Chapter 20 – Analysing DNA

The driver cleared his throat, glancing nervously sideways at the huge man occupying the passenger seat beside him. DarNell was relaxed as he surveyed the passing landscape, oblivious to the driver’s uneasy tension. While I had never felt that fear, I certainly understood it. DarNell was close to seven feet tall and was a wall of muscle. He was a weapons specialist and proficient in Systema, a combat method developed by the Russian Special Forces for the sole purpose of inflicting as much possible harm to your adversary. He had never served time in the military but had trained with various units.

DarNell didn’t indulge much in idle chit chat, he preferred to keep his senses sharp and ready for any potential situations or dangers. Of all the members of our security team, it was DarNell who I liked the most.

I had mixed feelings as we drove through the northern suburbs of Melbourne. This was where I grew up, went to school, had my first kiss... Along with a few other firsts. Not all the memories were bad but they were just so distant, almost a lifetime removed from who I was today.

“Is this your old neighbourhood?” Alex asked as we travelled down a narrow road with parked cars lining the street.

“Yep,” I nodded as we drove past the same 1970s style brick homes I remembered from when I lived here last.

“That’s it.” I pointed out the window to the single story house at the end of the street.

The round rose bushes that lined the front yard were neat and pruned and the garden had been meticulously maintained. My parents were avid gardeners, a trait I did not share or understand considering their lack of nurturing skills.

“You don’t have to wait DarNell. I can give you a call when we are ready to go home, or we can just call a cab.” I squeezed Alex’s hand as the car came to a stop.

“We’ll sit here and wait Lexi.” DarNell made it clear he wasn’t making any more concessions.

Alex opened the door and stepped out, holding it open for me. I adjusted my dress as I exited the car, taking a final deep breath before walking up the paved path to the front door.

“Just before we go in...” I stopped Alex from ringing the doorbell, “know that while these people are my family, it’s not going to be what you expect.”

“Lexi, I just want to meet them. I have no expectations.” Alex’s hand brushed my cheek.

Alex pressed his finger to the door chime, announcing our arrival. It wasn’t too late to get in the car and leave, I thought. Everything about this idea seemed bad. As much as I hoped it wouldn’t turn out badly, I knew better. There were reasons I had distanced myself from them, those reasons weren’t going to miraculously disappear with one visit.

My mother answered the door, her blow-dried, chin length hair showing no hint of the multiple greys she’d claimed I’d caused her.

“Lexi, Darling. Come in!” She crooned as she held the door open, nodding approvingly at Alex. “And you must be Alex, such a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Her forced sweetness made me want to dry heave. I knew it was for Alex’s benefit, not mine. If one thing my mother did worry about, it was appearances.

“Hi Mum.” I walked through the door into the hallway, Alex following close behind me.

“Hello Mrs. Reed, it’s nice to meet you too.” Alex offered my mother his hand, as I watched her stare into his hypnotic blue eyes.

“Please, so formal.” My mother laughed nervously, “Call me Mum. You’re family now.” Her eyes followed the length of Alex’s body. Not even my mother was immune to his astounding charm and good looks.

“We might have to work up to that.” Alex smiled, removing his hand from hers and placing it protectively around my waist.

“Yes, of course.” My mother smiled, “Please come in, Andrew is in the lounge room.” She turned to lead us through the two sliding wooden doors.

My dad hadn’t changed, he was in his usual chair with his glasses perched on the end of his nose. The TV in front of him was tuned into the ABC waiting for commencement of the 7:30 report while The Age newspaper lay in his lap.

“Lexi.” The tone in his voice was neither warm nor inviting, he could have said the word “table” with more affection.

“Hey Dad. This is my husband Alex.” I turned to introduce Alex who hadn’t left my side.

“Yes. The Husband.” He stood gruffly as Alex extended his hand. Alex towered over my father who was doing his best to be the Alpha male in the room. The display was almost laughable considering my father couldn’t hold a candle to Alex.

