I had spent the entire day after the party in bed pleading illness. I barred anyone from coming to visit me claiming to be contagious. I’d needed the twenty-four hours to rebuild the wall around my heart that Drew had smashed to pieces. I couldn’t afford to be a hot mess, not if I wanted to keep my life story out of the press. The media would have a field day with me if they scented my blood in the water. I refused to be a front page headline and embarrass the queen and my mother. Whereas Alyssa might brush it off, my mother would never forgive me and I couldn’t afford to alienate her. As much as I hated to admit it, I was going to need her to help get me through the ordeal of marrying Lord Cameron and becoming a viscountess.

So I took the day and calmly put myself back together. I made plans. I always felt better when I had a list or a plan to work from. First on the agenda was to sell my bike. I wouldn’t need it in my new life as a viscountess. I could just imagine what Lord Cameron would say if he ever found out about my short flirtation with leather and chrome. Next I would have to make arrangements for Filigree to be transported to the Westhaven Estate. She would hate it, she always did, but I was going to need her to keep my sanity.

There was also the task of resigning my position here at the palace. I wanted to be a coward and send Alyssa an email, but I respected her too much to do that. I would need to sit down with her and talk out my decision. She wouldn’t be happy, but I knew she would support me if she knew it was what I wanted. Now all I had to do was convince myself that it was what I wanted.

Do you know what it is like to unpack something from a box but when you go to put it all away again, it never quite fits right? Well, that was happening to me. I had allowed all these emotions and independence to escape from my very controlled box and now I was having trouble shoving them all back in there. They’d had a taste of freedom and were not keen to give it up. The problem was that I couldn’t have both; I couldn’t have freedom and a marriage to a viscount. If I was going to go through with this whole thing, then I needed to revert back to the quiet, agreeable and very well behaved mouse I had been before coming to live at the palace. I couldn’t blame Drew for everything that had changed in my life, a lot of it had started the moment I had walked out of my childhood home with the desire to strike out on my own against my mother’s wishes.

Regardless of the how or why, the fact remained that I had to revert back to my original self. No more thinking about things that I could never hope to have. No pining after good-looking Australians with cheeky grins and sparkling eyes. My future was all about being proper and poised and the perfect example of genteel propriety. What I lacked in looks I needed to make up for in grace. I had to be above reproach. The perfect wife. An estimable viscountess.

I had known all along that whatever it was I had felt for Drew wouldn’t come of anything. Now I just had to put it behind me and get on with my life. Maybe one day I would be able to look back on these few weeks fondly. It probably wouldn’t be for a very long time, but maybe it could be a sweet story to tell my granddaughters. The story of the first time I fell in love. Maybe the only time I fell in love because I really didn’t think love was in the cards between myself and Lord Cameron. Our marriage would be little more than a business transaction. Not exactly a story to delight the little hearts of future daughters and granddaughters.

It didn’t matter. I was making this decision of my own free will. I was choosing this marriage for my own reasons. Maybe I would finally have found the one way to please my mother. Maybe by putting myself completely in her hands and surrendering to her will, she would finally find something redeeming about me that she could love. My whole life felt like it was leading up to that single moment in time. That moment when she would finally look at me with love in her eyes instead of disappointment.

I could hardly complain about my childhood. I was born into privilege and I had benefited from the best schools money could buy. My clothes were designer and I’d never had to go hungry or penny pinch. My father had loved me and my brothers had doted on me. It would seem reasonable that the lack of affection from my mother wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Unfortunately life didn’t work like that. Having the love of my father and brothers had been wonderful, but it could never fill the hole that my mother’s indifference toward me had created. I knew we would never be close. We wouldn’t be the type of mother and daughter that shared confidences or enjoyed each other’s company. I didn’t need that anyway. I would settle for her bestowing a compliment on me from time to time. Really, just her noticing me for something other than my flaws would be a welcome change.

The only way to please her was to do what she wanted. Why I needed her validation, I didn’t know. What I did know was that if I couldn’t have the fairytale ending, if I couldn’t have a happily-ever-after with the man of my dreams, then the next best thing was the love of a mother who had, up to now, treated me with little more affection than a pet.

I stood in front of the crowd of reporters and wished I was anywhere else but there. I had hoped that Freddie would have forgotten my agreement to introduce his new hires to the press corps, but I should have known better. Freddie never forgot a thing. The five of us; Freddie, Michael, Elise, Drew and I, all stood in a line in front of the pack, smiling out at them. Well, I tried to smile but I was afraid it came across more like a grimace.

