CHAPTER 13
Kate’s stomach filled with butterflies as she stepped out of her trailer. Cash had been so brave today. For him the struggle was real. Her own problems paled in comparison. She would do well to remember that as she put the pieces of her own life back together.
Her heart beat faster with every step that brought her closer to Cash’s. Kissing Cash was… better than anything she’d ever imagined. Or written about in songs. The sensations he’d unleashed in her body made her nipples tingle just from the memory. No man had ever made her ache to be touched. Made her want so, so much more. She’d never been kissed like that, like a she was a sensuous woman. He’d kissed her like he’d wanted her. And when he’d slipped his fingers under her shirt… wetness rushed to her core at the thought of it.
But the way he blew hot and cold concerned her. Which Cash would answer the door? The man who looked at her with heat in his eyes? Or the tortured soul who battled demons in the arena and pushed her away when she got too close?
He opened the door as soon as she stepped on the bottom stair and she drew in a quick breath, awareness ballooning in her chest. He looked so good. Soft denim hugged his thighs, and he’d put on a white button down that pulled tight across his chest. The way his eyes lit made her want to crawl right into his lap, beard and all. She’d never kissed anyone with a beard before last night. It had been softer than she expected. She liked the way it tickled her cheek, her neck. Her mouth watered at the thought of kissing him again.
He extended his hand. “Hi.”
She took it, electricity zinging through her at his touch, and let him pull her close, heart thumping wildly. Without even thinking about it, she tilted her head inviting him to kiss her like it was the most natural thing in the world. He didn’t disappoint. Heat flooded her senses when his lips met hers, and her eyes fluttered shut. His mouth was soft, gentle, and she melted against him, vibrating with longing.
“So sweet,” he murmured when he pulled away and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I like your hair down.”
She smiled up at him, warming all over at his compliment. “Thank you.”
His eyes widened. “You can talk again?”
Grief pierced her, and she winced. “Yeah.”
“That’s not a good thing?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Yes, no. It’s complicated.”
Understanding filled his eyes. “Isn’t everything?” He tugged on her hand. “Come inside?”
She stepped inside a perfect replica of her own trailer, but with one difference – his kitchen smelled heavenly. The aroma of garlic and steak hit her senses. Where had he learned to cook? So much she didn’t know about this man. So much she wanted to learn.
Cash stepped to the stove. “Sit. Steaks are ready.” He brought two plates to the table filled with steak, fries, and greens. “It’s pretty simple,” he said half-apologetically.
“I think it’s amazing.” And perfect for a real first date.
He pulled a chair up to the end of the table. “There’s ketchup or steak sauce, if you prefer.”
Kate laid a hand on his leg, enjoying that he was too big to squeeze in the narrow space across from her. “It’s perfect,” she answered, keeping her voice light. She cut into the steak and took a bite. She shut her eyes and groaned. It was perfectly done and well-seasoned. A steak after her own heart. When she opened her eyes, Cash was staring at her with heat in his eyes. Answering heat shot through her center, right to her panties. Her throat tightened as she held his gaze. After a long moment, she cleared her throat. “Where’d you learn to cook a steak like that?”
His eyes crinkled when he smiled. “My mom. She worked as a line cook at a truck stop when I was a kid. Said steak was the easiest thing to learn how to cook after scrambled eggs. So she taught me when I was about ten years old.”
How would her life have been different if her mother had taught her something besides guilt? From the time she’d been a little girl, Helene had made it clear how much she’d given up for her daughter. And it didn’t matter how successful Kate was, it was never enough to give her mother back the career she’d put aside when she’d unexpectedly become pregnant. “You’re lucky.”
Cash nodded. “Yeah, I am. My mom’s great. She worked three jobs to make ends meet for us. But she always had time for me.”
He kept her entertained while she ate, carrying the burden of the conversation, regaling her with stories of growing up in rural Maine, of spending summers in the woods, and of winters huddled around the stove.
Cash removed their plates to the sink and returned with a stack of cards. “I know you probably have a lot of questions. And you deserve answers.” He took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers, his face a mask. “And I have questions, too.”
Kate’s blood raced, stomach flipping.
“So I thought maybe the easiest way would be to play cards?”
“I don’t follow.” She cocked her head.
His eyes crinkled again, sparkling with humor. “I thought we could play war.”
“War?” The kid’s game? What was he playing at?
He nodded. “Yeah. Winner of each round gets to ask a question. Loser has to answer.”
Fair enough, but fear settled in the pit of her stomach. What if she revealed too much? What if he pushed her away again? She drew in a deep breath, slowly releasing it. “Okay.” He shuffled, then passed her the cards. She cut the deck and shuffled again, then dealt the stack. He looked straight at her, face tight. Her heart went to him. “We don’t have to do this,” she murmured. “We can just talk.”
He shook his head, determination flashing in his eyes. “Nope.” His hand hovered over the top of his stack. “Ready?”
She nodded.
“On three. One, two, three.”
They flipped. She groaned inwardly. She’d drawn a four, Cash a seven. A devilish spark leapt into his eyes and he gave her a slow, knowing smile. Her heart leaped to her throat making it hard to breathe. She suddenly felt like she was walking a tightrope.
“Hey,” he said softly, stroking a finger down her cheek. “Don’t worry, we’ll start off easy. Favorite color?”
Kate breathed out a sigh of relief. “Blue.” She won the next round, and asked the same question, following his lead.
“Green. Like your eyes.”
A thrill ran through her as she dropped her gaze, afraid he’d see how his answer had affected her. They quickly ran through a list of favorites, then moved to firsts. “First kiss?” She asked boldly, pulse racing.
He cocked his head, arching a brow. “Jenny Martin, sixth grade.”
