Safe and Insecure

 

“Theo?”

Dazed, I stood on shaky legs, unable to move or even breathe. I desperately wanted to believe that he was real, but I didn’t dare trust my eyes. My fractured heart couldn’t handle it if he faded away like a desert mirage.

But, when his mouth slowly inched into a grin that was so perfectly Theo, my breath hitched, and I knew my imagination wasn’t playing tricks on me this time. Without even realizing I was moving, I ran out from behind the counter and flung myself at him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I held on with everything in me as he lifted me off the ground, whispering my name into my hair.

In that moment, I understood the meaning of happiness in a way that had always eluded me. As relieved as I’d been to finally see my dad again, this was different. That reunion was fleeting, bittersweet. This . . . this felt like coming home.

Theo slowly lowered my body until my feet touched the ground, then leaned back just enough to look at me. Keeping one arm firmly around my waist, he raised the other and tenderly swiped at tears I hadn’t noticed falling.

The green in his eyes was more pronounced than ever as he gazed at me with what I could only describe as reverence. “You can’t ever leave me again,” he said, his voice strained. Without warning, he slid his hand to the back of my neck and claimed my lips in a brief but searing kiss that I felt throughout my entire body.

He pulled away too soon, and I stared at him, speechless. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he was standing in front of me, and then he went and kissed me. Theo. Kissed. Me. And, it wasn’t a simple peck hello, either. His kiss felt like a declaration.

Overwhelmed almost to the point of hysterical, I choked back a sob and managed to say, “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

“You do look rather surprised to see me,” he joked.

I sputtered out a laugh. Surprised didn’t even begin to cover how I was feeling. “Why . . . how are you here?”

“Brooke?” A presence at my side made me jump, and I angled my head to find Noah watching us with a mixture of amusement and disappointment. Suddenly remembering we were standing in the middle of Percolate, I attempted to step away from Theo, but his arm tightened possessively around my waist.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Heat flooded my cheeks. “I didn’t mean to make a scene.”

Noah shrugged good-naturedly. “I’m sure the patrons enjoyed the show.” He looked from me to Theo and back to me. “Can I speak with you for a minute?”

“Of course.” I waited until Noah left, then turned to Theo. “I’ll be right back.”

He appeared reluctant to let me go, but nodded, and I had to force myself to withdraw from his arms. My body moved like it was on autopilot, my mind too full of questions to process anything else. How did Theo find me? Is he in Portland alone? How long will he stay? Do the others know where I am?

“Noah, I am so, so sorry about that,” I said when I reached him. “I wasn’t expecting to see him, and—”

“Stop,” he interrupted with a chuckle. “It’s not a big deal. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I assume he’s the idiot ex?”

“What?” My thoughts wandered for a few seconds before my confusion was replaced with comprehension. I’d almost forgotten about letting Noah believe I went through a bad breakup right before moving to Portland. “Oh, no, Theo’s not my ex. More like my best friend.”

“Oh, good.” His concerned expression became mischievous. “If I’d known all I had to do to get a kiss from you was become your BFF, I would have been the best damn friend you’ve ever had.”

Used to his teasing and still feeling pleased that Theo kissed me, I laughed in response. “Do you mind if I talk to him for a minute? Then, I promise to get back to work.”

“Sure. I would give you the rest of the day off, but I have several deliveries this afternoon, so I need another body here.”

“That’s fine.” Although it would be a struggle to function for the remainder of my shift, I couldn’t leave him shorthanded.

When I returned to the front, Theo wasn’t standing where I’d left him and part of me wondered if I dreamed the whole thing. Spotting him at a table across the room, I relaxed and met him halfway.

“Brooke.” He cleared his throat when he said my “name,” like it was awkward for him to do so. “I hope I didn’t get you in trouble.”

“Nope, but I do have to get back to work. I’m off at four; do you want to come back then?”

“Actually, I think I’ll grab my laptop until you’re done. I’ll be over there,” he said, pointing to a leather chair in the corner.

“Okay. Do you want something to drink?”

