Chapter Five
“No, it’s your turn to answer one!” Samara pushed Julian’s naked chest back hard until she could jump on top of him, clinging to the sheets to cover herself while his hot, naked flesh pressed into the spot between her thighs.
“Fine. Ask away.”
They’d continued their one question a night game after that first dinner, and she was beginning to crave that special time with him. Those few short hours she got to see Julian unguarded, smiling. They weren’t enough.
“Tell me what you’re most afraid of in the world.”
Blue eyes grew stormy for a moment, before clearing like a summer’s day. “Snakes. I can’t stand them.”
“Oh, you’re cheating again!” She reached under his arms and tickled the flesh over his ribs.
He flipped them both over and she landed flat on her back, her hands pinned above her head.
He smirked down at her helpless form and she glared back. He was too strong for her, and even though she hated it because it made her feel weak, she loved home dominant he was. She pouted up at him. “That is not fair. I answered you honestly.”
It was a battle, every night. To glimpse a true part of him, a rawness that she desperately wanted to see. He’d fought her those first few nights and she hadn’t minded too much, but they were getting to their last days together and she’d grown more desperate to know him.
“I’m not afraid of much, Samara. Death, maybe. My parents growing old and sick. Maybe.”
He shrugged a little and she relaxed the fight in her arms, so he rolled onto his side behind her, pulling her body in to his until his heart beat against her back.
Her eyes closed all by themselves. Like curtain call at the end of an amazing play.
“I can agree with you there. I’m really close to my parents. I couldn’t imagine not having them.”
The silence stretched and she let her body relax against his, willing him to stay a little longer. Why he had to go back to his own room each night she’d never know.
Work he said. Yeah right. More like a deliberate wall he kept up between them.
“I better get going. You’re tired.”
She groaned and twisted in his arms, pressing him down so that she could curl up on him, her head on his chest. “Why do you always leave? We’ve only got two more nights together and then it’s all over.”
A lump lodged itself in her throat and she swallowed hard against the hot ache in her chest. They worked their arses off each and every day, and they celebrated their successes together each night. They were a great team. She hadn’t wanted to care about the man in her bed, but she did. A lot. She couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing him again.
“Good night, beautiful.” He kissed the top of her head and maneuvered out from underneath her arms.
Samara pulled up the coverlet and arranged her pillows for sleep. How did he made love to her with such passion and skill, and then leave her straight after? Her body was still buzzing from the orgasm he’d bestowed on her.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” She patted the bed next to her. “I’ll make room, I promise. I’m not too much of a bed hog.” She was lying there. Her girlfriends that she’d shared beds with over time, after big nights out, or conferences, had always complained that she was like an octopus.
“No. I can’t.”
“But why, Julian?”
He groaned as he pulled on his shirt, his jacket, his pants. It was such a shame to watch his incredibly strong and beautiful body be covered up like that.
“Because, Samara…”
She held her breath. Was he going to answer her? “Because?”
He sighed and shook his head.
Damn it. “Come on! Please. Just be honest with me. This one time.”
He spun back around and she knew she had him. His eyes had darkened.
“Because there is an intimacy to sleeping together that I don’t want. We’re already too close, and with you leaving…it just doesn’t make sense.”
“I’m too close?” Huh?
“Yes.” He nodded his head once, dropped down onto the bed for one more kiss, then waved himself out the door.
She was too close, what did that mean? Why was she so bad at understanding men?
Did he like her too much?
Was she already too close because she was so clingy, too affectionate? What?
She lay back in her snuggly pillows and felt the burn of tears in her eyes.
No! Don’t you dare!
She could not afford to feel too much for this man. He’d made it clear at the beginning of this relationship that he wanted nothing more than a fling, and she’d agreed to that, so she couldn’t complain now.
She blew out a long breath and visualized her dream board. This year was for her and her baby.
Despite how lovely Julian could be, how smart and funny and certainly sexy as hell, he was not relationship material. His ex-wife had obviously done a good job of damaging his heart, and that was one thing she wanted from him.
She didn’t need his money, his status, or even his good looks, although that helped. If she was to invest in the long term with him, she wanted his heart, and unfortunately, that wasn’t on offer.
***
Two days later, they were having dinner when Julian hit her with one out of left field.
“I’d love to see you again when we’re both back in New York.”
Samara choked on the water she was drinking, then placed the glass quickly down, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin.
“Um, okay. That’s a little unexpected.” Especially since he’d cancelled on her last night, both dinner and their nightly love making session. She’d assumed they were done early, so this was certainly news to her.
A tugging worry wove around her chest and she fought the need to ask him a thousand questions all at once. Didn’t he understand that their lives would never work once they were back in the big apple?
When she didn’t respond, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
Julian’s furrowed brow and worried words surprised her. Did he read her so well already?
