The words left Marcus’s mouth with little thought, but as he stood there, his come in Mandy’s fist and her fingers caressing the head of his now softening cock, the truth settled over him. He wanted everything she represented. Freedom from the past. The chance to step into something beyond the meaningless sex he’d had for so damn long it had lost its appeal.
He also wanted the chance simply to spend time with her. Maybe he’d satiate his lust for her and get it the hell out of his system. Whatever the reason, he didn’t have it in him to resist her anymore.
Mandy went still and silent for a long, unnerving moment. It wasn’t fair to tease her by being deliberately vague, but he couldn’t force his true answer from his mouth. Guilt was already knotting his gut. He’d come tonight to celebrate Gabe and Steph’s engagement, not to seduce Mandy. His closest friends—including Trent—all sat within shouting distance.
Mandy leaned her head against his cheek, her breath erratic and warm in his ear. “I win what?”
“Me.” He finally forced himself to lift his head.
Mandy stared, eyes wide and searching his, like she couldn’t believe he was actually agreeing, and an exposed feeling rose over him again. How the hell she did it, he hadn’t a fucking clue, but she had him on his knees. One tiny woman made him feel like he was naked and exposed, as if everything tender was exposed to the elements. Only one other woman had ever come close. “You’re accepting my offer.”
“Yes. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t spent the last week kicking myself in the ass for letting you leave that alley.”
She cocked a brow, as if she didn’t quite believe him. “May I ask what made you decide? A week ago you were adamant this wasn’t something you could do.”
He touched his nose to hers. “Maybe I just can’t resist you. Ever think of that?” He lifted a hand, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “I do have to ask, though. Why would you settle for a guy like me?”
Her brows rose. “A guy like you?”
He was going to have to spell it out for her. He’d done it a thousand times, made sure the woman he was with knew in no uncertain terms he wasn’t relationship material. So why did the thought of telling Mandy—and having to watch her reaction—suddenly make his stomach knot?
Either way, he needed to be honest with her. Needed her to know, to understand, where he stood in this.
He sighed. “I’m not anything you want or need, angel. I decided the day my mother dropped me off at my grandmother’s and never came back that relationships weren’t worth it. I’ve lived my life every day since determined never to need anyone.”
He’d had one serious relationship in his life, and he’d fucked that up, too. Emma had ended things before his last deployment. Was it really five years ago now? He regretted everything about their time together. She’d wanted a ring, but the thought of being tied down gave him the cold sweats. Too well he remembered his parents’ marriage. The constant fighting. His mother’s drinking. And him and Ava sinking into the background, unnoticed. The whole institution didn’t seem worth it to him. To put each other through that kind of torture or torture their kids? Nope. He wanted to keep his relationships light.
Now here was Mandy, throwing a wrench into his carefully ordered world.
“Frankly, angel, you’re pushing boundaries I set a long time ago. I mean, look where we are.” He glanced around, taking in the toilet and the sink, the mirror and the blue shower curtain. The moment he’d arrived at collapsed on top of him, guilt weighing on his shoulders like a sixty-pound pack. “I cannot believe we’re in a freaking bathroom.”
“You’re too hard on yourself, Marcus.” Mandy’s expression softened, her fingers skimming his cheek. “People get caught up in a moment all the time. Maybe things moved faster than we intended them to, but it happens.”
“Not to me it doesn’t.” He turned his head and met her gaze, stared and waited for the fallout of his pathetic confession.
Of all things, amusement glinted in her eyes. “So, what, sex is to be done in the dark?”
For a moment he could only stare. She was laughing at him, but she was so damned beautiful doing it, the corners of his mouth twitched with his effort to hold back a reciprocating grin.
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, go ahead and laugh and get it out of your system. I was raised by a woman who comes from a whole different world, a whole different value system. I’m old-fashioned. So sue me.”
Mandy dropped her gaze to his chest and settled her clean hand there, her palm warm, thumb stroking back and forth. “I’m sorry. The confession just surprised me. I thought maybe your reaction the other night was because of me. I grew up roughhousing with Trent and Will. When Dad was home, I spent as much time as I could with him, which means I can keep up with men on a lot of levels. Most of the men I’ve met seem to find that intimidating. Or at least…not sexy.”
