Chapter 7 – Families, Freebies and Face-offs

It was late when we finally got back to Alex’s apartment. We had lingered at the baby shower even after the last guest had left and Danielle and her crew had started cleaning up. Alex accused me of having OCD and not being able to help myself by straightening furniture, but I was just used to being “hands on” and found it difficult to step back and let others do the work. I knew it was something I was going to have to work on with Matt coming onboard, after all that was the reason I was hiring him... I couldn’t do this ALL myself.

“What are you thinking about?” Alex ran his thumb across my forehead, the light pressure sending shivers down my spine. He turned onto his side to face me, I had assumed he was sleeping by his relaxed and steady breathing and I had been staring into space.

“You.” I gave him a weary half smile.

“You are such a liar.” Alex laughed, pulling me tighter against his naked chest.

Ok so technically NOW I was thinking about him as I pulled my leg up to his hip, looking at him underneath my lashes.

“You trying to distract me?” mused Alex as he ran his thumb down the bridge of my nose before resting it on my lips.

“Me?” I asked innocently, unable to hide my amusement.

“As much as my ego would love for you to be thinking about me 24/7, I know that it is highly unlikely, especially given your obsession with shoes. So. What were you thinking?”  Alex gently tapped my temple as his sparkling eyes stared into mine.

I could see he wasn’t going to let this go, the truth is my mind was a jumble. Sometimes I was sure I had some undiagnosed condition like ADD. I had been replaying the events of the day as I always did, my internal audit of the hours gone by.  It was both a comfort and a curse, there was no off button for my brain and I only slept when everything was sorted and compartmentalized. One thought I couldn’t explain was Alex’s reaction to the cupcakes.

I had initially wanted to ask him about it but then with the drive, our sordid romp in James and Hannah’s pool house and the party it had slipped from relevance. But there was something about his expression that I couldn’t let go. I knew he was holding back, almost like the day of his father’s funeral when he walked away from me, from us. I knew it was deeper than an issue with swirled frosting.

“What was with you and the cupcakes?” I blurted out, not realizing I’d actually vocalized my thoughts.

Alex looked at me, bewildered. “Is there any precursor to that random thought or am I supposed to fill in the blanks?”

“Earlier, when you came to my apartment and you saw the cupcakes,” I clarified, filling Alex in on my internal conversation, “you had a strange look on your face, sort of like the day you walked out on me.”

Alex swallowed, “Baby you know I didn’t want to leave you, I thought I had no choice. I thought you didn’t love me. I should never have walked out on you. I should have told you right there and then that I loved you. ”

“I know baby, we both made mistakes back then. I’m not mad, just seeing that look again earlier made me think that maybe you are having second thoughts?” I tried to keep my emotion in check but that look concerned me.

“You think I’m going to leave you?” Alex pulled away suddenly, his hands gripping my arms tightly. “Lexi, NO. I have no second thoughts. My only thoughts of that time are what an ass I was for pushing you away. I will never leave you again. The only way we won’t be together is if you walk out on me.” His gaze intensified as he spoke almost as if he was trying to convince me telepathically as well as orally.

“Then why the look?” I asked, not willing to let it go.

“I want children Lexi. Not now, but someday I want a family. I want to be a father.”

My blood froze, FUCK. Kids? Did I even want kids? I had been so convinced that I would never have children. It just wasn’t for me, I hadn’t even considered that it might be a possibility. My own childhood had been a freaking disaster, I did not want that for another human being. I did not want to repeat my Mother and Father’s mistakes. I had been so careful about never falling pregnant accidentally despite having an extremely active sex life. 

“I... I... don’t know Alex. I don’t think... I would make a very good mother.” I stumbled through my words not knowing exactly what to say to him.

Alex’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You would make an outstanding Mother. You are strong, dedicated and determined. You are smart and beautiful and have the most amazing heart. Look at the gift you gave Hannah and James. The inscription, how can you think you wouldn’t be a good mother?”

“Because my family are fucking lunatics. It’s different for you. You grew up with a family who cared. To mine I was an inconvenience, an accident, a hindrance. I barely speak to them. They hate me and I’m not real fond of them either.” I felt the anger build inside of me. I couldn’t help it, thinking about those people brought out the worst in me.

