December 22, 2017

~MAKOTO~

"Achoo!"

"I'm gonna murder Azriel the next time he shows his face."

I looked up from my Kindle, enjoying the warmth of the oversized blanket around me as I glanced up at Ryder; his eyes fully black which informed me to Stryker's takeover.

"I'm not sick." I defended, followed up by another sneeze. He gave me a stern look, causing me to return to reading the steamy book Scarlet's friend, Cece Rose, had recommended to me.

The book, Elements of Mischief, was a captivating novel - making plumbers who I'd assumed were shifters designated to unclog toilets, sexy. I didn't think the words plumber and sexy could be used together but boy-oh-boy, was I proven wrong. No wonder Cece, Scarlet, and even EliaseAnne, were constantly texting me to ask if I'd read it yet.

With how busy I had been with each knight and our energy-consuming activities, I'd been occupied until today.

I was supposed to be on a date with Ryder but was now running a low-grade fever and sneezing up a storm. Adding the fact that I'd been the culprit of six broken glasses thanks to my magic imbalance, I was "grounded" until Hope, Daniel or Azriel woke up.

Karen was with Matthew on "business" which we all knew was alone time, and I didn't want to ruin their fun over a simple cold. I was now in Ryder's designated room, curled up in the corner – wanting to be as far away from the bed as possible.

"You're sick. Stop denying it." Stryker pointed out; his body stood next to the large bookshelf as his eyes scanned the shelves for a different book. He totally needs an E-reader for Christmas. I should tell Scarlet and Cece to help out with that.

“Hmm, I agree. But stop ignoring the fact you’re sick.” Rose replied, sounding just as exhausted. Stop agreeing with him. It's only because he's your man.

Stryker turned his attention back to me, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm assuming Rose agrees with me and it's not because I'm her lover. C'mon, you're going to bed."

"No."

"Makoto."

"You’re not the boss of me," I mumbled, curling into my blanket as I glared at him. He sighed, closing his eyes. When they opened, Tyrian eyes greeted me.

"Mako, your fever is only getting worse. You need to rest." Ryder announced. I frowned, glancing down at the reader as my finger aimlessly poked at the screen.

I could hear him sigh; his footsteps followed before he was by my side, kneeling. His hand pressed against my warm cheek – the touch soothing.

"Mako, look at me."

I glanced up at his command; unable to ignore the worry in his voice.

"What's wrong?"

"Today was supposed to be for us and I had to get sick. I don't want to sleep if I'm going to be losing time with you. I want to just heal and go out with you too. If we don't go out today when will we get our date before returning home? It's not fair." I complained.

I didn't get why I was getting emotional over a date. Maybe it was the fever, but I was truly disappointed at the fact I couldn't go out with Ryder. I knew we had spent the most time together these past rotations with many opportunities to relax, but I felt bad for getting his hopes up, only to be shattered down when I woke up with a fever.

"Mako, come here." His hand left my cheek as he knelt down, spreading his arms out. I bit my lip, crawling out of my blanket-made tent and into his arms; his intoxicating, rose scent greeted me as I laid my head against his chest.

He relaxed, rubbing my back soothingly.

"Tomorrow is Kai's Galleria event. We need you to be fully rested and back to your unique self. We still have Christmas Eve. You and I will have our date then. In order for that to happen, you need to sleep. Once Daniel wakes up he'll make you feel good as new, okay?" He consoled.

"You promise? You're not just saying that to make me sleep, right?" I questioned, lifting my head to meet his gaze. He nodded.

"You have my word, my Princess. Christmas Eve will be our day to do all the Christmas stuff you want. Seeing as my fellow knights have been spending more time marking you than letting you enjoy some Christmas traditions." He mumbled the second part, frowning.

I giggled at his comment, leaning into his embrace as I relaxed.

"Tell Stryker that Azriel's in the lead," I revealed. He was silent for a moment before his lips pressed against my neck. I sighed, enjoying the touch of his cool lips.

"I'm not letting that angel win FYI. I'm just holding back till you get better. You've been warned, Princess. That includes you as well, Rose." Stryker's deep voice acknowledged. I tried to ignore the excitement that fluttered through me; Rose's essence lingered in my mind as she listened in.

