SEVEN
SHE runs her hand down his shoulder, and it’s then I notice none of the men are wearing their cuts. I look away as Arrow whispers something into the woman’s ear, unable to keep my eyes on him any longer. Why did I have to have these feelings for him? It would be so much easier if I didn’t. If I could see him like I do Tracker, almost like family.
“You okay?” Reid asks as he stands next to me. I have to look up to see his eyes; the man is tall. Maybe even as tall as Arrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?” I reply, wiping the bar top to keep my hands busy.
“Because I’m not stupid,” he replies quietly, nodding in greeting at a customer who walks in.
I look up at Reid’s handsome face. “It’s just a little crush.”
Maybe if I keep saying it, I will believe it myself.
I say it softly, so no one else can hear. “You repeat it and I’ll deny it.”
Reid chuckles, then sobers. “You’re a smart girl.”
“A scientist,” I add, grinning. “But where are you going with this?”
“A scientist,” he repeats with a nod. “I’m not good at giving advice or anything, but, Anna, as a man, I can tell he has it bad for you. The question is, what are you going to do with it?”
“With what?”
“With what I just told you,” he says, looking agitated. “You sure you’re a scientist?”
“About as positive as I am that you’re a jerk¸” I shoot back.
He grins. “Pretty positive then, huh?”
“It seems that way.”
“You talk to all your bosses like this?” he teases.
“No, Reid, I’m saving all my charm for you.”
Reid sighs. “I thought you might say that. You remind me of my sister, Sephie, sometimes.”
“Sephie?” What the fuck kind of name was that?
“Persephone,” he explains.
“Oh, does she ever come in here? I’d like to meet her.”
Reid touches the scar on his cheek absently. “Sometimes. She’s on vacation right now in Scotland. But when she’s back she’s usually here harassing me and Ryan.”
“She sounds great,” I reply instantly.
“I think I have something that might cheer you up, by the way,” he announces, grinning. I watch as he walks to the fridge and opens the door.
“What?” I ask, following him and peering into it.
All lined up in a row were four bottles of blackberry juice.
“For me?” I ask, smiling widely.
He nods. “For you.”
“Reid,” I say, wrapping my arms around him and giving him a quick hug. “Thank you. I can’t believe you remembered!”
He starts to respond but stops when Arrow materializes in front of us.
“Summer know you’re flirting with other women when she’s not around?” Arrow asks, a muscle working in his jaw.
Reid scowls. “Summer knows I’d never do that, and I’m allowed to talk to my employees.”
He gives me a look I can’t interpret and walks off, leaving me with an angry-looking Arrow.
“What?” I ask.
“I don’t like you working here,” he grits out.
“So?”
“So? Men have been staring at your ass and tits all night, and I’m sick of it. I’m gonna have a talk with your brother because he sure as hell won’t like it either.”
“I can’t help it if men stare at me!”
He looks down at my chest. “Maybe cover up a little more?”
I look down at my top, which is a V-neck but hardly revealing. “What do you want me to wear? A turtleneck?”
He nods. “I think that’s a fuckin’ fantastic idea.”
He was insane.
Certifiably insane.
I tuck a loose lock of hair behind my ear and lean my face closer to his. “This is my life. You don’t get to control it. Who are you to me, Arrow? My brother’s friend and my babysitter. Nothing more and nothing less. How dare you tell me what to wear. I’m not even dressed slutty, and it’s not illegal to show a tiny bit of cleavage!”
He stares at me for a moment, the air around us thick with tension. Finally he takes a step back and says, “You know what, you’re absolutely right.”
I watch as he walks up to Tracker, tells him something, and then leaves the bar. But he doesn’t leave alone. He grabs Miss Divorced on his way out, making sure to palm her ass so everyone can see. I make a sound deep in my throat, unable to mask the hurt, ignoring the curious stares from the other bikers. What did I expect? I pushed him and now he is going to fuck another woman. Maybe this was for the best? Maybe it would make it easier for me to forget him and move on, because I’m certainly not one to share.
