Prologue
Spring, 2017
Lynn’s grip on her steering wheel tightened into a full white-knuckled stranglehold as she listened to her husband speak from the passenger seat.
“I just don’t think we should waste any more time doing…whatever this is,” Jake said.
She glanced at him, her blue eyes widening.
“You mean our marriage?”
His dark eyes met hers and he nodded.
“I’m not in love with you, Lynn. I haven’t been for a long time.”
Never mind the fact that his tone was so damn cavalier that it made her eyes water. Never mind the fact that he was discussing their marriage so casually, like it was a fling that didn’t mean a thing to him.
“Are you serious right now? You’re dropping this on me like this? That’s it, you want out, so I have to give up everything I’ve worked for, too?”
His eyes rolled heavenward, like he was annoyed that she dared to ask.
“You know this is over. It has been for years. Don’t you want to be happy?”
Lynn looked back at the road.
I do want to be happy.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted…
It was dark, raining, and she was having trouble seeing before her tears had even started. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until she felt the heat spewing from the vents hit her cheeks. Goosebumps rippled across her skin as the pain finally settled against her bones. Her chest felt like it was on fire as she sucked in a deep breath. Jake stared blankly out the passenger window as they wound around a tight curve.
“So, who is she?”
He glanced at her.
“Who?”
“I know there’s someone else, Jake. You don’t just wake up and turn your life upside down unless you have something, or someone to do it for. You’re selfish. There’s only one reason you would be willing to divorce me knowing you’ll have to split everything you own. Who is she?”
The question burned like acid in the back of Lynn’s throat because even though she knew that she deserved better, it didn’t take back years of commitment. Of hard work and lies and blood and sweat and tears.
It didn’t take back years of being unaccepted by the one person who was supposed to love her unconditionally.
“I met her online. That isn’t important. What’s important is that we get this figured out as soon as possible so that we can move on with our lives.”
Lynn felt bile rise up in the back of her throat at his callous words.
So, there was another woman…
And, he just expected her to let their marriage go like he hadn’t just told her he loved her the night before. Like they hadn’t been planning a vacation just earlier that week.
“How can you do this to me? How can you treat me like this, the only person who’s been there for you when you had nothing and no one?”
Her lower lip trembled fiercely as she asked this. She rubbed a hand over her chest like that could ease the pain, like that could release the pressure she felt behind her lungs.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I realized that we-you and I- were never going to work. We just aren’t. I still want to be your friend, though.”
The earnest way he looked at Lynn made her realize that he really had no idea how awful he was. He had no idea how terrible his actions were. Which meant there would be no reason to argue with him. If Jake didn’t understand why what he did was wrong, then why would she waste her breath?
A trip to the mall had quickly turned into the worst day of Lynn’s life, and no matter how hard she squeezed the steering wheel or how deeply she tried to breathe, nothing helped.
It felt like everything was closing in around her as she realized that her entire marriage had not only been a lie, but a waste of her love and time. She’d given all the right things to the wrong man, and she was having a hard time wrapping her head around that.
“You have no idea how bad you’ve hurt me, do you? And, what’s worse, is I don’t think you even care,” She murmured.
Jake scoffed and threw his hands up.
“Of course I care!”
“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have cheated on me! Or, lied to me! And, if you really cared, you wouldn’t be discussing the end of our marriage as casually as discussing the weather!,” Lynn yelled.
Jake sat forward in his seat and her gaze shot to his.
“I gave you whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted it. I did whatever you needed me to. What more could I have given to you?,” She demanded sadly.
Jake slowly shook his head as he turned back in his seat.
“Lynn, look out!”
Lynn’s gaze returned to the road as she realized there was a truck headed right for them. She gripped the wheel and swerved to the right, narrowly avoiding the truck that had weaved into their lane. She screamed as their car slipped on the wet pavement and careened off the road, only coming to a stop after it did a full circle in the field around them. It took a few minutes for her to blink through the haziness, her lashes coated in mascara and tears.
“Jake, can you hear me?”
Her voice came out a pitiful tremble of a sound because even though he’d just spent the last hour tearing her heart to pieces, she’d loved him.
It was obvious he’d smacked his head on the passenger-side window with the way he was rubbing his temple and muttering to himself. Even then, watching him like that, he was so nonchalant it was almost like the last ten minutes had never happened between them…She’d loved him in the best way she knew how, and now he wasn’t responding to her calling his name.
His mouth was still moving slowly and he was clearly still dazed when she finally leaned over the console to shake him. Leaning in close so she could hear him better, the one word he repeated like a mantra only served to further break her heart.
“Ashley, Ashley, Ashley…”
Hearing her husband ask for his lover while he sat beside her in the car they’d purchased together…In the car they’d spent countless hours in together. With his wedding ring still on, the diamonds sparkling in the moonlight just like the day he’d taken his vows…
Fuck, but the truth settled over the surface of her skin like the fog floating in the air around them. Her pain tore through the darkness like a tidal wave of agony as she gripped her bare thighs and started to cry in earnest.
The other driver had obviously called the cops, because some sirens she’d heard off in the distance were now so close they made her ears hurt, but that didn’t matter.
Nothing mattered to her.
Nothing.
“I hate you for what you did to me, but I’m ashamed of what I let you do to me,” She whispered into his dark hair. The words came out slow and steady Slow…and steady…
Bright lights and unfamiliar voices invaded her space quickly as Lynn was removed from the vehicle, those flashing lights blinding her. Her entire life had just imploded. Her husband lay sprawled across a gurney, his eyes unfocused and bleary. Her car was totaled.
Their day had ended much like their relationship had, and the irony wasn’t lost on Lynn- a fucking wreck. They were a wreck, she was wreck, and all the broken edges tearing her part from the inside out were just as sharp as the edges of the glass buried in the palms of her hands.
In a matter of minutes her life had changed completely, and in that moment specifically, it felt like no matter what happened to her from then on out, she would never be the same again.