"I'll totally be ready for him." She acknowledged before leaving my mind. I sighed; my eyes felt heavy, and I began to feel cold.

"We'll be ready," I replied; my voice sounded weak. A good nap would do me some justice.

"I think a nap would do you some good." Ryder's voice returned; acknowledging my outspoken thoughts.

He lifted me up with ease; carrying me princess-style, to the king-sized bed. After nestling me into the warm sheets he left to get a cold cloth. He pressed it gently on my forehead, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Are you gonna leave?" I questioned, opening my eyes.

"Nope, I'll stay with you."

"You don't have to," I suggested, not wanting to hold him up. He would probably be bored watching me sleep.

"I want to. Tons of books to read. Plus, you're cute when you sleep. You like to reinstate your claim on me."

"What?" I questioned, confused.

"You sleep talk. I think you say different things with each guy. Haven't I told you this?"

"Hmm...maybe," I replied; my memory a tad fuzzy. I continued.

"What do I say when I'm with you?"

"You say, mine."

"Do I? Interesting." I closed my eyes, feeling sleepy. I wished Nightmare was here to cuddle with me.

"You want me to hold you until you sleep?" Ryder suggested. I opened my eyes to see his soft smile as his hand brushed a strand of my hair away from my face.

"Yes," I admitted, craving to be in his arms.

He lifted the covers, sliding himself between the sheets before pulling me into him. He removed the cloth from my forehead, stating he'd put it back once I fell asleep. I didn't mind; my mind already drifting as I took deep breaths, loving his scent.

I drifted to the land of sleep.

~ROSE~

I opened my heavy eyelids; the dark room greeted me as my vision cleared. I analyzed my surroundings; my body nestled against Ryder who was sound asleep. I sat up to view his peaceful expression while he slept; an arm behind his head and his smooth, jet black hair ruffled to one side. His bare chest rose and fell; my eyes scanned his defined pecs and abs. I leaned forward, kissing him gently on the neck – inducing a deep moan from him. He relaxed in the sheets; his arm that was once wrapped around my waist fell back as he turned his body to face me, falling back to sleep.

I smiled. It still felt like yesterday when I'd wake up in the middle of the night in the low, lit dungeon – Makoto and Midnight finished their exchange session and had fallen into deep slumber. It gave me a moment to simply think about the situation we were in; the reality that we'd never escape the facility walls always settled into my bones. I exhaled, wondering if this silly fever caused me to have such negative thoughts.

I always got this way around this time of cycle; my demon trait of holding grudges clawed at my mind for vengeance. Each time Makoto got hurt, I felt the urge to cause havoc and destruction on those who inflicted such pain. I'd lost count of how many times I cursed the Owner, Blair Aspen and wished to burn him to nothing but ash. To be fair; that was my original wish when I was younger. As we aged; I wanted the opposite – to give him a slow, agonizing death for all the shifters he forced us to kill. He didn't care about walking around this universe with blood on his hands. However, we did.

Christmas was the hardest. I didn't understand why it felt harder than the other eleven rotations in the cycle. Maybe, it was due to the holidays we didn't celebrate. It may well have been the Christmas books Makoto would read every cycle.

I shuffled to the edge of the bed, standing up slowly. I closed my eyes for a moment, ignoring the dizziness that inflicted my senses; making me unsteady on my feet. I let out another sigh; my hand lifted up to press onto my forehead.

"Still got the bloody fever," I mumbled to myself; my shoulders fell. It was rare for us to get sick. Whenever Hope sensed the slightest change in Makoto, she'd heal her without notice. But, with Hope down for the count thanks to her nightly adventure with Azriel, Mako just had to flow with it till one of the angels woke up.

I had watched in the background when Ryder had tried to wake Daniel up using their knight bond, but it was unsuccessful which meant Daniel was seriously knocked out.

I glanced up at the clock, squinting my eyes to attempt to read the time with my blurry vision. It was three in the morning, which meant we'd been asleep for a solid ten hours. I looked back at Ryder who slept away; his soft exhales helped ease my internal battle. At least he doesn't snore like Marcus. I don't get how Makoto can stand it. Even Lexi could sleep through that truck engine like sound. Maybe it's cause they love him. I wonder if Stryker snored like that if I'd be able to sleep?

