Nine
A good wife would have cried.
After all the tears I’d shed in the week before Kellen’s funeral, I’d certainly had plenty of practice. But somehow, once we made it there, and I was sitting beside his sobbing mother on the front pew of the church she claimed to have raised him in, I made a… controversial decision.
I wouldn’t cry over him again.
Not one single, solitary, miniscule tear.
His pregnant whore cried enough for both of us.
And so, I just sat there and endured it. The fact that I had to share space with the woman who’d shamelessly, blatantly inserted herself in the – admittedly wide open – space that Kellen and I had carved in our marriage was the last humiliation I had to tolerate. Well… I didn’t have to, but I did. There were too many eyes on me not to, besides the fact that his mother deserved for this day to go by with minimal drama. Kellen was only in his thirties, and had been killed in a manner I couldn’t describe as anything other than horrible.
It was fucked up, honestly.
She’d never been anything except kind to me, both before and during my marriage. Now though, she’d made her choice, and I wasn’t bothered. She and Crystal clutched fingers and sobbed together the whole time – the perfect picture of grieving mother and her sham of a daughter-in-law. My hands remained empty for the entirety of the funeral, save for the program and a woefully dry handkerchief.
On the other side of me, Asher couldn’t seem to help making me regret the microscopic hint of cleavage that showed with the dress I’d chosen. I’d called myself being modest, but his roving eyes had me feeling like I was on display – and had me questioning just how “accidental” that kiss was.
Until I smelled the liquor on his breath.
You’d probably need a few drinks to get through your best friend’s funeral too, Mon.
Just when I thought my contempt for this day couldn’t grow any deeper, Kellen’s mother had invited Crystal to the mic, for a final kind word before we moved to the graveyard to commit his body to the ground. I could feel the whole room staring at me – a mix of pity, disgust, and simple-minded delight at what they perceived to be a slight against me. Like it was some sort of gotcha.
But… as Crystal stood up there crying about the loss of the love of her life, I stifled a smile, wondering what kind of accidental karma had come my way. My cheating husband was finally out of my life, and I didn’t have to give up half of my business or money to make it happen.
Hell… I had nothing to cry about.
But that was yesterday.
By the time Kellen’s lawyer was showing me and Demetria into a small conference room for the reading of his will, the day after the funeral, I was back to feeling nostalgic, or whatever the hell the feeling was. The feeling that it made no sense, at all, that at thirty-six years old, I was widowed.
He stepped out, and while I had a quiet moment, I allowed myself a few tears. Beside me, Demetria offered me a few tissues from a packet in her purse, and I accepted. I’d been surprised – no, shocked, actually – that my presence was even required at such a meeting. Having his affairs in order was something I expected of Kellen, even if I wasn’t quite sure what “affairs” he had… other than the ones that involved him screwing half the east coast. What took me off guard was the idea that my name was listed on anything he had.
I quickly dried my face as the door swung open again, and Patricia – Kellen’s mother – and Crystal appeared, along with the flustered-looking lawyer - Eric. I gave Pat the courtesy of a nod, and Crystal the courtesy of not whooping her ass.
“Mrs. Stuart – uh – Monica,” Eric stammered, closing the door behind him as he stepped in, clutching a file folder. “These two have insisted on sitting in on this meeting, but they have no legal right to—”
I raised a hand to stop him. “Can we please just get this over with?” I asked, not caring to hear about… whatever. “It makes your job easier anyway right, to just talk to all three of us at once?”
“Well, Monica…”
“Eric. Please. Just read the will, or whatever you called me here for.”
He pushed out a sigh, and sat down. “Okay. Well, Kellen didn’t have a formal will, but he did have assets and policies that I personally managed for him. Because he didn’t have a will, anything that doesn’t have a specifically named beneficiary, of course goes to you, Monica. He had various investment accounts, plus retirement accounts, with a combined value of…” he flipped his folder open, thumbing through a couple of pages before he continued, “A little over four-hundred thousand.”
Across the table, Crystal huffed, and my eyes left Eric long enough to look her dead in her face, daring her to make another sound. She pinned her hot-pink lips together, crossing her arms as she dropped her gaze.
“He only had the one life insurance policy, with a benefit value of two million. The listed beneficiary of that policy is… Monica Stuart.”
“What?” all four of us asked at the same time, only Crystal’s pitch was somewhere near a scream.
Eric shook his head. “Crystal… I’ve already explained to you – if Kellen had other wishes for his assets, or that insurance policy, he never expressed it to me. I asked him on several occasions about drafting a will, but he always ended up canceling the meetings. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?!” she shrieked, pushing herself up from her seat. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean to me?” Her hand drifted to her barely swollen belly, and I had to look away. “You honestly expect me to believe he didn’t bother to make sure me and his child were taken care of? He loved me!”
