Mandy turned away from her view of Lake Washington and laid her head on Marcus’s chest, listening to the soothing thump of his heartbeat. He lay on the blanket beside her with one arm tucked behind his head as he stared up at the dusky sky above them. Cammie napped contently at their feet.
They’d been at Chism Park for two hours now. While making idle chitchat, they’d polished off roast beef sandwiches served with thick hunks of cheese and fresh fruit. Cammie, she’d noted, had sat at attention beside him the entire time, though she’d quickly discovered why. Whether he did it consciously or not, Marcus would take a bite of food and then hold out some for Cammie to gobble up. It told her Cammie wasn’t simply a pet to him but a companion, and that he had a kind heart. A guy who was good to animals was sexy in her book.
After they’d eaten, they’d taken the dog for a walk around the lake. The night was beautiful, clear but cool, allowing a few stars to peek through the patches of clouds. Somewhere during the walk, Marcus retreated into himself again. He’d taken her hand, threading their fingers, but went silent. She’d watched Trent do it enough over the years to recognize it and simply let him have his space.
Now, half an hour later, he had yet to say much of anything. It gave her too much time to think. Being with him this way, allowing herself to get close to him beyond the bedroom when their relationship was destined to end, was dangerous at best. But how could she turn her back on him when he clearly needed someone?
Determined to draw him out of himself, she tilted her head and stroked his chin with her fingers. “Tell me about her. Your sister, I mean.”
Marcus glanced down at her and stared for a moment, eyes searching, as if perhaps she’d caught him off guard. A heartbeat later, his arm came around her, his warm palm settling on her lower back. “I’m sorry. I’m not such great company tonight.”
She caressed the side of his face and lifted her head enough to smile at him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Lauren said it always helped Trent, when she could get him to talk.”
He blew out a heavy breath, his voice quiet in the evening air. “I miss her.”
“I’d imagine you would. I don’t know what we would’ve done if Trent had died over in Iraq. Dad was disappointed when Will didn’t want to enlist, but Mom was glad. It meant he came home safe every night. I thought about it, enlisting, because I wanted to be like my father.”
His head turned, his gaze burning into her. “Why didn’t you?”
She shrugged but couldn’t force herself to look at him. She was sharing things she probably shouldn’t, that had old insecurities rising from the dead. If her tomboy tendencies bothered him, she didn’t think she could handle seeing the disappointment in his eyes.
“Because the last thing I wanted was to be any more masculine than I already was. Growing up with brothers, with Dad, I’d always been more comfortable around men. Because of it, I had a hard time feeling feminine. Guys were…” She sighed. How did she put this in a way that didn’t sound pathetic? “Let’s just say it doesn’t get you a lot of dates when you can kick a guy’s ass in football. I would’ve joined a team if there’d been one, and I got called names a lot. But what I wanted, deep down, was to be more like the popular girls. Soft. Feminine. Pretty. Since clearly modeling was out—”
“Don’t do that.”
The gruffness of his tone stopped her rambling in its tracks. She jerked her head up to find him staring at her, brows furrowed, eyes stern.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. I know a lot of guys who’d kill for a girlfriend willing to sit in the garage with them or not complain about football on Sundays.”
“Yeah? Know where I can find a guy like that? ’Cause they’re not exactly beating down my door.” She quirked a brow, tossing his challenge back at him. He had a point, but this whole conversation dug into all those raw places. The self-doubt. The one too many men who were either turned off by her or invited her over to watch the game on Sunday. It had taken her years to realize that when they invited her over, it wasn’t because they hoped to get her naked.
Marcus went silent for a moment and his body went rigid. Tension filled the air between them until it all but crackled and snapped. Mandy’s stomach knotted as she waited for the fallout of her little confession.
“Me.” Spoken so low she couldn’t be sure she’d really heard him.
Heart now hammering her rib cage, she sat up, turning her gaze to the water, and wrapped her arms around her knees. Took a moment to put a lid back on the romantic notions bubbling in her chest.