“How about a cappuccino?”

“Coming right up!”

For the next few hours, I made a valiant effort to focus on my tasks while sensing Theo’s eyes following my every move. It was distracting, to say the least, and I was happy that Noah’s deliveries kept me extra busy at the counter. If I’d had time to think, I probably would have gone insane wondering what was going on, not to mention obsessing over that kiss.

When it was finally time to leave, I grabbed my purse from the back and found Theo waiting for me by the door. “Ready to go?”

I nodded and followed him outside, only mildly startled when he reached for my hand and linked our fingers. Although holding hands wasn’t typical for us, Theo seemed intent to keep me close, and I was more than happy to oblige.

Drawing to a stop next to a black SUV, he wrapped me up in another hug and squeezed me so tight I let out an oomph. When I was able to breathe again, I looked at him, expecting to find his impish grin; instead, he was scowling at me.

“I’m fucking pissed at you, Haley.”

My mouth dropped open in shock. “Did you just cuss?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll put a dollar in the swear jar later. That’s not the point. How could you leave me like that? Without saying goodbye? Not that I would have let you go. Do you have any idea how worried I was? I about lost my fudging mind! And, don’t even get me started on Knox.”

Abashed, I dropped my gaze. “I’m sorry. I was trying to do the right thing.”

Theo pushed my chin up with his finger. “Leaving is never, and I do mean never, the right thing.” He opened the passenger door. “Come on, let’s go.”

I stared out the window as Theo started the car and didn’t realize where we were headed until he parked on the street in front of Helen’s house a few minutes later. I’d been so deep in thought, our destination didn’t even cross my mind.

“How did you—”

Stupid question, Haley. He knows where you work and that you’re going by Brooke. Of course, he knows where you live.

“Never mind.”

“Look at me.” Theo’s voice was soft, and I slowly turned to face him.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He skimmed a hand over his now short hair, and for the first time, I allowed myself to study him. Without his usual trendy haircut, he looked older, his cheekbones more prominent. And, if I wasn’t mistaken, he’d put on some muscle mass.

“It’s okay. I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t. I missed you so much, and seeing you again . . . it’s making me go a bit crazy.”

“As crazy as when you cut your hair?”

“Do you hate it?” There was an air of insecurity surrounding him that made me regret teasing him. Since when is Theo self-conscious about how he looks?

“Not at all. It looks great. I was just surprised by the change.”

He tugged on my ponytail. “You’re one to talk. The black is quite dramatic. Not to mention your makeup.”

Now it was my turn to feel insecure, especially in my ripped jeans and plain black T-shirt. It was definitely not how Theo was used to seeing me. “I wanted to disguise my identity without chopping my hair off, so the dark hair and makeup was kind of a compromise.”

Theo scrutinized my appearance before finally saying, “I like it, although I’m sure you would look amazing with any hair color. Except maybe orange. Or green.”

“Riiight.”

“I’m serious. You know I love your natural color, but I like what you’ve got going on. Kind of a fallen angel look. It works for you.”

“Thanks, I think. Do you want to go inside?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

We walked up the path to the guest house, and I tried to see it through Theo’s eyes. The yard needed some serious landscaping, and the house could benefit from a fresh coat of paint. The interior design and furnishings left much to be desired, always making me long for the warmth and homeyness of the loft. Seeing Theo in the space that had been my lonely retreat for the last few months only exacerbated that pang.

Theo took himself on a small tour, then scrunched up his nose in distaste. “No offense, pumpkin, but this place is kind of a dump. Trust me, I know dumps. Grew up in several of them.”

“It’s not that bad. My landlady is nice and it’s affordable. I am a barista, after all.”

“For now,” he said cryptically before plopping down on the couch. “How does that work, considering your abhorrence for coffee?”

I took the chair across from him so I could see his face clearly. As much as I longed to curl into his side like a cat, I had too many questions.

“I don’t need to drink coffee to make it, although I have discovered chai lattes.”

Theo gasped dramatically. “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.” The teasing tone dropped from his voice. “Maybe I don’t. You seem chummy with that Noah guy. What’s going on with you two?”

