Chapter Fifteen
Slick Back was a small bull with a nasty attitude—quick and agile, totally unpredictable. There would be no lazy spins or half-hearted bucks. Slick Back relished every contest, and Austin had been fortunate to draw him when he needed a high score to boost his standings. The bull would do his part. It was all on Austin now.
The bull shifted nervously, stamping his feet as Austin went through his prep. As soon as he was in place, Austin nodded. The spotter released his vest and Slick Back burst out into the arena before the gate fully opened, snapping Austin’s head back with the force of his first landing.
Austin tucked his chin, pushed down hard, rolled a shoulder first in, then out, to counteract a sudden spin followed by an equally sudden reversal. The bull’s feet pounded the earth, but he still moved fluidly, his back humping as he pushed his shoulders high into the air, all four feet coming off the ground. He landed hard, swinging his ass around, pounding the arena floor again as he reared, then spun. Austin stayed square in the middle, sheer determination holding him in place at times. The horn sounded and he started debating dismounts, when suddenly Slick Back shifted beneath him, shifted in a way that his body hadn’t expected and the world went sideways as the bull’s feet came out from under him and he slammed to the ground on his side, taking Austin with him.
The blackness started to clear, giving way to a mottled black and white world as Austin opened his eyes, inhaled dirt. He tried to lift his head, but pressure from above kept it from moving.
Pinned. He was pinned under the bull. He had to get free.
He put his palms in the dirt, pushed up. Couldn’t move. The weight was too great. Frantic now, he pulled his knee up to get it under him so that he could struggle free of the massive bull and his body exploded in pain. An animalistic sound ripped out of his throat.
“It’s me, buddy. You’re okay. Lie still.”
Austin didn’t recognize the voice, but his brain started to wrap around the fact that it wasn’t the bull that had him pinned. Slick Back wasn’t lying on him. He was being held down by a fellow human being. Kept from moving. Why?
He wasn’t paralyzed. The pain was too fucking intense. But he needed to get to the gate before the bull came back.
He couldn’t move.
His head went back down; he took another lungful of dirt. Closed his eyes. Moaned again.
“Easy.”
There were hands on him. Testing, touching. Voices. A low rumble. Not a bull. An engine. A vehicle. He was going to be run over if he didn’t get off the highway he was lying on. He struggled again and was rolled over onto something hard. Pinned down again as he squinted against the bright orbs of light above him.
And then he was weightless. Rising in the air. Moving.
Ambulance. They were putting him in a fucking ambulance.
Better than lying on a highway waiting to be run over. Maybe.
A face came into focus. One of the medical guys, peering down at him, looking concerned. Too concerned.
Austin made a sound and the guy leaned closer.
“Score?” The word slurred out of his lips, barely audible, but the guy understood.
“Ninety something, man. You did good.”
*
Kristen’s head came up at the sound of footsteps in the deserted hospital corridor, and she rose to her feet as a nurse came around the corner, clipboard in hand. The nurse gave Kristen an encouraging smile. “You can go in now.”
“Thank you.” The words barely came out. Despite several cups of coffee, her throat was dry, her nerves shot.
“He’s on serious pain meds. He may not remember this visit.”
“I just want to see him.” She’d driven almost four hours from Marietta to Missoula without stopping, arriving at the hospital in the early hours of the morning, only to be told that Austin was still in recovery.
That was when she started pacing. Pacing and making serious life choices. There was no way that Austin was going through this alone. His brother and sister-in-law were in Tennessee. His parents in Arizona. She was available and when Shelby Harding had called her to tell her that Austin had a bad wreck, she hadn’t even paused to pack a bag. She’d grabbed her jacket, purse and keys and headed out the door. It wasn’t until she got to Missoula that she’d sent her sister a text telling her that her car hadn’t been stolen. It was in Missoula.
“Room 544. Almost to the end of the hall, on the right.”
Kristen thanked the nurse and started down the corridor, needing more than anything to confirm that Austin was in one piece.
He’s alive. He’s okay. It could have been worse.