“Lexi, I’m sure your family don’t hate you. How could they hate you?” Alex asked unable to comprehend how it was possible that a Mother and Father could feel that way about their own flesh and blood.

“They are Assholes, the lot of them Alex. Trust me, they are toxic and hateful.  Everything I am today is in spite of them. The best thing I ever did was leave home. At least now I can tolerate them in small doses, but that is it. There is no place for them in my life.”

It felt good to finally tell Alex about my family, but I knew he wouldn’t understand. How could he? It was so far removed from what he had experienced, it was inconceivable that parents would reject a child.

“So your fear is that you would repeat their behaviour? That somehow it’s a genetic trait?” Alex struggled to come to grips with what I had told him.

I shrugged but I guess that was it, what if I was genetically predisposed for it? What if my maternal instinct didn’t kick in? You hear stories in the animal world where Mothers actually eat their young. My brother had two children and from all reports he was just as inattentive as my parents had been. What if I was hard-wired to hate him or her? How could I take a gamble like that and potentially fuck up lives? Alex would never forgive me, he would never get over the fact I was a terrible mother. He would be as perfect a father as his had been and as mine had not.

“You are not your parents. Put all that aside, the fact that you think you defective DNA. Do you want a family?” Alex paused for my response.

“The idea of it... yes. I love kids. Kate has four boys and I was there through most of their childhoods. I love the fact they are little people, with their own personalities, their own ideas.”

I did love kids. I had been the cool baby sitter to Kate’s foursome a bunch of times. I let them stay up a little later and taught them to play poker instead of Monopoly. They loved me and I loved them. But having your own was another story.

“Then it’s a possibility?”  Alex looked hopeful.

“Alex, I don’t know. This is obviously important to you. I don’t want you to resent me if I can’t.” I couldn’t just lie to him, not about something this important.

“I told you, the only way we are breaking up is if you leave me. I want a family Lexi, I want children, but I want them with you. It’s not interchangeable. I can’t just find someone else and feel the same way. I promise I won’t pressure you but I want you to at least consider it. Think about it.” Alex ran his hand up my leg and brought it to rest on my hip. “It’s a long way off and think of all the fun we can have practicing.”

“Now who’s trying to distract whom?” I slid my hand down his chest, tracing the definition of his muscles.

“We’re both as bad as each other.” Alex’s grin widened.

“No, you are the bigger tease!” I panted.

“I beg to differ, I believe I still have your panties.”

Alex’s weight shifted so that he was now laying on top of me.

“And yet here you are, still talking,” I baited him further, the anxiety and tension of the earlier conversation no longer taking priority in my mind as my body sought a different kind of solace.

Alex’s lips twisted into his usual mischievous half grin as he slid further down the bed and licked the inner edge of my thigh. 

“I have something better in mind for my mouth.”

A small moan escaped my lips. This was much better than talking.