“Well, let’s all sit down shall we.” My mother gestured to the couch, “I’m roasting a leg of lamb for dinner, Alex- I hope you like lamb?” her voice was dripping with anticipation.

I’m not sure if my mother’s dinner choice was intentional or the woman just had no fucking idea. Roast Lamb was Lachlan’s favourite meal, I hated it. No doubt my mother couldn’t even remember what I preferred let alone what I didn’t like.

“Yes, I like lamb. Though I’m not so sure Lexi’s a fan.” Alex tried to be diplomatic as we settled into the brown leather couch. It too, like my parents, was cold and uninviting.

Yep, my husband of five freaking minutes knew me better than these people who supposedly raised me.

“Oh really?” My mother acted surprised, I couldn’t be sure if it was genuine or staged. “I’m sorry Sweetie, I can fix you something else. It’s been so long since you’ve been around!” Her mouth twitched with her little back handed comment.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not here for the food.” I struggled not to allow myself be baited. “I just wanted to come by and see you both and for you to meet Alex.”

That’s it Lexi, remind yourself why you are here. It’s not about them or their fucking lamb roast, it’s about Alex, the man that you love.

“So, Alex... ” My mother tried to cheerily change the subject. “What does your family think of our Lexi?”

My blood ran cold at the being called “theirs” and the mention of his family in the same sentence as mine. The two groups of people couldn’t be further apart in comparison.

“They adore her.” Alex kissed me tenderly on the forehead, “I think my mother had always wanted a daughter, so she absolutely loves Lexi.”

My mother’s smile faltered hearing Alex’s heartfelt words. As much as I hated to admit it, it gave me satisfaction knowing that the fact someone else’s mother enjoyed my existence bothered her, even if it was only slightly.

My father was predictably silent, his disapproving looks were more than adequate at conveying his thoughts and feelings on the matter. I was the black sheep, the disappointment. Things were never going to change and nothing I did was ever going measure up in their eyes. The truth is, I had stopped trying years ago and was happier for it.

I broke the uncomfortable silence by volunteering a little bit about my new life. I would be the bigger person, despite me knowing this was probably going to end badly. “So, I’m loving New York. The city is amazing and I love my job. I’m so busy now, I even have staff!” I wasn’t sure if I was saying it just to tell them about myself or as a big “fuck you.”

“It’s nice to see you parlayed that excuse for employment into something more... beneficial. You should have done a law degree like your brother.” My father was unimpressed by my established success. Not that this surprised me, Lachlan was always the litmus test.

“Dad, I had no interest in Law. I love my job.” I refused to be drawn into this argument. It’s not like we hadn’t gone down this road at least fifty times before anyway. I was tired of justifying my life choices to my father (sperm donor). 

“You didn’t have a lot of interest in anything!” My mother joked, “Alex, I could tell you some stories about our Lexi.” There was that word again, “our” it made my skin crawl.

“Although, you know. You are only the second boy she’s ever brought home. There was that nice young man you dated... Oh Lexi... What was his name? Anyway, as usual Lexi moved on.”

“Yes, she never did real well with responsibility... or commitment.” My father qualified. I’m not sure if adding the last little barb was for my benefit or Alex’s.

I squeezed Alex’s hand at the mention of him. Alex’s eyes flared in recognition, he knew the “boy” they were referring to. These people had no idea what he had done to me; my issue was not responsibility or commitment. Of course if they had been present in my life they would have known that and seen what he had done to me.

“Look, we can go. We don’t have to sit here and try to be something we’re not.”  The thought of spending any more time in this uncomfortable atmosphere was unbearable and the pretence was excruciating.

“Don’t be ridiculous Alexandra, you just got here.” My mother used my full name in an attempt to assert control.

“Mum, it’s Lexi.” I huffed, she knew how much I hated being called that.

“Mr and Mrs Reed, I mean no disrespect but the boy in question was not deserving nor worthy of your daughter.” Alex kept his voice level but I could tell he was pissed.