I couldn’t help the ugly peal of laughter that broke from my lips as I turned my gaze back to hers. “Girl, I can’t believe you expected better from an unemployed, married man living off his wife.”
“Kellen was a good man! It wasn’t his fault he was stuck with you!”
My eyes went wide. “A good man? Little girl, you’d better wise up quickly if Kellen Stuart fit the criteria to be given such a title in your mind. Lazy? Yes. Trifling? Sure. Vindictive? Oh baby, you’d better believe it. But good? Girl, grow the fuck up.”
Crystal’s nostrils flared, distorting her pretty peanut-butter toned face as she fought back tears. “I see he was right about you. You’re about to walk out of here with almost two-and-a-half million dollars because of him, but you’re still sitting here slandering his name. This is why he loved me. Why he wanted me. Because I loved and supported him like you never could.”
“Huh,” I said, as a smirk spread across my lips. “Answer a question for me, baby girl… where exactly did that get you? Because it looks to me like you are about to walk out of here without your wife-financed sugar daddy, with nothing but a baby that’s going to destroy that tight little body to show for it. I know the dick was good, it really was, but Crystal…was it really worth it?”
“Monica!” Pat scolded, and I did my best not to roll my eyes.
“You know what?” I asked as I stood. “Let me just save everybody some drama – I don’t want a goddamn thing from Kellen.” I turned to Demetria, looking back and forth between her and Eric. “I don’t ever want to see this money. Give it to his kid. In a trust or something. Can we do that?”
Demetria nodded. “Yes. If you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“It is. A trust, that she-” – I tossed a hand in Crystal’s direction – “can’t touch. Just like… I don’t know, a stipend or something, so she can have prenatal care, and so the kid can play soccer and get braces. I don’t care. Demetria… you and Eric work out something fair. Do not ever speak to me about it again.”
Both lawyers nodded. “Understood.”
I grabbed my purse, intending to leave, but hesitated for a second when I heard a quiet, “thank you,” from across the table. I looked back to see Crystal looking much less self-assured than she had before. Instead, she looked exactly like what she was – a twenty-three-year-old girl in glamorous makeup and hair to make herself look grown, in a fucked-up situation because she wanted to play games that were much more mature than she was.
She looked… too familiar.
“Do not thank me,” I told her in a voice that must have communicated exactly the danger she was in, because she took a step back. “Please understand that I am not doing a goddamn thing for you. You and Kellen were too busy being trash to make sure the life you created was taken care of. Somebody has to do what your silly asses didn’t bother to. He or she deserves a fucking chance, and when your kid is all grown up, and you watch them take it… make sure you remember the bitter bitch that gave it to them. And weep over the fact that it wasn’t you.”
I didn’t give anybody a chance to say shit to me – I left. More than anything, I was pissed that I’d pulled myself away from a fresh bottle of wine to come to a meeting, when this could’ve been handled over the phone.
“Monica!”
I started to keep walking, but the familiarity of the voice just wouldn’t let me do it. I pushed out a sigh, and then turned to see what Pat wanted.
“Yes?” I asked, trying to keep the edge of irritation out of my voice as she approached me, with tears in her eyes. “What can I do for you, Patricia?”
She gave me a sad smile. “I know I hadn’t seen you in a few years, but… no more “Mama Pat”?”
“I…”
“Please,” she said, waving me off. “I’m just… talking. You don’t need to explain yourself, when I walked in here with… her.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry. For… for thinking that you could’ve been the one to do… that … to my baby. You were always the sweetest young lady, and you’ve grown into a woman that I’ve been proud to call my daughter. But I’m…” she sniffed loudly, obviously trying to hold back tears. “I’m getting to be an old woman, Monica. An old woman who just lost her child. Wrong as he was, he was mine. You understand?”
“I do.”
“He told me that you… that you couldn’t… that you two had tried, and tried, but… that girl in there…” Patricia pushed out a sigh through her broken attempts to articulate herself, but then a smile broke through on her face. “She’s carrying my future, Monica. All I have left of my baby, after I thought I’d never get that. Because he said you guys couldn’t. But now—”
“Patricia, please,” I interrupted, swallowing the lump building in my throat. “I don’t need any further reminders of my… deficiency… in that department. Just be happy that you’re finally getting that grandbaby you wanted. I understand. And I’m happy for you.”
Right in front of me, Patricia’s face crumpled. “Monica, I’m—”
“Goodbye, Pat. You be blessed, okay?”