She was certain her eyes popped out of her skull. “Sixth grade? Did you like it?”
Cash’s smile broadened. “You’ll have to ask that on another round.”
A few rounds later, he turned the tables, asking her the same question. “Trent Ridley, sixteen.” She’d leave off the part that he was a guitarist in her band and twenty-two at the time. Or that her mother had discovered them and fired him on the spot.
“Did you like it?” Cash asked stiffly.
“Not nearly as much as I liked yours,” she blurted, heating.
Cash’s eyebrows shot up his forehead, and his eyes flared. Electricity arced between them. “That so?”
She swallowed, mouth going dry, and tore her gaze from him. She was entering dangerous territory here, and they hadn’t even gotten to the tough questions. The ones she had about what put the tortured look she’d seen on his face on multiple occasions. The questions from him she hoped to avoid.
She flipped a card. Queen of spades.
Cash flipped. Queen of diamonds.
Her insides turned upside down as she raised her eyes. “What now?”
Cash drummed his fingers on the table, thinking. “Double or nothing? Winner gets to ask follow up questions.”
“Let’s go,” she answered, her question already forming in her mind. She laid her cards down, and shut her eyes before she flipped the final card, sending a silent plea to the universe that she’d win. An Ace of Hearts faced up at her when she opened her eyes, handily beating Cash’s eight of clubs. “What keeps you awake at night?” she asked, scooping the cards into her pile.
Cash regarded her steadily, a muscle in his neck ticking. After a long moment, he spoke. “You don’t pull your punches, do you?”
“You can pass,” she offered quietly.
He shook his head and rubbed his cheek. “What keeps me awake? Depends on the night. Most nights, it’s the face of my friend Hamm. We were ambushed in a building we’d hunkered down in for the night. Bullet hit his neck instead of mine.”
Kate thought she would be sick. She reached for Cash’s hand. “I’m so very sorry.” But her comment hadn’t registered. He was clearly lost in a sea of memories.
He dropped his head with a sigh. “We lost three guys that night, but I was closest to Hamm. He was an only child like me, and he was like a brother.”
Tears prickled behind Kate’s eyes. Hamm’s poor family. She couldn’t imagine losing a child. But your only child? How did his parents manage? “How are his parents?”
“Helping to raise Hamm’s son. Never made me so glad I didn’t have kids.”
“I don’t understand.”
Cash raised his head, puffing his cheeks as he blew out a breath. “I was married at the time. It didn’t work out. I got a Dear Johnny letter not long after the ambush.”
Married?!?
Kate reeled. He’d been married? And dumped while he was on a mission? What kind of a person would do that? Especially to someone like Cash? A million new questions popped into her head. “Do you miss her?” she whispered, bracing for the answer. Oh God, what if he did? What would she do then? The realization she’d developed feelings for this gentle giant pummeled her.
“Nope,” he said flatly.
She exhaled the breath she’d been holding. “Did you love her?”
“Not like…” He shook his head. “I was devastated at the time, but we were young. Too young. Miranda liked the idea of being married to a SEAL far more than the reality. We made it just over a year, and half that time I was gone. I visited Hamm’s family as soon as I got the chance. Seeing the grief on their faces every time they looked at Hamm’s son made me glad I’d made different choices.”
Miranda. A wave of jealousy roiled through Kate, fierce and hot, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.
“What about you? Has your heart been broken?”
How to explain without giving away one of her biggest secrets? But the second she disclosed her identity, this fragile thing blossoming between them would evaporate. As soon as Kaycee Starr came between them, he’d stop seeing her, Kate. Her indecision must have shown on her face, because he reached out and tipped her chin, forcing her to look right at him.
“Is that why you were crying last night? Did someone break your heart?” She was heartbroken, but not for the reason he thought. “I… it’s complicated.” His face fell. Shit. To keep one secret, she’d have to disclose the other, embarrassing as it was. She took a deep breath. “I’ve never had a boyfriend. I… tonight… I guess you could call this my first date.” She twisted out of his grip, shutting her eyes, unable to bear looking at him a second longer. Her cheeks flamed. Her skin crawled from the shame of it. She stood. “I should go.” She looked around the room, anywhere but at him. “Thank you for a nice evening.”
He stood too, catching her shoulder and turning her back. “Wait. Please don’t go? I don’t want you to go.”
She pressed her cold hands to her cheeks. They were still on fire.
He took her hands, encasing them with his enormous ones. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Kate.”
“I have plenty.” She shook her head, dropping her gaze. “I’m pathetic.”
“Look at me, Kate,” he commanded gently.
Reluctantly, she forced her eyes up, unable to breathe.
“Just so I’m clear, you’ve never…”
Another wave of shame rippled through her as she shook her head. This was not how she’d ever imagined their conversation going. How could she ever look at him again after tonight? But he lowered his head, so his mouth was a whisper from hers. If she shifted her weight to her toes, they’d be touching. His breath was warm and soft on her cheek, and she breathed him in. His masculine scent underneath the soapy clean went straight to her head like moonshine. Her nerve endings fired in anticipation, sending violent ripples all the way to her toes.
“You have no idea how that turns me on,” he whispered.
She pulled her head back a fraction to study him. He gazed down at her through hooded eyes, a fire there that made her ache with want. She wanted his mouth on her, his hands. Her nipples were tight peaks, straining against her bra, and she was pretty sure there was nothing left of her panties.
“I promise. We can do whatever you want. Go as slow as you like, or do nothing at all. Just say the word.” His mouth brushed hers in the barest of kisses. She vibrated from the intensity of it all. There was something so deeply erotic in his touch. The sureness of it, the question in it, the promise of it.
“I–” She leaned in, pressing her mouth to his, surprised by her boldness, shocked by how natural it felt. “I want you to make me come.”