"James. It's a pleasure to have you join us for dinner." Mother smiled in satisfaction.
"I agree. It’s an honor to have such a fine young man in our presence. We could have organized a dinner with your father if we knew you were so excited to join us," Father explained.
I stabbed my chopsticks into the thin meat on my plate, wishing I could use them to go on a killing spree and bust out of this place instead of sitting here and enduring the subtle insults that came at me, one after another.
We'd arrived thirty minutes early and lo and behold, James let go of my hand to make a phone call as soon as we turned the corner that led up to the large shrine. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but there I was walking a few footsteps behind as James called his father to discuss something that he'd 'forgotten' and needed to clear up before the sun went down.
Whatever it was, I knew it wasn't as important as he proclaimed or he would have done it during our walk here. We could have easily driven or taken public transit, but walking was one of the only times we really got to spend with one another, not counting our drunken trysts.
Sure, it was pleasant and I had gotten a chance to catch up with what had been happening before Storm Yuna's death, but his shallow move at the end of it made everything prior seem meaningless.
James always made promises he couldn't keep. And I always fell for them, every single time.
When we reached the entrance to my family home, we were greeted by the maids. Actually, let me correct that; JAMES was greeted by the maids, with their endless waves of praises and squeals at his arrival while I was completely ignored. I ended up leaving him there on the doorstep, knowing I wouldn't get the same, joyous welcome.
When I'd reached the private corridors of my home, I was greeted by my mother. She was beyond beautiful and was in her half form.
She was 6'0” and had long silver hair. I think that was where I got my silver highlights from, not to mention my height, curves, and flawless skin. Even our eyes were the same vivid blue, but overall, my mom's beauty always made my heart skip in awe.
I wasn't the only one affected by her stunning appearance. When in her half kitsune form with her many white tails that practically glowed in the dim moonlight that had begun to shine upon the shrine and her white ears perched on her head, she was mesmerizing.
She wore a pink kimono with small white cherry blossoms. The silk material suited her perfectly. Even with the disgrace I'd brought to the family, she was never as bad as my dad. I knew she too, wished I wasn't human. But she was the one who birthed me, which formed a bond of sorts, and at the end of the day, I'd always be grateful for that small blessing.
We didn't exchange many words, just a simple hug that meant more than anything before we worked on setting the table for dinner.
Now we were midway through dinner and I sat across from James while my parents were at opposite ends of the dining table.
"Crimson, how is that hobby of yours coming along?" Father questioned.
I reluctantly lifted my eyes to meet my dad's black ones. His expression alone let me know this was just a way for him to save face, playing the role of my parent rather than actually caring about my current career.
His long black hair was tied in a ponytail and he'd recently shaved his beard so there was just a stubble of black hair. I could see a few grey hairs, but he still looked young for his age. With his built figure and 6'4” height, he still looked like he could face an army and survive.
"It's a career, Father. I've done a few paintings and they sell well," I replied, looking down at my plate of food that I'd barely touched. Since James was here I didn't need to speak Japanese which I was thankful for.
I adored my heritage and the language associated with it, but I had no respect for the man before me who never truly showed me love. There was only one person in my life who'd shown me some kindness in my childhood, but he'd disappeared long ago and my only assumption was my father found out and forced him to leave.
Hotaka Jiyuna. I cherished the few memories I had of him. He was someone who I always dreamed to have as a father. He'd been a dear friend of my mom's for years before I was born, having known her all the way from playschool to combat training. From pictures I’d found, I knew he was there for her marriage and for my birth as well.
But the last memory I had of him was when I was six. I tried asking my mother about it when Father wasn't around, but she just gave me a sad smile and said he was in another country helping other shifters in need.
"Art is not a career. You should do what the other successful humans do and go to medical school. You at least have some brains in that department," Father grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"Hachimitsu." My mother narrowed her eyes at him, a warning for him to stop. I knew she usually said ‘Honey’ in English when we had visitors over, but if she was getting upset she went full Japanese and didn't care about company.
"What? I'm only stating the truth. All she does is paint silly drawings that I bet don't make enough to buy a decent meal. She should just take my offer and go to medical school. We won't be here for her forever," he retorted.
"And how have you been here for me? Last time I checked which was two minutes and eleven seconds ago, you were more excited about James' presence than your own daughter’s. Oh wait, I forgot, I'm a disgrace to the family name," I grumbled, setting my chopsticks down. No point in trying to act like I was going to eat anything. With the conversation heading south, I would be leaving in a few minutes.
