Jericho ~ Present
I COULDN’T BELIEVE SHE WAS there, that she’d come after me. I tried to keep my cool, not make assumptions, because God knew I’d been burned by Natasha in the past, but it was useless. Having her here, in the home we’d imagined, in my arms, smiling up at me, filled me with all the hope in the world.
Call me foolish, but it couldn’t be helped . . . I was a fool for Natasha. I always had been.
“Yup, that’s Newt,” I replied, my chest tight at the way she was looking at me. Her face filled with wonder.
“I can’t believe you did all this,” Natasha gushed, looking around my home once more. “I thought you’d move on, that you’d forget.”
I shook my head, hoping she’d hear my words and take them to heart, once and for all.
“Natasha, you’re it for me. I knew it when you walked into accounting class and bumped into me, I knew it when I realized you’d left, and I know, that’s how it will always be. No matter what you do, where you go, or how you choose to live out the rest of your life, for me, there is no one else. I’m not looking for anyone else, and I don’t want anyone else.”
Her eyes were wide on me, so I asked, “Does that scare you?”
“Terrifies,” she admitted, but she wasn’t running. She was still in my arms, so, that was progress.
“I can wait until you get used to the idea,” I promised. “If you think you’re willing to give us another shot, whether tomorrow, or a year for now, I’ll wait. I’ll give you time. Space. Whatever you need. You’ve got it.”
“Thank you,” Natasha whispered, and I had to know.
“Does that mean you are willing to give us another shot?” I asked gently, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice.
Natasha nodded slowly, and I let out a sigh of relief.
“But . . .” she began.
I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing her palm softly.
“What do you say I pour us a drink and we sit out on the back patio and talk. Tell me what you’re worried about. Let’s get it all out there and start fresh.”
“That sounds perfect,” she replied.
“Make yourself at home, look around, and I’ll get those drinks.”
I pulled a bottle of chilled Pinot Grigio out of the wine fridge. Yes, I kept it stocked, because I’d always held out hope that this day would come, then grabbed the bottle of Maker’s Mark from the cupboard, and set about preparing our drinks.
“I still can’t believe all this,” Natasha said as she joined me in the kitchen.
“Do you like it?” I asked, practically holding my breath while I waited for her answer.
“It’s perfect,” she replied with a smile.
I knew it was too soon to let her know that if she wanted to make any changes to the house, the land, or . . . anything, all she had to do was say so, and it was done.
So, rather than freak her out I said, “We’ll go out those doors there, there’s patio furniture on the back porch.”
She opened the sliding glass door and stepped out. As I walked out behind her, I heard her intake of breath, then she said, “This is amazing.”
I looked at the comfortable patio furniture, with oversized cushions and plenty of sitting room, with a fire pit in the middle, and tables strewn around. In the daylight, there was a beautiful view of the pond and the trees, but for now, Tasha was just looking at the porch.
“Thanks,” I said, pleased that she liked it, since everything in this house was bought with her in mind.
I sat on the loveseat, and Natasha sat in the chair next to it, which was turned a bit to the side so that we could be face to face while we talked. Once she was settled, I handed her the glass of wine, then settled back into my seat.
“But,” I prompted, wanting to pick up where we’d left off.
“Like I said at Prime Beef,” Natasha began. “After my mom passed, I was afraid that I was just like her, destined to love someone so much . . . to love you so much that if anything happened to you, or you left me, I’d never be able to recover. So, I did kind of a preemptive strike, and decided to leave you before things got even more serious between us.”
“I think things were already as serious as they could be,” I put in, my heart still raw at the memory.
Natasha looked at me sadly.
“Yeah, I guess that’s what I found out. I was devastated, and I missed you terribly, and the thought of meeting someone else was never even an option. So, yeah, it was already too late. We’d already found each other and the damage had been done. But, I also found out that my life wasn’t over because we weren’t together. I still had my sisters and we opened this business together, became successful, and I was able to be happy.”
Even as her words hurt, I wanted that for her. I wanted her happiness.
“But . . . it’s only a modicum of happiness. There’s something missing. And, although I now know that I can live a life without you, I also know that it’s not a full life. I’ve missed you, and as much as I’ve tried to push you away and keep my feelings at bay, I know with you, I can be truly happy.”
I waited, wanting to let her say everything she needed to before butting in with my own thoughts and feelings.
“After seeing Millie and Jackson, and talking with you a little bit, and what happened tonight, I can’t fight it anymore. Yes, I’m still a little skittish, and I’m afraid of losing who I am now when we’re together. Because when I’m with you, I tend to get overcome with you, and a little lost in you, and I don’t want to get swallowed up in my feelings again.”
Natasha took a sip of her wine, then, realizing I’d been uncharacteristically quiet, looked at me and reached a hand out for mine.
I took it, enjoying the feel of her soft skin beneath my thumb.
“I need to find balance,” she admitted softly. “Do you think that’s possible?”