My eyes returned to face forward – landing on the bookshelf in the corner on my right. I frowned as a familiar book caught my attention. I dragged my feet forward; being conscious not to stumble over the air as I walked slowly towards the item of interest.

I reached out for the book, pulling it out to see the little blonde girl named Christina on the front cover; the same Christmas book Makoto read for years.

I frowned, before the anger within me resurfaced. I wasn't angry at the book, necessarily. The innocent, lifeless object had done nothing but attempt to do its job and tell its story and bring happiness to my host. It was the reality my host would never experience such joys, over and over again.

Cycle after cycle, I'd watch Makoto break down – the library walls and single chair her only companions as she wrapped herself into a ball; surrounded by her imaginary presents to ease the heartache that burned through her – through us. I knew my feelings were mutual; the others’ agony and frustration just as prominent. No spirit wanted to see their host suffering. We went through enough of that every day with the multiple experiments and trials.

I raised my hand to glance at my open palm; my growing anger contributed to the flickering rage of power pooling at my fingertips.

As if hearing my call, the dark flames emerged – flickering in the palm of my hand, waiting for the exact moment to let loose in rage.

I bit my lip, feeling the exhaustion it was putting on my mind and body. I wasn't in any condition to be summoning them. Makoto being sick resulted in her energy being all over the place. We'd been trained to tame our power at all times. Even when we slept, our body knew to reach a certain threshold before placing a restriction. With this fever however, our body was confused and our mind fuzzy – making it impossible to be in full control of our multiple elements.

All I need to do is calm down. Just calm down and forget the past...the past that made your host suffer cycle after cycle. The stupid book that brought both joy and sorrow. Dammit.

I gritted my teeth as the urge only grew; the flames grew in height and I feared the poor bookshelf would be consumed by the purple-black flames. I closed my eyes, ready to call for help when a pair of hands pressed gently on my hips as a body pressed against my backside.

"Rose. Take a deep breath." Stryker’s low sensual voice commanded. His voice wasn't as stern as I'd expected it to be. It was soft, almost gentle compared to his usual tone.

"Stryker...I-" I began but struggled. I didn't want to admit that I struggled to contain the flames, to show such vulnerability. I knew all it did was worry Stryker and the others. I didn't want to worry him, but I did need help. How could I ask for help without sounding vulnerable?

"Baby, you're not vulnerable for asking for help." Stryker consoled; his arms encircled me and pulled me into his embrace.

"Yes, I am. I shouldn't be struggling. I should be able to simply command it to return to its sacred place within me. I didn't call for its assistance. Yet, the flames won't listen to me." I argued, my frustration apparent.

"Dark flames listen to both our command and our emotions. You just need to calm down, take a deep breath. We're advanced enough for the flames to know we don't need their assistance and that it was merely an emotional response." Stryker coached, whispering in my ear.

I stood there, debating whether to listen to his instructions. He kissed me on the neck; my eyes closed for a moment at the distraction.

"Stryker, that's not hel-" I tried to stop him from trying to relax me, but he began sucking on my flesh – sending tingles through me as I shivered. Kiss-suck-bite, he continued to ravish me; knowing he was my weakness. I gave in; my shoulders relaxed as I leaned into his embrace – feeling exhausted. Even my hand which held the flame began to tremble – usually only happening when I was angry or extremely weak.

"Roseline baby. Relax for me." His low, enchanting voice matched with his order was enough to allow me to let go – the flames began to wither till they were no more than a trail of smoke that rose up to the ceiling.

I moaned, a wave of dizziness hit me hard, sucking away my strength. Stryker held me up, lifting me up with ease before making his way back to our bed.

"I don't want to sleep," I begged, ignoring the exhaustion and darkness that tried to claim me.

"Okay. We don't need to sleep," He whispered, stopping before the bed. He stayed there for a moment before turning back and walking back towards the large, suede black chair that rested next to the bookshelf. He sunk into the cushions; my body still cradled in his arms. I relaxed, resting my head against his defined chest – listening to his rapid heart rate.

