Connor arrived on her doorstep in ten minutes. The debate in his head hadn’t died down one bit on the drive over. The Connor from years ago was screaming at him to keep his secrets – what good would opening that door do now? The other, older part of himself was saying it was time. Time to get rid of the ghosts of his past.

When she opened the door, she was like a breath of fresh air with her lavender silky PJ shorts and white top. She was so beautiful, especially like this. Relaxed, roused from sleep, her hair rumpled and deliciously sexy.

She pulled on the hem of her tank and bit her lip, a move that on anyway else would’ve seemed calculatingly seductive, but on her he knew it was completely innocent. She honestly didn’t know what she did to him, how she affected him just by being there, in front of him. She didn’t need makeup or jewelry or fancy clothes.

“Neve,” he breathed, his voice lower than it normally was and desperately aching for her to understand him in ways he didn’t understand himself.

She pushed aside the door, motioning him in. Once inside the living room, she dropped onto the couch gracefully and curled up with her legs underneath her. He followed, sitting on the opposite end of the couch to give her the space she’d probably need when he was done.

When they were both seated, she looked at him expectantly, wary. And she had every right to be. What he was going to tell her, he’d never told another living soul.

“My mother. Do you remember her?”

She bit her lip again. His eyes fell to that mouth, waited for the words that he knew would come out of them.

“Some stuff. Mostly about pills and drugs…” she trailed off at the haunted look on his face.

He let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “Yeah, that’s an understatement. She was so high most of the time, she didn’t even know what she was doing or where she was. And you know my father wasn’t much better. A drunk that had little time for the two kids that he had and the wife that was more like a child than a partner in life.”

He took a breath, running his hands through his ebony hair. He could feel her eyes on him, feel her taking in everything that he did and said without missing anything. It had always been like that between them. She had understood what he was trying to say before he quite knew how to say it. But he didn’t want her to know what he was thinking, what he was about to admit to her. “She had left my dad a couple times before, but she always came back after a couple days.”

“Why?”

“Hell if I know. He was an asshole through and through.”

Neve snorted. “Yeah, I know that part. I remember that. But what happened that night?”

Connor’s throat worked, feeling thick with emotion and fear of what she would say. “He hit her.”

She gasped and he raised his eyes to catch the instant emotion that flashed through hers. Pity, disbelief, anger, and then worry. “Did he…you and Cyrus…were you…”

Connor shook his head. “He never hit Cyrus. For some reason he just never did, thank god. Even before I got big enough to defend us. He just never paid any attention to Cyrus – good or bad. It was like the kid wasn’t even there as far as our father was concerned.”

“You, Connor. Did he ever hit you?” she asked, her eyes blazing into his, boring holes and not letting him shrug away the truth.

“Yeah…yeah, he did. But it wasn’t so bad as long as he just hit me. As long as he had me, he didn’t touch anyone else. Then when I got bigger, he learned that I’d hit back. So things changed. “

He paused, barely able to force himself to think of that night again, never mind tell Neve about it.

Neve watched as his jaw clenched. She watched him struggle with the memories. Physically she could see the toll it was taking on him. His shoulders were tight and his hands were fisted.

His breathing was shallow and her heart broke for him. Then he looked at her. Their gazes locked and she tried to send her love through that bond they still seemed to share, tenuous as it was.

Love? What the hell? Support, that’s what I’m trying to send him, right? She shook her head at herself. Get it together, girl. He’s finally talking – this is not the time to get unfocused.

“But that night…that night, he went crazy.”

He heard her breath hitch as he inhaled her familiar scent. She drew closer to him on the couch. But he had to keep going. He couldn’t let this go any longer without admitting why he’d left, what had made him desert her. “He hit her bad enough that she needed to go to the hospital. That’s why my phone kept – ”

He broke off as Neve stiffened.

She gasped, and he knew that she’d just pieced together what he hadn’t wanted to say. Didn’t want her to think that it was in any way her fault but knowing that she would because she was too good of a person not to. “That night, we were…oh, my god, Connor – no!”

He nodded.