“Oh, she’s told you about her past?” My mother looked shocked as if my past was like some sordid revelation, such as I’d really been born a man.

“We have no secrets. Alex knows who I am.” Which is more than I can say for you, I finished the last part in my head.

“Of course, I was merely just saying that given the choices you’ve made... Well I’m glad things turned out for you.” My mother shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Turned out for me? Like I hadn’t busted my ass for everything I had accomplished? What the fuck was that? Even though my parents weren’t able to congratulate me on my success and happiness, they were still able to minimize it by implying it had been some strange stoke of luck. An anomaly, almost as if I was undeserving.

The sound of keys jingling snapped my head up in attention.  The front door creaked open. Who else lived here? Had my parents rented out a room?

My mother stood but seemed unsurprised by the noise coming from the front door, clearly this house guest had been expected.

“Grandma!” A gorgeous, bright eyed, sandy haired little girl screamed. Her tiny arms wrapped around my mother’s neck as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly in delight.

My eyes widened at this emotional exchange, not fully comprehending what was happening even though it was playing out directly in front of me.

My mother looked at me nervously as my brother Lachlan entered the room, Melissa smiling sweetly at his side. Will lagged behind, his attention absorbed in his iPod.

“Hello Lexi.” Lachlan’s voice held no more warmth than my father’s.

“You didn’t tell me this was going to be a reunion?” My hands involuntarily balled into fists in anger but I kept them hidden by my sides, not wanting to give Lachlan the satisfaction.

“You wouldn’t have come, if I’d told you.” My mother tried to defend her underhandedness as she cradled the little girl, who I had now guessed was Lachlan’s daughter Ava.

“I guess we’ll never know, will we?” As I raised myself from the couch, Alex grabbed my hand.

“Grandma, who’s da pretty lady?” Ava asked, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

My mother looked to Lachlan for permission before answering. Lachlan giving her a curt nod allowing her to make the introduction, “Ava, Will. This is your Aunty Lexi.”

Ava giggled as she waved hello, then shyly buried her head in my mother’s neck. Will looked up from his iPod, straining to recall who I was. He had been so young the last time he’d seen me, while he may have remembered my name, he surely wouldn’t have recognized me. He shifted awkwardly between his feet, his five-year-old mind unable to process what an acceptable greeting would be.

I was seething with anger. Not only had I been blindsided by my mother forcing me to see my Asshole brother but he had brought my niece and nephew with him, in what I could only believe was an attempt to neutralize my reaction. What kind of person uses their own children for manipulation? I guess I didn’t have to look far to get my answer.

“Lexi, I thought it was time you put this childish, petty grudge aside. After all don’t you miss being in their lives?” Lachlan’s cool and calculating voice finally addressed me.

“I think you and I have very different recollections of what actually happened Lachlan. I don’t believe that doing this here and now is good for anyone, especially not them.” I struggled to remain calm as I moved in closer.

Alex stood beside me, his hand threading through my fingers. His presence reminded me that I was better than this now.

I knelt down in front of Will. He had grown so much in the three years I had been absent from his life. He looked so much like my brother. I hoped that was where the similarities ended.

“Will, I know you don’t remember me but I’m your Daddy’s sister, Lexi. Is there somewhere you and Ava play when you come to visit Grandma?”

Will bit his lip and nodded, “The pink room.”

The “pink room” had been my old bedroom. It was strange to know that when they came here they spent their time playing in the same room I had. I guess in a small way it pleased me to know that I was still part of their lives even if they weren’t aware of it.

“Do you think you can take Ava into the pink room and play for a little bit and so Daddy and Aunty Lexi can talk? I would really like to see how nicely you play together.”

“Sure.” Will shrugged as he waited for my mother to lower Ava and then took her little hand. “Come on Ava, let’s go play Lego.”

“Ooooooooo,” Ava clapped enthusiastically as he lead her down the hall.

“Wow, who’d have thought you had it in you? Being maternal, I mean.” Lachlan sniped.