“I told you. You in a pair of jeans covered in grease is a thing of fantasies. Believe me, that first day we met, when you barreled into me, I noticed you.” Marcus followed her up and leaned his head over her shoulder, his body warm against her back. His voice came as a low hum in her ear. “You were wearing a white T-shirt covered in oil stains and a pair of jeans that hugged your fantastic ass.”
She laughed. “You are so full of it. I’ve heard about the women you date, Marcus.”
According to a conversation she’d overheard between Marcus and Trent, Marcus preferred blondes with big boobs and legs for miles. Everything she wasn’t. And if she let herself ponder that, she’d have to admit the thought of him with one of those blondes made her stomach twist in a very ugly way.
His nose nudged her earlobe. “Doesn’t mean I don’t find you attractive as well. That first day? I was ready to charm you right out of those jeans. Right up until Trent walked out of the back room and called your name. I realized who you were and squashed that feeling like a spider under my boot.”
A shiver raked the length of her spine. She drew a shuddering breath as she attempted to shove all the unwanted emotions back down where they belonged. Neither could she resist the desire to learn more. About him. About his life. About who he was as a man. “Tell me about Ava.”
He shifted again, setting his legs on either side of hers, then slid his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. “She could be very sweet and giving. She always made me laugh. She’s the reason I have Cammie, actually. She worked in a no-kill shelter. One day, she tells me about this little dog who’d been dumped by a family who grew tired of her once she stopped being a cute little puppy. Ava said she’d lay curled up in her kennel, wouldn’t look at anybody or interact. A week later, Ava brought her home, said she couldn’t stand to see the dog so sad.”
Mandy couldn’t resist a smile. “You fell in love. And you said it wasn’t possible.”
Marcus nodded to where Cammie lay snoozing contentedly at the edge of the blanket. “Tell me you could look at that face and take her back?”
She glanced at Cammie. Technically, she had a leash attached, but she hadn’t left Marcus’s side for a single second. “She really is a sweet little thing. She had no problem giving me a grand tour of the house.”
He drew a deep breath and blew it out. “When Ava was manic, she tended to be very impulsive. She’d go on shopping sprees, buy things she didn’t need. She stayed up late one night and bought all kinds of shit off those infomercials they play at two in the morning. She also loved to dance. She’d go to a club, drink until she could barely walk, then bring someone home with her. Some of the guys she ended up with were assholes.”
His body tensed against her back. Mandy reached down to find his hand and curled her fingers around his. “I take it she lived with you at the time?”
“No. When I deployed, she stayed with Gram, but I heard about everything when I came home on leave. I ended up with Cammie because she up and decided one day I was hers.” He let out a soft laugh, then sighed. His voice lowered to a pain-filled murmur. “When Ava was depressed, she wouldn’t eat, to the point that she’d grow scary thin. Instead, she’d sleep all the time. When she was awake, she talked about suicide a lot. The doctors said it’s hereditary. We think she got it from Mom, because Mom tended to act the same way.”
“It wasn’t your fault, you know, that she died.”
“On some level, I know that, but I just can’t convince myself of it. Gram was getting too old to have to deal with someone with the mentality of a child. She needed my help. It’s why she lives so close.”
He went eerily quiet, his heavy thoughts all but filling the air around him. Was he lost in the memories? She squeezed his fingers in support but waited him out.
“Take care of your sister. That’s the last thing my mother said to me before she left that day. She needs you. Take care of her.”
The haunted, pain-filled words wrenched at her gut.
“My God, Marcus.” Unable to hide her surprise and irritation, she twisted out of his embrace and turned, sitting sideways between his thighs. “That’s a heavy burden to put on a child.”
He made a sound of agreement from the back of his throat but didn’t look at her. Instead, he sat staring at the lake.
She could only watch him for a moment, the pieces settling together like a jigsaw puzzle in her mind. It suddenly made sense why he’d closed himself off from the world. Why his relationship with Trent and the guys at the shop was so important and why he’d go through so much trouble for his grandmother. He’d essentially lost everybody he loved. The thought made her heart ache for him. When push came to shove, at least she had her family.