Irritation punched him in the gut, and his fingers curled against her ass. What he wanted to do was deck any and all assholes who’d made her feel that way. The last thing she needed, though, was him acting like a jealous damn boyfriend. So he pulled from years in the service and drew a deep breath, tamping it all down.
Instead, he immersed himself in her and stroked his thumb over her chin again, brushing across her lower lip. “Clearly you’ve been dating idiots, because if you ask me, angel, that’s sexy as hell. But the truth is, you are different for me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, like I haven’t heard that before.”
He stroked his thumb across her cheek this time. Hell, he couldn’t help himself. He’d spent more than a year trying not to feel anything for her. The simple luxury of getting to touch her at all was a bit like opening the floodgates. He wanted to touch all of her.
“No, I mean it. You’ve always been off-limits, and not just because of my friendship with Trent. I happen to like you. You have guts. You aren’t afraid to go after what you want. That night you kissed me? You surprised the hell out of me. I had a hard-on all damn night.”
He’d never forget that night as long as he lived. Her soft mouth had barely grazed his, but the determination and hunger in her eyes had made for a sleepless night. He’d ended up with his cock in his hand, satisfying his overwhelming desire for her in fantasies. Her soft body beneath him. Her legs locked around his hips. Her hot breath in his ear.
He followed the curve of her jaw with his thumb for a moment, imagined following the path with his mouth. “Now, answer my question. Why would you settle for a guy like me?”
She smiled, soft and alluring, shy yet bold and cheeky. A smile he was coming to think of as uniquely her own. “I don’t see it as settling. I see it as taking a chance. I told you, when I signed up with Military Match, I hoped to find a nice guy to date for a while, someone who wouldn’t be turned off by my tomboy tendencies.” She dropped her gaze, her voice lowering to a heartfelt murmur. “Someone who made me feel…beautiful. Feminine.”
What she wasn’t saying set his teeth grinding against each other. How the hell any sane man could see her as anything less than fucking phenomenal was beyond him.
“Idiots. The lot of ’em.” He’d meant the comment as a reassurance, but the words left his mouth on little more than an irritated grunt, laced with the jealousy currently seeping through his blood. He wanted to prove to her that not all men were like the asshats she’d found. To be the one to make her realize how beautiful and sexy and feminine she already was.
Her gaze flicked to his, those eyes reaching and searching. She smiled, one side of her mouth lifting higher than the other. Her hand smoothed across his chest.
“I’ll be honest with you. Am I hoping to find something more, like what Trent and Lauren have?” She shrugged. “Yeah. Someday I am. Frankly—”
He shook his head, tension knotting his shoulders. “That won’t ever be me, angel.”
She pursed her lips, shooting him a reprimanding frown. “Would you let me finish?”
The corners of his mouth twitched with his effort to hold back his grin. There was that fire again. God he so loved that fire.
He forced a serious face and made a zipping motion across his mouth.
“As I was saying…I also want you. I haven’t made that a secret. I consider this a way to live out a fantasy.” The corners of her mouth twitched as she looked down, her fingers teasing his skin as she traced the shop logo on the front of his T-shirt. “All I ask in return is that when it ends, you don’t tell me I remind you of your sister. And please, for the love of my sanity, don’t play the let’s be friends card.”
He ducked his head, leaning his mouth to her ear. Because he wanted her to know, to hear in his voice, that he meant what he was about to say. “I told you on that date, the thoughts that run through my head every damn time I see you are definitely not of the sisterly sort.”
A shiver moved through her, and she let out a breathless gasp, her fingers curling against his chest. Marcus groaned softly and nipped at the pad of flesh where her neck met her shoulder. That one small reaction made him so damn hard it hurt.
He forced himself to pull back enough to see her face. This next part was important. “I would like to put some boundaries on this, though.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, those wicked fingers of hers toying with the hairs on the back of his neck and driving him to distraction. “Of course you’d have rules. All right. Lay ’em on me.”
“This is only for a month. I’m not going to need more than that to convince my grandmother. When the month is up, this ends. All of it.”
