Chapter 36
John
After the cataclysmic conversation in the diner car park he drove them the rest of the way to the Grassroots base in silence. There was no tension or anger but everyone seemed too lost in their own heads to talk. Attending private funerals for the futures they’d dreamed of having before Daniel uncovered her secret. Seb becoming a doctor, Colt becoming a father, all of them living into middle age.
After an hour Daniel directed him along a dirt track, partially concealed by large native bushes. They traveled along it for a few minutes, the guns and knives in Elkin’s handbag clattering loudly.
“Are we meant to go anywhere in particular?” John asked as they passed field after indiscriminate field.
“Yeah, there’s a big house, trust me, you’ll know it when you see it.” She smiled faintly at what John assumed in sheer city boy ignorance was a wheat field. “I had so much fun when I lived here.”
How anyone had fun on a commune in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere John had no idea but he was too tired, and if he was honest, nervous to ask.
After another ten minutes, the road grew smoother, the trees cleared and a large house came into view, an enormous three-story plantation-style mansion with white walls and a green roof. It looked like the home of some Southern belle and her cruel, bolo-tie, wearing husband.
“That’s Merri and Winton,” Daniel said, pointing at the two figures John could see standing on the porch. “They’ve known me for ages. They’re really nice. You remember our story? You don’t need to go over it again?”
“No,” they mumbled like grade school kids.
“Cool well, don’t slag off solar power and you’ll be fine.”
Again they all mumbled something affirmative.
Daniel slapped her palms on her knees. “Great enthusiasm, dudes, feeling really confident here. John, you can park by the house if you want.”
John had the brief but all-consuming urge to flick on the locks and reverse out of there, to keep driving the four of them to some distant, unspecified location. He didn’t want to go out and meet Daniel’s hippy hive parents, he didn’t want this journey to end. In isolation the four of them were safe, equal, contained but he knew in his tingling, eastern European guts that this place would change that.
“John?” Daniel said.
“I’m parking,” he said tersely, driving towards the side of the house.
The instant the wheels stopped Daniel was out the door. He, Colt, and Seb watched as she launched herself onto the porch and hugged a short Indian woman with a full friendly face.
John wondered why he found the image so jarring, then realized he’d never seen Daniel interacting with anyone besides him and the boys before, unless you counted Elkin, which why would you?
“We should get out,” he said as the other figure, a tall white guy with sun-leathered skin patted Daniel on the back.
“Right,” Colt said.
“Sure,” Seb agreed.
None of them moved.
“Why do I feel weird?” Colt asked the car at large.
“You mean besides everything that’s already happened today?” John asked, feeling a sharp sting of jealousy as the tall man kissed Daniel on the cheek.
“Yeah, besides that,” Colt said, also glaring at the man.
“We’re in her world now,” Seb muttered. “We’re the outsiders here.”
That was exactly it. Daniel stood on the porch clean, dressed, and with friends. They were sitting in a car bloody and alone, subject to whatever clemencies their relationship with Daniel would grant them. She had all the power, they had none.
“We look like assholes just sitting here.” Colt unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come on.”
Seb rubbed at the bloodstains on his T-shirt. “Wish I had clean clothes.”
So did John. He’d found an old Henley in the back of the car and put it on. While it was better than a bare chest it was unwashed and liberally smeared with Colt’s dried blood. He examined himself in the rearview, trying to make the collar lie flat and then snorted at his own vanity. The world was ending, who cared if anyone saw him in a dirty work shirt?
“Fuck it,” he said pushing his door open. “Let’s get this over with.”
They made their way to the porch, attempting to look, against all the odds like they belonged there. Unfortunately as soon as they came into the porchlight the woman Daniel called Merri clapped a hand to her mouth. “My word. What happened to you three?”
“It’s a long and frankly insane story,” Daniel said brightly. “Merri, Wint, these are the guys I was telling you about; John Blackwood, Colton Stone, and Seb Rhodes.”