 

~~~~~~

 

“Here is our itinerary, the keys and Matt’s details. He’ll be here a couple of weeks before we get back. I’ll have my phone on all the time except when we are in the air.”

I packed the last items into my hand luggage as Taylah sleepily yawned as she read the list in front of her.

“Relax, I got you covered.”

“Thanks Tay... I’ll be back in two months.” I threw my arms around her as my door buzzer sounded.

“That will be one of the Men in Black. Better not keep them waiting, they have important things like Aliens and shit to handle rather than dealing with your tardy ass. ” Taylah smirked,

I couldn’t help but laugh at her nickname for Power Station’s security. She wasn’t far off the mark. They were constantly dressed in black, eyes shielded by dark sunglasses and they never smiled.  

“I’ll email you from Rome. Say bye to Dave for me!” I grabbed my suitcases as I hurried out of my apartment.

DarNell was waiting in front of my apartment building in a black Escalade. Alex and the band were meeting me at the airport. I wanted to get there early and make sure any last details had been handled.

“Good Morning DarNell,” I chirped a little too enthusiastically as he helped me load my suitcases into the back of the car.

“Mornin’,” grunted DarNell.

I’m guessing he wasn’t a morning person. I had been up since 3 a.m. and was running high on adrenaline and caffeine. This was my first international press tour with the band and I was at the helm. I was wired and excited and had not been able to sleep. Knowing this, I had told Alex it would be better for him to spend the night at his own apartment. He’d protested, insisting that he would help me release my pent up energy but in the end I had won, pulling the “I’m the publicist, don’t argue with me” card.

I checked my watch. 6 a.m. Our flight wasn’t until ten but I knew there would be paparazzi and fans at the airport awaiting our departure and I expected check in would have its challenges.

The traffic was never light in New York, even at 6 a.m. The hustle and bustle of the city was at full force as taxis and cars jostled for position on the roads and the blaring of horns by impatient drivers peppered the morning air.

I settled into my seat and flicked through my iPad to check up on emails. There were a few from back home from Kate, Emma and Anna and for the first time in a long time I was actually a little homesick.

I missed my friends. Each one of them contributed something different to my life and while I loved my new life, I was slow in building new “female” friendships. I had Hannah and Taylah of course, both of which I adored and I saw my former colleague Sydney from time to time but other than that I was too busy to socialize. Hmmm I think I was going to have to rectify that on my return. Having Matt on board would at least allow me the luxury to attempt to have some free time.

DarNell pulled up to the curb-side drop off zone at JFK Airport as I slid my iPad back into my Michael Kors tote.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to park the car and accompany you in, Lexi?” DarNell turned, skeptical of my decision to have him drop me off. I was glad he had finally stopped calling me Ma’am and despite his steely disposition I think DarNell quietly had a soft spot for me.

“Just help me get my bags out of the back and I’ll see you when you return with the guys. Alex isn’t with me so the going rate of photos of me goes down.” I smiled as I unhooked my seat belt.

DarNell flicked his hazard lights on before stepping out of the Escalade and opening my door.

“I don’t know Lexi, this seems to go against my better judgement. There are some crazies out there. These fan girls who think if they bump you off they’ll have a chance with him. I’d feel more comfortable if you would let me at least get you through security.”

“DarNell, I’m a big girl and there is more security in this airport than at my apartment so I highly doubt that would be possible. Anyway, I’m not averse to bitch-slapping a slut or two. If they feel the need to take me on, I’ll be fine,” I assured him as he lifted my suitcases out of the car.

He shook his head, clearly disagreeing with me but smart enough not to argue as he placed the last of my luggage at my feet. A baggage service officer happily came over and helped me lift them onto a trolley, while I did my tenth check for my passport and tickets.

“I’ll be back in an hour. Be Alert.” DarNell warned as he hesitated at the driver’s side door.

“Thanks DarNell, I’ve got it from here” I waved back, handing the helpful curb side assistant a generous tip.

I watched the break lights disappear before I turned to go through the glass doors of the Airport. A couple of photographers snapped pictures of me as I entered, following me to the check in counter.

“Where’s Alex, Lexi?”

“Give us a smile Lexi.”

“Lexi, this way.”

“Lexi, are you and Alex moving in together?”

