Chapter 4

Madison

When I stepped back into the office after running a few errands around town that morning, Lorna held up a slip of paper and waved it at me, a sly little grin growing on her pleasant face.

“The secretary from Killarny Estate called. They need the new vet to come out and take a look at some mares that might be pregnant.”

I looked at her wide-eyed. “Do they have any idea who the new vet is?”

Lorna shook her head at me. “If she did then she didn’t let on that she was aware and I certainly didn’t say anything. But I’m not sure she’s anyone that would know you anyway, so there’s that. I think it’ll be a hell of a surprise when you show up there to check Alex’s mares though.” She laughed but then caught herself when she saw the expression on my face.

“I knew it would come down to this—that I would have to deal with him and his family if I came back here and took over this practice, I just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon after I arrived.”

The run-in at the hardware store had been like some kind of meet cut out of a rom-com, and I hated rom-coms. At least I had convinced myself that I did, but it was likely related to having been burned so early in life when it came to romantic relationships. I knew that none of those things were real and I didn’t want to spend my time working up some kind of belief that finding something so perfect was possible in real life.

And now here I was, back in my hometown, face-to-face with the man I had thought I was going to marry. Ten years down the road and we weren’t married—hell, we were hardly even speaking. Barely a sentence worth of conversation in a decade. But we would soon have to be on speaking terms if I was going to be living in this town and working with his horses on a regular basis.

“Well, they were on Doc’s calendar, so I knew it was coming up. How many mares will I be looking at out there?”

Lorna looked down at the message she had taken. “Fifteen.”

“They are going to have a hell of a busy spring if all of them are pregnant. Okay, can you confirm with them that I’ll be out there tomorrow morning?”

I went about my business the rest of the day and tried not to think about the fact that the next day I would most likely have to have a conversation with Alex Killarny. I had no idea what his reaction would be when he found out that I was the new vet and I hoped that maybe word had already reached him so that it wouldn’t be a total surprise when I arrived at the ranch the next day. We could be civil, and I kept telling myself that. No matter what had happened, that was all in the past, and I needed to not dwell on it if I was going to have a successful time working in Ashland again.

But deep down inside there was a gnawing desire that I couldn’t shake. It didn’t matter how many men I had been with since Alex—even when we were younger, he was amazing. He had made me feel things that I had never encountered again in my life, which was pretty sad now that I thought about it. The way he could walk into a room and his sheer magnetism drew me to his side. The way the words he spoke in that deep baritone seemed to cascade over me like a gentle summer rain. I couldn’t be in a room with Alex without thinking about fucking him and now that we were older and so much time had been spent apart, I wondered what it would be like with both of us having so much more experience under our metaphorical belts.

There was still anger though. Not quite hatred, but enough dislike because of what his family had done to mine that the thought of good, angry sex sounded very appealing. Hell, maybe Alex would be into that.

But that thought made me pause. As much as I wanted him, which was something I could admit to myself even if it was uncomfortable, when I looked at Alex I saw something else. I was pretty sure the guy wanted me all right, but I didn’t think that the wanting I saw in his eyes had anything to do with hatred, and I didn’t have time for that.

It was the twins who greeted me when I arrived at the ranch early the next morning, helping me pull some equipment from the back of my SUV. I could usually complete the pregnancy checks manually, but in some situations, an ultrasound was required. The boys were the same laughing jokesters they had been when they were kids the last time I had seen them, only now they were tall, grown men, who I could tell got up to as much trouble as they always had and maybe worse. They led me to the stables were I could find all the mares and showed me the list and where each of them was. It was easy enough to proceed with the work from there.

“Pete might come out of his office to see you, but if you need anything from us, just shout,” Stephen said with a smile as he and his twin brother walked away to attend to some other work at the ranch.

I made my way down the list with the help of some of the ranch hands, taking the mares to the designated area where it was safe to do the business of checking their wombs. All of the mares were pretty amiable, and I was near the end of the list, heading to the second stable when I saw Alex standing there at the entrance watching me. It was evident from the look on his face that he had no idea what I was doing there.

I held up my bag and gave him a half shrug.

“You’re the new vet?” He asked, the surprise ringing clear in his voice.

“Yup, that’s me,” I said as I moved past him and into the second stable, going to check the last few mares.

His presence behind me was easy to detect. I turned back around, and he stopped short.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, our little run-in at the hardware store was kind of brief, and it didn’t occur to me that I should tell you at the time.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You ran away.”

“I did no such thing.”

“You did,” he scoffed.

I narrowed my eyes at him and turned back around, going to locate the next mare on the list.

“When the hell did you decide you were going to be a vet? The last thing I heard from you was that you were going to go get an English degree and be a teacher.”

Something about that statement sent a wave of emotion over me. That had been my plan—ten years ago, when my plan had also been to marry Alex Killarny, live on this ranch, and stay in my hometown. What a detail for him to recall about me though.