She pointed at them in turn like they were items on a menu. John had forgotten the specific High School agony of picking up a girl for a date but standing on the porch it all came rushing back. Merri eyed them with the optimistic nervousness of a mom while Wint observed him with the frank suspicion of a father. John attempted to do what he’d always done when he picked up his dates; he stepped forward, his hand raised. “Pleased to meet you,” he said to Wint.
The older man didn’t shake his hand. “Gonna have to ask you to take your gun back to the car son.”
Fuck, John’s hand instantly went to the Glock 34 strapped to his side, as natural as a fifth limb. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Colt do the same. They’d stayed armed in the car in case they were pursued by Middlebend and now they’d committed a huge faux pas. If bringing a gun to a pacifist commune could be described as a ‘faux pas.’ ‘Huge fucking idiot mistake’ was more appropriate.
He and Colt muttered their apologies and went back to the car, pulling off their holsters as they went.
“Christ,” Colt muttered. “Did you see the way that guy looked at us? Like we’re the Manson family part two?”
“Keep your head together,” John said, placing their guns in the glove box and slamming the compartment shut. “Just…be polite and we’ll be fine.”
“Fine? They hate us and they don’t even know who we are yet,” Colt said looking a little desperately. “What are they gonna think when they find out we were hired to keep Dani locked up?”
John didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing.
When they returned to the porch Daniel and a young black woman were hugging furiously.
“Your hair’s so long now!” the woman said in a British accent as she squeezing Daniel’s cheeks. “Next time you wander off send a picture every once in a fucking while!”
“I’ll er, try.” Daniel caught sight of them returning. “Iris, these are my other friends John and Colt.”
John’s neck prickled. Friends?
Iris shot them a knowing look as though Daniel showing up with three men in tow was both typical and amusing.
“Soo…” she said, gaze lingering Colt’s biceps. “Where’d you and these guys meet?”
Daniel cast a nervous look at them. “Well—”
“Iris, darling, don’t be nosy,” Merri said cheerfully. “Gentlemen, can I interest you in some dinner?”
John could hear Colt’s stomach growl. “That would be—
“Actually,” Daniel intercepted. “We’re all pretty wrecked. Could we head to the cottage? Talk about this in the morning?”
Merri pressed a hand to her ponchoed bosom “Of course, darling! You go there now and I’ll bring around some clean clothes and food.”
John had two seconds of relief before Winton spoke. “I think we’ve got some straightening out to do first,” he said.
Daniel’s face fell. “Can’t it wait?”
“Daniel, you appear in the middle of the night after a year of radio silence in a stolen car with three—” he shot them a dirty look “—men in your wake, and you think explanations can wait?”
“Well not when you say it like that,” Daniel admitted.
“It won’t take long.” Winton walked over to the front door and flung it open. “You boys come too. I’d imagine you’ve got things to contribute to this conversation.”
The main house was big but old, the emerald green carpets were worn and John spotted a few windows patched with electrical tape. Yet while Castle by the Sea had been sterile in its luxury this place was messy and friendly and lived in. Kids’ paintings hung all over the walls and everything smelt like roast chicken and gravy, which was a relief. John had been scared the whole place was vegetarian. They removed their boots in the hall, the bloodstains on their shirts and beneath their nails painfully obvious under the bright light. Merri led them to a large dining room where they sat at a rough wooden table, covered in burns and scratches of a hundred meals past.
Daniel, Iris, and Merri sat on one side. Himself, Colt, and Seb on the other. Winton parked himself at the head of the table and glowered down at all of them.
“Right,” he said in his flat Yankee accent. “Start wherever you’d like, Dani.”
Daniel launched into her cover story. She and Cynthia had been working on their volcano project when her friend had been overcome by a cataclysmic bout of depression. They’d decided to abandon their job for a holiday when Cynthia committed suicide.
“I was upset,” Daniel said. “I didn’t think anyone would understand and I thought they’d blame me, so I decided to stay in Europe for a while. That’s when Middlebend got ahold of me, brought me to the US.”