She cried, “Oh god, those calls that you kept getting to your phone? And I…I…”

She had, in the heat of their lovemaking, turned off his phone. He remembered it like it was yesterday, that teasing, playful glint in her eye and that seductive smile as she warned him that tonight was not a night that he needed to be distracted by anything.

For one night, she’d wanted him to be hers, fully and completely. And he’d wanted that too.

But those calls that he’d missed had been from his mother, and then his brother. Frantic calls begging him to come home. But when he hadn’t come home that night, it had all fallen apart.

“When I got home, there was blood all over the kitchen. My mother was crying at the kitchen table and my father was passed out in his lazyboy.

“I walked in and stopped dead in my tracks. I thought – fuck, I thought she might be…dead.”

“Oh my god, Connor! Why didn’t you call me?”

He continued, almost as if he hadn’t heard her at all. His eyes were slightly unfocused and she could tell he was back in that trailer, looking at his mother, hoping she wasn’t dead.

“I ran to her and her face was all beat up. She was holding her side and I’m sure her ribs were broken. A rage came over me. I couldn’t believe he had done this to her. To the mother of his children – his wife.”

Neve squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to stem the flow of tears that were forming in her eyes.

Don’t break now! He’s always tried to shield you, protect you from everything. Now you have to be his rock – at least for this moment.

But still, tears ran down her face as she watched him relive those horrible moments.

“I lost it. I started yelling at him, punching him. He was pretty much incoherent. He wasn’t drunk anymore, but he wasn’t strong enough to fight me. I must have grown eight inches since the last time we fought.

“But then…I heard my mother. She was standing behind me and yelling at me to stop hitting him. And she sounded so…hard.”

He blinked as Neve started smoothing the bunched muscles in his back. He breathed deeply, taking in the feel of her, the warmth she was trying to give him, but he knew he had to finish this now or he’d never tell her.

“So, yeah, Mom wanted me to stop hitting him, and I did. But I wouldn’t get off him. He woulda started hitting her again – I could tell by the murderous look in his eyes.

“So I turned to her to tell her I’d throw him out and she’d never have to worry about him again. But she was pointing his shotgun…at me.”

Neve gasped.

“She said that I was to leave him alone. She ordered me to get off him…said she loved him and he was her husband. She said…”

He broke off, barely able to breath, never mind spit out that last sentence.

Neve hugged him, squeezing his head to her chest. She smoothed her hand over his face and he felt her tears drop onto the top of his head as she murmured, “No, no, no…how could she?”

“And then she told me to leave. And never come back. Said she’d shoot me if she saw me on their land again.”

A shudder worked through him as he spat the last sentence out.

“Cyrus was young, but he still remembers hiding in the closet to get away from my father.”

He felt her arms tighten around him, felt her sob quietly. He closed his eyes, grasping onto the connection that seemed to re-bloom between them in that moment. A feeling he hadn’t felt in years – of being with her, close to her in mind and body.

His body started to relax, but his mind was still shifting with the desire to avoid the next things he’d have to tell her.

His voice grew hoarse. “I have to finish this – one more thing happened that night.”

He shifted her so that she was sitting on his lap and his arms were wrapped around her snugly. She wasn’t going to like this part one bit.

He felt her lips press against his jaw. God, she was always so sweet, always hurting for the other person, even if that person was him.

“When my father realized that he had won, and that my mom was actually throwing me out, he had to get in one last jab.”

Connor growled the rest of the story, barely able to hold back the flood of emotions.

“He told me that I was useless and how I’d never amount to anything…and how your parents had talked to him about keeping me away from you. How they said they’d never let you marry me and that we’d have to live in sin. That the whole town would talk about us, and sneer at you and make sure you were treated like I was around town. You’d be guilty by association, dragged into the mud with me and my messed up family.”

“Oh, Connor, no, it’s not true,” she breathed, her heart clearly breaking for him.

He started to shake his head.

“No! You have to know how easy that was for me to believe. After all, it’s what I went through growing up. And I refused to put you through that. You could find someone else…and you should find someone else. You were beautiful and innocent and perfect, until I had sullied you. Just the night before, I’d taken your innocence. It was already starting. I was stealing that light from inside of you for my own selfish reasons. I just…I couldn’t. So I left. And a few years later I heard about my mom dying of an overdose. I had investigators check on Cyrus. I made sure he being left alone… unabused, by the assholes that were our parents.”