I force a smile and continue serving drinks for the rest of the night, trying to push Arrow out of my mind.
And failing.
A million questions are running through my head, a million different scenarios.
Did he take her back to the clubhouse?
Is she staying the night?
Was he touching her right now?
Apparently I liked to torture myself.
When two a.m. hits it’s time for me to go home.
“Let’s go, Anna Bell,” Tracker calls out. I look to Reid, who nods his head, so I clock out and grab my handbag, then walk up to Tracker.
“I’m ready,” I tell him, biting the inside of my cheek as he pats his companion on the ass.
“You okay to ride?” I ask him, not wanting to get on the bike with him if he is drunk.
“I had two beers,” he replies. “I’m fine.”
I bite my bottom lip but nod my head.
“You got something to say to me?” he asks quietly, tilting his head to the side. “Come on, Anna Bell. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” I ask, brows furrowing.
“Like I just told you your dog is dead,” he replies, pulling on my ponytail gently.
I shrug.
“Not like you to hold back,” he murmurs, studying me.
“Okay,” I start. “Out of all the men I know, I thought you were the good one. Yes, slightly stupid, but the best one. Now I’m not so sure. I need to reassess the situation.”
He blinks. “Did you just call me slightly stupid?”
I smirk at him. “You’re with Allie, aren’t you?”
Tracker shakes his head. “You better not be talking like this to any of the other men—they won’t take your shit. Lucky for you, I consider us friends.”
He emphasizes the word friends, as in, I’m not acting like much of one right now. I step forward and lay my head on his chest. “I don’t like cheaters.”
“Not your business. You know the rules. And I didn’t cheat. You didn’t see my dick out, now did you?”
I slap at his arm. “No need to be so crude.”
“Anna, you need to get used to this shit, I’m not gonna lie. This life isn’t always pretty, but it is what it is, and we don’t judge each other. So I don’t need your judgment right now, all right? You don’t even like Allie, why you giving me a hard time?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. You’re right; it’s not my place to judge,” I reply, looking down.
He lifts my chin up. “I love you like a sister, Anna. Just don’t give me any shit, all right? I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you.”
“Then why are you?” I find myself asking.
He smiles then, a small lift of his mouth. “Because you’re one of my favorite women in my life.”
I lift my gaze to his. “Okay, I’m backing off. It’s just that . . .”
“What?”
“What if one day you and Lana get together, then . . .”
His eyes widen in realization. “That’s why you’re upset! Not because of what I was doing, but because one day you think I could be doing that to Lana.”
I nod. “I guess so. I’m judging you on the standards I would use on someone who was dating my best friend. I shouldn’t, I know, but that was why.”
He leans down and kisses my forehead. “If I had a woman as good as Lana, sweetie, I wouldn’t fuck it up. I promise you that much.”
I smile. “Thank you for telling me that, Tracker.”
“You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” he whispers.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“There’s some tension between you and Arrow, what’s that about?”
I purse my lips. “Nothing’s happening there. Didn’t you see him leave with that woman?”
“Yes,” he replies. “I saw that. I also saw your face as he did it. You looked crushed.”
I cover my face with my hands. “Was I that obvious? Great, now everyone knows.”
He pulls my hands from my face. “No one knows shit; I was watching you closely.”
“Don’t say anything, Tracker,” I plead.
“Hey, no judgment from me, Anna Bell. Just be careful, all right?”
“I’m taking Anna home,” comes a rumbly voice from behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck rise.
I thought he left.
I sigh into Tracker’s chest, then turn around and look at Arrow. “Back so soon? I thought you’d be spending the night with your guest.”
His mouth tightens but he stays silent. Tracker touches my back, rubbing it gently.
I suddenly feel drained and just want to get home to my bed.
“Whoever is taking me, can we please go? I’m tired and I have to get up early to study,” I say softly, rubbing my upper arms.
Arrow steps forward, pulling me closer to his body. He takes my arm and leads me to his bike as I say my good-bye to Tracker and wave to Vinnie and Irish—who aren’t going home alone.