She briefly detailed the time she’d spent at Castle by the Sea, leaving out the sex, Hall’s visit, Middlebend’s attempts to use her guards as first carrots, then sticks and her use of the NEMP to escape. She made it sound like she’d been shut in a box for six weeks before he, Seb and Colt decided to let her loose.
“These Middlebent people tell you what they wanted?” Winton asked.
“Details about Grassroots,” Daniel said smoothly. “And intel on Mikey.”
“Of course,” Merri said, her beatific smile dimming slightly. “He’s another one who’s gone missing. Have you heard from him?”
“Nah, not since last year.” Daniel’s lie wasn’t as effortless this time. Her eyes widened and her mouth kicked up at the sides and she sounded like she was crossing her fingers under the table.
“What about his boy, Jeremy?” Winton asked, watching her closely.
“Jeremiah,” Daniel corrected. “We texted a few months ago, but nothing since.”
“So where do these boys come in?” Iris asked, winking at Seb. “That’s the story I wanna hear.”
“They were hired as private security guards to watch me.”
Colt had guessed right, the reaction wasn’t good; Merri gasped, Iris’ smile faded and Winton looked ready to seize them by the scruff of their necks and throw them out of the house. “Why in God’s name did you bring them here Daniel?” he asked.
“Because they never laid a finger on me,” she said, exasperated. “They had no idea why I was being detained and they risked their jobs to get me out. Right, John?”
All eyes locked on him and John had the uncomfortable sensation of walking into a Broadway spotlight. “Yeah. I guess you could say that.”
Colt kicked him under the table. John knew he wanted him to elaborate, play up their hand in saving Daniel but he wasn’t going to pretend they were her white knight rescuers when the truth was far, far less savory.
“So they were getting paid to keep you locked up?” Winton asked, pouring himself a glass of water.
“Sort of,” Daniel admitted.
“I see.” Winton looked straight at John. “You ex-military?”
“Yeah.”
In most circumstances that admission granted if not admiration, then at least respect but not here. Merri looked disappointed, and Iris smirked like they’d admitted to being greased up Cabana boys. John could feel their stock plummeting.
“What branch?” Winton pressed.
“John and I came up through Rangers,” Colt replied, apparently sick of being ignored. “Seb started in the Marines.”
“And where did you finish?”
“We’re not at liberty to discuss that,” John said the practiced phrase slipping off his tongue like silk.
Winton’s distrustful gaze flicked towards him once again. “Why’d you decide to go into private security?”
“Oi.” Daniel tapped the table. “We’re not here to prod the life and times of the guys who saved my life; we’re meant to be discussing my absence.”
Winton’s face became schoolmaster stern. “I’ve got every right to question them. They’re on my property.”
“Our property,” Daniel said sharply. “You don’t own this place and I’m at liberty to bring whoever I want here, as long as they abide by our rules.”
“They brought guns—”
“It was an accident; we just escaped a fucking firestorm. These guys are good people and I’ve vouched for them. Talking to them like they’re guilty of something other than rescuing me is bullshit and if you’re going to keep doing it, we’ll leave.”
There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Iris looked as though she was suppressing a smile but Merri was clutching the thick gold chain around her neck like a talisman and Wint was livid. John had forgotten what they had learned the day Daniel was brought in to Castle by the Sea; she was a key member of her organization and held a lot of authority among her people. It was strange but he had to admit kind of sexy to see her wielding power instead of undermining it.
“I apologize,” Winton said grudgingly. “Got ahead of myself.”
“No need to apologize,” Daniel said calmly. “Just stop grilling them and get back to grilling me.”
“There’s only one matter to discuss,” Merri said, with an anxious glance at Winton who despite his apology was still glowering. “Daniel darling what happened with Rangitoto? Did you finish the ten-year prediction?”
“Nope.” This time Daniel’s face remained as smooth as a lake, her lie imperceptible. “Cynthia and I barely finished the seismograph when she found out her ex had given her chlamydia. That’s what kicked off her manic mood. She got wasted and set her house on fire, burned everything to the ground.”