He paused, finally meeting her eyes.

“I couldn’t come back, Neve.”

They both sat in silence for what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes. He was the one to speak first, his voice strained.

“You need to know that I never forgot you. I never will forget you, even though I know it’s too late. I know that I’m on a fool’s errand, trying to get you to understand why I left and why I could never be the man for you. Because even though she’s gone, and my father is irrelevant, it’s still the way I was raised. I’ll always be that kid from the wrong side of the tracks.”

For the first time in a while, she spoke up. “Connor, you have to know it wasn’t true. My parents would never have done that.”

“How do you know?” he asked, his heart cold with dread and fear of the past.

“I asked them.”

His head jerked up, eyes roaming over her face. “What?”

She laughed, a soft sound that warmed his heart even through the layers of ice that had formed over the years. “I asked after I found out I was pregnant. I told them that you had proposed to me that night. Obviously they knew by that time what we had…done that night, and I wanted to know if they could possibly have had anything to do with you leaving. Or even if they hated you.

“It was important to me that Ivy not hear anything negative about her father from me or my family. None of us knew exactly why you’d left, but we did know that you cared deeply for me. My parents were on your side, Connor.”

His tortured mind raced, this new information seeping in through the cracks like glue to a shattered vase. They had approved of him? Then, just as quickly, she’d wanted to marry me?

She seemed to see his internal process and put him out of his misery. “Yes, I wanted to marry you. I think from the very beginning.”

His body shuddered, a myriad of emotions rocketing through him, and all of the possibilities that he’d locked out started to trickle in. But he shut them down. Just because she had wanted to marry him all those years ago, didn’t mean that she forgave him for leaving her. Pregnant. He’d done exactly what he’d wanted not to do. He’d caused her pain, stress, and pitying looks from the townspeople. And she’d gotten through it all on her own. The woman was amazingly strong and beautiful. He was lucky just to be in her life at all.

“Neve,” he whispered roughly, reaching for her. He could never be her forever, not after what he’d done. But if she let him, he could be her tonight. He felt his body shift towards her, his long, tattooed arms catching her shaking body in an embrace.

He knew it had been a mistake when the touch of her body to his sent fits through his mind. He knew with one touch that he’d never be able to let her go again. He was using all his self-control to not drop his hands from the small of her back down to the full roundness of her butt, where he could squeeze it and lift her against him.

Her hands brushed at the edges of his hips, and he wanted to feel her nails dig into the skin of his sides as he covered her body with his own. The desire in Connor was wreaking havoc through his body…no other woman had ever managed to affect him so intensely. He closed his eyes in an attempt to calm his racing heart and straighten his now hazy thoughts, but when he opened them, her large emerald eyes were staring at him. The soft pink fullness of her lips called to him.

He bent his head towards Neve’s, and pressed his lips against her waiting lips, feeling the weight of his guilt and anger slip from memory. His hands shifted on her back, pulling her closer into him. Her lips parted under the pressure of his kiss, opening to allow his tongue to taste and explore the space he had been missing since the night he left years before.

As their lips pulled apart and came back together, her sweet warm breath could be felt blowing past his cheeks and chin. When he felt her hands lift and grip at his hips, a jolt ran through his body. Losing control, he pulled her body up so that she was straddling him. He pressed up slightly, his hardness brushing against her.

He heard her take a sharp breath in, and worried he had gone too far. He began to pull away only to feel her hands fisting his t-shirt to bring him closer. He placed his hand on the curve of her neck, pulling her closer and deepening their kiss.

Without ceremony, she untucked his t-shirt from his jeans, pulling it off and throwing it to the ground. Her fingers raked over his chiseled chest and abs, brushing over tattoos both new and old. Then she hit a familiar tattoo. His favorite. The one that had always meant the most to him, that he could never forget. Honoring the woman he could never forget.