“Nothing.”
“No, seriously, tell me, Samara. I’ve seen that look far too many times this week. I know you’re not thinking pleasant thoughts.”
She glanced away, a smile tugging at her mouth. So, he did know her a little bit better than she’d realized. “I’m just wondering how life will be when we get back. This has been such an incredible week out of time, but…”
“But what?”
She took a shallow breath and bit her lip. How to tell him that she didn’t have time this year for what he wanted? Also, should she admit the fear she could feel peeking out from her heart that she would never survive longer with him? She was already besotted, how would she continue to fight her feelings for him if they kept seeing each other?
His eye brows narrowed and his blue eyes hardened like flint. “Am I to assume from your body language that our liaison is done?”
There was a hardness in his voice that she hadn’t heard before, and didn’t understand. “Hey, what are you getting upset for?”
He sat up like a tin soldier. “I am not upset.”
Bull shit.
He’d outright told her that nothing else was on offer and she’d hardened herself to that reality. Changing her plans on a promise of another sex-only affair would be devastating to everything she needed in life.
“You are upset. I thought we’d agreed that this was a holiday, work, fling thing?”
She let the question hang in the air between them and he took his time responding.
****
Julian forced a smile to his lips and then took a long swallow of his red wine. He’d been thinking about this and he had an answer for her.
“It’s up to you really, Samara. We can leave it as a holiday fling. Or…we can continue to see each other when we get back to New York. We don’t live far from one another and we get along well.” That was an understatement of course, he’d never met a woman whose company he enjoyed so much, but he was keeping that to himself.
She drew a deep breath, looking away for a moment and unease shifted in his chest. Had he read her enthusiasm over the past few weeks incorrectly? He’d thought she would jump at the chance to spend more time with him. Enjoy his lifestyle. His money. Even just the sex, that was good enough to sacrifice time for.
Her eyes shifted back, a pinch between her eyebrows raising red flags for him.
“What sort of relationship would you want back in New York, Julian?”
This was the slippery slope question. Women slid these in to the conversations too often and he had to be careful here.
“Same as we had here. Dinners, sex, conversations. I find that I enjoy spending time with you, sharing ideas.” He swallowed, amazed at the strength of emotion tightening his chest. “I don’t enjoy peoples’ company often and I’m going to miss these easy exchanges once I’m home again.”
All of that was true and he was surprised how easily it spilled from his lips. He didn’t like to give women he dated a tool to use against him, but as Samara was so different, he was willing to afford her more compliments. An insight into how he felt about her.
She relaxed in her chair, her shoulders dropping down and a beautiful smile lighting up her face. “Thank you for saying that. I find you easy to talk to also and I’m going to miss you once I leave.”
And yet she was saying no. It was obvious. What had he missed?
“Does that mean you want to leave this in Hawaii?”
His gut burned with a heavy disappointment. In himself mostly. He wasn’t generally wrong about women.
“No, I’d love to keep seeing you when we get back, but…” She bit her lip and his mind whirled with possibilities. A boyfriend, a husband, kids? What was stopping her? And why hadn’t he researched her more thoroughly before taking this step? Foolish mistake. A first.
“I have to tell you something, and I’m not sure our stars are going to line up on this one.”
“Tell me.” He ignored the line about the stars or whatever she believed. Fate was not real. He, and only he controlled his life.
“I want to get married and have a baby this year.”
What? Where had that come from?
“Pardon me?”
His hands landed palm down on the table, the force causing the knife and fork to clatter against the plate. She’d said something about marriage and babies in that first conversation they’d had, but he’d been too petrified by the topic to quiz her any further.
And he hadn’t thought it applied to him, but now, obviously it did!
Had this been her plan all along? To seduce him into marriage? Not a chance! He was never getting married again. Never!
She rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t freak out on me, I’m just being honest.”
His heart raced in his chest. Not a good sign.
He nodded at her to continue. He didn’t’ trust himself to speak as expletives whirled around his head.
She sighed. “I should start from the start.”
He nodded again and forced the words out. “Probably best.”
Had he been fooled by a woman, again? Impossible. Damn it! Hadn’t he learnt his lesson from Marguerite?
Samara took a deep breath and began intertwining her fingers like she did sometimes when she was thinking, or nervous. “I set myself several goals when I was twenty-one, all revolving around money, business, property, etc. And thanks to a lot of hard work and some help from lady luck, I’ve achieved them all. But on a personal level, I’m way behind where I wanted to be. I have endometriosis, quite badly actually. It’s a condition that makes conceiving quite difficult and my specialist told me years ago not to wait until after I was thirty to have a baby, or it may not happen. And at my last appointment he told me that a hysterectomy is on the cards if I don’t act fast.”