I stood at the podium, in the centre, with Freddie on my right and Drew on his right. Michael stood on my left, with Elise on his left. Just one big happy family. Drew hadn’t been able to look at me since I’d walked in, but then I hadn’t much been able to look at him either. Elise had been staring at me like she wanted to communicate via telepathy, but I couldn’t look at her either. Michael seemed oblivious to the tension and Freddie smiled benignly like he knew everyone’s secrets but was keeping his own council. That suited me fine as I did not need a lecture from him since I’d already had one from Alyssa.

As I had expected, Alyssa was not happy with me tending my resignation. She had been trying all week to talk me out of it. Each of the other ladies in waiting had also approached me trying to get me to change my mind. Priscilla had been the most forceful, but had also promised to stick by me whatever my decision. My mother was ecstatic, as well she should be. The mysterious illness had vanished overnight (as it always had when she finally got her own way in the past) and she was in her element as she began to plan the wedding of the year - or so she thought of it. Personally I didn’t think my wedding would top Alyssa’s or Alex and Freddie’s when their time came, which was only a week away now.

I let the press take their photos and then when my face started to ache from the fake smile I motioned for all of them to be seated.

“Thank you all for coming,” I said and there was a murmur from the crowd. “Before I open up the floor for questions, let me hand over to Lord Bingham so he can introduce you to the new members of Monticorp.”

There was polite applause as I moved away from the mic. I could either move to stand beside Drew or move to the other end to stand next to Elise. I didn’t want to do either, so I merely shuffled to the side a bit so I was still standing between Michael and Freddie, but no longer in the centre.

“Thank you all for coming. As you know, a little over a month ago we welcomed Drew Taylor into Monticorp as the new CFO. Drew has a great reputation in the international business world and we were lucky to draw him away from ICL and Brooks Barry. He’s already making his presence felt at Monticorp and we expect great things from him.”

Cameras flashed and questions were shouted at Drew, but Freddie held up his hands to quieten them. “Let’s hold all the questions to the end,” he said, and the pack settled once again. I had to admire the way Freddie handled the media; he always seemed to know just what to say and how to say it.

“In addition to hiring Drew, we have just this week added another two people to our company. Michael Danforth and Elise Thatcher. Michael will be heading up the new marketing department and Elise will be our media liaison, so be nice to her or she may leave you out of the loop.”

Elise flashed a smile at the cameras and there was a ripple of laughter through the crowd. Freddie opened the floor for questions and as expected they soon veered away from the business at hand and onto more personal matters. The Merveille press were notorious for their unnatural interest in the private lives of the peers. There was no way of giving a press conference without expecting them to ask the inappropriate questions. Freddie answered questions about himself and Alex good-naturedly, hiding the details of their upcoming nuptials but doing so in a way that didn’t incite the press into a feeding frenzy. Drew mostly gave non-committal answers and the press soon left him alone and focussed on Elise. Of course they would love her. Everybody was going to fall in love with the blue-eyed blonde with the cute accent and the bright smile. And so, like always, I blended into the background and the press forgot I was even there.

“So tell us Elise,” one of the gossip column reporters said, “Are the rumours true? Are you engaged to Drew here?”

I heard Drew’s sharp intake of breath, but managed to keep my eyes from flying to his to see his reaction. Elise fluttered her eyelashes and smiled coyly.

“Oh my goodness how the rumour mill works here! Drew and I have known each other all our lives, but no we’re not engaged. We’re more like brother and sister if anything.”

My heart froze in my chest. Why was she denying it? I had heard her tell someone, with my very own ears, that they were engaged. Was she trying to appease Drew’s anger because he didn’t want it announced yet? I was really confused and a little shell-shocked. This should have been her moment to announce it to all and sundry that she was marrying her high school sweetheart and they would live happily ever after.

“So Elise, does that mean you’re single?” another reporter called, bringing me back to the situation at hand.

“Oh come on guys,” she answered with a laugh, “I’ve just landed this great new job and my boss is standing right here.” The press corps laughed. When they quietened, she continued, “I’m here to concentrate on my work and establish an effective and progressive social media presence. Not to mention wrangling you rowdy lot. Besides, I don’t hear you asking Michael here if he’s single. Don’t you think the female viewers at home might want to know that?” She winked at the press corps and Freddie laughed delightedly beside her. She had charmed them all, just as I knew she would.

“And what about you, Lady Jeanette? Are the wedding rumours true? Are you really going to marry an English viscount and leave our fair country for the wilds of the English countryside?”

I smiled at the gossip columnist and tried to keep my answer fun and light. “Come now Julius, you know I wouldn’t announce something like that at Lord Bingham’s press conference.”

“That’s not a ‘no’ Lady Jeanette,” Julius replied with a victorious grin.

“That’s a ‘no comment’ Julius,” I replied with my own smile.