The ride home is a little tense, for a reason that I can’t pinpoint. I shouldn’t feel anything for Arrow, and he could bed whomever he wanted—I had no claim on him. I don’t know why he came back; I guess he feels a sense of responsibility over me. I’m going to have a talk with Rake and tell him that as much as I appreciate his concern, this shit has to stop. I don’t need a group of men keeping an eye on my every move. What if I wanted to go home with someone? I’m old enough to do as I please. I want them to see me as an equal, not someone they have to look after. If Rake won’t give in to that, I’m going to ask for anyone except Arrow to pick me up.
That’s going to be an awkward conversation.
As we pull up at my house I murmur a thank-you and get off the bike as quickly as it comes to a standstill, but Arrow doesn’t let me get away that easily. To my surprise, he slides off his bike and pulls me to him. Taking the helmet from my hands, he leans down and stares into my eyes.
“Fuck,” he whispers.
“What?”
“This is a bad idea.”
“What is?” I ask, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. I can’t think straight with him being so close to me.
Then, catching me off guard, he grazes his lips against mine. Subtly at first, a chaste kiss. A sweet kiss. But then that kiss changes.
And I become lost.
Arrow is kissing me.
I can’t count how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment.
How much I wanted it, and now it was mine.
Sucking on my upper lip and then my lower lip, his tongue begs entrance. I open my mouth to him, inviting him in, giving him everything he wants and more. His fingers grip my nape, and mine rest on his biceps. I knew it would be like this with him—passionate. Hungry. Greedy.
I knew it.
And now that I’ve tasted it, I want to keep it.
He pulls away much too soon for my liking, his gaze lowered onto my mouth.
I take a step back, shocked by what happened, but he reaches for me.
“Need to tell you something,” he says, grabbing my wrist firmly yet gently.
“What?” I whisper, looking up at him. The moonlight shines on his face, and he seems to be searching for the right words to say.
“I’m not the man for you,” he says quietly. “I’m not a good man, and I’m not saying that I’m bad, but . . . I’m bad for you.”
“Then why did you just kiss me?” I ask.
I should feel embarrassed about his acknowledging that he knows I like him, but I’m grateful for his candor. This needs to be out in the open no matter what the outcome.
“I needed to kiss you, even if it was just once,” he replies as he strokes my cheek. “I’m a selfish fuck.”
“I know you did time,” I blurt out. “Is that what this is about? You being in prison?”
He scrubs a hand down his face. “I did, but that’s not all I’m referring to. I killed the president of the Wild Men MC. Did you know that? You want to be with someone like that? I have blood on my hands, Anna, and it never goes away.”
I knew he killed someone. I also knew there had to be more to the story. Maybe it was a club war? Turf war? Something, I don’t know what. I knew Arrow was loyal to his club. I couldn’t hold it against him. Rake was the same.
“Arrow—”
“It’s not just that. I don’t have anything to give a good woman like you, Anna. And I don’t like feeling guilty because I want to fuck someone, seeing those wide green eyes staring up at me with hurt in them.”
I suddenly feel a mixture of anger and embarrassment. I can’t believe he called me out on that—and to think I thought I was doing well schooling my expressions. “I didn’t ask you for anything, Arrow.”
He dips his head. “You didn’t have to. You say it all in those eyes.”
“What if I just wanted sex?” I whisper, my cheeks flushing.
“You want your brother to kill me?” he says in a low, husky tone. “No, you know what? You would be worth that. But you still deserve better, Anna, and I’m going to try and do the right thing here.”
Ahhh, yes. My brother. I forgot about that.
“I won’t see you hurt because of me. Violence and pain follow me. I don’t want them to touch you, do you understand?”
“Fine,” I say after a few seconds. “This conversation never happened. Don’t let my wide green eyes stop you from whatever you want to do next time, okay?”
I walk away from him then, but before he starts his engine I’m almost sure I hear him say, “Trust me, I’m trying.”
