Chapter 23
Daniel
Jem pressed his face into Daniel’s neck, his beard rasping against her skin like steel wool. “God I’ve missed you.”
“Oh yeah?” Daniel said before realizing that wasn’t nearly sexy enough. She licked her lips. “How much did you miss me?"
“So much.” Jem pressed his incredibly not-hard dick into her hips. “This missed you too.”
They hastily pressed their mouths together to keep from laughing. She and Jem were in her bed, under her covers, trying, desperately to look like two people who wanted to fuck one another. So far their encounter had all the eroticism of a gay cactus being rubbed against a straight one.
She’d followed Jem’s lead when he arrived and rushed straight into over-the-top kissing but she hadn’t thought she’d actually have to have horrible 1950’s-gay-guy-forced-to-marry-a-woman sex with him.
“Dani…” Jem’s hand seized hers. “I really did miss you.”
Her chest panged at the genuine affection in his voice. “I missed you too, Jemstone.”
The last time she’d seen him they were in Auckland, obliterating every last scrap of the Project Rangitoto. She and Mikey on the computers, he and Cynthia piling papers and machinery into barrels and setting them on fire. That was six months ago and now instead of having a nice chat and a cup of tea they were performing the worst fake sex Daniel had seen since the Fifty Shades movie.
“Dani.” Jem rocked against her. “You feel so good.”
She closed her eyes so she wouldn’t roll them. This was awful. What the hell was Jem playing at? If he kept this up the Middlebend overlords were going to get suspicious. Not to mention John, Colt, and Seb. They’d all seen her in intimate scenarios, they had to know how grim this was.
For a brief, gut-churning moment Daniel wondered what the men were doing, what they were thinking about her but she pushed the thoughts aside. There were more pressing matters at hand. Like how she might have to give a gay guy a BJ while he pretended she was Jon Kortajarena.
“Are you okay?” Jem muttered kissing her neck.
Daniel fought the urge to swat him like a fly. “This feels weird.”
“I know, but I can’t stay long. Now be a big girl and play along.” He rose up on his powerful arms. “I’ve got something for you.”
Daniel ran her hands across Jem’s chest, across the DNA tattoo she’d designed, the one that hid his and Mikey’s entwined names. “Oh really? What?”
“Put your hand inside my briefs and find out.”
Daniel had never felt less like touching a penis in her life. Unsure how to proceed she took Jem’s earlobe in her mouth. “I don’t know if I can,” she mumbled through the warm skin.
“You have to.” Jem’s voice made it clear he wasn’t fucking around. “Pretend I’m one of the boys you’ve got all worked up back there.”
“What?”
Jem nuzzled her hairline. “Oh, come on, Dani. The ones watching us right now, you’re clearly fucking them. Or they wish you were.”
For the first time since they started fake-hooking up Daniel felt a squeeze of excitement. She’d been caught out. “It’s complicated.”
“Doesn’t have to be,” Jem murmured. “Who does it for you? The beefcake? The blond? The mean-looking prick with the pretty eyes?”
Her pussy contracted again gripping itself as she realized the truth. “All of them.”
“That’s my girl.”
Jem kissed her, and unlike the last few kisses this one didn’t feel like a dental exam. It was messy and urgent and could have definitely passed, if not for passionate lust than at least lukewarm affection. She and Jem had found a spark; mutually wanting to be fucked by her guards. His hips pressed into hers and this time she let out a tiny moan.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Jem growled in a voice that was almost, almost sexy. “Now, touch my cock.”
Daniel closed her eyes and thought about the way Seb smelled when he’d pressed her up against the kitchen counter, how Colt’s fingers felt inside her. It gave this encounter a thin veneer of heterosexuality, enough for her to slowly reach between them. It’s Seb, she told herself, this is Seb’s skin, Seb’s abs, Seb’s hair, Seb’s dic—
“Holy fuck!” she said when she felt something that was decidedly not human flesh. “You’ve got a…?”
Jem bit her shoulder. A warning. “You like it?”
Daniel was suddenly glad he was on top of her; she was shivering and not like she was excited. Mikey had given her…he’d sent her…and in a fucking piercing?