She hadn’t denied it. That was the only thing I could think about as I made my way back up to my office. She was still going through with it. Jeanette was going to marry Lord Cameron and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The previous week had been torture. I had come in to work early and worked late. I needed the distraction. When I finally dragged myself through the door at night, I lost myself in a bottle of alcohol - whatever was handiest - and slept dreamlessly just to wake up and repeat the process all over again. I had to keep vigilant to not let thoughts of Jeanette invade my mind and that meant losing myself in work and then getting drunk so that I could fall asleep. It wasn’t healthy and I knew I looked like crap, but it was the only way I could cope.

I appreciated Elise’s attempt to let it be known that we weren’t and never would be engaged, but Jeanette had taken the news without reaction. Maybe the words she had yelled at me were true. Maybe she didn’t love me. Of course she didn’t love me. How could she when she was marrying someone else? I had just been her little rebellion. She had used me for one last fling before settling down into her marriage of… I didn’t even know what to call it. It wasn’t a marriage of convenience - there was nothing convenient about it - so what was the proper term for someone marrying to gain something in return? She wasn’t a gold digger, that label belonged to the illustrious Lord Cameron. I suppose it was a mutually beneficial arrangement for them both. He got the money he needed and she got the title she’d always wanted.

I stalked the length and breadth of my office, unable to settle. I had come to Merveille with such high hopes for my future. It felt like the next logical step in my career and I had never even entertained the thought that I might fall in love. Love hadn’t been on my radar. This move had been all about my career and up until a little over a week ago, it had been everything and more that I’d wanted. Now it tasted like ash in my mouth.

I didn’t think I could stay here. It was the job of my dreams, but the shiny sparkles had worn off and had been replaced by the pall of a broken heart. It would never be the same and if I stayed, I would be constantly reminded of what could have been. Even when Jeanette left the country and married the viscount, the memory of her would still be here, haunting me. I wouldn’t be able to ride my bike or ride a horse without thinking of her. I wouldn’t be able to look at Alex without thinking of Jeanette. I wouldn’t be able to look at Elise without thinking about how she had ruined everything with her lies and deceit - as well meaning as they had been. The only solution was for me to leave. I had to resign, for my own sanity if nothing else.

I strode across the floor of my office and opened the door. That had become a new thing for me too, closing my door. Mandy had noticed the state of my mood and had protected me as best she could. I was grateful for such an intuitive assistant, but she wouldn’t be able to hold everything at bay. The longer I stayed, the worse I would get and eventually Freddie would have to fire me. I wanted to avoid that because none of this was his fault. He had only ever tried to help me and I was thankful for all he had done for me. Which was why I had to resign now before things deteriorated.

I walked past Mandy’s desk without acknowledging her and headed down the hall to Freddie’s office. I looked at Dayne and he nodded to me to go on through. I stepped into Freddie’s office and closed the door behind me. Freddie looked up and his forehead creased.

“I wondered when you’d come,” he said with a sigh. “Take a seat.”

“This won’t take long.”

“Indulge me,” he replied with a tight smile. “Sit.”

I unbuttoned my coat and sat, crossing one leg over the other before looking up at him.

“Before you say anything,” he preempted me, “I know why you’re here. You want to resign.”

My eyebrows lifted in surprise. “How did you know?”

“I’m not blind, Drew. I’ve seen the way you’ve been dragging yourself around here lately.”

“MacClaren has dobbed me in hasn’t he?”

Freddie shrugged. “He may have voiced a concern or two, but I have noticed the hours you’ve been putting in and I couldn’t help but also notice the timing. Something happened at the party, didn’t it?”

I huffed out a breath. “I know I’ve let you down—”

“Okay, stop right there. You haven’t let me down. This isn’t about your job performance. If anything you’ve exceeded my expectation in that regard. I know what this is about. This is about Jeanette and Lord Cameron and their ridiculous betrothal. I thought she had finally kicked him to the kerb. What happened?”

“Elise happened,” I said tiredly. “Jeanette overheard Elise telling someone that we were engaged. When I tried to deny it, she didn’t believe me.”

Freddie sighed. “So you’re just going to leave it at that?”

“What can I do? She told me she doesn’t love me, that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Her whole life she has been bullied into doing what other people wanted her to do, and I do not want to just be another one of those people.”

“Okay,” Freddie breathed, “Okay. I want you to give it a few days. Don’t make any rash decisions right now. I wouldn’t accept your resignation now anyway. Take a few days off and get your head right and then if you still feel like you can’t work here anymore, we’ll talk. Can you do that?”

I looked at him skeptically. I didn’t know how a few days off was going to help me recover from having my heart ripped from my chest, but I owed Freddie.

“Fine,” I said, “I’ll give it a couple of days.”