* * *
By November—two months later—I’d settled into a routine in my doctoral program and had done my best to put Arrow out of my mind. After spending a long day doing observations at the zoo, I take a hot shower and put on my pajamas. I told my brother I would cook him dinner tonight, the one meal our mother used to make us whenever she was sober, which wasn’t very often. I’m glad to be able to spend some quality time with my big brother. He’s slowly becoming more open with me, as if he now believes I’m not going to up and leave every time he does something I don’t like.
I put on some music as I cook. First I marinate the chicken and put it in the oven, then steam the vegetables and make the mashed potatoes. I grin when Rake knocks at the door—apparently he’s learned his lesson about using that damn key. Wiping my hands on a dish towel, I rush to the front door. I shouldn’t be surprised when I open it and see not only Rake at the door but Tracker and Arrow as well, but I am.
Arrow has stayed away from me for the last month, avoiding me at every opportunity, and Rake never mentioned he was bringing anyone with him. Luckily I decided to cook a lot, thinking I’d enjoy the leftovers tomorrow. If I’d known they were coming over, I’d have invited Lana too.
I step aside so they can enter. Rake grins and kisses me on my forehead, and Tracker does the same. When Arrow steps through the door, I move away and follow behind Tracker. What the hell is he doing here?
“Smells good,” my brother says, grabbing a chair and taking a seat. “Next time I’m bringing Faye. She’d love this.”
Great, just what I need, watching the men fawn over her in my own house.
“Nice pj’s,” Tracker says, smirking at my baby-blue cotton tank top and pants. They have pink unicorns on them with sparkly manes.
“Thanks,” I reply. “Dinner’s still cooking.”
Tracker and Arrow take a seat, and I ignore the heated feel of his gaze on me.
“I had no idea our Anna Bell could cook,” Tracker says to my brother. I raise my eyebrow at “our Anna.”
“I can’t,” I insert. “Not really. I mean, I’ve mastered a couple of dishes and that’s the extent of my talent.”
“Anna used to cook for us when we were kids,” Rake says, glancing at me with a proud look on his face. “If it wasn’t for her we would have eaten bread every day.”
Arrow and Tracker don’t react to his statement, and I wonder just how much they know about our childhood.
“You guys want a beer?” I ask, heading to the fridge before they can reply. I set three beers in front of them, then check on the food while they chat and joke around with one another. When there’s another knock at the door, I have no idea who it could be. Rake gets up to answer it, and when he walks back in with Dex, aka Sin, the MC president, my eyes widen and my mouth drops open. Sin and I don’t really know each other. In fact, a head nod is the extent of our familiarity, which he gives me as he steps into my now extremely cramped kitchen and takes a seat at the table. I grab a beer and slide it over to him without a word. It’s almost like I’m at the bar.
I scan the four men’s faces. “Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on?”
Rake is the one to reply. “We want you to move into the clubhouse.”
“Why?” I demand. I look around my little apartment, my own place, my independence. I like it here, and I’m not going anywhere.
“Because it’s safer,” he says gently. “And I’ll feel better knowing that you’re there.”
I clench my teeth together. “And you needed three other men to tell me this?”
His brows lower. “What? No, these guys were just hungry, and I’d been bragging about your cooking.”
Some of my anger evaporates.
Some.
“Well, I’ll happily feed all of you, but I’m not moving to the clubhouse,” I tell the lot of them, then turn my back and check on the chicken in the oven. When I close the oven and turn around, I come face-to-face with Sin. He’s a handsome man, nicely built with dark hair and eyes that see through you.
“You’re staying with us for a couple of days, and that is that,” he says, looking down at me. “We got some club business going on and I need Rake’s head in the game, not worrying about where his mouthy little sister is, you got me?”
I open my mouth, but then snap it shut. Rake had warned me about this—I needed to respect his president. I didn’t really respect him, because he’d done nothing to earn it from me, but I could fake it.
“A couple of days,” I grit out in reply, swallowing my pride. If I hear the words club business again I am going to stab someone.
Sin’s eyes soften. “Good. Faye will be there; she’ll take care of you.”
Faye and I don’t even know each other.
This was going to be awkward.