THIRTEEN
I’M alone in the bed when I wake up, and although I feel a pang of disappointment I tell myself it’s for the best. I take my time getting dressed, brushing my hair slowly, even taking my time with my makeup—anything to avoid walking out there and facing everyone. I’m watching a video on how to do my hair in an intricate braid that would have taken me all day when Faye walks into my room without knocking.
I hold up my free hand. “I know, I know. I’m a selfish jerk.”
“Well, as long as you know it,” she replies with a smirk. “How are you feeling?” She sits next to me. “Turn around, I’ll braid your hair for you.”
I turn my back to her and tilt my head back, closing my eyes as she runs her fingers through my hair.
“You going to tell me what made you run yesterday? I thought we were having an okay time here.”
Guilt floods me. “I was pissed off about something.”
Or someone.
My excuse sounds more and more stupid each time I have to say it.
“Arrow,” she guesses, her hands stilling for a second.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing can come of us anyway, unless I want to start shit between him and Rake.”
And that was only one of the many issues standing in our way.
She pauses. “Is that the real reason?”
“One of them,” I say. “The other is that he clearly has issues he needs to work out. I think that he thinks I won’t be safe if I’m with him. But I’m already in deep with the MC; it wouldn’t make a difference. Maybe he feels like he can’t love anyone other than Mary? I honestly don’t know.”
She sighs heavily. “He’s worth the fight, you know. And fight is what you would have to do to get him to see things clearly.”
I let those words sink in.
“I don’t know if I’d make a good biker’s old lady.”
Faye scoffs behind me. “You should have seen me when I first came in here. I was a law student with my nose in the air, judging Dex’s every move until I finally got it. You’re a strong woman, Anna, and that’s all you need to be to be a biker’s woman. Keep your head up and just do you.”
“He slept with Jill!” I grit out, hating saying the words because that makes it real. “How could he do that to me knowing how much it would hurt me?”
“Says who?” Faye asks.
“I saw it.”
“You saw them boning?” she asks, her voice taking on a higher pitch.
I rub my forehead. “No, I saw her leaving his room and him naked inside the room. And of course she had to say something to rub it in.”
“Hmmmm,” she says. “You know, Arrow told her to get the fuck out of the clubhouse. After you left he lost it. Don’t even look inside the game room, because he smashed the shit out of it. I think he feels so much for you but doesn’t know what to do with it or how to handle it.”
He probably kicked her out because he felt guilty after sleeping in my bed, then going and fucking her.
And he should.
“Maybe I should just find a guy and have some hot, filthy sex and work out my frustrations, instead of chasing after a man who doesn’t want me,” I say.
“Faye, leave the room,” Arrow grits out, the fury in his tone notable.
We both jump and look to the door where he’s standing, half in, half out.
Faye had left the door open just an inch, so Arrow must have opened it without us hearing.
Well, this is awkward.
What’s the bet he came just in time to hear the last words out of my mouth?
Such is my luck.
“I haven’t finished doing her hair,” Faye complains.
“Faye—”
He isn’t amused.
“Okay, okay,” she murmurs, giving me a wide-eyed look before she leaves. Arrow slams the door behind her and turns the lock.
I gulp.
“Yes?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even. “What do you want, Arrow? How about another kiss from me so you get turned on enough to go and fuck another, easier woman?”
He looks around the room before meeting my eyes. “I didn’t fuck her, Anna.”
I pretend to not know what he’s talking about. I have to try and retain some of my pride. “Who?”
“Anna,” he says softly. “I came out of the shower and she was there, waiting. I sent her on her way. It wasn’t her I wanted, although it would be a hell of a lot easier if I did. And that was my second, extremely cold shower for the day, because I was so fuckin’ turned on but was trying to do the right thing by staying away from you. It wasn’t fuckin’ easy.”
“Oh,” I say, my mouth hanging open a little. “She said—”
“Doesn’t matter what she said; that’s the truth, all right? So don’t go around fuckin’ threatening to go fuck some other guy, because you don’t want to push me, Anna.”
“Arrow—”
“I’m not used to having to explain myself, Anna, and I don’t fuckin’ like having to do it now. You either have faith in me and trust me, or you don’t.”
It wasn’t that simple, was it?
My eyes narrow slightly. “We can’t do this, Arrow. You either want me or you don’t. You either take me or you don’t. I can’t do this back-and-forth shit.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Why?”
“Why what?” I ask.
“Why the fuck do you have to be so beautiful that I can’t get you out of my head?”
“Oh,” I say again, blinking furiously. Did he really think that about me? Of course he did, Arrow didn’t say things he didn’t mean. Fuck, that compliment feels good. It is nice to know he wants me as much as I want him.
“Here’s something no one knows. Before I gave in and fucked Jill, I hadn’t been with anyone since Mary. Five years, Anna. I only fucked her to try to get you out of my head, and I fucking regret it. It should have been you. I don’t give a fuck about Jill. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”
He didn’t have sex for five years? Because of Mary?
