EWAN

I once thought Vee consumed my thoughts and interfered with my ability to think straight, but that's nothing compared to what's happening now. She's in every dream, enters my head whenever I'm unfocused. Hell, she unfocused me. Each time I'm close, I want to talk to her, apologise, tell her how I feel. But that's the problem. I can't reconcile how I feel to what she wants. Am I being selfish? Is my refusal to give in to the need to unite, to cross the line and feel her beneath my body, my hands, losing herself with me inside her causing more than sexual frustration like none I've ever experienced?

I’ve fought my craving for Vee, and it’s grown into an intense hunger gnawing at the shackles I've put on myself.

Vee's hurt by me avoiding her, but what else can I do? Until I've figured this out in my head, until I believe that I won't fuck everything up, I have to. One touch, one moment alone together, and there's no way I'll keep control.

But something else rests inside. I want Vee to want me, to want Ewan, not to fulfill what she believes is some weird destiny. I don't know how she responds to the others; it's not something we talk about, beyond the fact her powers intensified. Does Vee look them in the eyes with affection, does she tell them how she feels, or is this only physical pleasure for her?

Hell, Vee' so much more than that to me, and I want her to know I love her, and for her to love me back. This screws with my head even further. Girls never affect me like this. Sure, most have been random hook-ups with no desire to go further, but not one girl ever triggered a need to be around them, to have their attention, the way Vee does.

I want to believe this is more. I need to believe this is human Vee wanting me. Am I fooling myself?

One thing: since our conversation, when I rode away sick to the stomach for hurting her, Joss says she hasn't spoken to him about losing her emotions again. Does she realise she doesn't want to? Or is it because she can't?

Is it because I can't finish the job and make us whole?

Mindfuck.

I sit in the kitchen, elbows on the table, head bowed with my fingers in my hair doing a bloody good impression of Heath. Xander and Heath went to meet up with Syv. Xander said to 'ask for her opinion' on what Portia's asked, but I know what that means. I don't want to be dragged into something else. Whatever happens, our names had better be kept clear too.

The fridge door opens and closes, but I don't look around, until I sense whoever is in the room doesn't move. I let go of my hair and twist my head.

Seth grips a bottle of water and watches me warily. He jerks backwards as I move. Does he think I'll smack him? Good. He needs to be kept on his toes, and worry what I'll do to him if he steps out of line. I don't care what Vee says, I trust him about as much as I do fae. He has some qualities in common with them: the evasiveness, the clever questions, the ability to turn conversations in the direction he wants. If the others paid more attention, they'd see this too.

What if the reason Seth was targeted has nothing to do with us? That he's hiding with us for another reason?

"Are you okay, Ewan? Did something happen? I don't know where Xander and Heath went."

Yeah, because we didn't tell you.

"I'm fine." I keep my voice gruff, with a warning look that he shouldn't pursue his questions.

"Can we call a truce?"

I blink at his words. "I thought we already had."

"I'd call it an uneasy stalemate."

"Call it what you want. I'm not on your back anymore, am I?"

"No, but you watch me. You don't trust me."

"Yep. Sorry." I push my chair back and stand.

"Why?"

"Reasons."

"Wow, Ewan. You're not very eloquent, are you?"

I stand over him. I'm not much taller, but my solid build eclipses his wiry frame. I've itched to get in Seth's face and ask him questions, but never found him alone. He'll be sorry he walked in and interfered in my day.

"I don't know who you are, or what your game is, but when I find out, you're fucked."

Seth's mouth parts and his cheeks redden. "My game is to help you. To find proof someone is killing people - and to find out why."

"Sure."

"What have I done, Ewan? I don't understand. I gave you all the information I have. No wonder Vee struggles!"

I straighten. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I've noticed how you avoid her. Vee gave up a lot to come here and help you all, and I can tell she's struggling with your behaviour." He pauses. "You guys keep saying she's the centre of your world, but all I see is her being pushed to the edge."

I swallow down the harsh response springing to my lips. Seth's doing the same thing again. He's interfering and subtly planting thoughts, all with a feigned innocence. "You don't know anything about our lives," I reply in an even tone.

"Really? Because I'm currently forced to live your lives, and it's shit."

I'm tempted to tell him to piss off and try his luck alone, to see how long he survives, but my suspicion steam rolls those words. Seth wants me to say that.

"I don't think you're who you say, Seth Marks."

Seth removes his glasses and polishes them, as he often does when wanting to pause a conversation.

"That's your call, Ewan... what was your name again? The false one you have?" He places his glasses back on. "If anybody isn't who they say they are, it's you and your band of brothers."

I fight down giving him the angry reaction he wants and maintain a game face to match his.

"You've dug deep into my records and my past, Ewan. It's all there. Seth Marks exists. Do you? Who are you, code name Pestilence?"

I bristle at his mocking tone. Cheeky fucking... My bloody fist could show him I existed. "Me? I'm one of the people keeping your sorry ass alive right now."

"So you keep saying."

"But I'm watching you, Seth. You don't fool me."

Slowly, Seth unscrews the bottle and swigs, his eyes on mine the whole time. Yeah, I'm onto you. He wipes his mouth and screws the lid back on. "I think it's quite sad how little you trust people. Even the girl who loves you."

"I hope you're not bullying Seth again, Ewan." Vee walks into the kitchen. "Have you seen my coat?"

I point at her green jacket slung over the nearest chair and back away when she approaches, avoiding her eyes.

"All good. You know how Ewan is, Vee. It's hard to connect with him sometimes."

Vee laughs and swings the jacket around to push her arms through the sleeves. "He's the strong silent type, for sure."

"Where are you going?" asks Seth.

"For a walk. I want to catch up with Xander while he's in a good mood."

Seth nods. "Good plan."

I say nothing as Vee takes one last glance at me before heading out the door. Seth watches her go, too intently for my liking.

He flicks his fingers after Vee. "That was a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Is it jealousy? Don't you like Vee having sex with the other guys?" I narrow my eyes, and his mouth twitches into a smile. "Are you scared she'll compare you all, and that you won't measure up to the others?"

"You're a devious fucker," I growl. "And you're bloody lucky I'm in a good mood or I would've spread your nose across your face by now."

"Raw nerve?" He chuckles. "I don't care what you think about me. I'm just doing the same as you all do. I'm looking out for myself." With a tight smile, he grips his drink and walks out of the room.

This guy must have a desire to feel my fist in his face because I won't let him get away with this sneaky-ass behaviour much longer. I don't care who the fuck Seth says he is, when I get the opportunity, he's out of here.