“Alex, that was a lifetime ago. I changed my mind, and my circumstances were altered drastically. I needed to have a career that would allow me to help out my dad. I didn’t really want to be a doctor, or a lawyer and funds were a little limited, but I had always enjoyed working with Doc Halloran.”

He had to have remembered that little detail. We had spent more than one afternoon after school making out in the dark supply closet at the back of the office, something I never failed to forget as I walked past the door every day.

“I wanted to help people, and at the time I was much more interested in spending time with animals than humans, so I decided it could be a good career for me.”

I went on about my business, moving on to the next mare and Alex followed, putting whatever task he had been working on aside to help me.

“You don’t need to be doing that on your own,” he said as he reached in to help position one of the mares as I put on the elbow length glove I would use to reach up inside her and check the status of her uterus.

“I’m quite capable,” I snapped back.

“Just because you can do something on your own doesn’t mean you need to. What if you got kicked? Then I’d feel really bad.”

I dropped my hands to the side and looked at him straight on in the face.

“Listen, I’m back, and I’ve taken over the practice. I can deal with having you around and being in the same circles you’re in if you’ll just give me a little space. Just because the last time we were around each other we were in a relationship does not mean that we have to have any kind of involvement now, not even friendly.”

Alex smirked. “Oh, I bet you’d like to be my friend again.”

I could have sworn he was getting ready to throw one of his signature winks my way, but I cast my eyes to the side, unwilling to subject myself to his ways. I couldn’t stand that he still had that kind of effect on me. Even all these years later, all it took was one look from this man, and my panties were wet. I wanted him right then—wanted him to pick me up and push me against the wall of the stable, feel how wet my pussy was and push himself inside me. It was almost painful, the wanting, but I cleared my throat and tried to push the thoughts of him and his amazing body out of my mind. Even if I was going to have a fantasy about Alex Killarny, now was definitely not the time to let that happen.

“We have lived ten years apart from each other. Even though I’m back in town that doesn’t change anything. We weren’t speaking all that time, and there’s no reason for us to start doing that now.”

“We weren’t speaking because you wouldn’t answer your phone,” he said in a firm, but quieter tone.

I shot him a glare that could pierce through whatever kind of front he was trying to put up.

“You don’t get to make all of that my fault. You know as well as I do why we weren’t speaking and it sure as hell had nothing to do with anything I did.”

He stood up straighter and moved a step closer to me at that statement.

“And you know damn well that it had nothing to do with me, either. I can’t change a fucking thing my father did, but you chose to hold it all against me. I told you then, and I’ll tell you now—I’m sorry, but it’s not my crime. I wasn’t trying to screw your father over, and I most certainly didn’t want to do anything to harm you or your mother. For fuck’s sake, Maddy. I felt so much guilt over that, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.”

I didn’t respond, taking on a calmer demeanor so that the horse wouldn’t pick up on the emotions that were bouncing back and forth between the second oldest Killarny brother and I. Horses had a way of picking up on human energy and if this mare thought that we were a threat to her then she wasn’t going to be very happy about what I was about to do. I gave Alex a look to let him know I wasn’t playing around and went back to my work.

I turned back to the mare, my arm now almost elbow deep in the animal as Alex rolled his eyes and looked away, shaking his head. He was holding her tail out of the way for me as I felt for the tell-tale signs in her womb. Sure enough, this one was pregnant as well, bringing the grand total so far to seven.

“You’re going to have plenty of foals around here when spring rolls around next year. I’ll be by for regular checks and as often as you need me to look at them and the rest of the herd, but so far everything looks good.”

“Glad to hear it,” Alex said as he let go of the horse’s tail and stepped away.

“Your animals all appear to be in great health, so I don’t really have any concerns about any of them having trouble foaling.”

I went over to one of the sinks and began washing up and packing my things away. Alex followed behind me slowly.

“You have no right to hate me,” he said evenly as he watched me washing my hands. His eyes lingered where a bead of sweat was trailing down my neck and creeping down to the valley between my breasts. I didn’t say anything but watched him watching me and could feel my nipples harden and rise at the thought of him wanting me. A flush came over my chest, and I knew that it was showing. My pale skin always showed the slightest hint of blush, and I could see in Alex’s eyes that he noticed. The man knew what he was doing to me, and I hated it.

“I don’t? Well, Alex…my mother is dead because of what your father did to my father. We were doing the very best for her that we could and the lease agreement your father pushed mine into nearly ruined him. It was all he could do to continue to stay afloat.”

“I told you,” he began firmly, “I am sorry for what my father did. But what was I supposed to do? I was eighteen…a kid. We were both kids. It was a terrible thing that happened, but it was also out of our control completely.”

I turned off the water and shook my hands off, reaching for a clean towel to dry them on.