Neve’s fingers gently traced over the tattooed lines, her fingers shaking. “Is th-this…”

She didn’t wait for him to answer, didn’t need to. It was beautiful, but so was all of his work. What stuck out to her were the initials. Hers and his. It was a carved tree, just like the one that sat out front of her house now. The bark had been ingrained in his skin for all eternity, as had her own initials.

It was his most prevalent tattoo, the biggest and the boldest. It took up the most space on his body, and interlaced with all the rest of his tattoos, ending at his heart.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “When?”

He didn’t pretend not to know what she was asking. “The day after I left. I added to it over the years, but the initials were done the day after I left. I couldn’t forget you. Didn’t want to. But I had to leave you. I couldn’t drag you down with me.”

She pursed her lips, trying to hold in the emotion but instead it came out on a sob. “I m-missed you so much, Connor.”

He nodded, pulling her in close and kissing away the tears. “I know, baby. I know. I’m so sorry. I won’t leave again. I swear.”

She pulled back, frozen. “What?”

He appeared just as shocked by his own words as she was. Then he seemed to collect himself. “It’s true. I just realized I could never leave. I can’t leave this place. I can’t leave you or Ivy. You’re the two most important parts of my life. You are my life. And I’m just selfish enough to want to keep you in my life. Forever. Even if you won’t let me in, if you’re not ready, I don’t need to come into your life right away. I won’t push. But I’ll be here. Waiting. Forever, if that’s as long as it takes.”

She sobbed again, not knowing how to respond to that. He was so intense, her first and only love. But he’d broken her heart. She wasn’t ready to admit that it was mended yet. Not to herself, and not to him. Instead, she pushed her lips against his, wanting him to make her forget for tonight. With a groan, he reciprocated, as she’d known he would.

He flipped then suddenly, gently laying her down, and then he was on top of her, brushing kisses along her face, her neck, her collarbone. When he reached the edge of her top, he paused, then placed his mouth directly over her nipple, sucking on the thin fabric and making it grow hard through her shirt. She moaned quietly, and he placed a hand over her mouth. She teasingly licked it and his eyes grew fiery with desire and emotion.

He sucked on her other nipple, capturing her cry into his hand. He pulled back to lift up her shirt until she was bared to him. When her nipples rubbed against his bare chest, he growled, and she was desperate to stay this way forever. But he obviously couldn’t wait. He pushed under her sleep shorts, caressing the smooth skin there and sliding a finger up into her heat.

She was so wet that he slid in without resistance and she moaned at the sensation of his rough finger inside of her. But she wanted more. Needed more. She pushed against his finger, moaning as he added a second finger. His hardness was pressed up against her. He closed his eyes, likely praying for self-control, but she needed him out of control. Needed him to be like she was – desperate, aching, frantic.

When he tugged off her shorts, she knew that she had lost control. He tugged off his own jeans. Oh god, she thought, eyeing his massive hard-on that was edging towards her heat. He paused, his body tense and trembling.

“Neve, we don’t have to-“

She cut him off by thrusting up, securing his tip inside of her in a move that had him muttering out a string of expletives. She grabbed his face and pulled him down so their lips could meet, and she swallowed his moans and cries of arousal. With another thrust, he entered her, sliding deep until they were both moaning. He felt so big, so hot inside of her. His thumb began rubbing circles on her clit as his cock continued to thrust into her. One last thrust, hard and hot hit her in just the right spot. And her world exploded. Her cries were swallowed up by his mouth as they continued to exchange hot kisses.

Not long after, she heard him growl out her name and then release inside of her, spurts of liquid heat coated her inside. After a moment, he collapsed on her, shifting and rolling until she was laying on top of him, still settled deep inside of her.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pulling her up and resituating so she was still deep inside. She could still feel him pulsing, loved the heady feeling of knowing that she turned him on that much that he was still hard inside of her, even after coming.

With a heated stare, he lowered her and then kissed her deeply, licking into her mouth and sucking on her tongue until she was heated and feverish again. “Connor…” she moaned.

Shifting up suddenly, he stood and carried her into her room. “Once is never going to be enough,” he warned, laying her back on the bed.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” she admitted, pulling him to her.