Unable to help herself, she turned to face him, setting her legs on either side of his hips. She laid her head on his chest, wound her arms around his ribs, and hugged him. “I won’t tell him, you know. Trent, I mean. He’s bound to find out. We all do too much together to be able to keep this a secret for long. But the news won’t come from me.”
His arms tightened around her. He ducked his head and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I appreciate that, but I’m pretty sure he knows already. I just haven’t figured out what the hell to do about it.”
She lifted her head to see his face. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I showed up this afternoon. I got carried away with the thought of surprising you.”
She’d let herself get lost in the hunger between them. It was safer than the yearning. Than…this. The soul-wrenching honesty. The more she got to know Marcus, the more she liked him. Marcus was a good man.
He smiled again, this one wistful but amused, and stroked the shell of her ear with his index finger. “Are you always so impulsive?”
She let his amusement fuel her mood, hoping, somehow, to lighten the heaviness still hanging on him. More than that, though, she wanted to forget the need still pounding around in her chest. It was a desperate yearning that needed to be squashed before it became too big to ignore—to get to know more of him. “Yes. Life should be lived, grabbed by its ears and rode hard.”
His body shook with his quiet laugh. “Only you could say something like that and not make it sound like a sexual innuendo.”
She leaned in and nipped at his chin. “Who said it wasn’t?”
His expression sobered. When he shifted his gaze to the lake again, Mandy’s heart gave a painful thump. She’d expected him to toss out a provocative comeback or laugh. Instead, she got the feeling he was shutting her out again. It bothered her. Too much.
She stroked his cheek, his stubble course and prickly yet oddly soft beneath her palm. “Whatever you’re thinking, I’d rather you say it. I understand you’re not a talker, but I’m not fond of being shut out. Don’t assume I won’t want to hear whatever it is or that I won’t understand. Friends talk to each other. I can handle anything you tell me so long as you’re honest with me.”
He blew out a heavy breath. His gaze flicked to her, something hard and challenging in the recesses she couldn’t quite grasp. “I need you tonight. I’m also not fond of the term ‘friend,’ because it means I eventually have to watch you go back to dating those idiots again.”
The words he hadn’t spoken hung in the air between them, temptation itself. Mandy’s heart hammered in her ears. God help her. She shouldn’t ask. To do so would be pushing those boundaries again, but she had to hear him say the words. Just once. “Why does that bother you?”
Deep creases formed between his brows. The muscle in his jaw jumped, but he drew a deep breath and released it, the stiffness leaving his body. “Because some part of me says you’re mine.”
A heady shiver trailed her spine. That had to be sexiest thing any man had ever said to her. Nobody, save her high school sweetheart, Carter, had ever wanted her to be his. And even then, he’d eventually dumped her for a cheerleader. A response played in her mind, a dangerous answer for sure, but God help her, she had to say it.
She scooted closer, until her core rested against the front placket of his jeans and her mouth hovered over his. “Marcus?”
His gaze flicked to hers, then dropped. His hands slid down her back to settle over the curves of her ass. “Hmm?”
“For this month, I am yours.” She brushed her mouth over his, whispering into the miniscule space between them. “So stop being such a damn gentleman and take me home. Make love to me or just take me to bed. I’m staying either way. Whatever you need, I’m good.”
He studied her for the span of two pounding heartbeats. Just when she was sure he’d turn her down, he pressed a tender kiss to her lips. “Let’s go.”
She stood and held out her hand, pulling Marcus to his feet. He moved around her to scoop up a surprised-looking Cammie, tucking the dog in one arm, picking up the blanket with the other, then holding out his hand.
She stared for a beat before slipping her hand into his, and he started off for the parking lot. He’d taken her hand before, the night of the masquerade, when he’d pulled her out of Lauren’s bakery, but this time felt different. Last time had been a demanding gesture. He’d forced her to follow him. This one was intimate. A connection.
He confirmed the thought when they reached his SUV. He released her hand long enough to open the rear door and set Cammie inside before turning to her again. Hunger warred with tenderness in his eyes as he cupped her face in his big hands and settled his mouth over hers. His tongue stroked her lower lip, and on a soft sigh, she sagged back against the car and opened for him.