“Why?” I ask.
He looks me straight in the eye. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything. How is it fair that I caused her death and now I get to be happy?” He stops and takes a breath. “I can’t go through something like that again. And with you . . . it’s worse, Anna. It’s fuckin’ worse.”
I speak in a soft, gentle tone. “I’m not going to end up like Mary, Arrow. And what happened to her wasn’t your fault. It could have been anyone that day.”
“Anna—”
“I know you loved Mary, but she would want you to be happy, Arrow,” I say, my eyes pleading with his to believe me.
“She would,” he replies, smiling sadly. “She was always so good, so perfect, you know? It was hard to live up to that. She was soft. She never disagreed with me; she never raised her voice. She wasn’t made for me.”
He pauses and takes a deep breath.
“But you, Anna? You’re my perfect match. You were made for me, because you not only take me as I am but make me want to be a better man at the same time. Because you challenge me and aren’t afraid to give me your opinion. You’re a fighter, Anna, and exactly what I want. I thought fucking Jill would take some of the want away, but it didn’t. I won’t be satisfied until I have you.”
“It should have been with me, not Jill, and I’m fucking pissed off that she took what’s mine.”
I seriously hated that bitch.
His eyes darken. “Fuck, hearing you talk like this . . .”
“What? What does it do to you, Arrow?” I demand.
He reaches down and adjusts himself. “I’ve never wanted to be inside someone more in my entire life.”
We stare at each other for a few tense moments. “Rake wants someone better for you—”
“Rake is going to have to deal,” I say, lifting my chin stubbornly. “You think I’d choose some overbearing criminal if I had the choice? You’re it for me, whether I like it or not.”
His lip twitches at that.
“I tried not to want you, Arrow, but these things don’t work like that,” I murmur softly. “It’s making me crazy. I’m overthinking everything, trying to understand it all, but really what it all comes down to is that I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”
He smiles, walks over to the bed, sits down and pulls me on top of his lap. “I don’t know what this is with us. It’s making me crazy too. You’re a gift I didn’t expect and sure as hell don’t deserve.”
I don’t believe that is true.
I lean my forehead against his. “Arrow. Kiss me.”
“Anna—”
I take matters into my own hands. Grabbing his beard and pulling his face to me, I capture his lips in a kiss he isn’t going to soon forget. I move so I’m straddling his lap, my hands on his shoulders, gripping him in place. He moans, his hands moving to cup each globe of my ass. He squeezes. I slowly grind myself onto him, feeling his hard cock standing to attention. He holds me in place, so I can’t move anymore. I wonder why, until I hear the sound of someone knocking on my door.
“Anna! Come on, breakfast is ready,” my brother calls out, interrupting us.
Arrow’s cock goes a little soft at that.
I sigh, burying my face in his neck. “Surely being this frustrated with no release isn’t good for my health.”
“You aren’t the one with blue balls,” he says, puffing out a breath.
I lift my head. “I didn’t have women at my beck and call these last few weeks.”
He slaps my ass. “You going to hold that against me forever? And don’t say it was cheating, because it wasn’t. We weren’t together, and I was trying to get you off my mind. Not that it fuckin’ worked, but I tried.”
“So what are you saying? We’re together now?” I ask, wanting to clarify this once and for all.
“What I’m saying is,” he says as his hands move up my thighs, stroking lazily, “I see no other option for us. You’re mine, Anna, that’s all there is to it. It’s not a choice, it’s a fact.”
“You don’t need to sound so happy about it.” I sniff. It sounds like he’s talking about a prison sentence or something.
He lifts one hand to grip my chin between his thumb and index finger. “I’m not happy about it. I never thought I’d feel anything for a woman again, and I’m not sure I’m capable of being what you need. I don’t want to hurt you, Anna—”
“Anna! Hurry up!” Rake bellows again.
I kiss Arrow once, gently, just a simple touch of our lips, then slide off his lap. Without another word, I unlock the door and walk out of the room. I find my brother in the kitchen, sitting there with a plate full of food in front of him. He points to the seat next to him with his fork, silently inviting me.
“Who cooked?” I ask, grabbing a plate and serving some of the scrambled eggs and bacon.
Rake shrugs. “One of the women. Jess, I think.”
I take my place next to him. “You still angry at me?”
His eyes soften when he looks at me. “You know I can’t stay mad at you long.”
I’m glad he feels that way.
I eat my food in silence, wondering how best to approach the Arrow subject. I don’t want the two of them to fight over me. They’ve been friends a long time, and I don’t want to come between that. Arrow is right; it would be so much easier if we could just stay away from each other. In a way, I guess we’re being selfish, but at the same time, feelings like this don’t come around very often. They haven’t ever for me before. I’ve never felt such an instant attraction to someone before. Is it an attraction? Or fascination? There is something tethering us together, a connection. I can’t explain it, and I’m done questioning it.