John thought this sounded far-fetched but from the looks on the stranger’s faces it was a believable lie.
“Was anything salvageable?” Winton asked.
“No,” Daniel said heavily. “I’ll pay back whatever we owe the org I promise.”
“They won’t want you to pay back the research grant,” Wint said eyeing her carefully. “They’ll want you to finish the job.”
One of Daniel’s eyelids flickered. “I uh…I don’t…”
“Darling don’t worry about that now,” Merri said pulling her into a one armed hug. “How are you? Are you okay?”
Daniel smiled down at the tabletop, the evil clown grin John had come to associate with her sadness. “Not going to lie, this whole thing has been pretty full on.”
“No fucking doubt,” Iris said, stroking Daniel’s hair. “You’re safe now, lovely. Everything’s gonna be all right.”
At first John couldn’t classify the hot burning feeling in the back of his neck, then he realized it was jealousy. These women could touch Daniel, comfort her, they knew her. There was no place for him or Colt or Seb in this arrangement. They were still sitting in the SUV, outsiders looking in, strangers at a family reunion.
“Well,” Winton said standing up. “You’ll have to have this conversation with Bronwyn and the others, your absence has been well noted, Dani, but for now I think that’s enough.”
“Brilliant,” Daniel said.
Merri squashed her cheeks affectionately. “I suppose we should take you to your cottage so you can be fed and watered?”
“Actually,” Daniel said without looking at any of the men she’d brought with her. “Would you mind taking the guys down first? I just want to have a talk to Iris, maybe see the goats?”
John felt as though someone had just swung a sledgehammer into his guts.
“Of course,” Winton said, looking happier than he had since three ex-soldiers stepped onto his porch. “You go ahead, take a look at the greenhouses too. Lots of work been done on ‘em while you’ve been gone.”
“Hang on,” Colt protested. “Why don’t you come with us, Dani and—”
But Iris had already claimed her arm and begun steering her from the room.
“See you soon, guys,” Daniel called over her shoulder. “I’ll be back later.”
John’s first instinct was to get up and follow her then he remembered his days of monitoring Daniel, of having any say over where she went or what she did was over. The loss of control hit him at the same time as a payload of guilt and he watched her retreating back feeling a misery he hadn’t felt since he signed his divorce papers. She was free to make her own choices now and he’d been stupid enough to think she’d choose him, choose them. His unhappiness morphed quickly into anger; what the fuck was she trying to pull here?
Winton got to his feet, his mouth thin from suppressing his obvious delight. “Follow me boys.”
“We’re not fucking boys,” Colt muttered but he did what Winton asked.
The older man led them to a small cottage several yards away from the main house. There were no locks on the doors and shining black solar panels all over the roof. Inside it was cramped but clean, designed in the same old-timey style as the main house.
“Three bedrooms and two bathrooms,” Winton said, showing them into the tiny blue kitchen. “Used to belong to a family. The cupboards aren’t stocked but there are clean towels and I’ll head back up to the house now get you some food and clothes.”
“I can help,” Seb offered and John knew he was hoping for a chance to run into Daniel.
“No need, son, I’ll make a couple of trips if need be.” He eyed Seb’s hair, which was still tinted pale pink with blood. “You three stay here and wash up.”
“Sure,” John said. “Well thanks for showing us the place.”
He expected Winton to leave after he said this but the older man didn’t move a muscle. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at each of them in turn. “About Daniel…”
“What about her?” Colt said, drawing himself up to his full height.
Winton rubbed his chin, seeming to choose his next words every carefully. “I know she called you her friends but as far as I can make out the relationship between the four of you is a damn side more inappropriate than that.”
John wondered what had given them away; the way they looked at Daniel? Their reaction when she’d up and left them to look at goats? Did they have the shared invisible intimacy he himself could always sense between people who’d slept together, like the smell before rain.
“It’s not inappropriate,” Seb said, a little too quickly.