His quiet groan rumbled through his chest, and his tongue thrust inside, bold and unapologetic. The kiss took flight from there. He devoured her, possessed her, and all she could do was hold on. Hands braced against his chest, she curled her fingers in an attempt to stay upright. She was sure her nails bit into his skin, but she couldn’t think enough to make her fingers let go. Who was lost now?
When every bone in her body was limp and lifeless, he finally pulled back. Breathing hard, he dropped his forehead to hers and stood for a moment, staring at her. Mandy smoothed her hands up his back and smiled softly. “What was that for?”
“For being you.” He brushed another kiss across her mouth, softer this time, then stepped back. “Come on. Let’s go.”
Five minutes later, as they headed toward his place, Marcus darted a glance at her and smiled, rueful and apologetic. “I ruined the plans you had for tonight. I’m sorry.”
If that wasn’t a big hint as to his mood, she didn’t know what was. She braced an elbow on the console between the seats and pecked his cheek.
“You didn’t ruin it. We can save it for another day, when you’re more in the mood.” Determined to keep his mind off his heavy thoughts, she winked at him. “Besides, it requires you to tell me your favorite fantasy.”
He chuckled. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out. I’m a simple man.”
Oh, she had a pretty good idea. The moment in front of the mirror had given her a really big clue, but she wanted to hear him say the words.
Mandy grinned. “I’m guessing it involves watching.”
“Something like that.” A soft flush rose in his cheeks, but Marcus didn’t look at her.
Mandy laughed quietly. “You aren’t seriously embarrassed to admit that?”
“That’s a very desperate thing to admit.” He shot her a sideways glance, mouth pressed into a thin line, before turning back to the road. “Which is when I usually do it. When I’m desperate for relief from the thoughts you always manage to inspire.”
Mandy squeezed his thigh. “That’s not desperate. It’s a turn-on.” She leaned her mouth to his ear and lowered her voice. She’d bring this man out of his head if it killed her. “Tell me what it is. What do you think about while lying in the dark, hmm?”
She sat back in her seat again, and he darted another sidelong glance at her, brow still furrowed, eyes still too intense. What would it take to really break down his walls? It was a dangerous yearning, that one.
This time, though, he shook his head and muttered something under his breath about “pushing boundaries.” Instead of answering her question, however, he picked up her hand from his leg and slid it to the apex of her thighs. “Does that tell you anything?”
A heady shiver ran the length of her spine. They really did have the same tastes. The suggestion had her imagination working overtime.
“As I suspected.” Mandy stared at his profile, the idea percolating in the back of her mind. It had been rolling around in her thoughts since the first time they’d made love, in front of that mirror. She shouldn’t follow it, but neither could she resist. Tonight, he wanted to get lost, and she would help him get there.
Decision made, she slid down in her seat, undid her pants, and pushed her hand into her panties. “You mean something like this?”
His gaze darted in her direction, eyes wide with panic. He groaned. “What are you doing?”
“We have the same fantasy. The thought of you, naked, with that big, beautiful cock in your hand.” She closed her eyes and strummed her clit as she immersed herself in the long familiar images. Her desire had gotten sidetracked but flooded her again now, and she let it. Desire, physical need, was better than the intimacy they’d created tonight. “That’s not something to be ashamed of. That’s fucking hot.”
Somewhere outside, a car honked. Their car jerked and Marcus swore under his breath. “Jesus, Mandy, you’re going to make me crash.”
She ignored his comment and slid her fingers down her slit, pushing them inside herself. Pleasure erupted through her, and a quiet moan escaped. He set her body aflame, and her hunger for him burned through her blood. Knowing he watched now? That it aroused him as well? Her clit pulsed, throbbing with need. Every glide of her fingers sent pleasure and heat shivering over each nerve ending.
“God, do you know how wet that makes me? Tell me something. Do you immerse yourself in it the way I do? Take your time and enjoy every stroke?” She forced her eyes open and turned her head, staring at his profile. “Or are you forever the military man? Fast and efficient?”
He darted a glance over his shoulder and changed lanes. “A little of both.”
A building caught her attention and Mandy turned her head to peer out the passenger side window. She passed that building on her way to work every morning. An abandoned industrial area. An idea she’d started with morphed.