“I said, do you like it?” Jem repeated, a little sharper than before.
“Yes. I-I can’t wait to feel it inside me.”
Jem chuckled darkly. “You will, but you’re gonna play with it first.”
Daniel took his meaning exactly. She slipped another hand between them and got to work.
My whole life has been building to this, she thought as she squirmed around trying to unscrew the little round ball at the head of the piercing. Giving my gay mate a fake-wristy.
She managed to release the piercing and tugged it from Jem’s body, trying not to gag. Her friend tilted his hips, moaning as though he really was getting jacked off. “Oh yeah, gorgeous, that’s it.”
Biting her cheeks to stop a burst of hysterical laughter from escaping, Daniel quickly re-screwed the barbell to the piercing and tucked the warm metal spike into her panties.
Jem tapped her side twice. Done?
She tapped him twice in return. Done.
Daniel was lightheaded with panic and relief. Two seconds ago she was a captive, now she was one of the most heavily armed people in the whole fucking word. Jem kissed her again and there was something manic in the way he slicked his tongue across her mouth. Her body prickled with anxious energy. He wasn’t expecting her to deploy it here was he? Not right now?
“You can’t use it now,” Jem muttered reading her mind. “I need to leave first. Gonna be a dick to you.”
“Okay,” she muttered and leaned up to kiss him.
Jem jerked his head away. “Fuck, Daniel, this isn’t working.”
He said her name the way her parents had. Denyel. It made her feel like she was in trouble.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I don’t know if you can tell but I can’t get hard.”
Daniel tried to conceal her shock, then realized shock was exactly what the situation called for. “Well just relax and we’ll keep going. It’s not a big deal”
Jem let out a loud affronted huff and rolled off her. “It’s not me. It’s you, this whole thing is weird. I know those arseholes are watching us, taking notes and…” He gestured down at the comforter covering his lap. “I think this was a mistake.”
They let a nice little cold silence trickle around the room. Jem eyed her disdainfully, like he couldn’t fucking wait to get away from her, to Daniel’s amazement the backs of her eyes began to burn. Not because she wanted to turn Jem straight, but because he was the first friend she’d seen in months and they hadn’t even had a chance to talk. “So you’re bailing?”
Jem eyes darted to the door. “I guess I could stay for a drink or something?”
“Wow, what a sincere offer.” Daniel glared at him. “Why did you even come here? Why go to all the trouble?”
Jem sighed and for a moment Daniel saw immense, almost painful love well up inside him. “We haven’t seen each other in ages, I guess I remember you being a bit…” he made a squeezing motion in the air. “Thinner.”
Daniel’s mouth fell open. “Fuck right the fuck off!”
“Sorry, but it’s just how I feel.” Jem yanked his t-shirt over his head and pulled it down, covering the tattoo she’d helped create. “I understand why you’re a bit…I mean, you’re obviously sitting down a lot for this project. Maybe you should get a standing desk.”
Daniel threw a pillow at him. “Maybe you should see a doctor. Get some dick pills.”
A corner of Jem’s mouth tweaked, just a little, then he resumed his douchey persona. “It’s not my fault if I’m just not attracted to yo—”
There was a loud crackle that made both of them jump. “Hall, get to the front door. I’ll escort you to your car. Now.”
The sound of Seb’s voice, bland but authoritative prickled through Daniel’s body. He’d been watching this whole time. He’d seen everything. He thought she was the kind of girl you couldn’t get it up for. Embarrassment, loud as a foghorn surged inside her and she felt a similar surge of excitement.
“Yeah, yeah I’m leaving, Texas,” Jem snapped at the intercom. “Well I guess this is goodbye, Dani?”
Her name in his accent sounded like ‘Denny.’ She hadn’t heard it said like that since Cynthia died. Who knew how long it would be until she heard it again. Her heart ached. Her brain ached. She wanted to hug him so badly it hurt. “Get the fuck out of here, limp-dick.”