“You really are a selfish conceited bastard!” I snapped as I rose to my feet, “How could you bring them here and subject them to this? Do you care about anyone other than yourself?”

“Alex, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Lachlan and this beautiful lady is my wife Melissa.” Lachlan diverted his attention to Alex.

“Lachlan, Melissa” Alex nodded coolly in their direction and moved closer to my side.

“Oh come on Lexi! Grow up! He’s your brother, this your family!” My father chastised me impatiently.

“Grow up?” I stared at my father in disbelief, “Are you fucking kidding me?” Unable to wrap my head around the fact these people believed this had some how been my doing? Like I would choose this!?

“There is no need for that kind of language young lady. I still expect that when you are in this house you address us with a certain amount of respect.” My father bellowed.

“Respect? That goes both ways, Dad.” I sneered, disappointed I had allowed them to get under my skin.

“So tell me Alex, cause I’m curious.  How did someone like my sister land such a successful, decent looking bloke like yourself? I mean, I’ve seen your estimated net worth in Forbes, you must know what a bad investment being with her is? You can do so much better.” Lachlan didn’t flinch as he spoke is if I was no longer in the room.

Alex’s eyes narrowed, “That’s my wife you are talking about! She isn’t an acquisition and she has more value than my entire net worth, which incidentally isn’t even close to Forbes’ meagre estimation.”

“Wow Sis, you must be a really good lay!” Lachlan spat out.

All rational thought left my mind - my arm swung, closed fist, making a cracking sound against his smug jaw.

“Lachlan!” wailed Melissa rushing to his side as he crumbled to the floor.

“Jesus Christ, Lexi!” My father shouted as my mother covered her face in horror.

Alex grabbed me by the waist, holding me back as I tried to get in another punch.

“The bitch fucking punched me!” Lachlan stumbled as he tried to get up.

“If I were you, I’d stay down.” Alex warned as he held me tightly, as I bucked my arms and legs trying to free myself. “He isn’t worth it, Baby. I didn’t see it before and I’m sorry I put you through this but none of these people are your family.” Alex whispered in my ear as he held me close, my struggle subsiding in his embrace.

Alex’s eyes darkened as Lachlan stood up, helped by my mother and Melissa. “You know, I really struggled to wrap my head around what Lexi told me about you people. Why can’t you see what an amazing woman she is? My mother brought me up to be respectful so we’re going to leave even though I don’t believe you are deserving of that concession.”

“You’ll never see them again.” Lachlan wiped the blood from his cut lip, “Will and Ava. You are done with them.”

“You know Lachlan, the thing about children is they eventually grow up and realize the lies their parents told. They end up having their own minds and make their own choices. They find out things their parents did and they make their own judgements. So while I can’t do anything about that right now, I’ll take my chances for the future.”

Alex released his grip on me and allowed my feet to touch the floor.  Taking his hand I strode past my dumbfounded family and walked to the “pink” room, wanting to see them one last time.

“Don’t!” Lachlan warned as I took a step toward my old bedroom door. His face was flushed with anger as he tried to hinder my path.

“You touch her and it won’t be a cut lip you’ll be wiping the blood off,” Alex threatened. I’d never seen him so angry. I had no doubt he would seriously hurt Lachlan if he even breathed in my direction, and judging from my brother’s retreat I assumed he didn’t doubt it either.

As I pushed open the door, I saw them sitting on the floor surrounded by hundreds of colourful bricks. They were the two people who didn’t deserve to be causalities in this fall out.  Ava looked up, her precious little face aglow with pride as she showed me the simplistic “car” she had made.  “Look Aunty Lexi... it goes Vrrrrrroooommmmm.”

Will rolled his eyes, her Lego prowess not impressing him as he showed me his more intricate version of a vehicle.

“Hey, it was so nice to see you today. I know you don’t remember but we met a long time ago when you were both little.” I sat down on the floor beside them.

