“I don’t want any of you to ever doubt me again,” I said, grinning broadly once we’d safely returned to the truck with the Amulet of the Inferno. I tossed it over to Lilith, who clasped it around her neck where it belonged. She’d kept it safe and out of the wrong hands for years. It was time for her to have it back again.

“It’s not time to celebrate just yet,” Ramiel said. Always the optimist. “We may have the amulet, but we’re no closer to shutting down the portal. We don’t even have any idea where it might be. Unfortunately, we cannot close it unless we’re nearby.”

“We’ll need to find out if there have been any reports of increased demon activity,” Lilith said, fingering the necklace around her neck as though it were a part of her she’d missed for a very long while. “We should focus our attention on cities. London might be a good bet. I’ve got a radio at home we can use. Hopefully, we’ll be able to find it before it’s too late.”

Back at the house, Captain Rourke stood waiting for us in the drive. When he spotted Lilith through the front windshield, his face broke out into visible relief. I pressed my lips together and tried my hardest not to say anything, but I couldn’t help my eyebrows from arching up to my hair line.

“Don’t,” she said to me in a severe voice. “Don’t you dare.”

“What? I didn’t say a damn thing, Lilith.”

“I know what you’re thinking. And you can just stop it right now.”

“All I’m thinking is that it is very sweet of Rourke to make sure we got home safely. It was also very nice of him to help you heal. With the blood drinking. That made him look as though he’d just experienced something very—”

“High,” she finished, clearing her throat. “It just makes him feel high. That’s all there is to it.”

“High or satisfi—”

“Erela.” She turned to me then, an evil grin spreading across her face. “How is the sleeping situation going? Happy to be alone or was there someone you wanted to share with?”

My cheeks heated. I deserved that, though it only made me feel like shit.

“My bed is empty, and I’ll leave it at that.”

Lilith cocked her head, narrowing her eyes. “Really? But—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, shooting a glance at the four Fallen and at Lizzie. They were all pretending not to listen to my conversation with Lilith, but they most definitely were. Hell, they were only standing five feet away from us.

But what could I say? Sam had effectively broken any hope I had of things progressing beyond what they were, and none of the other Fallen had made any move toward my bedroom either. It was as if they’d all suddenly realized that I was some kind of horrible hybrid monster they needed to stay away from.

Right now, my love life sucked.

* * *

A knock sounded on my door, and my heart tripped in spite of every effort to stay calm. Had Sam come to see me? Hopefully he wasn’t going to bring up Lilith’s comment. He’d already made it clear that he wanted to keep our lives separate. I didn’t think I could take another conversation full of rejection. There was only so much a girl could take.

Sure, he’d made it clear that he still wanted us to have something. Just not everything. And that hurt.

But it wasn’t Sam at my doorway. It was Ramiel. I wasn’t sure that was any better.

Ramiel and I hadn’t really been alone since our kiss-argument-makeup-kiss-argument-kiss situation. I wasn’t entirely sure why. It had seemed as though we’d finally come to some kind of understanding of each other, despite our tendency of getting underneath each other’s skin. But he’d still kept his distance. For awhile there, I’d thought I might be the luckiest girl in the world and get to enjoy the attentions of four fallen angels. Now, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to have any of them. Even Az had pulled back in a way. He still flirted with me, sure, but not much more than that.

My shoulders slumped and I shot Ramiel a weak smile as he strode into my room with his hands tucked behind his back. He perched on the armchair beside my bed and watched me sharpening my blades. It was the only thing that was keeping my mind and my heart calm through all of this crazy love drama.

“You did well today, Erela,” he said quietly. “Good job on figuring out Berith’s clue. You can bet that he expected us to fight the creature. That would have ended badly.”

“You’re all great fighters, Ramiel. I don’t think it would have ended as badly as you believe.” I set the daggers and the carving block down on the dresser and plopped into the opposite armchair. “But that’s not why you’re here.”

“What’s going on between you and Sam?” he asked, cutting right to the point. I had to hand it to him. Ramiel knew better than most how to be straightforward.

“Nothing,” I said, doing my best to keep my face blank. “And that’s how Sam wants it.”

He arched a brow. “I’d hardly say it’s nothing, Erela. He spent half his nights on the boat in your cabin, and he was determined that you should have the best room.”

Despite myself, my cheeks heated again. Damn demon fire. I hated that it was that easy to get me so hot and bothered. “You’re right. We had a thing on the boat. I think we might still have a thing now, but it’s purely physical. Sam wants to make sure that we keep a distance between ourselves. No relationship. Just…fun, I guess.”

“You don’t sound as though you agree with what Sam wants,” Ramiel said, lacing his fingers together and leaning back in his chair. The movement highlighted the muscles in his arms and in his chest, the thin cotton material of his shirt clinging tightly to his body. My eyes dipped down briefly before returning to his brilliant blue eyes.

“I guess I thought we had more than that?” I asked with a shrug. “Sam and I have a bond. It’s hard to explain. And besides, it feels weird talking to you about this.”

“And why is that? Because we’ve also shared our own physical affection?”

Man, the way he said it made it sound so clinical. I made a face. “If that’s what you want to call it, sure.”

“Erela.” Ramiel leaned forward and placed a soft hand on my knee. My entire body clenched tight. “I think we’re all finding this difficult, and we don’t quite know what to think or how to handle this. Every single one of us in the Order, we have feelings for you. I do. Sam does. Uriel does. Hell, Az has made it clear on more than one occasion. But we are brothers. We are bonded, too. We would do anything for each other, and we’re terrified of doing anything that might destroy that.”

“And that includes me.” I slumped back into my chair and closed my eyes. The horrible thing was, I totally understood everything he was trying to say, and the last thing I wanted to do was destroy the bond between the members of the Order of the Fallen. A bond I’d seen on display with my own eyes. They loved each other, fiercely. And I didn’t want to be the thing that broke them apart.

When I’d first met them, the whole idea of more than one lover had seemed so exciting, even if it was impossible. Deep down, I knew it would never work. I mean, hell, I’d spent my entire life thinking I’d never even have one male, let alone four. They’d seemed open to it, too, but then…it was as if they suddenly realized that we were all so very close to stepping across a line. Once we moved past it, we’d never be able to step back.

“Historically,” Ramiel said softly, “romances between males and females in an Order are strictly forbidden.”

“I know.” I breathed a heavy sigh. “That was definitely part of our curriculum. I guess I just thought the Order of the Fallen was different.”

“We’re different in a hell of a lot of ways, Erela, but the no-romance rule has it’s place. What happens when more than one of us is interested? Jealousy, anger toward our brethren, competition. What would happen if you and Sam broke up? Anger, irritation, tension. We cannot have that when we’re fighting against enemies that are as powerful as ours are.”

“Because we can’t let anything stand in our way when it comes to our fight against the demons,” I said softly, a tear in my eye.

“Exactly.” He let out a relieved sigh, as if he’d been worried about my reaction. “You understand then.”

I understood, but I didn’t agree. The males of the Order, they made me feel things I’d never felt before. They made me feel stronger, more capable, more alive. They made me feel as though I wasn’t a total freak of nature, that despite my horrible background, I was still adored.

But I wasn’t adored. At least not anymore. Maybe now that they all knew what I was—a demon—they’d realized I wasn’t worth the fight.