She nodded in the direction of her window. “See that abandoned warehouse off to the right?”
“No.”
She closed her eyes and pulled her fingers from her core, spread the slippery juices over her now swollen, throbbing clit and gasped. She had to admit the thought of unbuttoning Mr. Rules over there and getting to watch him come undone had her so hot she was panting. Her thighs trembled already. If he didn’t pull off the highway soon, she’d come, and he probably would crash the car. “Just up there, on the right.”
“I see it. That’s the answer to what you’re thinking.” His voice came gruff and harsh, his words little more than a reprimand.
She opened her eyes and turned to stare at him. He sat glaring at the road, his jaw tight, shoulders tense. If she could get him to agree, she’d accomplish two things: help him out of his neat little box, and, if she were lucky, they’d forget about the growing intimacy between them. She softened her tone. “Do you trust me?”
He darted a glance at her. Stared for a beat. Then turned back to the road and blew out a heavy breath. The stiff set of his shoulders finally relaxed. “You know I do.”
She slid her free hand over his knee. “Then trust me now. I want you, you want me, and I don’t want to wait. We won’t get caught if we’re fast. I won’t even take off my panties.” She rolled her eyes. “Probably would have been easier if I’d worn a skirt, but you won’t regret it. I promise.”
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. Mandy held her breath, every inch of her caught somewhere between heady arousal and the gut-wrenching anticipation of his answer. It scared her how much she needed him to agree to this harebrained idea of hers. The whole notion had taken on another level. It had led her right back to the very thing she’d drummed up this idea to avoid—the growing intimacy between them.
Just when she thought he’d turn her down again, Marcus swore under his breath, flipped on his blinker, and jerked the wheel, moving onto the off-ramp. He darted another glance at her, his gaze intense but full of a tender heat. “You have about a minute to get those pants off.”
She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning and winked at him. Score one for her. “Yes, sir.”
As she made quick work of her pants, Marcus exited the highway and turned right. The car bumped over a set of railroad tracks as he followed a long, dirt road to where the building sat against a wall of trees. The place sat on the edge of the city, two huge buildings that looked like they hadn’t been used in years. The car’s headlights illuminated the ground, the single streetlamp lighting the building and the parking lot in a soft glow. Grass and weeds had grown up in between the cracks in the pavement. The building itself was run-down, the metal siding coated with rust, more windows broken than intact.
Marcus drove around to the back and pulled the car into a spot at the far end of the lot, situating them between the building and the trees. Here they were no longer visible from the highway.
He shifted the car into park and looked over at her as he reached into his back pocket. His brow was still furrowed, his eyes still too intense, full of a heady mix of arousal and anxiety. “We’ll need to be fast.”
Mandy pulled her last leg from her pants, leaving them wadded on the floorboards, and laughed softly. “Trust me. This won’t take long. You have me very aroused.”
“Ditto, angel. What the hell brought this on, anyway?” He shook his head as he opened his pants, then lifted up enough to shove his jeans and underwear down his thighs. After rolling the condom onto his length, he pulled the mechanism to move the seat back as far as it would go, then held out a hand. “Come here.”
Mandy’s entire body trembled as she climbed over the center console. It wasn’t an easy task, either. Her ass bumped the mirror, though luckily she managed to avoid the horn. By the time she straddled his thighs, her entire body buzzed with a heady rush of arousal and adrenaline. As she sat back on his knees, though, the truth hit her where it hurt. She would have to bare her heart and be honest with him now.
She rested her hands against the warmth of his chest, letting the solidity of him give her the courage to say the words. “You wanted to forget.”
Marcus studied her, that intense, focused gaze working her face. “You’re something else, you know that? Remind me to thank you properly when we get home.” He captured her mouth, his kiss tender and sweet and soft. His big, warm hands settled on her ass, pulling her to him.
Needing him in a way that had her shaking all over again, Mandy reached down and moved her panties aside. Then she rose and slid onto him, taking him inch by delicious inch. She gasped at the sweet invasion, at the wondrous feeling of fullness. God, she’d never get tired of that feeling, of his thick cock deep inside of her. He filled every inch of her, rubbed tissues made extra sensitive by her overwhelming arousal.