“Are you going now?” Ava pouted as she sat in my lap.

“Yes this wonderful man I am with he is your Uncle Alex. He and your Aunty Lexi live very far away. Do you know where America is?” My heart broke with each passing second.

Will nodded, “Of course! That’s where Disneyland is!”

“Disneyland?!” squealed Ava, “Do you live near Mickey Mouse?”

I laughed as a tear fell from the corner of my eye. “No but I know his address. One day when you are older, I want you to come visit me and maybe we can go find him together.”

“YES!” Ava laughed in delight, her arms wrapping around my neck as she squeezed her tiny face against mine. “Bye Aunty Lexi!”

“Bye beautiful Ava, I love you.” I struggled as I fought back tears. Will took his turn in giving me a hug, his more reserved and less exuberant than his sisters.

“Bye Aunty Lexi.”

“Bye Will. I love you so much.”

Both Will and Ava resumed their play, unaware of how long our goodbye would be for as I rose to my feet and walked to the door.  Alex stood in the doorway, his open arms welcomed me as I approached.

“Let’s get out of here.” I whispered, melting into his chest. Alex nodded as he walked me out the door.

My parents didn’t say anything as we left. They let me walk out the door as I had done so many times before. I’m sure in their mind this was typically me - over-reactive and dramatic. Truth is, this time it was different. I wasn’t just walking out but I was walking away. There was a part of my heart that felt something for these people, whether it was love or maybe it was just something simpler - a habitual obligation but I didn’t hate them anymore. Some relationships are toxic and you can’t feel bad for ending them, despite the ties that held you there in the first place, even if those ties are blood.

Alex opened the door of the car as I silently slumped into my seat. DarNell looked over the seat questioningly but wisely didn’t push it further. Alex climbed in beside me and closed the door, “Take us back to the apartment, we’re done here.”

Yep. We were done here. Well and truly done.