“Whatever you say Dani.” With a quirk of his eyebrows that somehow managed to say he loved her Jeremiah Hall left her bedroom. If she knew Mikey, they would be leaving the US tonight, assuming new names, using new passports, melting back into the nothingness they’d emerged from to help her in the first place.
There was a soft bang as the electromagnetically sealed front door slammed shut.
Daniel lay down on her bed and spread her arms and legs as wide as they would go. Despite the lack of sex she felt punctured, a tire slowly deflating with every rotation.
Mikey’s plan had worked. As of ten minutes ago she was no longer a prisoner. She was now in possession of one of the most dangerous things on earth and she could deploy it tonight. She could deploy it right now. Escape to the beach or the city, anywhere on the planet. Except where would she go? She had no home, no friends that weren’t in Grassroots, and besides, even if she went to the top of the Himalayan mountains or the bottom of the deep blue sea there was no escaping The End. It was moving forward like a tidal wave preparing to absorb everything in its path. She thought having no options was depressing, but having them seemed decidedly worse.
What would be worse? She wondered. Staying because of how a bunch of withholding men make me feel? Or escaping back to a life of lonely monotony?
The familiar opening bars of a song rattled through her head. A song about desert highways and houses you could escape but never actually leave. As a kid Hotel California had always given her the creeps; she made her mum turn it off whenever it played on the radio. Now she wondered if it was a prediction, a promise of her adult life. As she lay topless on her bed, a weapon of war tucked in her underwear, Daniel realized she was lonelier than she had ever been before.
“What do normal people do when they’re depressed?” she asked the ceiling. “And if you say ‘meditate’ I’ll kill you.”
The answer came to her ten seconds later. It was obvious.
She tucked the NEMP under her pillow then marched to the kitchen, cradling her bare boobs in one arm. She came to a halt in front of the liquor cabinet and studied the bottles, their shapes and labels familiar from long nights in bars.
Vodka? Too kiddy. Tia Maria? Urgh. Whiskey? No, that was what John drank. She didn’t want to drink what John drank.
Eventually she decided on spiced rum. She pulled the heavy bottle and a shot glass from the cabinet and placed them on the kitchen counter.
The intercom crackled. “Daniel, are you plannin’ on drinkin’ that?”
She retrieved a can of Coke from the kitchen and dumped half the contents into a tumbler water glass. “Why yes, Sebastian Rhodes, I am.”
“I thought alcohol made you ill?”
“It does.” Daniel poured one exact shot of golden rum and emptied it into the glass.
“Then why—”
“Because,” she said in a light voice. “If I have to be sober for one more second I might actually scream.”
“But—”
“It’s okay, Boy Scout,” She stirred her shitty cocktail with her finger. “I’ve got it all worked out.”
If she staggered her sips to let her body compensate for the depressant nature of the alcohol she should be okay. Probably. Really she had no idea, but hey, you couldn’t play Russian Roulette without a bullet in the chamber.
“Daniel.”
She wasn’t listening, all she could hear were the words to Hotel California and all she could think about was escape. She tapped the tumbler and the Coke can against one another. “Cheers me.”
She took a sip. The liquor burned all the way down her esophagus, igniting a small fire in her gut.
“Urgh. This is awful. How is this the legal drug?” she asked no one in particular.
She took another small sip as the front door banged open. “Daniel?”
“Oh shit.” She was tempted to down the entire glass in one but knew that was a bad idea. Instead she took a medium-ish sip and swallowed, shuddering slightly.
Seb burst into the kitchen like a tornado. “Put the glass down.”
Daniel shielded her drink behind her back. “No.”
“I know you must be upset about Hall but I ain’t letting you do this.”
“I’m not upset about Hall. I just want to get a little bit fucked up.”
And she was, her words were already chasing themselves around her mouth like badly behaved mice. Daniel giggled to hear them.
Somewhere Seb was saying that if she didn’t put the glass down he’d take it away. He sounded a little apprehensive, like he wasn’t entirely sold on the idea. For a moment Daniel had no idea why, then she realized she was still only wearing her underwear. Well that could work to her advantage. She pressed the glass between her breasts, squeezing them together with her upper arms. “Hey Boy Scout, try taking it now.”