Was that jealousy I detected? “He’s a friend. Am I not allowed to make those?” I retorted somewhat snottily.

“Does he know that?” Theo asked, ignoring my question. “Because he was looking rather territorial.”

“Yes, he knows. Can we talk about what you’re doing here?”

“What, you’re not happy to see me?”

I shook my head with exasperation. “Are you going to answer every question with a question?”

He grinned. “Are you?”

I threw a pillow at him. “No. And, I’m pretty sure it was obvious to every person in that coffee shop that I was, am, ecstatic to see you.”

“Oh, I know. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“When did you become so difficult?”

His grin fell. “Around April eighteenth.”

The day I left.

I dipped my chin to my chest, avoiding eye contact. Theo must have realized how truly awful I felt, because he hopped up and pulled me into another hug.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“No, I am. I don’t mean to keep sticking my foot in my mouth, but I can’t seem to help it.”

He tugged me down on the couch next to him and turned his body so that he was facing me. I stared at the tattoos on his forearm, finding comfort in the familiarity of the ink. Just because Theo was mad at me, cussed, yelled, and chopped off his hair didn’t mean that everything about him had changed.

“Let’s try this again. I’m here because I can’t stand being away from you.”

I melted a little but didn’t allow his sweet words to distract me. “How did you find me?”

“We monitored Jessica’s e-mails, then tracked your IP address.”

“Monitored, as in hacked?” Jess would not be happy about that.

“Yes.”

“Dang it, why didn’t I consider that?” I’d always known there was a good chance they’d find me, but I was mad at myself for making such an obvious mistake. Of course, they would “monitor” Jessica.

He snorted. “Because you didn’t expect us to violate your friend’s privacy?”

“We’re talking about the same team who once drugged and kidnapped me, remember?”

“True, although I accept zero responsibility for that.”

“So, you—well, Chase, I’m guessing—found my physical address through the IP address I used to send e-mails? That’s pretty clever,” I admitted. Grudgingly.

I was still trying to process the fact that I’d practically hand-delivered my location when a new thought took flight. I e-mailed Jess for the first time a few weeks after arriving in Portland . . . and I’d been gone just shy of four months.

“When did you hack her e-mails?” I knew my tone sounded suspicious, but I couldn’t help it. I was.

“The second week in May,” Theo said carefully, confirming my biggest fear. They’d known where I was almost this entire time and didn’t care enough to even contact me. For three whole months. I knew it was irrational, since I was the one who left, but this newest revelation felt like a slap in the face.

“I know what you’re thinking, but let me explain.”

“I’m not thinking anything,” I lied, and Theo knew it.

“Make no mistake, I wanted to drag you home the minute we located you. But, we found out about Douglas’s threats.”

Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. “How?”

“You remember the video you took?”

“Yes,” I groaned. “Let me guess—Chase recovered it from my cell phone?”

“It took him a while, but yes. Once we heard that, we decided to deal with Douglas first.”

The ambiguity in his sentence made my imagination go wild. “By deal with him, you mean . . .?”

Theo burst out laughing. “What do you think we are, assassins?”

“You could be for all you’ve told me about your job!” I insisted.

“Well, we aren’t assassins, or even close, and we didn’t kill him. Though, a few of us were tempted when we heard that recording.”

Theo then launched into his account of everything that happened with Douglas over the last few months—infiltrating the campaign office, changing his image, and waiting, though not patiently, to dig up enough dirt to derail Douglas’s career. He showed me several articles on the investigation into Douglas’s improper campaign contributions and subsequent withdrawal from the race.

“I can’t believe you worked for him! What if he’d popped in one day and recognized you? You heard what he said about you on that recording! It wasn’t worth the risk.” I couldn’t even imagine what Douglas would do if he discovered Theo’s role in wrecking his campaign.

“Nothing bad happened, so it doesn’t matter. Let’s talk about something fun. Like what you’ve been up to.”