“You know, maybe I could take that for what it was if I hadn’t lost my mother. And I’m sorry Alex until you’ve felt that pain you have literally no idea what it is to go through life without your mom.”

He cleared his throat. “You’re not wrong about that. But I do know.”

I was confused and waited for him to explain.

“My mother passed away. Cancer. A few years ago.”

The words send a stab of pain to my heart. Emily Killarny was one of the kindest women I had ever met. Fiercely protective of her boys and wanting the very best for them, she had been so welcoming to me during the four years I had dated Alex. I wanted to reach out and pull him close, but resisted the urge to take him in my arms. It was empathy and nothing more and now wasn’t the time to express that to him.

“I am so sorry. I hadn’t heard.”

“I figured your father would have told you.”

I took a breath. “You might be surprised to find out that the Killarny name isn’t often spoken in his household.”

Alex nodded, and I thought that might have been all there was to say, but he remained standing there, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence until I broke it once more.

“You couldn’t have expected me to continue seeing you given what had happened. My loyalty was and is to my family, not to…”

“Not to me…” he nodded. “I understand that. But you know that mine was—”

I held up my hands. “Stop. I did not come here to listen to this from you. Whatever your feelings were then, that’s what they were, and nothing can change all of that. It was ten years ago. We let it go too long without speaking to each other and confronting it, but now we have, and it’s done. I just want you to let me live in this town in peace and do my job. That’s what I came here for—to do this job well and to take care of my father. Not to hash out some argument from ten years ago or rekindle something that has been gone a long time. I’ll stay out of your way if you’ll stay out of mine.”

Alex’s lips were pursed as he turned and walked out of the back of the stable. The discussion was over as far as I was concerned, and I was happy to leave things were they had fallen. There was nothing we could do about the past, and maybe he was right—I had treated him pretty harshly back then, but what else was I expected to do? I was an eighteen year old girl, grieving for her mother who was dying, thanks in no small part to the actions of my boyfriend’s father.

I hadn’t known about Emily Killarny though and wished now that I had chosen my words a little more carefully. Alex had been close to his mother, and I knew that losing her must have been devastating for him, his brothers, and even his wretched father. That helped explain why Sean was living in Costa Rica now though.

I exited the stable and looked at the list once more, double checking that I had looked at all the mares who needed examining. There was a note toward the bottom that was written in Alex’s chicken scratch.

“Check Pineapple. Stallion got loose. Doubtful, but needs checking. Yearling.”

I went to the appropriate stable and walked down the aisle until I came to a stall with a beautiful golden coated young filly. I could tell she was a little skittish from the start, but she warmed to me quickly. A sweet thing, I hoped that Alex’s concerns were unwarranted. It wasn’t an ideal situation to have a foal from a young horse like this, but it did happen sometimes.

Instead of checking her manually I pulled out some of my equipment and positioned it where I could get a good listen to what was going on in her uterus. An early pregnancy wasn’t something that could be detected easily this way, but if she was very far along then, I would be able to hear the second heartbeat.

And there it was, clear as a bell and almost immediate. I looked at her body, and while some people thought it was ridiculous to be able to tell from looking at a horse if she was carrying this early, I had always felt like I noticed the subtle changes. Someone who was around the horse every day would have a better eye for it, but even I could see this and apparently Alex had his suspicions as well. Pineapple was definitely pregnant.

I packed up my things again and headed to the house to see Pete in his office so I could give him the final numbers and talk about when they needed me back to check the pregnant mares again.

“It’s been a while,” he said with a friendly smile as I entered his office. “Good to see you back around, Madison. I hope you’re enjoying the practice so far. I think everyone is missing Doc Halloran a little, but it’ll be nice to see your friendly face around here again.”

I gave him a half-smile. Pete of all people had to have known how difficult it was for me to be here. I put the list down on his desk.

“Seven from the ones that were anticipated, but the number came to eight when I checked the filly, Pineapple.”

Pete grimaced. “Well, shit. I’ll have to call the couple who were planning to take her to see what they want to do about it.”

I nodded. It wouldn’t be unheard of to choose to terminate at this point in the pregnancy. There were arguments for both sides, but in the end, it would come down to what her owners wanted.

“Whatever you need me to do, just give me a call. But I’m afraid it’ll have to be soon. Do you happen to know much about the stallion?”

Pete whistled. “He’s a big bastard. And apparently, has no manners. We would never have bred him to her on purpose. It was a complete accident.”

“Well, if he’s very big then we’ll definitely need to watch her. She is small, and a young one like her could tend to have a small foal. It’s the weight that tends to be an issue. Keep an eye out and let me know what you all decide and we’ll go from there.”

“Thanks, Madison,” Pete said as I stood to leave.

Happy to be out of the house and away from the threat of running into Alex again, I got into my SUV and started back toward town, glancing back in my rearview mirror just once. No matter what I was feeling and what I thought I might want in the moment, that was exactly where Alex Killarny needed to stay.