“Considering the circumstances in which you met in I beg to differ.” Winton glared as though daring them to correct him. None of them spoke.
“Now what Daniel gets up to in her private life is none of my business,” he said with a look that implied the opposite. “But I’m here to tell you she’ll be staying up at the main house for as long as she’s here. We’ve got plenty of rooms to spare, and her safety to think of.”
The atmosphere in the kitchen grew even tighter. Claustrophobic in fact.
“We’re not going to hurt her,” John said, remembering the rough way he’d carried her after her escape attempt and hating himself a little.
Winton eyed him up and down. “That’s good but it doesn’t mean you four should be sleeping under the same roof.”
“Thought you said it was none of your business,” Colt said in a voice brimming with quiet anger. “Daniel came here with us and if she wants to she can stay with us.”
“And like I said in the house, I don’t know you three from a hole in the wall. All I know is that you were soldiers and then mercenaries, which, begging your pardon, isn’t the most reassuring of resumes.”
“So we’re not welcome here?” John asked.
No you’re fucking not, Winton’s pale eyes shouted. “Everyone who wants a home and is willing to abide by our rules is welcome here. But they’re not welcome to sleep in the same house as Daniel Schwartz.”
The same bed as Daniel, John thought and remembered the way she’d so effectively shut down his blustering at the dinner table. She had understood, like John did, that Winton had appointed himself as her father figure and she had not appreciated it.
“I don’t think Daniel would like you making her decisions for her,” he said.
Winton shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I’m aware of that,” he admitted. “But I’ve known that girl for years. She’s feisty and a little…wild. Doesn’t feel things the way most girls feel them and I won’t have you taking advantage of that.”
Colt stepped forward “She’s twenty-seven, she can make her own decisions.”
Winton fixed him with a Clint Eastwood glare. “And how old are you son?”
Colt didn’t answer, clenching his jaw tight enough to burst it.
“We’re not here to make trouble,” Seb said quickly. “We care about Daniel and our intentions are—”
“Honorable? That the word you’re looking for boy?”
Seb, no doubt remembering all the dishonorable things he’d done to Daniel’s body, also fell prey to spontaneous lock-jaw.
“Well there you go.” Winton uncrossed his arms and gave each of them a long penetrating stare. “I can appreciate your hand in returning Daniel to us safely but as long as you’re staying here you won’t be living under the same roof as that girl, and if you don’t like it you can…”
Winton nodded at the door, ‘fuck off’ being the unspoken conclusion to the sentence.
“We get it,” John said wearily. “We won’t be staying long anyway.”
Colt rounded on him. “Why not?”
“We’ve got business shit to sort out,” John reminded him. They’d have to liquidate Blackstone; there was no chance they’d be working in the field again. He thought of the lies he’d have to tell his father, the money he’d be accused of losing and bone-deep misery seemed to wrap around his face and neck like a fleece. He just wanted, needed, this day to end.
“We’ll be gone by tomorrow at the latest,” John told Winton. Now fuck off and leave us alone.
“Good,” Winton said with a trace of a smile. “I’ll go up to the house and be right back with some food. You boys really should shower. You smell like an abattoir in July.”
The second he was gone Colt turned on him. “What the fuck do you mean we’re—”
“Drop it,” John said heavily. “Let’s search the place, shower, and get this day fucking over with.”
“Yeah fine,” Colt said, all the anger bleeding out of him. “Sorry for snapping, I’m tired as hell and Dan—”
He broke off shaking his head. “Where’d you want me to search?”
John delegated him and Seb to the shared spaces while he inspected the bedrooms. When they determined the house was clean of recording devices the kid took the first shower, followed by Colt.
John paced until he was done then took his turn without comment. He used soap in his hair and watched as the dried blood on his collarbones turned the water red then vanished like the shower scene in Psycho. When he was done he swiped the steam off the bathroom mirror, but his own reflection was the only thing that stared back at him. No more assholes, no unsolicited advice.
