Amalia...

“Oh, god,” I groaned getting off of the back of Kyle’s bike. I looked up to the dilapidated exterior of the motel Archer had made our reservations in.

Kyle and I had been woken up that morning to Reaver jumping on the bed. I swear to god I was going to find that stash of energy he had and steal some. He’d bounced and bounced crowing like a fucking rooster and I damn near hoofed him right in the junk for it. We’d gotten something like six hours of sleep, which after the drive we’d completed the day before coupled with the hard partying? Yeah, not nearly enough.

We’d gone out to the bar area of the club and had found Archer on the phone and poring over maps. He’d hung up, declared the reservations for this motel were made and handed Trigger a sheaf of papers including a map. I’d looked at Kyle and asked if Trigger was coming with but he’s said something about it being Archer’s job as Road Captain, whatever that was.

Now we were here, getting checked in, the evening wearing on toward night. As soon as we had our keys, we were supposed to go straight to the shop and get my shit. I didn’t care about the furniture. I just cared about the ink, needles, my other two guns and the grand prize: my portfolio. Any other incidentals I could make off with were just a bonus after that. Each guy had one cleaned-out saddle bag on their bike in anticipation of pack-horsing my shit back to Kentucky.

Kyle caught my elbow and pulled me around to face him. He sat down on his leaning bike and pulled me between his knees, settling his hands on my hips. His quick brown eyes caught mine and held them as he dipped his chin and gave me a contemplative and searching look.

“What’s bothering you? It’s not like you to drag your feet on anything and you’ve done nothing but on this one.”

I turned away and fixed my gaze on the faded teal blue paint on one of the motel room doors.

“I used to fuck Joey,” I said finally and turned back to look at him. He was smiling which confused me.

“And? I used to fuck Shelly and you dealt with it just fine, you don’t think I can do the same?”

“Not you I’m worried about,” I said honestly.

“Oh yeah?” His expression became a little guarded and he waited me out. Sometimes I hated when he waited me out and this was one of them. I gave a harsh, impatient exhale and swore.

“Joey can be a little intense, but he’s a good guy. I don’t really feel like breaking his heart.”

“You guys were close, I take it?”

“Yeah and no.”

“Yeah and no?”

Damnit, he wasn’t going to let me get away with vague. I rolled my eyes and tried to turn but he kept me rooted to the spot, his hands smoothing around to my ass and pulling me closer. I sighed and looked down at him where he was sitting and came clean.

“He was the closest I ever let anyone get beside you. He thought it was serious, I knew it was getting serious, and I broke it off. He still doesn’t know he was getting all involved with a total lie. It hurt him, then my dad died, then I disappeared – “ I threw up my hands and let them crash to my denim-clad thighs. He didn’t get it, and I didn’t want to say it out loud. That Joey was in love with me and I had let it happen because I’d been excruciatingly lonely. That I had let him fall in love with me with absolutely no intentions of ever returning it. God, what kind of a fucked-up bitch did that make me?

“You had a life as Lexi, baby. I get it.”

“Yeah, you get it, Kyle but Joey? Joey’s not going to…”

“Problem?” Trigger called down from the second floor of the motel, over the railing.

“No,” Kyle called up.

“If there’s a problem, I bet I can solve it,” Reaver called down with a wicked grin.

“Fuck you, no! You’re not solving anything,” I called back.

Reaver cackled like a maniac in response and shot forward, disappearing into his and Trigger’s shared room. It was him, Trigger, Disney, me and Kyle on this run to Indigo Ink. Revelator had a wife and kids which made it harder for him to break away. He’d wanted to come, though. Was a little intent on it, actually; something wasn’t quite sitting right but hell if I knew what it was.

“I say let’s get it done, get a few hours of sleep and take our happy asses back home,” Disney said and I felt bad.

“I appreciate you coming,” I said and he smiled taking the sting out of his next words.

“Then let’s go get your shit already. Faster you get it done, the sooner you ain’t never got to pretend you’re someone else or look back.”

He had a point, but still, it was never a fun thing breaking someone’s heart all over again which I was bound to do here. Joey wasn’t going to take my disappearance, sudden reappearance, and subsequent vanishing all over again really well. He was bound to not take me pitching up with four unknown bikers from Kentucky real well, either.

“Why does this bother you?” Kyle asked quietly and I sighed.

“Not exactly a shining example of my finest hour, you know?” I said.

“No, I don’t know… why don’t you explain it to me?”

“Later,” Trigger called out and he and Reaver were back down from the rooms. “Let’s get this over with, grab a few hours and head back.”

I sighed and felt my shoulders slump, nodding wearily and we headed over, the five of us, on four bikes. The shop was lit with its familiar blue neon and was as busy as ever. It was the middle of our day and I felt a huge pang of guilt. I mean, I guess it was better than me being dead which is where I thought I would be at this point, but nobody needed to know that.

Disney went in ahead of us, Kyle held the door for me, and I slipped through. He was right behind me, followed by Trigger and Reaver and the first thing I did was pick up my portfolio and slip it to Disney. If it were the only thing we got out of this, then let it be so. I didn’t know what kind of reception I was about to get.