His hands stopped their aching as he released the pressure on his shoulders and arms. His heart calmed down and he took a breath.
“And you’re thirty now?”
He understood goals and time constraints, his whole life had been about them. He was grateful that a biological clock was one thing he would never have.
“I turn thirty this year, that’s why I initially refused this job. I’m in the process of taking a major step back from my business. I’m not taking on any new jobs and I’m training people to replace me so I can take the year off. I start IVF as soon as I get back.”
He stilled, amazed at the narrow view she had of the world and her life in the future. She wanted to be pregnant that soon? He’d dodged a bullet then. IVF. He’d heard it was an incredibly expensive, stressful, and damaging process.
Just thinking about the artificial hormones she’d be pumping into her body made him cringe, let alone the natural pregnancy related ones.
“IVF? With who?”
“A donor, unless I meet someone very soon who wants the same things I do.”
As if any guy would be able to get up to speed that fast. She had no hope of achieving that goal. “And if you meet someone but he doesn’t want kids?”
She shrugged, a soft smile tugging at her full lips. “I believe very much in the Universe sending you what you need.”
Well that certainly isn’t me.
He cleared his throat, waiting for the cloud of disbelief to un-fog his brain so he could speak. This woman, who’s dreams were literally his worst nightmare, sat before him. He should run, screaming from the building.
However, the fact that he may never see her again was tugging at his heart with un-natural pain. “Well, at least you’ve been honest, I’ll give you that.”
She laughed, but it sounded hollow. “Look, I appreciate the fact that you aren’t on the same page as me, so let’s just enjoy the last night we have together and then say our good byes tomorrow. It has been an amazing journey, and I thank you for that, Julian, very much.”
Love poured out through her eyes and he looked away, tightness squeezing his chest again. He didn’t want to focus on any of the feelings Samara invoked in him. There was only one thing left to do and she was right. Enjoy their last night together. He had so many things left he wanted to do to her.
He turned his gaze back on her and injected the lust that was now trickling through his veins, into his tone.
“Now that, my beautiful, sounds like a plan.”
****
Samara let Julian lead her upstairs, her throat aching from unshed tears. She’d been completely honest with him and he had acted how she’d most feared he would. With utter fear and certain rejection.
But she was doing the right thing by stopping their relationship tonight. It was the best thing, for both of them. Julian would never handle her IVF journey and she couldn’t continue to have sex with him and keep her heart in one piece. Tonight would be pushing her resistance as it was.
She squeezed his hand. “Can we go to your room? I haven’t seen it yet.”
He hesitated, then smiled, pulling her toward the old, grand elevator that she’d become very attached to. She’d miss this hotel so much once she was gone. She’d grown attached to everything, and everyone. Her pride at seeing the transformations that took place every day filled her to the brim.
“Sure. Why not?” He pushed a penthouse button, swiped a card she hadn’t seen before, and they glided up the old shaft.
“I was scared to death the first time I rode this elevator,” Samara confided.
He smiled. “But you got that fixed up pretty fast, didn’t you?”
She nodded. “Safety first.”
That statement quietened them both down.
They had been safe. Very safe. They’d gone through a box of condoms this week. Except for that first time in the pool of course.
The elevator ground to a halt and the doors dinged open, straight into the apartment.
Very impressive. Who did this renovation?
It was huge. Large modern kitchen, a living space that was bigger than her entire apartment at home, and she assumed it had several bedrooms.
“Wow. This is incredible. Why didn’t we spend more time in this room?” She walked over to the large windows that gave her a bird’s eye view of the city. “Waikiki is very pretty, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It is,” he answered, ignoring her question about why they didn’t spend more time in his room. He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist in a comforting gesture she would miss. “What shall we do tonight? Make love in the spa, perhaps?”
“Oh, a spa!” She twisted around and noticed a strange disappointment on his face. What was that? Perhaps he’d brought other women here and they’d responded to all the wealth in a similar way. “Actually…we’ve already done the water thing. Do you have anything you’d like to do?”
He smiled this time, the light reaching his eyes for once. “Yes, I do.” He picked her up and carried her over to the kitchen, where he set her down on the marble bench top. She tried not to squeal as the cold bench top bit into her thighs and instead focused on him. Julian ran his hands up the outside of her thighs, her insides clenching with need. Finally, he tugged at her panties. Obviously, they were going to make love right here. “Lie back.”
Throwing caution, and insecurities to the wind, Samara lay back on the cool marble and let Julian pull her panties down. Nervous bubbles wiggled in her belly, but she did as he asked. Her knickers disappeared down her legs and Julian knelt on the floor, his hands opening her thighs. She lifted her knees, placing her feet on his shoulders as he began to kiss up the inside of her thighs with his soft, beautiful mouth.