A small pile of clothes lay waiting on the counter; socks, briefs, a t-shirt and sweatpants. Everything fit him except the t-shirt, which was so tight the material clung to his shoulders and abs and made his nipples clearly visible through the cotton. He thought about ditching it but he was damned if he was going to spend any more of this miserable day walking around bare chested.
He found Seb and Colt sitting at the kitchen table with the biggest plate of roast chicken John had ever seen. They both laughed at the sight of his t-shirt.
“God that’s amazing,” Colt said, bits of chicken falling from his mouth. “You look like a mechanic in a porno.”
John scowled. “You gave me this one on purpose, didn’t you?”
“Maybe we did and maybe we didn’t. Here,” Colt held up a bottle of bourbon. “This’ll cheer you up. With compliments from Winton. Man’s not a complete asshole after all.”
“Yeah, he just thinks we’re perverted sex fiends and wants us to fuck off.”
“True,” Colt said. “But we are perverted sex fiends and fuck-off bourbon is still bourbon.”
John looked around at the table which was bare except for the chicken plate. “Any cups?”
“What do I look like? Betty Crocker?” Colt said. “Get your own or drink from the bottle like a man.”
John took a deep swallow from the glass neck. He was grateful for the way it burned, like it was cleansing him from the inside out. He picked up a drumstick and began to eat.
In what felt like no time at all the plate was empty and only a finger of bourbon remained in the now greasy bottle. John didn’t feel drunk. His blood seemed to be burning up the liquor as quickly as he could swallow it.
“So we’re leaving tomorrow, huh?” Colt said, sucking his fingers.
“We’ve got to. Shit to sort out.”
“What about Daniel?” Seb asked.
John’s stomach contracted at the mere mention of her name but he supposed there was no getting around this argument. “You really thing she wants us here?”
“Yes,” Seb said, but he didn’t sound sure.
John checked his watch. “It’s been two hours since we left the main house and she’s still gone. What does that tell you?”
Seb picked at a chicken bone in silence. His face was so distorted by swelling his own mother might not have recognized him. John felt a sudden rush of anger toward Daniel for abandoning him here to deal with a broken heart alongside the rest of his injuries. Didn’t she know how much fucking pain he was in? Didn’t she care?
“We need to leave,” he repeated. “Winton’s a bastard but he’s right, what’s going on with us and Daniel’s fucked up and if we don’t keep moving we’ll only make it worse.”
Colt’s brow darkened. “It’s not fucked up.”
“Yes it is,” John said. “It’s completely fucked up. What are we gonna do? Date her all at once? Take her to the movies? Sleep in a big bed? It was never going to work.”
“You care about her,” Colt shot back. “I saw you on the fucking monitors when you thought she was gonna die. You looked like you were going to cough up your heart and give it to her.”
“So what?” John replied, his stomach full of barbed wire. “Three ex-soldiers having a happily ever after with the hippie they’ve fallen for? Never going to happen. Oh, and by the fucking way in case you’ve forgotten, happily ever after means the next five years.”
He gave a short laugh that sounded crazy even to his own ears. “The world’s ending, our business is ruined and we’ve just been dumped, Jesus fucking Christ, this is ridiculous.”
The light behind Colt’s eyes went dull as though he’d converted to power-saving mode. “Fuck.”
“Yup,” John decided to voice the fear he’d been nursing since they left Castle by the Sea. “Maybe everything between her and us was just…symbiosis.”
“Pardon?” Seb asked quietly.
“Symbiosis. When different organisms evolve together,” John swallowed. “We…grew something in a fishbowl at Castle by the Sea. It worked okay because it was contained but now we’re back in the ocean and I can’t…” He cleared his throat and forced himself to keep going. “I just can’t see it surviving out here.”
There was another long silence.
“You know what I think?” Seb got to his feet. “I think there’s a bottle of whiskey in the car and I’m gonna go get it.”
John thought about warning him off; it was late and they were already half cut but then he remembered it didn’t fucking matter. He the kid on the back. “Keys are on the counter.”