I want to be going after them.”

James ran his hand over my hair with surprising gentleness. “I understand wanting to go after the killers.” He told me softly. “But you’re not ready to do that on your own.”

I sighed. “I know. I just hate feeling so helpless and weak.”

“You’re not.” He told me confidently. “I wouldn’t waste my time training you if you were a spineless coward.”

My eyebrows rose. Sometimes his compliments sounded a little odd, but I appreciated the sentiment.

“Anna, sometimes a hunt turns out to be longer than we expected.” He told me. “We might need to lie still in the tall grass and wait for our moment before attacking. If we act rashly, we risk scaring our prey before we have the whole pack in place for an ambush.”

He caught my gaze and held it. “I promise you that we will find vengeance for Evelyn and we are going to destroy those who threaten our pack.” He told me fiercely.

His eyes burned with heat and determination. Damn, he was hot when he went into protective alpha male mode. A wave of heat ran through my body and I licked my lips. His eyes dropped to follow the motion. I felt all the anger that had built up inside of me start to turn to a different kind of fire.

He reached for me and I didn’t object. After he pulled me close he hesitated and his eyes searched mine. I made the next move, nipping at his lower lip as I pulled his head down to mine. I was a little nervous until I felt him respond to me.

He gave a low growl and his mouth met mine in a searing kiss. There was nothing sweet or gentle about his kiss, it was skillful but aggressive. He kissed me with a wild desperation that showed me just how much he needed and wanted me.

I completely let go of all of my inhibitions and surrendered to my own desire for him. He had dropped his walls and let me see what he had been hiding behind his cold exterior, so I could do the same. I channeled all of my pent-up aggression and frustration into passion. My attraction to him had been building all week during our training sessions. Right about now I was ready to explode.

The blanket was still between us, so I pushed it down impatiently. I wanted nothing more than to feel his body against mine. He groaned when I kicked the last of the blanket away and wrapped one of my legs around him. His hand slid up my bare thigh to grip my ass and I moaned. I used the weight of my body to roll him on his back and straddled his waist.

He gave a chuckle and looked up at me. “Feeling dominant?” He murmured.

“Yep.” I grinned at him and placed a hand on either side of his head, leaning down for another kiss. He gave it to me, but ran his hands up my body underneath my shirt. I shivered with desire as his hands grazed the sides of my breasts. I kissed him roughly, pulling his hair to keep his head where I wanted it.

Being on top of him and in control of the situation helped with my anxiety. I didn’t feel any of the panic welling up inside of me that I had expected. Maybe because I knew that James would never hurt me, I trusted him absolutely. Being intimate with a man was yet another thing that I had avoided because of my fears. I was determined to face this fear head-on. I felt safe enough that my curiosity and desire was outweighing my nerves.

James sat up, causing me to lean back and break the kiss. He gave the shirt a tug. “Arms up.”

I hesitated. I wanted him so badly, but he was about to see me naked. The aggression I was feeling was completely out of character for me and I felt some of my more usual self-doubts creep in. He raised an eyebrow at my hesitation. “Is that a no?”

I took a deep breath before pulling the shirt up and over my head in answer. His eyes devoured my body as he ran his hands over my hips and up to my waist. “You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

The tension that had gathered in my body relaxed. He obviously liked what he saw, I had no reason to be nervous. I gasped when he abruptly switched our positions so that it was me on my back, with him positioned over top of me.

 “Feeling dominant?” I teased him, trying to hide my nerves. He gave me a grin that caused a tug deep in my belly. But my breathing got faster as I felt more of his weight pressing down on me and I started to feel the beginning flutters of panic.

“Oh, yes.” He said in a low growl. His mouth captured mine again as he pinned my arms above my head. I flashed back to another night, years ago, when I had not been in this position willingly.

I used one of the wrestling moves the twins had taught me during a tickle fight to dislodge him from on top of me. We only grappled for a moment when he made eye contact and realized that I wasn’t playing with him. He immediately released me and backed off with an apology in his eyes.

“Anna-“ he started to say before I interrupted him.

“James, I’m not saying no.” I reached out to him to pull him back to me. “I just need to start slow.” I told him shyly, nervous about his response. I was ashamed that I was so damaged. I know he was probably used to women who knew their way around the bedroom. Would he want to be with me if he realized just how messed up I was? It had been almost eight years since it had happened, but I still had not completely moved past it.

He looked at me with doubt in his eyes. “If you need more time…”

I shook my head slowly. “I’m ready to go further with you. I trust you. I’m just not ready for certain things yet…just don’t hold me down.” I felt tears in the back of my eyes and I tried hard to hold them in. I didn’t want him to give up on me.

His eyes widened momentarily before he reached out to hold me close. “Of course.” He murmured in my ear. “Are you going to tell me who I need to kill?”

