I’m sitting on the terrace of my cousin’s apartment. She’s letting me stay with her until I figure things out.

I forgave Sara, but I don’t actually trust her.

My cousin Alessia has no qualms about using the family’s money, as her terrace overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge makes clear. It’s not like she has a job, or has ever worked a day in her life. Still, she’s surprisingly self-aware about things, and even though the two of us took very different paths, we still get along–or got along–since I kind of ditched her when I cut myself off from the family. She was very cool about not holding that over me, or being bitter about it. She knows that she was just part of the family, and that it wasn’t personal against her.

Alessia comes out and sits down next to me. She pulls out a cigarette, and I look at it with my mouth wide open.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” she says. “Jesus, Bella. I keep forgetting.”

She puts the cigarette back and tosses the pack back into her purse.

“I can go inside, if–” I start, but she holds up a hand.

“No way,” she says. “I want to talk to my cousin, now that she’s back.”

She smiles at me, and I just smile nervously back. I still don’t feel back. I feel at least obligated to make an effort. It would be incredibly hypocritical of me to go around with Luca Gallo while shunning my own family for being mafia. Still, if I weren’t pregnant, and if Luca weren’t doing everything he could to prove to me he’s going to change...I doubt I’d even consider coming back.

“I think it’s cool you did what you did,” Alessia says. “Going to school and everything. I always told myself I wanted to do something like that.”

“You could,” I say.

She laughs. “I always sucked at math. And writing. And science. All of the subjects, come to think of it.”

“You always got good grades,” I say.

She shakes her head. “Teachers were afraid of my father. I knew I didn’t have to learn anything, and I didn’t. By the time I realized I maybe wanted to learn something...it felt too late. I was too far behind.”

I frown. “You’re in your mid 20s, Alessia,” I say, “You can learn all that stuff fast. You have plenty of free time.”

She laughs. “I do have that. I’ve got a few of those SAT books gathering dust. I just want to slam my head against the wall as soon as I look at them.”

I sigh. “It’s going to be hard to finish school while I have a kid.”

She shrugs. “The family will take care of it for you. Either of the families. You really think Tony is good for this truce?”

I nod. “I think he is. I think he’s tired of it. I don’t think he ever truly believed the Gallos killed my brother. He just thought it was easier to be angry at someone he already hated.”

Alessia pops a piece of gum into her mouth, then holds the pack out to me. I shake my head, and she puts it away.

She chews and smacks the gum loudly. “You were always the smart one, Bella, so you probably shouldn’t ever take my advice, but I think I know family stuff better than you do, since I’m deeper in and all. Or was, at least.”

“I think Luca is trying to give it all up,” I say.

She laughs. “Every guy in the family has said something like that, and believed it, at some point in his life. Guys like Luca, Tony, or Stefano...they are used to doing things a certain way. Even if they go legit, it doesn’t stay legit. Say you’re running a restaurant, and another place opens across the street from you and starts hurting your business. You think a guy like Luca is just going to play fair and let his business suffer? Or is he gonna get a baseball bat and tell that restaurant owner to get lost, or else?”

I notice I’m grinding my teeth. Clenching my jaw. “I feel like he’s different.”

“Maybe,” she says. “He was always hot. It’s always tempting to think the hot ones will be the ones who change.”

I hit her arm. “Come on, Alessia, you think that’s all this is?”

“He’s really hot,” she says, laughing. “Like, super super hot.”

“Careful,” I say. “He’s the father of my child.”

“Oh,” she says. “Yeah, I know. I don’t want to settle down anyway. I figure I’m just going to fuck around until I’m too old for anyone to want to fuck around with me anymore. Then I’ll get some cats. I’ve got an easy life all setup for me. My dad’s loaded, and he keeps me out of all the bullshit...more or less. I never want to have a kid–to have to take care of someone, have a husband I probably end up hating. Don’t worry, Bella, I’ll stay away from your man. But good on you for getting one so hot.”

“You really think he will slip back to his old ways?” I ask.

She waves a hand. “I dunno. Probably? Yous guys are in the honeymoon phase still, yeah?” She smacks her gum louder. “It’s easy to look good for a month or two. For him to show you what you want to see. He just has to act the way you want him to act long enough for you to decide he’s what you want. Once you’ve cast your lot in with him and you’re all stuck, then he can just slowly go back to the way he was, and then if you try to say anything, he can just…”

She sits up in her chair and starts speaking in a deep, masculine voice, waving her hands as she goes: ‘You know who you married, you were a dumb bitch if you thought you were marrying some Jiffy Lube manager! I’m Luca fucking Gallo!’”

She smiles at her impression, and waits for my reaction.

“I don’t think he’d call me a ‘dumb bitch,’” I say, glowering.

She laughs it off. “I’m just adding some flavor, to give you a better mental picture. Did it work?”

I cross my arms and look down at my feet.

“Sorry,” she says. “Guess it worked too good. All I’m saying, Bella, is be careful. Don’t–like–fully commit too early. Be cautious, and wait to see if he starts to crack. Wait until he stops thinking your pussy is magical, and until things start to get a bit harder, and then see if he’s still the guy you think he is.”

I look back out at the river and the bridge. I feel like Alessia actually has a good point, but I don’t really want to consider she might be right. That Luca might not be what I want him to be, and that I’m setting myself up for crushing disappointment. For a life where my kid won’t really have a father.