“I’m sorry I worried you,” I say. “And I’m sorry that I got involved in something that I wasn’t meant to.”
Rake puts his fork down and pins me with his green eyes. “You’re my baby sister, Anna. I heard what Sin said to you, but I couldn’t ask for a better sister. Yes, you’re strong-willed, opinionated, and a general pain in my ass, but what sister isn’t?”
I smile at that. “I learned from the best, after all.”
He smiles, now staring down at his plate. “You’ve got that right.”
“Everything else went well on your . . . run?” I ask.
He nods once but doesn’t say anything else on the topic.
“What are your plans for today?” I ask, easily changing the subject.
“Tonight I’m going to Rift to see how it’s running. Are you going to class today?”
“Yeah, I need to work on my thesis. Now that my kidnapping is over, I guess it’s back to reality.”
He grins. “Only you would play it off like that.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t hurt, so it could have been a whole lot worse,” I say quietly.
Rake puts his piece of bread down. “And that’s why they are still breathing.”
“I don’t want anyone hurt because of me,” I tell him, taking a bite of the eggs and chewing slowly. “So who do I need to thank for your good mood this morning?”
He smirks. “They’re still in my bed sleeping if you want to go and take a peek.”
“They? You’re a pig sometimes, Adam,” I say in disgust, enunciating his real name.
“Hey, you asked.”
“And you overshared.”
“Not my fault only one woman can’t satisfy me.”
Bailey had, but I didn’t bring her up.
Instead, I roll my eyes. “When you find the right one, trust me, she’ll be more than you can handle.”
“And until that day,” he replies, “I’m free to explore the many beautiful women who come my way.”
* * *
Arrow comes into the kitchen just as I’m cleaning up. His hair is damp and he smells delicious, like lime and soap. If he were mine to run my hands over right now, I’d be a happy woman.
“What happened to Jill?” Rake asks him, brows furrowing and completely oblivious to the tension now filling the room.
Arrow’s gaze darts to me quickly, before he clears his throat and answers. “Was done with her.”
“So? You could have passed her on, she was great at giving h—”
I slam the plate I was washing down in the sink, then turn to see the two of them staring at me. “Could you please have this conversation when I’m not here?”
I walk past them and go to find Faye.
Time in the gym is exactly what I need right now.
* * *
I plop down on the mat, breathing hard, my knees bent in front of me. “That was an awesome kick.”
Faye, lying on her back, turns her head to me. “I know, right? And a man wouldn’t expect it.”
“How long have we been at it?”
“An hour.”
“I better take another shower and get ready for class.”
“What happened with Arrow?” Faye asks, sitting up and looking at me.
“Nosy.”
“Yep,” she replies, grinning. “I love the man and I want him happy. So please tell me there was some progress.”
I nibble on my lip before I reply. “We kissed, and admitted our feelings. I think we’re going to try and make this work, but Arrow needs to talk to Rake first. I’d do it, but I think with how the club works Arrow needs to do what he has to do first.”
“You’re right, let Arrow handle it. You know,” she says, hesitating slightly, “I was good friends with Mary. She was an amazing woman, beautiful and sweet. Never once did Arrow tell her how much he wanted her, or admit his feelings to her.”
“I know I could never replace Mary—”
Faye cuts me off. “Arrow shouldn’t make you feel like you have to.”
I swallow. “He hasn’t. I think it’s more me overthinking things and . . .” I puff out a breath. “I don’t know. But it feels right between us, you know? And I want to explore what we could have. I don’t want Rake to be angry though; I couldn’t handle that.”
Faye nods, understanding flashing in her eyes. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. Although Dex would kick my ass for getting involved. But Arrow deserves to be happy. He’s stopped drinking as much; we’ve all noticed it. He hasn’t gone to Toxic as much either, and he’s happier, more focused. I think you’ve given him a purpose, Anna, and he needed that.”
“I don’t know about all that,” I say a little shyly, staring down at my hands. “I mean, I think I can make him happy, you know? I hope I can.”
Faye giggles. “You have it bad, Anna Bell.”
I groan at the nickname. “Not you too.”
But really, I was happy. Faye was now my friend, and Arrow was right—she was a good friend to have.
“Hey, it’s catchy,” she replies, standing up and dusting off her pants. “I have to go pick up Clover. I’ll see you tonight, if you’re coming back here.”
“Okay. Thanks for the workout.”
She smirks. “That totally sounded dirty.”
I roll my eyes, my lip twitching. “Seriously?”
She grins and pulls her hair down from its ponytail. “See you around, Arrow’s woman.”
I shake my head to myself as she exits the gym, then I force myself to stand up.
Arrow’s woman.
Damn if I didn’t like how that sounded.