What the hell is wrong with me? I keep asking myself again and again as I pace my bedroom. I’ve kissed three of the guys that live in this house, and my feelings for the fourth one are far more than what a roommate should feel. I can’t stay here. The only thing that’s going to make this better, I guess, is space.

I call Liz’s phone a few times, and she doesn’t answer. I send her a quick text to let her know I’m coming over. I need my best friend and some time to think about things. My feelings are all over the place.

I pause when I hear Dom knock on the bedroom door, followed by his voice.

“Ellie, just talk to me.”

“I just want to be alone, Dominic,” I say, and there’s silence for a while as my heart pounds in my chest. I don’t think I have ever called him Dominic.

“Okay, Ellie,” he replies smoothly, and I hear his footsteps on the stairs. I quickly pack a small bag of my things, while I call a taxi and leave the bedroom. I don’t know if it’s luck, but no one is around as I leave the house, shutting the door quietly behind me. It’s only a ten-minute wait until the taxi pulls up at the end of the road, like I asked them to. I quickly give the driver Liz’s address and sit back as he drives me away from the house. Away from the house full of men that I’m falling for.

I lean my head back just as my phone beeps with a message.

I don’t reply, and there’s another message.

I have to turn my phone off when I can’t stop staring at Kaiden’s message, am I running?

Well, I guess I am in a way, but it’s not because I have a choice. It’s too difficult to stay away from them all, and I don’t want to hurt them by secretly kissing them. I still don’t know why Andre kissed me after I told him about my kiss with Kaiden and my feelings for the others. I wonder if he was just worried he was going to lose me?

Why is everything so complicated?

“Here you go, miss,” the taxi driver says as he pulls up outside the block of apartments Liz lives in. I pay the man a silly amount of money and mentally groan when I realise I’ve likely just given up a job I need. There’s no way I could work with them all when I’m, apparently, likely to just kiss one of them randomly. At least, I didn’t kiss Todd, but my heart hurts when I think of walking away from him. My heart hurts when I think of walking away from any of them, and it’s only been a few weeks.

I pick up my bag and slide out of the car. I still have my keys, so I let myself in the door and walk up the two floors to Liz’s apartment. I unlock the door, knowing she will be at work and put my bag on the floor near the door. I hear voices and cringe a little, maybe she has company?

“Fuck, Liz, you’re good at that,” I hear a very familiar voice say, and I can’t stop myself as I walk through the living room towards the open bedroom door.

“Drew?” I ask when I reach the doorway, and sure enough, there he is lying in my best friend’s bed. I hold my hand over my mouth as I feel sick; I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

My best friend is under the covers, lying on her side, and her hands are on his body under the sheets as she looks up at him. Even though she is covered up, I can still see the lack of clothing. I watch her hands on my ex-husband’s body, the man she said she hated and watched as he broke my heart. How could she do this?

“Ellie, this isn’t what it looks like,” Liz says in a high-pitched voice and moves away from Drew. I can’t look at her as I watch his lips pull up in a slow smirk. A sob catches in my throat just as he says,

“Revenge is sweet, isn’t it?”

“Revenge? I never did anything to you!” I shout as Liz scrambles out of her bed and starts pulling clothes on. I can’t even stop the tears that fall from my eyes as I try to process the fact that my best friend is sleeping with my ex-husband. A man she knows cheated on me, and she has been friends with me for years. How long has this been going on? I wonder as I look at them both.

“You’re pregnant,” Drew says calmly as he sits up on the bed. I knew he wouldn’t take me being pregnant well. He always wanted children, but I didn’t want to with him. This is his pathetic attempt to get some revenge on me. I only wish my best friend wasn’t stupid enough to fall for whatever he has told her. My eyes catch hers as she leans down to pull her trousers on, the guilt in them is clear, but I can never forgive her for this.

“You two are welcome to each other,” I say calmly, my voice hollow, and I turn to walk out of the room.

“Wait, Ellie,” I hear Liz shout as I pick up my bag by the door and wipe the tears out of my eyes before I face her.

“What?” I ask her harshly.

“I’m sorry, it just happened. I love him,” she says quietly, and I almost feel sorry for her.

“That man loves no one but himself,” I say, and she breaks into sobs. It suddenly hits me, our last conversation and how cold she was with me.

“You told him where I live, and about my baby, didn’t you?” I ask her, my voice cracks in the middle of the sentence.

“Yes, but–” she says.

I laugh. My laugh sounds cold and heartless even to my ears. “Stay away from me, Liz,” I say, my voice sounding strong and hiding the fact that my heart feels like it’s breaking in two.

“He loves me,” Liz says as I turn around. I don’t bother replying to her as I shut the door behind me.

I can’t save her from repeating my mistakes, and I don’t want to even try.