She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something else, but then she nodded. “Okay sweetheart. And you as well.”
I returned her nod and then turned around, getting down the hall as quickly as I could while trying not to look like I was rushing. Once I made it to the elevator, I pressed the button and prayed for an empty one, breathing a sigh of relief when that particular wish was granted.
Inside the elevator, I pressed the button to get to the parking garage, then closed my eyes as the doors shut. I bit the inside of my lip, trying my best to keep it together.
As if everything else happening wasn’t enough… I hadn’t expected to get slapped in the face today with two ugly truths.
I really, really was glad for Patricia. I remembered the bleak, tear-filled conversation where Kellen and I had explained that we’d never be able to give her the biological grandbabies she so desired in too-vivid detail.
It was my fault.
It was me.
I was the problem.
But back then, Kellen loved me too much to ever phrase it in such a way. We put my body through the ringer to try every possible method, traditional and otherwise. It wasn’t happening.
But ultimately, we were still happy… I thought.
Apparently, a child with his DNA was more important to him than I was, because he’d certainly had no issue rubbing its existence in my face. Which only made it more surprising that he hadn’t taken the time to make sure his new family was taken care of if something happened to him. It wasn’t as if he was trying to hide them from me – he’d flaunted it.
But… one thing I’d learned very early in life was that a man who was reckless enough to conceive a child outside of his marriage couldn’t be counted on to do what was right. Whether it was a celebrity with a “break baby”, my own husband, or my own father.
And… fuck.
I’d tried so hard not to end up with a man like my father.
All that trying… for nothing.
As the elevator hummed down to the parking garage, I soothed myself with the conclusion that this unpleasant ordeal was my chance to pay my own undeserved favor forward. Once upon a time, a woman who should have held nothing except contempt for my very existence had been generous to me. Not selflessly, but that was fine. She did something for me that unquestionably set the stage for… just about every good experience of my adult life. Her gift to me had a price, as did my gift to Kellen and Crystal’s child.
The price I paid?
Never come back here again.
The price Crystal would pay?
Knowing that I, the wife she’d despised, had done more for her child with a single check than she ever would.
Huh.
I guess that gives Crystal some commonality with my mother.
The elevator chimed to let me know it had arrived at my floor, and I sucked in a breath as I stepped out, quickly making my way through the elevator bank and out to the parking garage. My phone started ringing as I slipped between a row of cars, and I dug into my bag for it as I kept moving toward where I was parked.
My fingers closed around the phone at the same time I spotted my Mercedes – not exactly the place of refuge I needed, but it would work for now. I glanced to make sure nothing was coming before I stepped out to cross the driveway, then looked down at my phone as I moved, frowning at the unknown number.
Suddenly, the bright glare of headlights enveloped me in the dim garage, blinding me for a moment before common sense kicked in, and I bolted out of the way of the fast-approaching car.
“Watch for pedestrians asshole!” I screamed at the back of the car, even though it had already whipped around the curve and disappeared. Flustered, I took the last few steps to my car and quickly located my keys, locking myself inside once I’d gotten in.
I couldn’t decide if getting hit by a car would have been a good or bad way to end this day.
“Boss lady… you sure you don’t want to call it a night?”
Instead of looking up from my computer, I pushed a sigh out through my nose before I responded. With my eyes still focused on the screen, I told Kim, “I’m not going anywhere. But, I’ve already kept you here past eight. If you want to leave, you can.”
No response came, but I could still feel her lingering in the open doorway to my office. When I looked up, she was watching me, with palpable uncertainty in her eyes.
She was smart to be worried.
Three days after Kellen’s funeral, I’d sat down with Renata from Five Star Tech to hear what she referred to as a status report. Listening to her explain just how methodically some unknown person had run roughshod over my security had sent me through a wild range of emotions. Rage, humiliation, disgust. And when I found out that formulas had been altered, quality reports falsified, inventory logs misrepresented, all without my knowledge… all I wanted to do was vomit.
It was a fucking mess.
A mess that, as far as I was concerned, should never have happened. The day after that meeting, I had my ass back in my office, grieving period be damned. The processes we had in place shouldn’t have even allowed for it, and as my executive assistant, Kim should’ve been able to tell me this had gone wrong before someone else had to. Was it all her fault? Of course not. But she knew what her role was in this company – making sure I had what I needed to fulfill my role.
CEO and President.
And if I was out of the loop on vital information that affected the day to day operations of Vivid Vixen, what the fuck were we doing here? What the fuck did we have? If shit like this was going to get by me without a second look while Kim sat and collected her salary for nothing… why were we here at all? And where the hell had she been while somebody was planting a bug or whatever the hell I was supposed to be calling it, on my computer in the first place?