She’d repeated the words so many times that they blurred together in her head, had essentially lost meaning, but still made her feel better. The door was open when she reached the room and she paused before going inside. His eyes were shut, his skin pale, his hair sticking out in random spikes against the pristine pillow. There was a nasty abrasion up one side of his face, another on his sinewy forearm, which rested atop the white sheet covering his lower body.
Kristen walked toward the bed, coming to a stop a few feet away, giving herself time to process the extent of Austin’s injuries. The adrenaline that had kept her going for the past six hours was dissipating, leaving her feeling weak. Exhausted. And close to tears.
She could cry later. When she was alone.
She dropped her purse on the counter and was about to take a seat in the chair next to the bed when Austin’s eyes opened. He frowned as he fought to focus, making her wonder if he thought she was some kind of a drug-induced hallucination.
“Why are you here?” The words croaked out of his dry lips.
Would he remember this conversation in the morning?
Judging from his almost fully dilated pupils, she guessed the answer was no. But if he did remember, he’d be chewing on the truth. “Shelby called.”
Another slow-motion frown formed as he digested that bit of information. “Shelb?”
“Yeah.”
His eyes drifted shut again, a grimace of pain forming on his face. “Why?”
She could barely hear him, so she moved closer. “Maybe she figured out something you didn’t.”
It took him a few seconds to say, “What?”
“We’ll talk about that later.” At length.
His thumb clicked the medication button he held in one hand and then his hand relaxed. He’d drifted off again…or so Kristen thought, until he said her name.
She moved closer to the bed, fighting the urge to touch him. Feel the warm of this body, the reassuring beat of his heart under her hand. “Yes?”
Austin pulled in a deep breath, his face contorting as his chest rose. He exhaled painfully, then whispered, “You shouldn’t be here.”
Kristen had expected the rejection. Had steeled herself for it.
It still stung.
She gave her head a weary shake. “But I am here.”
And there wasn’t a lot Austin could do about it.
*
It was the scent that tugged at him, urging him to surface, to open his eyes. Delicately floral with just a hint of something else. Some kind of spice. Kristen’s scent.
As soon as he came fully conscious, Austin rolled his head to the side, fully expecting to find her sitting next to him, but the chair beside the bed was empty. Marshaling his strength, he lifted his head. The bathroom door was open. The curtains that divided the room were pushed to the wall.
There was no one in the room.
But she’d been there. He was certain of it.
He fumbled for the medication pump and found that it was gone. Probably a good thing. His leg, his entire lower body, ached like a son of a bitch, but he wanted a clear head as he dealt with this new wrinkle in his life.
He slowly lifted the sheet to take a look at his lower body. His right leg was wrapped and when he shifted it even minutely, he could feel trouble brewing. His right hip hurt like hell, his right shoulder didn’t want to move and he could feel the bruise throbbing on that side of his face. The nurse came in during his once-over, introduced herself as Dani, and made him tell her his name and birthdate before setting about making him more comfortable. As if that were even a possibility. “Want to give me a rundown on what all they did to me last night?”
She smiled. “The bull or the doctor?”
“Let’s go with the doctor.”
“Looks like you have a rod in your lower leg, and other than that, bruising and swelling. A minor concussion. You got off lightly from what I hear.”
Her description sounded so cut and dried. Rod in leg. Bruising. Swelling. She didn’t mention the part where he felt like he was coming apart, both physically and mentally. Why did the room smell like Kristen?
“Was there a woman here last night?” he asked Dani as she made notations on the white board hanging opposite his bed. “Long reddish hair?” Beautiful?
Dani gave him a regretful smile. “I came on shift at seven.”
“Thanks.”
Dani moved on to her next patient, leaving Austin stared up at the ceiling wondering if he was imagining things. It seemed so real, the scent, but maybe it wasn’t.
He drifted off again, only to be startled awake by a hand on his arm. His eyes jerked open and he found himself staring blankly at the man standing next to his bed who wore green scrubs and a pleasant expression.
“Expecting someone else?” the doctor asked with a half-smile before extending a hand. “Adam Medina. You may not remember me from last night. I put your leg back together.”