"Crimson, do not listen to what others say." Mother tried to comfort me, but Father interrupted.
"No, she should. Maybe she'd be more humble and learn to accept her circumstances. It's thanks to us that you’re even able to come to this shrine whenever you like," he seethed.
"Whenever I want? I come here FOUR times a year and that's only with YOUR approval. Other than that, you'd rather I was in another country than dare step foot on your holy grounds and taint it with my presence!"
"Crim," James whispered, giving me a wary look.
The room was silent and I sighed. "I should get home. I have sword dance training in the morning," I announced.
"Crimson dear." Mom gave me a pleading look.
I smiled sadly at her. This always ended up happening and I never got alone time with her to simply talk anymore. My father monitored her phone activity and us having long conversations would only result in her being yelled at later on. She didn't need my father's frustration. No one did.
"You don't have anything in the morning," Father declared.
I turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. "I have sword dance training. The training temple is reopening tomorrow," I reminded.
"You're correct, but there's been a change." He set his chopsticks on the table, using a napkin to wipe his mouth.
"Change?" James questioned, his calculative gaze met mine and we exchanged a look.
I didn't like where this was heading and the pit of my stomach that suddenly dropped in fear only made my suspicions worse.
"Hakua has been transferred to use her skills at another training temple at the outskirts of Homatomashi. Unless you'd like to make the two and a half hour train ride up there every morning, there will be no way for you to continue your sword training. The trains stop working by ten in the morning and run again from four to six."
I couldn't believe what I just heard, blinking a few times as my anger began to boil inside me.
"Konashi! You said you would decline the transfer! You promised me you wouldn't let them move Hakua!" Mother snapped, rising to her feet.
I knew she was speaking English for the sake of James who looked just as upset.
"Hakua is one of the best trainers here and she's been training Crim for years. Mr. Arashi, this has to be a mistake," James insisted.
He shook his head. "It's not a mistake. It isn't fair that more skilled individuals living in the outskirts are losing training from one of our own because of ‘Little Crim.’ What purpose will sword dancing serve her? She isn't a shifter and none of our family weaponry can be passed down to her. Why waste talent like that? The other Council members have been waiting for my approval for months now and I finally decided to answer and sanction the move," Father boasted.
My hands trembled in anger as I sat there in shock. Hakua...
"Call her and tell her to come back," Mother ordered.
"There’s no service there and I won't be going back on my word anyways. The decision is finalized and the contract has been signed," Father replied.
"You forced her to sign it," I whispered. I could feel Mother's and James' eyes on me, the anger that seethed off those six words was new even to me.
Sure, I got mad sometimes. But there was a big difference between that and what I was feeling now. There was regular anger over a simple argument or disagreement and there was this level of fury. If I was blessed with even a pinch of magic I bet the temple would be on fire from my rage alone and I'd make sure my father was included in the blaze.
"She had a decision. Continue her work as an instructor or the position would go to someone else," he countered.
"That's her FAMILY business and main income! Of course she wouldn't refuse. You did this on fucking purpose!" I swore, rising to my feet.
"Crimson Arashi, don't you dare yell at me again," he roared; his eyes glowed a slight gold because of his magic that I could feel in the air. Just because I was human didn't mean I couldn't sense it.
"OR WHAT? You'll punish my twenty-two-year-old ass? Aren't you satisfied? PROUD even? My whole entire life, you've done nothing to make me happy. I've always tried extra hard to meet your expectations, but NOTHING has worked. Not once have you said 'well done, Crimson' or 'I'm proud of you, Crimson!' I don't even understand why I come here anymore. I'm clearly not welcome." I laughed, running my hands through my hair.
He stood up, opening his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him, walking right up into his personal space.
"Don't waste your breath. I know you hate me. You despise my very existence. You know what? I'm done. I'm fucking tired of trying to please you. All of my efforts to prove my worth to you has just been a waste of energy. I'll never be worth anything to you, or to anyone in this damn fucking shrine or your silly Council of oh so powerful men. There's not an ounce of love for me in your heart. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out. So don't bother. I'll stop reminding you of my existence by not coming here anymore. Even if I die, please, don't bury me here with our ancestors. I'd only continue to bring them disgrace as I have to you," I whispered through clenched teeth, blinking back tears as I stared into his eyes.
I sighed and began to walk toward the exit.
"Crimson!" Mother called out, but I continued, reaching the stairs that led to my father's office. My feet stopped in their tracks as my body seemed to pulse with a weird sensation.