 

~~~~~~

 

“Do you hate me?” Alex asked, taking a tentative bite of the pizza slice in his hand.

In the end I didn’t have to eat my mother’s crappy lamb roast, instead I got to lay in bed naked with Alex, eating pizza straight from the box.

“Why would I hate you?” I questioned as I nibbled on my slice.

“For putting you through all this, for making you take me there.” Alex took a long breath, “For bringing up all this shit with your family. I should have listened to you, I shouldn’t have pushed it.”

“You know me well enough to know that I can’t be talked into anything I don’t want to do.” I laughed as I put the slice down and wiped the grease off my hands. “You aren’t responsible for them, you aren’t responsible for the way they make me feel. That’s on them... they are Assholes and they have no place in my life.”

Alex finished his slice and licked his fingers. “Your family really are assholes, Lexi.”

“Nope, my family is here. With you. And the amazing people we share it with-  James, Hannah, Jason, Troy and even Dan, that’s my family. Your beautiful mother and wonderful brother Christian, your family, now my family. Not to mention the amazing friends that have been there for me, they are my family. See I have a HUGE family, and everyone in it, wants to be there.” I nuzzled against his chest, the rhythmic beating soothing me.

“I still feel bad Baby, I honestly thought it would be different.” Alex’s beautiful blue eyes were clouded with concern as he gently rubbed my arm.

“I know you were hoping for some magical story book ending, but it doesn’t happen like that in real life. For whatever reason, which neither of us will ever understand, there is some fucked up synapse in these people’s brain which makes them that way.  I’m not sorry that you got to see it because I think you needed to. You needed to see that there are parts of me that are ugly. Things that are so natural or normal to you are foreign to me.”

“There is no part of you that is ugly, nor could there ever be.” Alex assured me as he tilted my chin back to kiss me.

His kiss consumed me. There was a desperation in it that hadn’t been there yesterday. It worried me a little. Was this all too much for him? His previous carefree rock star lifestyle now included a wife with baggage... a ridiculous amount of baggage.

I moved the pizza box off the bed and laid back in his arms. I needed to be close to him, I needed to make love to him and for him to make love to me.

Alex studied me as I traced the lines of his chest with my finger, slowly moving down his torso to his deep V.

“Lexi... we don’t have to do this.” Alex moved onto his side to face me. “It’s been a really emotional evening, I’m happy just to hold you.”

“You’re turning me down?” I frowned, craving his closeness.

“No, I just want to make sure it’s what you really want.” Alex’s gaze locked onto mine. “You need to talk to me Baby, I can’t read your mind.”

“Alex, remember the night I took you home after your Dad died?” I hated bringing up such a painful memory.

“Of course. You stayed with me, the whole night.” Alex smiled, his lips resting against my collarbone.

“You wanted to make love to me, saying you need to feel something other than grief. I understand what you meant. That need for a connection. I need that tonight Alex. I need you to make love to me. Please” I rested my hand back on his chest, “Please.”

Alex pressed his mouth against mine, slowly this time, tenderly. His hands swept over my body, exploring my skin as his mouth continued to move over mine.

Each movement was almost painfully slow, despite being deliciously erotic. His hot tongue travelled down my neck as he shifted above me, his fingers continuing to explore my body.  “Yes,” I murmured.

As he travelled further south, he took his time, savouring my breasts as he took my nipples in his mouth one at a time, his tongue twirling around my hardened peaks. My need intensified with each flick. A moan fell from my lips as his mouth released my swollen breasts and trailed kisses along my stomach, his hands parting my legs as he moved further down my body.

“Yes.” I tilted my hips up to meet his waiting mouth. His hot tongue slowly and steadily moved between my thighs. His hands were restless as they continued to travel over my body. His mouth was unrelenting as it swirled and twisted over my core. I closed my eyes as I let the sensation overtake me, my body vibrating as my temperature rose.

I reached for him, wanting to touch him, needing to feel him. My fingers knotted in his mess of blonde hair. His astonishing blue eyes watched me as moans of pleasure escaped my lips.

Every time I was close to the coming, he would slowly back off. He knew my body so well and he knew how to read my cues, what each little whimper meant. I was so desperate with need, my skin was on fire. 

“Alex!” I moaned, unable to stand it any longer. It was if every cell in my body had been electrified by his touch.

His tongue stopped as the throbbing in my groin grew. He watched me squirm beneath him, I was so close. Without saying a word he lifted his mouth off me and before I had a chance to protest he hovered above me with his rock hard cock at the ready.  One quick thrust was all it took, I had been so close that just the friction of him filling me sent me spiralling over the edge. I bit his shoulder as I tightened around him, squeezing and pulsing as the wave overtook my body.

“Aghhhhhhh…Yes...” I moaned as he rocked back and forth against me, my orgasm not ending and yet seeming to build again. Deeper and deeper he buried himself, my body shaking as he moved me in his steady tempo. Each movement he made was controlled and deliberate and drove me completely insane.

“That’s it Baby, I’m going to come with you this time,” Alex whispered as his pace quickened slightly, his hands guiding my hips.

“Alex!” I moaned as I met each of his thrusts with one of my own, staring into his hypnotic blue eyes. “I’m going to come!”

“Lexi!” he groaned as he exploded into me, feeling him come inside me was all I needed to push me over the edge. Riding out the rest of our ebullient orgasm as we continued to rock back and forth.

Our sweat-soaked skin glistened as our bodies collapsed back on the bed. Alex’s arms wrapped around me as I panted softly against his chest. He moved a stray strand of hair from my eyes and his lips parted into a gorgeous, seductive smile as I gazed up at him. We didn’t speak, there was no need to. Everything that needed to be said, was said with that look.

In the past I had used sex as a coping mechanism. I used it for comfort and most of all I used it for sport, but with Alex it was more than that. Our connection went beyond being physical; he understood me. I had been delusional when we met in believing that it was just sex with Alex. I felt it the minute I saw him, I was just too scared to admit it. I had found my other half, now I was a whole.