The two bottom feeders took turns in trying to garner my attention. I ignored them as I always did when I was not actively working. It was kind of ironic the relationship I had with them. I needed them and yet still needed to maintain control. I knew my relationship with Alex made me newsworthy however I had no desire to have my picture plastered all over People magazine. I was glad I’d taken my time this morning, at least I’d look half decent in these photos.

I handed over my tickets to the Airline representative who even at this time of the morning was immaculately presented and was wearing the largest smile I’d ever seen. Seriously, do they teach that “look” in some kind of class? It seemed like every Airline customer service representative had the same over enthusiastic smile. Either that or their hair had been pulled too tight which was always a possibility gauging by woman in front of me.

“Hello Ms Reed, early check in?”

“Yes, we have a group booking but I’d like to check my bags in now if I can.” I handed over my travel documents as I read her nametag - Mandy.

“Of course Ms Reed, I can check your bags through now. Your seating allocation has already been completed. You can go relax in our lounge with our other first class guests if you like until it’s time to board your flight.” Mandy quipped a little too cheery for my liking.

I guessed she’d probably seen the name attached to the booking and knew it was only a matter of time before James, Alex, Troy, Jason and Dan appeared. Either that or the fact I had my own troupe of traveling happy snappers following me had alerted her to the fact that I was more than mere “staff”.

I smiled politely before heading into the private lounge, content in the knowledge that the photographers only had a few more moments to capture their money shot before I disappeared from view.

A tall, athletic man stood by the entrance of the lounge. His well-cut suit only helped accentuate his spectacular physique. His hair had been buzzed to a zero so he had the mere suggestion of hair; his brown eyes constantly surveyed the surroundings. He may have been dressed well, but there was no denying he was the security, designed to keep the non-desirables away from the privileged beautiful and wealthy people.

“Ms Reed.” he greeted me, his relaxed smile lighting up his dark brown eyes.

Another time and place I would have definitely been attracted to him. I strained my memory bank to recall if I knew if him. He seemed to know me. Let’s face it, my post Alex break up days had seen me in bed with quite a few men of a similar description… all of which I never saw more than once. Was this one of my one-night stands?

He held open the door as I walked through, his smile widening as I stepped closer. Really? Who the fuck was he? I really needed a better mental filing system. My curiosity got the better of me as I stopped just inside of the doorway.

“Sorry, have we met?”

He closed the door behind me. “No, I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you.”

The look of familiarity did not leave his face, nor did his sexy smile. Was he flirting? I had been in relationship with Alex for months now and was a little rusty at reading the signs. I probably should have walked away and chalked it up to harmless flirting but there was something in his eyes that left me lingering, curious.

“Tyler.” He held out his hand taking my pause as an opportunity to introduce himself.

“Lexi.” I took his hand and shook it.

“I know who you are.” He bit his lip subtly as his eyes flashed up and down my body.

“Oh you do, do you?” I questioned. I was never really good with waiting and I wanted to know what exactly Tyler was fishing for.

“You’re on my list.” Tyler leaned closer, the unmistakable scent of Hugo Boss cologne wafted through the air.

“The passenger manifest?” I asked.

“No, you are my free pass.” His tone was low, yet excited.

His free pass? I’m his fucking free pass? Isn’t the whole idea of the free pass for it to be a celebrity? A model, an actress, a singer?

“My girlfriend has a thing for Alex, I picked you. I think I’m getting the better deal.”  The door was no longer getting any of Tyler’s attention.

“Ahem…” a throat clearing pulled our attention back to the entryway. “Well, Lexi. What a pleasant surprise!” slithered Marcy, a smug smile plastered across her face.

I struggled to suppress the urge to slap her fake, over inflated collagen lips. “Marcy, I wish I could say the same. However I have heard that Airports are teeming with parasites and germs so really not so shocking to see you here in your natural habitat.”

Tyler bit his lip as he tried not to laugh. I could tell he was hoping that we might get into an all in catfight, hopefully rip our clothes off in the process.

“What’s so funny?” Marcy boomed, clearly not amused.

“Sorry Ms Bryant.” Tyler coughed, walking back to his post at the door.

“As for you,” Marcy turned to me, her fake welcoming demeanour long forgotten. “He’ll tire of you like he does all other women. You are nothing special. Alex needs a woman who’s going to fit into his lifestyle, he will come to his senses and when he does I’ll be waiting for him.”