“Thank you.”
The doctor went on to describe the procedure and aftercare, but he didn’t answer the one question Austin wanted answered. “Do you think I’ll be able to make any more events this season?”
“Normally I’d say no. But you’re a bull rider.”
Austin gave a small choking laugh. It hurt.
“Let’s take this a day at a time for a while. See how you mend. I’ve already been in consultation with one of my colleagues in Bozeman.” He checked his clipboard, then looked back at Austin. “If you plan to return to Marietta, that is. That’s what we have as a permanent address.”
“I am.” He had nowhere else to go.
“If you’re agreeable, he’ll handle the follow-ups.”
“I don’t see myself driving to Missoula.”
“Kind of what I figured.”
Austin closed his eyes, grimaced in spite of his intention not to. There wasn’t a place on his body that didn’t ache.
“Doing okay with the pain?” the doctor asked.
“It’s an old friend.”
“This is probably like an old friend and a lot of his relatives.”
Austin smiled instead of laughing. Even that hurt. “I’ll take whatever doesn’t mess with my head.”
“I’ll see that you get something to take the edge off, but for the most part you’ll have to muscle through if we don’t mess with your head.”
He finished his exam, made a few notes and was about to leave when Austin asked, “Have you seen a woman with long reddish hair hanging around out there?”
The doctor shook his head. “Sorry. I haven’t.”
“Thank you.” Once the doctor left, Austin stared up at the ceiling. Maybe he really had imagined that Kristen was with him the night before. Maybe he’d wanted her to be with him so badly that he’d conjured her up. Had a conversation with her.
His eyebrows came together as vague images teased the edges of his memory. Something about telling her she shouldn’t be there. It seemed real…but his concussed brain could have been hallucinating. Addressing his memory of Kristen. Asking her to leave so that he could stop thinking about her. Like that was going to happen.
He was losing it.
His body was beat to shit, his career was in limbo, he had no backup plan to speak of, and he was hallucinating about the woman he’d accidentally fallen in love with. He didn’t need a pain medication that messed with his head. He was doing just fine in that regard on his own.
*
Austin was asleep when Kristen arrived back at his room. She’d checked into a motel and purposely waited until just after noon to come back to the hospital, hoping he would be lucid. During that time, she’d slept, showered and been in contact with his brother who’d called the hospital early that morning. The bull had splintered Austin’s tibia, wrenched his knee, bruised the hell out of him and given him a concussion. When he was finished explaining the injuries, Ty had assured Kristen that Austin was tough as hell. These injuries might slow him down, but they wouldn’t put him out.
Kristen knew about Austin being tough as hell, and she also knew about him being stubborn as hell. It was the stubbornness she was there to deal with today.
His eyes opened as she came into the room, slowly at first, as if he was getting his bearings, but as soon as he saw her standing in the doorway, his gaze sharpened.
“Kris.”
“Yeah.” She moved closer to the bed. “You’re looking better.”
“Better than what?”
Better than a big hole in my life. “Better than you did the last time I saw you.”
“You were here last night.” A flat statement of fact, but spoken in a way that told Kristen that he couldn’t remember what had happened while he was under the influence of the pain meds.
“I was.”
“We talked.”
“We did. You told me I shouldn’t be here.”
“I had a good point.”
She simply shook her head. “You didn’t.”
His mouth flattened briefly as he held her gaze, but Kristen remained stubbornly silent. If she didn’t say anything, he couldn’t argue.
“How did you find out about my wreck?” he finally asked.
“Your sister-in-law called me as soon as they got word.”
“Shelby.” Austin pressed his hand over his forehead as if he had a sudden headache.
“She called and I started driving.”
He dropped his hand back to the sheets, drilled her with a hard look edged with something else. “Why?”
She studied him instead of forming an immediate answer, taking in his pale, beat-up face, spiky hair, the scruff covering his cheeks and angular jaw, which gave him a sexy unkempt look, if one ignored the big abrasion and the bruise that was starting to bloom under one eye. “You know why.”
“Damn it, Kris.”
“Austin…” His name came out softly, almost as a plea.