Marcus groaned low in his throat and broke the kiss, setting his cheek hard against hers. “Christ you feel so fucking good.”
Urgency moved between them like a living, breathing being. A slow, sweet rhythm. How the hell lovemaking could even be tender when they were essentially fucking in a car on the side of the road, she didn’t know, but it was. His hands slid up her back, gathering her closer, until they sat chest to chest and nose to nose, and she took every breath with him. His gaze burned into hers as they rocked together.
With every slip of him inside of her, they clutched each other tighter. Her sensitized clit skimmed his pelvis, and a shower of hot sparks burst along her skin. Marcus groaned quietly, his breaths as harsh and ragged as her own, but not once did his gaze leave hers.
Every thrust seemed to propel them faster, until they strained against each other. The sounds of their combined breathing filled the car. The seat squeaked and the vehicle rocked. The windows fogged. It was the most erotic thing she’d ever done, because despite the darkness, he was with her the whole way.
Like a lit match tossed onto a dry field, her orgasm exploded through her. The most incredible, breath-stealing pleasure erupted along every sensitive nerve ending. Mandy bit her lip hard to keep from crying out as her inner muscles tightened and loosened, leaving her gasping and quaking in his arms.
Marcus groaned from down deep. His big hands gripped her ass hard. He held her there and cursed under his breath, his belly shaking as his own release claimed him.
He collapsed back against the seat, and Mandy dropped her forehead onto his shoulder. Several moments passed in fatigued silence, only their quiet panting filling the car’s interior.
Just as her breathing returned to normal, Marcus began to laugh. It started as a chuckle, but very quickly became a deep, this-side-of-delirious kind of laugh that made his chest and shoulders shake.
Mandy sat back on his knees, unable to keep from grinning and giggling right along with him. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Marcus come completely undone, but it stunned her all the same. Completely free, he was…magnificent. It lit up his whole face, relaxed him in a way she’d never seen before.
After several minutes, his laughter finally died. He drew a shuddering breath and blew it out, then pressed a tender, lingering kiss to her mouth. “I can’t believe you made me do that.”
Mandy furrowed her brow and shook her head slowly. “You really do need to learn to live a little.”
“I bow to your experience, angel. Where you lead, I’ll follow. Just promise you won’t get me arrested, huh?” He kissed her softly again and smacked her ass. “Now get dressed. We need to get the hell out of here before the cops come. I don’t know how the hell I’d explain that to Trent.”
Mandy laughed and pecked Marcus’s lips, then climbed carefully off his lap. As she slid into the passenger seat, she darted a glance at the backseat. Despite the goings-on in the front, Cammie lay curled up on a blanket, eyes closed.
Marcus pulled off the condom, knotted the end, and stuffed it in his pocket. As he did up his jeans, Mandy concentrated on shimmying into her skinny leather pants, but she didn’t miss how silent Marcus had become again.
He pulled out of the parking spot, then made his way back to the quiet highway. Cammie made a yipping sound from the backseat, finally awake. Ears perking up, she set her front paws on the window’s edge. Those big ears stood straight up, her brown eyes wide and round as she watched the scenery pass by.
Marcus reached over and took Mandy’s hand. He glanced at her and smiled, so tender it melted another chunk of the wall she’d surrounded herself in a week ago. At some point, the way he got to her would be her downfall. She had a feeling she could easily fall in love with him if she let herself. Despite all the times he’d told her he was no good for her, Marcus was a decent man.
Because some part of me says you’re mine.
Her heart warmed at his earlier words. She was pretty sure he was right. This simple moment, heading “home” with Marcus, filled her with a sense of belonging. This wasn’t what they’d planned. Their relationship was supposed to revolve around hot, sweaty, glorious sex. And only sex.
Being with him this way, the soft intimacy, felt entirely too right. All those dreamy, girlish notions filled her thoughts all over again, simultaneously drawing and repelling her. She could see herself with him on a more permanent basis, and she hadn’t a damn clue what to do about it.