But she’d been with me a long time.
So.
She hadn’t gotten cursed out.
As far as I was concerned though, my job was the only executive level position that was secure. And to be honest… even that was a little shaky. Five Star had already done the work of reconfiguring my tech security, but everything else was up to me. Scheduling product recalls, putting a hold on product innovation to revisit and possibly revamp every single one of our current formulas, recounting product inventory, working with Chloe to manage the complete, total, massive PR nightmare… it was enough to make the second buyout offer I’d gotten from Canvas Cosmetics two weeks ago look really, really sweet.
If it was even still on the table.
Not that I wanted it to be on the table.
Canvas was a giant in the beauty industry, sure, and it would be cool to see where they could take the Vivid Vixen name with all the resources they had at their disposal. But it would be just that – the name. None of the heart and soul and hustle I’d put into building into the successful business it had become. I hadn’t reached a point yet that I was ready to give it away.
So… it had to be fixed.
“What can I do for you?” I asked Kim, who was still standing in my doorway looking lost. “Didn’t you say your mystery boyfriend was in town this week? I know you’d rather be in his face than mine. Go ahead and go home.”
She sighed, then stepped out of the doorway… into my office, instead of out. “Um… may I speak freely?” she asked, pushing a handful of long twists over her shoulder.
“Please do. What’s on your mind?”
“You are. Forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn, but… should you really be back already? You just buried your husband after a horrific crime, not to mention all the other crazy stressful things that were happening. And all of this with Vixen is just more stress piled on top of it. I just don’t want to see you make yourself sick.”
I propped my elbows on the desk, resting my chin on my hands before I pushed out a deep breath. “Kim… I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing, but as we’ve recently discovered to be woefully true – this business isn’t going to run itself. I’ll be fine.”
“But, don’t you think—”
“But nothing, Kim.” My tone was stern enough that Kim’s eyes went wide for a second before she disciplined her expression back into nonchalance. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Not if you come have a drink with me?” she suggested, her voice edged with an almost-desperate quality that was the only thing keeping me tethered to my resolve of not cursing her out.
Still, I let every ounce of my annoyance show on my face. “Okay, what is the issue here?” I asked, really giving her my full attention. “You’ve lamented multiple times over the years about not getting to see your long-distance boo as often as you’d like. You come in this morning bubbling with happiness because he’s here. Leave for lunch, stay gone two hours, come back with your hair all over your head and a smile you can’t keep off your face. I keep you here until eight tonight, running you through the ringer trying to get this company back on the tracks. It’s finally time to go, and yet... I can’t get you out of here. You have a man to warm your bed and presumably good sex waiting for you, but… you want me to come out for a drink? Make this make sense to me.”
Kim shrugged. “Well… that’s just it. I… have someone to go home to. And you…”
“Don’t,” I finished for her, struggling to suppress the veil of rage that had just fallen across my shoulders. I could take it if she was just trying to cozy up to me to save her job, but this?
This… pity?
“Kim… do yourself a favor,” I said, in a low voice as I turned my gaze back to my computer screen. “Leave. Now. And let’s pretend we never had this conversation.”
“Yes ma’am!” she replied immediately.
But… long seconds went by, and I could still feel her in my office.
“For some reason, you are still here.”
That seemed to spur her to action, and a moment later, I was alone.
Little did Kim know, that was exactly how I wanted to be.
Her leaving meant that this area of the building was empty, and I could set my mood exactly the way I liked it. Lights off, with only the glow of my computer illuminating the room, and my music cranked up loud in my earbuds. It was like being on my own little dark bubble – visual disturbances eliminated while I grooved to whatever was in my ears. It put me in a good space – a space I desperately needed to be. A place where I could work, work, work, without the pesky distractions of loneliness or grief.
I stayed there for hours.
It was only once I reached the point where I could no longer ignore the hunger clawing at my belly that I broke away, cursing myself – and Kim – for the fact that my usual desk stash of protein bars was depleted.
I picked up my disregarded cell phone, clearing the usual pile of text notifications from my friends off the screen. According to the bright white numbers, it was nearing midnight.
I needed to at least try to get some sleep.
My insomnia had already been getting worse, but the events of the last week had taken me to a whole new level of sleep deprivation. I sighed as I closed the screen of my laptop, thinking about the wine and narcotic cocktail I’d used the night before just to piece together a measly three hours of restless sleep. That had only exacerbated my already fucked up mood to the point that I’d woken up already sick of the current day.
But there had to be some light at the end of a tunnel somewhere for me.
I hoped.