“Not that much other than work,” I hedged. I wasn’t ready to spill about the meeting with my dad, and the rest of my time in Portland had been uneventful. Embarrassingly so.

“Come on.” Theo poked me in the ribs. “Something interesting must have happened in all this time. Give me something. Anything.”

I sorted through my memories, trying to come up with a decent story instead of bland day-to-day events. Riding my bike to and from work, making complicated coffee drinks all day, reading, and watching too much Netflix didn’t exactly make for riveting tales.

“I performed at open mic night,” I finally offered, hoping Theo would find that tidbit astonishing enough to drop the subject.

“Whaaaat?” He drew the word out too long, and his mouth opened a little too wide.

I narrowed my eyes. “Did you know that already?”

I watched his eyes and saw them dart away before landing back on me. “Of course not.” He’s freaking lying to me.

“Theo. How did you know about the open mic night?”

“Fine, I give. Chase was there.”

“I knew I saw him!” I cried, triumphant. I might have imagined seeing several of the guys, but at least that one time I’d been right. “What was he doing there?”

Theo shrugged. “He was in town and wanted to see you, so he snuck into the coffee shop. He wasn’t supposed to get that close, and Jackson probably would have gone all Rambo on him if he’d found out.”

“Chase told you about it?”

“Yeah, when he got back. I was so jealous he got to see you, and he said you were amazing.”

I started to ask him if that was the only time they’d checked up on me, but we were interrupted by a knock at the door. Theo didn’t look concerned or even surprised, so I walked to the door with a mix of anticipation and anxiety while trying not to get my hopes up. I was already picturing the rest of the guys on the other side, when it was probably Helen with a plate of snickerdoodles.

Swinging the door open, my eyes were inexplicably glued to the ground, and I took in scuffed boots and jeans before allowing my gaze to travel up to muscular thighs and a wide leather belt. I lingered on the navy T-shirt clinging to a broad chest and shoulders for a few moments too long, then finally perused the scruffy jaw outlined by dirty blond hair and met amused green eyes.

We stood there staring at each other for so long that I wasn’t sure who moved first; all I knew was that I ended up in Knox’s arms, and I’d never felt so safe. He seemed bigger than I remembered, or maybe it was that every inch of my body felt engulfed by his presence. His hands roamed over my lower back in a soothing motion, and he exhaled like he’d been holding his breath for the entire four months we’d been apart.

After reluctantly withdrawing from the hug, I slumped against the doorjamb, at a loss for words. Having Theo and then Knox re-appear, as if from thin air, was doing a number on my now fragile state of mind. Speaking of . . .

I looked over Knox’s shoulder, asking, “Is it just you?”

The skin between his brows puckered, and his tone sounded hurt. “Were you hoping for someone else?”

“No,” I replied quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that. I only asked because I’m not sure I’ll survive another surprise.”

“Well, then, it’s just me.”

“Okay,” I sighed, wondering if I should feel guilty for the relief flooding me. Not that I would be disappointed if another of the guys showed up, but I was overwhelmed enough for one day.

Realizing we were still standing in the doorway, I gave Knox a sheepish smile. “Sorry, come in.”

Once I closed the door behind him and turned around, the room seemed to shrink exponentially. Knox hovered in the small entry, and Theo was perched on the arm of the couch, apparently watching our exchange with rapt interest. The sudden awkwardness was almost stifling, and I wasn’t even sure why.

“So . . . are you guys hungry? There’s this pizza place down the road I really like. They also have a great selection of beer on tap. According to Noah, that is. Obviously, I wouldn’t know. I don’t even know if I like beer since I’ve never tried it.” The words practically spilled from my mouth, reminding me of Theo’s nervous rambling. Between that and unintentionally offending Knox, I wanted to rewind the last five minutes and try again.

Theo started laughing. “I think we need to feed Haley. She’s acting a little loopy.”

“Ha. Ha.”

Knox merely shook his head and walked back to the door. “Let’s go. I’m driving.”

Was it possible to feel happy, disconcerted, comfortable, flustered, curious, and worried all at the same time?