I laughed nervously and pulled away to look him in the eyes. “I don’t need you to kill anyone, karma already took care of it. I need you to give me a positive sexual experience. I want to replace all of those painful memories with new pleasurable ones. Show me that I have nothing to fear.” I told him with resolve.

He took a deep breath. “Are you sure…that you want me?” He asked gruffly, and I saw the doubt and hurt in his eyes that he was trying to hide from me.

I looked at him in surprise. Was James doubting himself? Was he just as nervous as I was? I didn’t think James was capable of feeling that way.

“Yes.” I told him simply, looking into his eyes. “I want you.”

He gave me a smile that caused me to melt on the inside. The shadows in his eyes disappeared and were replaced with desire. I was still a little nervous, but I trusted him.

I gave him a teasing smile and tugged his shirt up, encouraging him to take it off. He obliged, and my eyes explored his muscular chest and chiseled abs greedily. He took my mouth with his again, this time more gently, and I used the opportunity to explore his body with my hands.

While we were kissing he ran his hands lightly up my back and down my sides, moving in circles. His touch was so light it was almost like a tickle, but it was driving me insane with desire for more. My breasts ached as my nipples brushed against his bare chest and I rubbed myself against him. Warmth pooled in my core.

He leaned me back on the bed so that I was lying in front of him. His eyes moved up my body, taking in everything.

“I want to worship every inch of you.” He told me lovingly. It surprised me that James was so open with his affection, I had not expected that. He was normally so gruff and closed off.

He walked on his knees towards me, nudging apart my thighs so that he was kneeling in between my legs. I felt vulnerable and exposed in this position, but it gave me a thrill of excitement instead of fear. “This might work better if you took off your pants.” I suggested shyly. I shouldn’t be the only one naked and exposed here.

He gave a dark chuckle that made my nether regions clench in apprehension. “There’s no need to rush this.” He ran his hands over my body to caress my breasts. My nipples pebbled under his administration and I let out a gasp when he lowered his head to take one into his mouth. I squirmed with pleasure as he used his hands and tongue to tease me.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, James started to kiss his way down my abdomen. He wrapped an arm around each one of my thighs, spreading them further. He started at my knee and gently kissed his way down my thigh.

He raised his head to meet my eyes. I could feel his hot breath against my mound.  Was he going to...?

I writhed in ecstasy when his mouth found my clit. He used his mouth and his tongue to tease me until I was panting with need. “James…please.” I groaned. He increased the intensity until I was shaking and trembling, right on the verge. I finally let go and the pleasure was so intense I felt like I left my body as the waves of orgasm swept through me.

James nibbled his way up my thigh as I trembled with the aftershocks of the most mind-blowing orgasm I’ve ever had. I gathered what little strength I had left in my body to sit up a little, “Your turn.” I told him breathlessly.

He gently pushed me back down with a hand. “I want you to stay just like that for my turn.” He told me gruffly, a dark look in his eye. He reached for the buckle on his belt and I watched with eager anticipation. My body was completely relaxed after the orgasm, but I still felt little flutters of nerves in my belly. Was I really ready for this?

My body was humming with desire and I was curious about the experience, but I still had a kernel of doubt inside of me. I trusted James, but what if I were permanently damaged? What if I couldn’t handle this? What would happen to our budding relationship when he realized I was defective? I tried to swallow all of my fears and just try to immerse myself in the experience.

James tilted his head and got a glazed look in his eyes that I recognized. I groaned and pushed my hair back impatiently. This was not the time for a discussion with one of our pack-mates. Whomever had interrupted better have a really good reason.

I could see the moment he came back to me because now there was regret in his eyes as he ran a hand up my thigh. “Austin is back with a guest.” He told me with a sigh.

I huffed. “If it’s his mother than she can wait. We’re busy.”

He laughed out loud before nipping at my thigh. “I don’t want to rush this, I want to take my time with you.” He told me seriously.

I sighed in reluctant agreement and sat up as he buckled his belt again. It was obvious that he had to have a serious case of blue balls right now because I could see the erection straining his pants.

I surprised myself with my boldness when I reached out to trail my fingers gently across the bulge in his pants. “Maybe we have enough time for me to help you out with that?” I asked him, red staining my cheeks when he looked at me with surprise.

He hesitated. “I told Austin you need time to shower and get dressed…”

I rose to my knees, so I could give him a kiss and run my hands over his spectacular abs. He groaned and responded to me with just as much passion as before.

James reluctantly pulled away from me. “I should probably shower with you.” He told me seriously. “You might still be feeling the effects of the tranq. I wouldn’t want you to slip and hit your head.”

I just smiled at him and climbed off the bed to head for the shower. I glanced back at the sound of his pants dropping to the floor to see him stalking after me with a wicked glint in his eye.