She covered her face with her hands, a strange embarrassment sweeping over her as tingles of pleasure curled in her belly. They were beneath bright lights, in his kitchen, and he was about to lick her…
“Oh... wow…” She moaned as his tongue pulsed over her swollen clit, the sensations coursing down the backs of her legs.
He continued to pleasure her as she thrashed on the table. His tongue swiped over her flesh, suckling her clit before delving down deeper down into her body.
“Julian...please... I…”
He stood up and looked down on her, wiping his glistening chin with his hand. “What is it?”
“I want you.”
Satisfaction showed in his gaze as he grinned, lifted his hand, and slid his fingers into place. Opening her, filling her up, and causing a new pleasure to pulse through her belly. He moved his fingers in and out, in the perfect rhythm that made her eye lids begin to drop and her legs to tighten.
He withdrew his hand from her aching cleft and began to unbutton his pants.
She pulled herself up to sitting and attacked his buttons herself, opening his shirt so that she was free to touch him properly. Her hands ran over his hot skin, and pushed his shirt down his arms.
Julian opened his pants and stroked his cock with his wettened hands, then slipped protection on. She would have much preferred there to be no barrier between them, but he’d argued this point already with her.
She held tight to his shoulders and stared into his eyes as he stepped closer.
Julian said, “I want to remember this.”
She nodded and breathed out slowly, opening her legs to accommodate him now that he was fully naked.
He set his thick, arrow-shaped cock head to her swollen lips and slid in slowly.
She bit her lip as hot tears gathered in her eyes. She concentrated on her breathing, his blue gaze connecting with hers as he dove into her body, bringing them together for the very last time. That thought caused more tears as hot, tight pleasure squeezed her belly, and she closed her eyes, dropping her head as the feelings over whelmed her.
His hand shot up and lifted her chin. “No hiding. I want to see you.”
He pulled back and she cried out, shifting forwards to receive him again.
He slammed back in and she screamed, digging her nails into his shoulders.
He moved back again and the emptiness inside her became too much to bear.
He thrust back towards her and she stared straight into Julian’s eyes, his mouth open and his breathing rate increasing as he began to move harder and faster.
They were now both part of the ancient dance, a race to the end.
They moved as one, each receiving and taking as the storm began to lift them up and throw them around.
“Julian. I…”
A hot, huge wave crashed into her and she cried out, squeezing him tightly as pleasure slammed through her. Julian kept moving, prolonging her orgasm until he was grunting, panting, fighting his own release.
She shifted her pelvis forward again, taking him deeper, and then she heard it. That hitch in his breath, that groan. He threw back his head as he thrust, balls deep into her body and let go of that beautiful control he had.
He shuddered in her arms and she kissed the line of his strong throat; then his cheek when he finally dropped down close enough.
The heat settled over them like a cloud and she didn’t want to break the spell. But when he finally did, she let go of any hurt feelings. This was one last night to remember.
“To bed?” he asked as he pulled away.
She nodded as he cleaned himself up, grabbed his bedraggled clothes, and led her into the huge main bedroom.
They made love again and when the sun rose she was still in his arms.
They didn’t have breakfast together, nor really said goodbye.
“I better go, Julian. I’ve got a lot of things to check off before my flight tonight.”
“Of course. Thank you for all your great work over the past two weeks. You really have got this hotel back on the road to recovery.”
Straightening her collar, she ran her fingers quickly through her hair. She’d have to stop off at her room to shower and change, then she’d attend to the staff.
Turning to him, she pasted on her sunniest smile. She’d done a great job, even if she did say so herself, and had a better time than she’d ever imagined.
“It has been an honor, Julian. This job has been an incredible experience. The new managers are all very qualified for their positions, my handbooks are all being printed and should be here this weekend, and I’m only a skype call away if you need anything else.” Something she’d made sure everyone in the hotel knew. Just because she’d be home doing her health retreat thing, didn’t mean she couldn’t fit in a call or two.
“I know. And I have your email. I wish you luck with your future plans, Samara.”
She smiled at him, her heart squeezing tight. “You too, Julian. It really has been an honor to work with you.”
He smiled at her, then headed off into the shower, shutting the door behind him.
Samara managed to get through the day very well. Surprisingly well.
She tied up all her loose ends, managed to speak to the staff, and even have a beautiful, albeit fast dinner, as she was running out the door.
Leaving the hotel was so far away from her first experience when she’d arrived two weeks ago, she could barely believe it. This time, the maitre’d called her a taxi, the doors whooshed open on their own, and there was a tour bus arriving on the doorstep to check in.
She left Hawaii with a smile on her face and knowledge that she’d done a great job.
However, the ache left in her chest as she watched Waikiki disappear beneath a cover of cloud as her plane took off, told her that Julian would not be as easy to forget as she’d originally hoped.