He had every intention of diving headfirst into his time with her. At this point, if he was going to hell anyway, he might as well enjoy the ride. He’d fulfill his own fantasies and get her out of his system once and for all.
“We want the same things, something out of the norm, but I’ve lost too many people in my life. The guys at the shop are important to me. They’re family, and you’re a part of that.” He leaned down, touched his nose to hers. “I don’t want to lose that.”
“You and your principles.” She rolled her eyes, but one corner of her mouth quirked upward.
He shrugged. “Part of the package, angel.”
“Fine, but I have a few demands of my own.”
He nodded. It was only fair. “All right.”
She furrowed her brow, her expression suddenly serious, as if she were preparing for a fight from him. “When I said I want nights, I meant all night. No sneaking out while I’m asleep. If you can’t stay long enough to have coffee with me in the morning, don’t bother.”
How many assholes had actually done that to her? “Any man who sneaks out while you’re sleeping is a goddamn coward who needs to grow a pair.”
She laughed quietly, amusement illuminating those gorgeous blue eyes. “Is that so?”
“Yes.” He blew out a breath, releasing his irritation along with it, and stroked his fingers down her cheek. “For the record, that’s not my style. I have never and will never treat a woman like she’s little more than a warm body, and any man who does doesn’t deserve the time you’ve given him.”
“I’m glad we agree.” She gave him a tender smile, braced her hand against his chest, and rose onto her toes again. This time, she caught his bottom lip in her teeth. “Now that that’s settled, how ’bout we meet next Friday after work? Because I believe you owe me an orgasm, and I’m afraid to tell you, Mr. Denali, I’ll be adding interest.”
A door opened and closed somewhere in the house. Logic told him he needed to end this now, before they got caught, but damned if he could resist.
He leaned down, flicking his tongue against her earlobe. “Trust me, angel. I have every intention of leaving you breathless.”
The little minx rocked her hips into his again, grinding against an already growing hard-on. “I’ll be holding you to that, you know.”
He groaned and captured her mouth. Allowed himself a moment to enjoy the flick of her tongue, her hot breath mingling with his, then forced himself to pull back. If he didn’t, he’d do something stupid. Like forget her brother sat just outside and fuck her against this door.
His breaths coming harsh and fast, he leaned his forehead against hers. Forced his mind to focus. Jesus. He had a feeling he’d come away from this month exhausted. “I’m afraid Friday’s no good for me. I have a veterans support group on Friday nights.”
The teasing light left her eyes, to be replaced with a soft concern as she laid a hand against his chest. “Do you still have trouble?”
He didn’t have to ask to understand she was talking about PTSD. Every guy he’d served with came home with some form of it, and he’d been no exception.
He shook his head, his forehead rocking against hers. “Not too much. Fireworks make me jumpy. I can’t stand crowds or loud music. The usual stuff. But for the most part, it’s eased. No, I’ve taken over the running of the group. Some of the guys are fresh off a deployment and they’re deep in it.”
Like the young soldier who’d just joined their group. Jason was barely twenty-five and had come home from his second tour in Afghanistan a month ago. He was having a hell of a time of it but refusing help. Given his reluctance to talk, Marcus worried about him. Too many held it in, fearing they’d be seen as weak.
“I need to be there.”
“Then it’ll have to be Saturday.” Mandy gave a curt nod, then jerked her head at the door behind her. “We should get back out there before someone comes looking for the bathroom.”
“And catches us together.” He made a sound of acknowledgment from the back of his throat. A cold chill traveled the length of his spine, his body already missing the heat of hers.
Awkward awareness of each other prickled in the air as he did up his pants and Mandy washed her hands. When she was done, she returned to him, though, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“See you Saturday. My place okay?” When he nodded his agreement, she pecked his lips again and disappeared out the door. Seconds later, she poked her head back in. One dark brow lifted, as if she were about to put him on the spot, but the corners of her mouth twitched, betraying her. “And you just better have your A game on.”
He chuckled. Oh, he’d have his A game on. And his B and C as well. He’d have fun seeing how many times he could make her come before she waved the white flag. If he was going to break all his damn rules to spend a month with her, he had every intention of enjoying the hell out of it.
He winked. “Oh, I intend to, angel. I intend to.”