I pulled myself out of my daydream to realize that without the glow of my screen, the office was darker than I expected. My mind quickly deduced that I was missing the ambient light from the sconces in the reception area – a switch Kim must have flipped on her way out.
Since my cell phone was still in my hand, I turned on my flashlight feature, using it to gather my things, and put the files I’d pulled from the safe in my office back in their secure place. Incorporation documents, investment records, patent files, and documentation on all of Vivid Vixens original formulas – what I’d been looking at today, for comparison purposes – were all kept here. Many things were kept in digital storage, but there were certain things that I – correctly, it seemed – considered too risky to keep in such a way.
Files on a server could be hacked. But the chances that anyone would get into my safe, with its dual lock system – dial and digital – were very, very low.
It just felt… safer.
Once I had that done, I hooked my purse onto my shoulder and made my way out of the office, realizing for the first time how… eerie it felt without lights. Unlike my house, where I’d memorized my way through it in the dark, every shadow or shapeless mass seemed like something – or someone – lurking in obscurity, waiting to pounce.
The low thump I heard just as I stepped into the reception area didn’t help.
I couldn’t tell if it had come from in front or behind, but as just as quickly as my brain registered fear, I told myself to calm down. It wasn’t as if the building was empty – my product scientists stayed late often, and the warehouse had late hours too. That was why we kept overnight security – more people to add to the list of reasons to be hearing things.
Shaking my head, I laughed at my own ridiculousness.
Now, I was just being paranoid – probably side effects of a murdered husband and a severe lack of sleep. With everything I’d done today, there wasn’t much else I could do besides the thing I hated most – waiting. So instead of rushing to the office in the morning, maybe I’d gift myself that spa day Chloe had mentioned… not even two weeks ago.
Wow.
So much had happened in such a short time that the conversation in Chloe’s kitchen felt like something from months past. Then, hearing that my computer was being hacked had felt like my world was crashing down. I had no idea that much worse problems were headed my way.
And I had no idea that the man who’d warned me about the hacking would no longer be my friend – a blow I hadn’t even had the capacity to process quite yet. For now, all I knew was that I missed him.
Did I understand his anger?
Of course.
He was a Black man, unfairly accused of murder and hauled in for questioning in a climate where a seemingly simple interaction, even for the innocent, could end with the police taking your life. I couldn’t even imagine how stressful it was, especially when I considered that Wick had never even seen my face, let alone Kellen’s before all this happened. Him getting pulled into that was fucked up, honestly. And if I were Wick, I wouldn’t want to see me either.
But… that feeling wouldn’t last forever, would it?
Could it?
Eventually, once this all passed, he would come around. He would see that as unfair as that whole situation was for him, the experience was doubled, maybe even tenfold for me. I wouldn’t reach out to him, because I’d never begged my damn husband, so I certainly wasn’t about to beg another man for anything, and because he’d asked me not to, so I planned to respect that.
Wick would do the reaching.
And I would get my damned friend back.
Eventually.
And maybe then, I’d get some damned sleep.
I smiled to myself again – this time over the sluttiness of thinking about another man giving me a sleep-inducing orgasm when my husband hadn’t even been in the ground a whole week. I was so busy with my internal giggling that I barely caught it when I heard that same thump again – only this time, much closer, and now that I was really listening, followed by a sound that made my heart slam against the front of my chest.
Breathing.
“Who’s there?!” I asked, fumbling with my phone to bring up my flashlight again. As soon as I pressed the button, something – someone – knocked the device from my hands. Before I could react, scream, do anything, I felt something connect with the side of my head, and pain bloomed immediately behind my eyes. A gloved hand clamped over my mouth and nose, cutting off my ability to breathe as I struggled against the body pressed behind me.
Using my perfectly manicured nails like claws, I dug into the hand and arms that were holding me, causing enough damage to make my assailant drop his hold. As soon as my mouth was uncovered, I took the opportunity to scream, and run.
“Help!” I belted, as loud as I could as I moved toward the door that would get me out of the reception area, hoping that I would be lucky enough that security was walking the halls at this time. “Somebody, ple—”
Pain ripped through my head again as my attacker grabbed me by the hair, yanking me backward at an angle that sent me tumbling to the ground, dazed. The next thing I knew, I was being flipped over on my back, and hands were around my neck.
Somewhere in the room, my cell phone was on the floor, sending my flashlight beam directly at the ceiling. The ambient glow was enough for me to see the dark outline of my attacker as his hands closed tighter around my neck, squeezing so hard that my vision went hazy.
Vaguely, I registered that my cell phone had started ringing, but my assailant didn’t care. My weak attempts to claw at his hands didn’t matter either.
I was fading… fading… fading.
And then… nothing.