Kit looked up from her computer screen and froze, her pink bubble gum she’d blown into an expert bubble, snapping. She took a full two seconds to pull it off her lips with her tongue and suck it back into her mouth.

“Hey, Joey!” she called and her tone wasn’t friendly, but it wasn’t exactly hostile, either. More of an ‘oh, shit… I don’t know what to do with this one’ which was fine. I wouldn’t have been so uncertain, though. I would have been pissed off.

The guns in the shop stopped buzzing, people looked up and surprise flitted across Lissard’s face; Djinn looked nonplussed, but this was Joey’s shop and as the king, it was his job and his place to deal with me. Joey rolled across the checkered linoleum floor and his green eyes burned.

“And just where the fuck have you been?” he barked and I tilted my head. His voice was barely restrained and I knew this was going to be a knock-down drag-out.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” I said and let out a pent-up breath slow and controlled. “I don’t want any trouble, I just want to get my shit and go.”

“No! Fuck that Lexi! You owe me a goddamned explanation!”

“Fuck,” I muttered.

“Which one’s yers again?” Trigger asked. I turned to look at him, standing behind me just inside the door, chewing on the end of a black e-cigarette.

“Back wall, central station.”

“No, fuck that! Who the fuck are you?” he demanded.

“We’re her new friends,” Reaver answered and followed Trigger to the back. They had a couple of tool boxes that would hold my shit, but that fit nicely in their saddlebags. Disney held a third in case they needed it.

“I don’t care about the gloves and saran wrap and shit. Just get my ink, there should be a rotary gun in the drawer, and whatever other essentials,” I told him.

“Lexi, seriously, what the fuck?” Djinn demanded from the corner.

“You disappear for a couple of months, no call no show on your clients, then just show up here rip out your shit and leave?” Joey demanded.

“Like I said, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I’m sorry, but this is really for the best. You won’t hear from me again. I promise.”

“Not good enough,” Joey came out from behind the counter and said, “Kit, call the cops!”

“What for?” I demanded.

“For robbing the place,” Joey said defiantly.

“Oh, fuck you, Joey. All that shit is mine – bought and paid for with my own fuckin’ money!” I shouted, outraged. He grabbed my arm and made to haul me in but Kyle stepped between us, a gentle hand on Joey’s chest.

“Don’t touch her.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Joey demanded and hauled off, and I got in it to win it then. I caught his wrist, stepped past Kyle and landed Joey on his ass. He slid back into some of the waiting area chairs, shoving them into the front window which shuddered with the impact but thankfully, didn’t break.

“Woo hoo hoo! She got me with that one last night!” Reaver cried. God, had it really only been last night? Too much shit was happening too fucking close together. That felt like days or weeks ago already.

Out loud I said, “No, different move,” adding dryly, “You’re not helping!”

“Sorry,” Reaver muttered.

Joey looked up at me like I had a forked tongue and I shook my head, “You don’t touch him. These guys are the least of your fuckin’ worries. You don’t have a clue who I am or what I’ve been through but he,” I pointed back at Kyle, “is everything. Now sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. I don’t owe you anything!” I turned to Kyle to check and make sure he was okay while Joey climbed to his feet. Kyle looked amused but what came out of Joey’s mouth made me freeze.

“The fuck you don’t! I made you, Lexi Duran!”

I turned slowly and spat in his face, “No, I made Lexi Duran. She doesn’t exist, asshole! She never did. This whole time, this whole thing is all a fucking lie! So suck on that, why don’t you!”

“You fucking this guy?” he demanded, and of course, it always devolved into that, didn’t it?

“Yup, every chance I can get and while the sex wasn’t half bad with you, it's fucking mind blowing with him!” I stared Joey down and if looks could fucking kill… I didn’t give a shit, though. I’d broken up with Joey to try and spare him some pain, but shit… this was all my fucking fault. The anger, the bitterness, the rage in his face was all a demon of my own summoning. Not my finest hour. Not by a long fucking shot. Didn’t matter what I did or who I was with, it always turned to shit despite my best fucking intentions.

“Shit, fuck, goddamnit!” I muttered as pain replaced the anger in Joey’s eyes. They glassed over and I stared at the fucking ceiling and counted to ten. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever fault someone for feeling a depth of emotion for someone else but the person he loved wasn’t me, she was a lie.

“You owe me something,” he said and I nodded.

“Yup, I do… but I can’t give it to you.” Guilt ate at me as Trigger and Reaver filed out, they’d pillaged my shit, filled all three of the tool boxes while Joey and I bickered and he shook his head, helpless.

“Why are you doing this to us?” he demanded and I swallowed hard.

“I’m not, there was no real ‘us’ and you can’t know how sorry I am for doing this to you, but it’s over. I’m done, and I’m going now. I hope you wind up with someone worth more.”

Kyle’s hand landed on my shoulder and he squeezed. It was like breaking up with Joey all over again but on a monumental scale.

“Fuck, well, if you’re not Lexi Duran who the fuck are you then!?” he screamed as we went out the door. Sirens were fast approaching and I didn’t answer him. I was hoping like hell it wouldn’t be an unanswered question that haunted him the rest of his fucking life, because the look of betrayal on his face? It would damn sure haunt mine… At least he was still alive, though. At least I’d managed to do that right.