He reached out his hand, almost as if he couldn’t help himself and she came closer, slipped her fingers into his. His grip tightened as if he was willing her to understand what he was about to say. “I have no job, Kris. I have no way to pay my bills other than tap into my savings.”
“I don’t have a job either, so I guess we have that in common.”
His gaze went dark. “What happened to Reno?”
“I turned it down.”
“You’re killing me, Kris.”
She let out a small choked laugh, feeling like she was on the edge of losing it, but needing to hold it together to get a toe hold in this battle of wills. She gained a measure of strength from the fact that he hadn’t let go of her hand.
“We have something else in common. You’re killing me, too.”
“That’s not my intention.”
“I know your intentions.” She pulled her hand out of his and took a step away from the bed, out of reach. “You know how much my life changed after we got together—for the better. I started thinking in ways that I never thought I could. I started looking at life differently. But you…” She glanced down at the tile floor as she tried to find the words to express her frustration. “You have this stubborn idea in your head about protecting others, about protecting me. But you’re not protecting me—you’re hurting me.”
“Kris—”
“It’s true, and it’s not necessary. If I was the one lying in that bed, where would you be?” When he didn’t say anything, she took a chance and answered for him. “I think you would be right where I am. I think you would miss a bull-riding event if I was in that bed and needed you.”
Austin exhaled. “Yeah, I probably would.”
“Then why is it any different for me to be here?”
“Probability. You don’t do life-threatening things on a weekly basis, so the chances of me being in your shoes are slim.”
“I can accept that you have a greater probability of risk.”
“You say that now.”
“Austin…how long are you going to be able to ride bulls?” She could see he didn’t like that question, but she forged on anyway. “I can last as long as you can. Your job is part of the package. I am not Kelly Kincaid’s wife, or any of your past girlfriends who couldn’t handle what you do.”
“You might have to last for years.” The word came out on a low, intense note, giving her a stirring of hope.
“Do you love me?” For the second time in her life she tossed the ultimate question in front of Austin. For the second time, she held her breath until she heard the answer.
“You know I do.” There was a rawness in his voice that touched something deep, deep inside of her. She knew that rawness. Knew it well.
“Then I shouldn’t have to beg to be part of your life.”
“I don’t want you to beg.” He looked startled at the thought.
“Good. Because I’m not going to.” She swallowed, considered just how close to lying she was, then lifted her hand, her thumb and forefinger separated by a tiny fraction of an inch. “But I might come close.”
Austin reached out and took her hand again, tugged her closer to the bed with a surprising show of strength. “You’ll never beg with me,” he said. “If I can give it to you, you will have it.”
Kristen’s lips parted as she stared down at the battered, sexy guy she loved so much. “I want you.”
For a long, tense moment, she thought he was going to turn her down, serve up rejection number three. Instead, he let go of her fingers and ran his hand up her arm, easing her toward him. She lost her balance as she bent over the bed, but managed to catch her weight with her free hand, before he pulled her mouth to his.
Home. She’d come home.
She let out a soft sigh and pulled back.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Avoid my entire right side,” he muttered before meeting her lips again, kissing her as if he was trying to make up for all the hurt he’d caused. Kissing her as if he couldn’t imagine life without her.
It wasn’t until she touched his face he said, “You could have anyone, Kris. You could have a normal life.”
“I want you. Scars, abrasions, broken legs, dangerous occupation. I want it all.”
It was awkward bending over him, half on, half off the bed. She would have loved to stretch out beside him, but was scared to death of jarring his broken leg. Part of the deal she’d signed on for. She could do it.
“You know,” he said quietly as he smoothed the hair away from her face. “I really might be a loser now. I didn’t prepare for the future because I figured it would just be me. I didn’t count on you coming into my life.”
She let her head rest on the pillow next to his. “You’ll never be a loser, Austin. And we can work out the future together. It’s scary leaving the beaten path, but the rewards are many for those who dare.”
He smiled into her eyes. “Lofty thought.”
She gave a low laugh before lightly kissing his perfect lips. “We’re going to do okay, Harding. We really are.”