Seb was not amused. “I will, Daniel, so don’t push me and I am not a Boy Scout.”
Daniel grinned up, her whole body pleasantly floaty. “Yes you are. You’re sweet. Like caramel, or those puppies that look like hot dogs.”
A warm hand circled her wrist. “I am not sweet.”
Daniel found herself staring straight into Seb’s face, his faded denim blue eyes more beautiful than she’d ever seen them. “But you are cute.”
That statement seemed to snap something inside Seb. “I am not fuckin’ cute,” he snarled.
Daniel almost dropped her glass. “Did you just swear?”
“Yes, and you know why? Because I’m a man? Not a boy, not a fuckin’ puppy dog, a man.”
“Okay,” Daniel said holding up her hands in surrender. “You’re a man.”
“I know I am and by the way I just handed your ex his ass on the way out.”
Daniel winced. “Poor Jem.”
“Fuck Jem.” Seb seemed to be on somewhat of a roll with the swearing. “Is that the kind of man you like Daniel? Jerks? Assholes? Pricks who can’t even get hard when they’re touching you?”
“Um, well not that last one.”
“That man is a fuckin’ clown who doesn’t deserve to look at you let alone lay a hand on you,” Seb snarled like she’s hadn’t replied. “And if that’s what you like then d’you know what?”
Seb snatched the tumbler out of her hand and drained it, his throat flexing as the dark liquid vanished. “There.”
Daniel pointed to the bottle on the counter. “I could just…”
He seized the bottle of Captain Morgan’s, unscrewed the lid and left it on its side in the sink, draining out in thick glugs. “If you so much as look at the liquor cabinet, I’ll empty that too. I am not watching you hurt yourself.”
Daniel licked her lower lip. She was starting to get a floaty, single-minded feeling that she knew had nothing to do with liquor. It was like the inverse of when Jem was touching her, a powerful chemical pull. “Sebastian…?”
He moved closer, so close her nipples were almost brushing his chest. “What?”
For once, he didn’t seem bashful, his cheeks weren’t red, and his eyes were boring into hers.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked. “Aside from everything I’ve done since we’ve met?”
“Yeah.” He leaned down so their eyes were level. “You didn’t choose me.”
Daniel swallowed hard. “I-”
He put a finger to her mouth, gently chastening her. “I don’t know how much what we did in your kitchen meant to you. I don’t know if you liked kissing me. But I do know if you’d picked me, I’d have died before I left your bed without giving you pleasure.”
Oof. How was a girl supposed to respond to that? Except well, she could always tell the truth? She had the NEMP now, there was no need to keep pushing Seb away. Daniel’s alcohol numbed brain exploded with excitement at the idea, making her stagger slightly.
Seb seized her arms. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said smiling up at him. They were going to fuck. It was finally going to happen.
“Daniel,” Seb asked nervously. “Why are you smiling?”
“Because I thought about you,” he said. “When he was with me tonight I was pretending he was you.”
Seb’s eyes flashed pale blue fire. “Daniel.”
“I always think about you. You’re so sexy and kind and you know how to make fish. You’re like the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
A rough hand cupped her jaw. “I’m not that fuckin’ nice.”
His mouth descended on hers, making those blissful MDMA sparks explode all over her body. The alcohol he’d drank tasted ten times better coming from his lips and tongue. His hands stayed on her lower back rough but gentle, eager but— and though she didn’t dare tell him— sweet. He didn’t touch her breasts but unlike Jem she knew it was because he didn’t want to rush this. And unlike Jem his hesitance was heating her all over. Daniel longed to push him onto the floor and mount him but she let him set the pace, enjoying the torture of his gentlemanly restraint. Already imagining what he’d look like as he came, that beautiful face drawn taught with uncontrollable pleasure.
They kissed until she was dizzy and she broke away to nuzzle at Seb’s neck, nipping at his sweet skin with her teeth. “You’re so fucking hot.”
He blushed, like she was hoping he would. “I’m glad you think so.”