I pressed my clenched fist to my chest, closing my eyes for a few seconds to ignore the weird ache that continued to pulse through me. After a minute it stopped, allowing me to breathe. What the fuck was that?
"Crimson."
I turned my head to see James leaving the dining room, coming over to where I stood.
"I'm fine. I'm gonna head over to the bar. You finish dinner. Sorry for the family drama. It won't happen again," I promised, giving him a small smile.
"I'll come with you. Let me get my—"
"James. After you've finished dinner, I have a few things to discuss with you." My father's hard voice entered the hall as he approached us. His black eyes narrowed at me and glanced up at the stairs.
I rolled my eyes, remembering him scolding me for the millionth time about how he didn't want me entering his sacred office whenever he saw me approach the staircase. Didn't need today to be a million and one.
"I'll go first," I pressed, giving James a quick hug. I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm, stopping me. I turned to face him.
"James," I whispered, knowing my father was watching our exchange.
"Just...be safe okay? I'll leave as soon as the meeting is over. I'll call you when I'm close," he assured.
I could see the internal dilemma he was facing reflected in his red eyes. I knew that wasn't what he wanted to say, but because of my father’s presence, someone who would determine his future, he once again remained silent on the matter. That only made me angrier and the mere thought he couldn't be open about our relationship in front of my family made me want to scream.
"Ya. I'll be fine. Always have been." I pulled my arm out of his grasp. I glared at my father and noticed my mom making her way down the hall toward us. Her eyes were filled with tears and I knew if I didn't leave now, I wouldn't be able to run away from here.
I took a final glance up the stairs, before turning around and heading for the entrance. It took me two seconds to slide on my combat boots and then I rushed out the door into the cool night breeze.
I finally took a deep breath when I was off the property and on the streets of Nokamato, on my way home. My walk soon turned into a run, needing an outlet for all the anger that had built up inside me.
I hadn't realized where I was until my feet came to a stop and I hunched over to catch my breath, tears pooling in my eyes as I began to sob.
The same place where I had bumped into Storm Yuna was where I now stood, the moonlight gracing me with its soft glow as the cool breeze passed by as if comforting me.
My hands raked through my hair in frustration as tears continued to roll down my cheeks.
Why? Why can't I be loved or accepted? I've lived a life of solitude. No friends by my side, only bullies to make my life worse. My family only added to my despair with a mom who can't defend me without getting in trouble with the man who hates me for being human. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be brought into this world. Why? Why am I here? Why do my ancestors watch while everything I care about is taken from me, one after another?
Hakua...Hakua...why didn't you tell me? You knew it would shatter my heart, but I would have wanted to hear it from you rather than him. Instead, I had to witness the sheer happiness that shone in his eyes at my shock and rage.
And yet again, James did nothing. A man who is supposed to care for me...to love me, watched everything and didn’t even defend me. For the sake of his image, he'd rather please my father than me. Yet I'll stay with him. I'm so fucking pathetic.
I crouched down, putting my face in my hands and cried. No one would care about me. No one...
Something soft brushed against my hands and I lifted my head to see a white wolf. I gawked at it, quickly looking around to find where the owner was, but I didn’t see anyone.
I looked back at the wolf who sat down; its pink eyes blinked at me with curiosity.
"Who do you belong to, huh? You're not a shifter." I reached out to pet it softly. Something told me it was a ‘she’ but I didn't know for sure. It didn't have a band on anywhere, so I knew it wasn't a shifter.
Shifters were required to wear some type of jewelry while in their animal form so they wouldn't be hunted or thought of as pets, but as my eyes looked all over her pure white body, I couldn't find anything of the sort.
It made a small whining sound, walking up into my arms and began licking my face.
"Hey. Stop, that tickles. Hehehe. You here to comfort me? Sorry, I must have disturbed your walk with my silly crying," I whispered, petting it over and over again. It rubbed its head against my cheek before resting its head on my shoulder.
"What are you doing now? You want a hug?" I inquired.
"Woof!"
I smiled, embracing the animal as if it was my own. I wasn't allowed to have a pet, my father claimed only mages or beings with high magic capabilities deserved a familiar. I didn't fit any of those categories and would only be a hindrance to the animal who was chosen for me.
I closed my eyes and sobbed, tightening my hold around the wolf. Tonight I would just pretend it was mine and enjoy the comfort its warm body and sweet nature gave me. For once, I could cry knowing that at least someone cared about my misery.
And misery always loved company.