Marcy had shown her hand. I had suspected all along she would want Alex back. She had no idea what Alex and I had, what we were. She, like other people, had speculated that the fact I wasn’t from the same social circle would ultimately be our undoing. How little she knew him. It wasn’t about who I was but what I was that made him as attracted to me as I was to him.

I had heard the whispers, the jokes about Alex “slumming” with the help. It meant little to me. I didn’t need them to think I was good enough for him. I refused to let the outside world judge my net worth based on a resume and rumours. Alex had had many opportunities to walk away, yet he was still with me. That had to count for more than the fact I didn’t have my own page on IMDb. What we had was real and I certainly wasn’t going to let some B grade starlet trivialize it. 

Conscious that the Paparazzi were waiting a few feet away behind the door and that there were other people in the lounge, I deliberately kept my voice low and level.

“You still don’t get it, do you? That while he was fucking you, he was thinking of me. That you were nothing but a distraction and in the end, you couldn’t even fulfil that role. He didn’t leave you for me, he just left you. So go ahead, make your play. You couldn’t keep him when I was gone, you don’t stand a chance now that I’m back.”

Her eyes narrowed as she regarded me. I could see she wanted to say more but had no come back. What could she say? My delivery might have been harsh but everything I had said was true. He had never loved her, and she knew it. 

Marcy turned and walked over to the other side of the room where her posse were curiously watching me. I was sure they knew our history, all be it with her slanted view of the events that transpired.

“You are a hundred times hotter than her,” Tyler interjected as he made his way back to my side.

Not really in the mood to flirt with “Free Pass” Tyler, I nodded and walked over to the opposite side of the room and sat down in one of the comfortable, plush chairs.

My phone buzzed from my pocket.

- I’ll be there in 5. I hated waking up alone. Miss you beautiful xx

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I read Alex’s text. It was almost as if he had some innate sixth sense.

- I missed you too. There are photographers here so check in and come straight to the private lounge. I’ll contact the Airline rep now and have someone come and meet you guys at curb side.

My phone buzzed almost immediately.

- Are you ok Baby? You sound off. I’m guessing you would have been less cranky if you had let me sleep over :-P I love you xx

- I wasn’t aware that txt had tone. In any case, it’s been an interesting morning... Will explain later. Love you too.  x

I strolled over to the Airline representative who was sitting toward the back of the room and advised her of the band’s arrival. She promptly organized assistance, her face lighting up with the mention of the Band’s name.

My phone buzzed but ignored it. I didn’t need to look to know it was Alex. My response had been unjustified and unnecessarily bitchy. I hadn’t been able to stop myself. Damn it Lexi. That’s what Marcy wants. Do not give her the satisfaction.

I picked up my phone.

- I’m sorry. I miss you and I love you. Lexi xx

Marcy glared at me as I looked up from my phone, almost as if she was trying to formulate a come back to my earlier words. Go ahead, bring it! Talking is one thing I excel in and I can go toe to toe with the best of them. I really disliked her. It wasn’t just because of her past relationship with Alex, it was more than that. There was something about her, something underlying that I knew was bad news.  As I met her icy stare, a sly smile played at the corners of my mouth. I was too stubborn to allow her the knowledge she’d gotten under my skin.

The Lounge doors opened to the flashes of cameras and noise filtered into the room. Tyler herded the boys into the room with the assistance of DarNell and Bear. Photographers and reporters kept trying to get their pound of flesh before the doors closed.

They all seemed relaxed, all except Dan who hated flying. He was looking around anxiously, counting down the minutes until he could pop some Xanax.  Alex sauntered over and even though he was casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he looked every bit the Rock Star. His mirrored Ray Ban aviators hid his eyes but his strong muscular jaw was tense. His usual silver dog tags around his neck caught the light as he walked.

As I watched him walk toward me, I couldn’t help but notice Marcy’s mouth drop open as he strode past the entrance and directly to me where he swept me into his arms, kissing me passionately.

“You know I have a hard time resisting you when you are mad.” Alex breathed into my ear.

“I’m not mad,” I lied as I looked over the rest of the band making themselves comfortable on the provided couches.

“You’re lying.” Alex brushed the hair away from my ear.

“You’re ex-girlfriend wants you back.” I motioned to the other side of the room where Marcy was standing.