I definitely made him worried. He'd seen me use dark flames before and the control I had carried then. Dark flames had a mind of their own, and if the owner lost control for even a second, all hell would break loose.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling defeated.

"Don't apologize, my beautiful flower. What's troubling you?" The sincerity in his voice caused me to open my eyes; I hesitantly glanced up to face him.

"It's pathetic."

"Nothing is pathetic to me. If it troubles you, it's important." He combatted. I swallowed the lump in my throat before taking a deep breath.

"I hate this time of cycle. I hate it so bloody much. We all do. Every cycle has always been the same. I know the others feel the same way. It's been so hard for us to watch Makoto break down in tears. I can't deny we had our share of breakdowns during those times as well, especially when the experiments were too hard on us, but Makoto's our host. It's just frustrating to watch. Even though this cycle is different, I can't seem to be rid of the dread and heartache. It's as if my body is already attempting to fight off the emotions I know are approaching. As if it’s a fight or flight response." I confessed; my anger oozed from my voice. I continued.

"I wasn't mad when I woke up. It's just I saw the book on the shelf. The exact one we use to read every Christmas. It was as if I was in Makoto's shoes as she stood in front of the bookshelf, readying her mind to get lost in the book's story...only to find out that she'd never experience such a fantasy which should have been a reality. It was just another reminder that we'd always be a tool and never experience such a love filled life."

Stryker was silent, listening to me as I continued my rant – needing to pour out my heart and the feelings that fought to cripple me.

"I'm not saying that our life was perfect until Christmas time. It was a living hell every day. Yet, Christmas seemed to be the worst. Maybe it was due to the fact we'd enter a new cycle doing exactly the same thing – experiment after experiment, trial after trial, death after death. An ongoing cycle that never ends. So, when I held the book in my hand I couldn't stop my feelings from bursting through and I wished that I could destroy the book from existence. As if ridding its thin, colorful pages would prevent such vengeful emotions from plaguing us." I finished; a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Roseline." Stryker's hand brushed against my cheek, stopping the tear that had fallen. He lowered his head; his lips met mine. It was a simple kiss that calmed my racing heart, decreasing the fear that began to flutter in the pit of my stomach.

I never liked revealing my feelings; not to this extent. It was harder for demon shifters to reveal what was bothering us. Maybe it was just our nature, but we struggled to disclose how hard a situation was to us.

He moved back an inch before speaking.

"Baby. Don't ever say such troubles are pathetic. Remember back in Minato? What did you tell me?" He questioned. I remembered the night where I laid across his chest; his strong arms around me.

"If anything is troubling you, I'd be there to listen." I summarized. He nodded.

"That goes both ways love. You can't expect me to allow you to carry all my burdens but not let me carry yours. There's going to be times that you're going to go through something so difficult, you can't handle it on your own. I need you to know that I'm here for those times. That means, when anything is bothering you, tell me. I'll never think of such things as a burden. You are my friend, lover and other half. Let me carry your burden so we can work them out together.”

Silence descended upon us as his words made their mark in my heart; my eyes pooled with tears before I pressed my head against his chest and cried.

I cried and cried; reminiscing about the life Mako had to endure, with us watching from behind the scenes. My tears needed release – yearned to be shed after cycles and cycles of retaining my feelings and making excuses. To finally have someone to reveal my thoughts and secrets to made me wish I'd fought harder in the facility for a way to escape; instead of cowering away in Mako's mind and assuming this was the life the Starlight gods wanted for us.

I knew better now, and wouldn’t let the memories hinder me anymore. The cycle was ending, and I'd leave such dreadfulness behind me. It deserved to be nothing but leftovers as I began to live in a new light. I could feel the others in the back of my mind – Lexi, Lily, Midnight and even Hope who must have awakened due to my distress. They had listened to Stryker's words and were relieved; having a chance to make amends with our past circumstances.

Stryker didn't say anything else, cradling me in his arms until I calmed. It made me realize how blessed we were to have such men in our lives who loved our host and us. It made me feel whole again, and I wouldn't change such a feeling for the world.