He picked her up and moved toward the kitchen counter no doubt intending to place her on it the way she’d been when they had their salmon make-out. But unlike that time she wasn’t wearing pants. Daniel shrieked as Seb placed her down on the icy marble.
“Shoot, sorry.” He lifted her again. “I wasn’t even thinkin’—”
“Couch!” Daniel gasped, clinging to him like a kitten threatened with bathwater. “Let’s do this on the couch!”
Seb carried her to the next room and lay her on the butter-soft leather. He smiled as he climbed on top of her, his weight bearing down on her body, the sweetest pressure in the world. It was different from Theo and Simon and the other men she’d sought this kind of physical comfort with. She wasn’t happy to not be alone, she was happy he was there.
“You’re lovely,” he muttered in her ear. “Loveliest thing I ever saw.”
“Kiss me,” she said, because the backs of her eyes were burning again and she didn’t want him to see.
“I just need to ask you something first.” Seb looked down at her. “Do you think if things were different, we could be friends?”
Daniel, who’d been thinking more along the lines of ‘do you have any STD’s?’ was slightly taken aback. “Why does that matter?”
“Because I can let you use my body, if you want it, but only if I know that if things were different you’d still like me.”
Daniel ran her hand through Seb’s hair feeling the gold trickle through her fingers. “I like you so much I can hardly believe you’re real.”
Seb ducked his head. “I guess that’s good enough,” he said before kissing her again.
Daniel expected Seb to go slowly, she’d been prepared to win him over but as they settled into the couch she began to wonder if he was content to make out until the world imploded.
He kept his hands on her hair and cheeks and although she could feel he was hard he kept his hips pressed against her upper thighs rather than her groin, his weight stopping her from wrapping her legs around him. Her only victory was tugging off his t-shirt which, to be fair, was pretty amazing, but every time she tried to hook a leg around his hip he pulled away until finally. “Daniel, there’s something you should know…”
“We don’t have to go all the way,” she pleaded. “Maybe, can I please just touch your cock? Through your jeans even?”
She knew she sounded like a horny sixteen-year-old, trying to get his girlfriend to show him her boobs but whatever, she’d waited too long for physical contact to behave with dignity.
Seb gave a strained laugh. “You can have whatever you want from me, I promise. I just…I don’t know that I’ll be any good. At sex I mean. I’m a little nervous.”
“What?” Daniel’s mind boggled. “Do you have hard on problems? Because we can work around that.”
“No. I’ve just been told I ain’t great in bed.”
“What?”
Seb flushed darker. “My ex, she, uh, made it clear I wasn’t anything to write home about.”
Daniel stared at the specimen of manhood between her legs, golden skin, rock hard abs, shoulders like a yoke. “Did you forget to mention your ex-girlfriend was legally blind? Like with a dog and a special car park and stuff?”
“Uh, no.”
“Right.” Daniel felt a sense of calm come over her, the kind that occurs when you know exactly what to do. She sat up and took Seb’s hand. “I need you to answer some questions for me. Have you ever eaten pussy?”
He flushed and shook his head. “I want to, I have dreams about kissing you there—”
It was her turn to press a finger to his mouth. “Have you ever had your dick sucked?”
“A-a little but I’ve never…”
“Come in anyone’s mouth, got it. Have you ever fucked a girl from behind?”
Another shake of the head.
“Have you ever even had sex with the lights on?”
Seb exhaled loudly. “No.”
Daniel stared at him. He was like an uncut diamond, just waiting to be polished into magnificence. She couldn’t believe the universe had made this resource known to her. It really didn’t want her to kill herself.
“Dani, I understand if you don’t want to do this with me. Really I do. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff before; you need someone who knows what they’re doing I —”
Daniel gripped his face. “Seb?”
“Yeah?”
“Get down on your knees in front of me.”
Seb’s lips curled into a playful smile. “Right now?”
“Right the fuck now. You are going to eat my pussy, then we are going up to my bedroom to do everything consenting adults can do to each other. Is that understood?”
Seb didn’t answer, but he did get on his knees and as his blond head bent between her thighs. Daniel had never felt less like escaping.