Alex’s face betrayed nothing as he turned to Marcy who was now walking toward us. He didn’t react when she stopped directly in front of him, her earlier scowl gone and a fake, camera-ready smile plastered across her face.

“Alex, so nice to see you. How have you been?” Marcy reached out to Alex, her arms wrapping around his torso to hug him.

“Marcy. What are you doing here?” Alex’s voice had no warmth as he politely returned her hug.

“Well, it’s such a coincidence! I’m flying to Rome as well. How strange is that? We are shooting some scenes there.” Marcy flirted as she flicked her long blonde locks off her shoulders.

“Yes, a coincidence indeed.” Alex responded drily.

James wandered over to us, his eyes looking from Marcy to Alex and then to me.

“Alex, Lexi. I think we should go over a few things before getting on the plane. Sorry Marcy, I need to borrow these two for a bit.” James shot Marcy his megawatt smile, charming her instantly.

“Of course James.” Marcy drooled before turning back to Alex, brushing his arm. “I’ll speak to you later Babe.”

I seethed as she walked off. Babe? I’d like to slap that stupid grin right off her face.

“Do we have a problem here? What’s going on?” James asked. He was careful to keep his voice low and level.

“No problem.” I lied

“It’s fine, James.” Alex waved him off as he turned back to me.

“Ok, I’m going to make sure Dan isn’t drinking whiskey on top of the pills.”  James walked off toward the bar where Dan, Jason and Troy had made themselves comfortable.

“I didn’t know she was going to be here,” Alex whispered, his fingertips grazing my arm.

“It’s ok. Babe” I smarted sarcastically, becoming increasingly annoyed that she had gotten under my skin.

“Lexi, why does she bother you so much? She means nothing to me. I’m not going to be intentionally rude to her but you have nothing to worry about.” Alex pulled me closer, his hands tracing the length of my spine.

“I know it’s unreasonable but I really dislike her and I sure as hell don’t trust her. She wants you back Alex, she just told me.” I left out the part where Marcy had told me that I was nothing and Alex would tire of me.

“She can want all she wants, don’t you think I have a say in it?” Alex removed his Aviators and hung them off his dog tags.

“Ughhhhh just don’t trust her ok. I know her type.” I tried to keep the irritation from my voice.

“There is only one woman I am interested in and it’s not Marcy. Though I think it’s adorable that you’re jealous. It’s kind of a turn on,” Alex smirked.

“You are always turned on. It’s going to be a long ass flight!” I groaned.

“I’m sure we can find a way to make the time pass quicker or at the very least make it more pleasurable.” Alex’s eyes gleamed with mischief.

I knew exactly what he had in mind and it certainly would beat the in-flight entertainment the airline had planned.  Hmmmmm it would certainly ease the tension I was feeling. My mile high fantasy was interrupted as I watched Tyler shoot me flirty glances from the doorway.

“Someone you know?” Alex questioned curiously.

“Oh, I’m on his list,” I mused.

Alex’s brow furrowed. “What list?”

“His freebie list. He and his girlfriend have a list of people they can have sex with and neither gets upset. You’re his girlfriend’s freebie. I’m not entirely sure if he was expecting me to be flattered by it or suggest a partner swap.” It sounded almost ludicrous saying out loud.

“Interesting concept. Of course his taste is impeccable. I imagine you would be on a lot of those lists. Tell me, do you have a list?” Alex asked, his head cocked to the side.

“Well, not anymore but the couple of times I was in relationships I did.” I smiled, recalling the earlier “free pass” I’d agreed to with a previous boyfriend.

“And?” Alex raised an eyebrow, wanting me to continue.

“It was awhile ago Alex,” I laughed, “It’s no longer admissible.” 

“So tell me then.” Alex became increasingly intrigued.

“It was you,” I smirked, after hesitating for a few moments. I wondered if I should feel awkward about owning up to the fact I had been lusting after Alex for years when really I was just amused by the whole situation.

Alex threw his head back in a full, throaty laugh. “Me? Really? That is outstanding! I fully approve.”

“I probably shouldn’t have told you. I can already see your head swelling.” I playfully swatted his chest.

“Oh baby, it’s not my head that’s swelling, I can assure you,” Alex whispered in my ear.

His admission made me laugh uncontrollably, drawing the attention of the band and Marcy.

“What’s so funny?” asked Troy as he downed the drink the bartender had placed in front of Dan.

“DUDE! That was my Bourbon and Coke!” Dan sneered at Troy.

“Last time you drank on Xanax you ended up naked convinced you were invisible. We are still black listed on British Airways. I’m taking one for the team” Troy chortled as Jason nodded in agreement.

“You’re black listed on British Airways?” I stared at James in disbelief before turning to Dan, “Wait... You thought you were invisible?”

James shrugged looking at the men around him and then smiled, “Welcome to a Power Station tour, Lexi. Buckle up, cause it’s a bumpy ride.”