Chapter Thirty-Three

Ava

The interior of the luxurious SUV is oppressive. I feel like I’m confined to a windowless cell barely big enough for me to stretch my legs. The windows are tinted, the chauffeur doesn’t speak and Ray and Darcy are as tense as statues. Even Mia is quiet, observing us, her eyes solemn.

The car is only a few blocks from my apartment when I can’t stand it anymore. “Can you pull over?”

“Certainly, ma’am.” The driver’s voice is professionally pleasant, as though driving unwanted guests back home on Thanksgiving is an everyday occurrence.

I hand my keys to Darcy. “Here. Take these and go to my place. I need to clear my head. I’ll be back soon.”

“Ava…” Ray begins.

“Not now. I need to…” I don’t know what I need at the moment. “I need to think.”

I shut the door before my foster parents can stop me, and watch the car go. After that, it’s mostly aimless walking. The city seems deserted—but then I’m sure people are where they’re supposed to be—eating with loved ones or at stores grabbing bargains.

I, on the other hand…

I can’t stop seeing Lucas’s face as I left. He wasn’t devastated or desperate like in Charlottesville. It was mostly anger that drove him back at Ryder’s home. The silent accusation and questions in Lucas’s eyes scored me like a whip, and it was all I could do just to stay upright.

Why did you lie to me?

Why did you hide it?

What about our promise to be honest with each other?

How could you?

I trusted you.

Is this what love is to you?

I cover my eyes, but it’s no use; my hands can’t stop the tears from flowing. I’ve failed. I just couldn’t…

My phone beeps loudly. I jump at the sound, then my heart starts hammering. Maybe it’s Lucas. He might’ve decided we need to talk… Or at least that I need to explain—

But it’s a Skype call coming from Bennie. I sniff then clear my throat. I don’t want him to know I’ve been crying. “Hello?”

“Oh my God. I’m going to kill Drew!”

“What happened?” I ask in a voice I hope is normal. I don’t think Bennie is angry with Drew—he sounds too exuberant for that—but something’s got him worked up.

“His mother dropped in for a surprise visit. And the bastard didn’t tell me, so I was completely ambushed when I came home from work. I almost fainted. Thank God it was after school, so I was presentable.” Bennie always dresses in a sharp suit for his classes.

I muster a proper response. “Wow. Um…how did it go?”

“She was so…normal. I couldn’t believe it. She didn’t mind taking off her Cucinelli pumps in the entryway, or eating our cup ramen. It was positively surreal.”

“So it went well?”

“Uh-huh. So well that I actually thought I dreamed it all! She said she was thrilled—a direct quote—that Drew had found someone he loves so much.” Bennie lets out a squeal. “She asked me to forgive her for barging in, but she couldn’t stand the curiosity. She’d never seen Drew so in love before.” He takes a breath. “Also a direct quote.”

“I’m really happy for you.” My breath hitches as a fresh wave of tears fill my eyes, and I bite my lower lip, praying he didn’t hear it.

Of course, today isn’t my lucky day. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” My voice breaks.

“Okaaay… Come on, girl. You can’t hide what’s going on. Oh shit. It’s Thanksgiving, isn’t it? Something happened to Darcy and Ray?”

I shake my head then remember he can’t see me. “No. Nothing like that.” My knees are too weak, and I can’t remain standing anymore. I slowly fold until I’m squatting on the concrete. “I’m a mess. You were right about everything.”

“What happened?”

I tell him about the dinner—how it was going so well until Faye showed up and dropped the bombshell. “I ruined everything.”

“No, you didn’t. You were going to tell him. It’s just that that bitch had to fuck it up. Ugh. This is why I hate men with clingy exes! Hetero, homo, bi…it doesn’t matter. They’re like cockroaches, always coming out when you least want them.” He breathes out harshly. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just be yourself. That’s more than enough, Bennie.” I wipe the tears from my face. Mascara smears my fingers.

“Jesus. I’m a shitty friend, going on about how nice Drew’s mom is when you’re in crisis.”

“Benjamin Kelly Monsanto, you did not just say that!”

“Hey, what’s with the attitude?” There’s a wince in his voice. He hates it when people use his full name.

“I’m just glad one of us is happy, okay? Don’t ever try to lessen your happiness for me. If you’re really my friend, you’ll relish every second of joy because that’s what I want for you.”

“Ava…”

“At least one of us, Bennie.”

“Thanks.” He is subdued. “You know… Just a suggestion…”

“Yeah?”

“When I was too scared to go for it with Drew, you pushed me to do it, right? And he and I had a real heart-to-heart. You know a lot about Lucas—at least a lot of the public stuff. He probably doesn’t know much about you, except what you told him.”

“Probably not.” He knows about how I grew up—sort of—and my parents’ utterly dysfunctional lives, but he doesn’t know much about me since my first encounter with Blake.

“Give him a day or two to digest it all—just like you needed time to pull things together after you googled him—then talk to him. If he really loves you, he’ll give you that chance.”

“I didn’t.”

“You didn’t what?”

“I didn’t give him a chance to explain when I read about the deal between him and his father.”

“That was different,” Bennie says loyally.

“No, it wasn’t.” I wrap an arm around my knees. “Maybe I’m just not worthy of a chance. Lucas deserves somebody better than me, somebody who actually listens and cares about him.”

“Don’t do that. Look, I was skeptical as hell, but I listened to you and now I have Drew. I know you’re hurting, but do as I say and go talk to him after giving him some time to cool off. Got it?”

I bite my lower lip. “Okay,” I croak, even though I am not sure if I’m really going to follow through. Unlike Bennie and Drew, Lucas’s and my relationship is full of scars, so many of them inflicted by me. At some point, he’s going to cut his losses.

And I can’t help but think maybe that time is now.