Morgan

I walked forward, saying to Brody, “I was waiting for you.”

After seeing the car’s headlights shut off, I had expected him to walk down to the cabin. When he hadn’t, I went outside, and that was when I heard their voices.

I looked at this girl, who was so beautiful my chest felt tight for some reason.

“Morgan!” Brody glanced from me to Finn and then back again.

Finn’s arm fell from the girl’s shoulders. The blood drained from his face, and he took a faltering step toward me. “Morgan.”

I stepped back.

I wasn’t there to see Finn.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him. It was just, he used to be family. And that word, family, brought pressure I never know how to handle so I stopped trying. It muddied everything up inside of me.

I looked at Brody. “She’s your friend?”

Brody’s eyes were dark, concerned.

I looked away.

But I still heard his soft voice. “She’s going to marry your brother.”

“Brother?” the girl echoed, her eyes darting back to Finn, who was only watching me.

She wasn’t there for Brody. I was beyond relieved to hear that, I felt tears coming to my eyes. I touched one in wonder. When was the last time I had cried? I couldn’t remember.

“Morgan.”

I turned to Finn then. He said my name with such intensity that I couldn’t not look at him. And I saw it all on his face.

There was happiness.

There was contentment.

There was nervousness.

He missed me.

But there was peace amongst all of that. It had me looking at her again. She was the cause. I looked at her fully, dipping my head. “You’re good for Finn.”

“God, Morgan.” Finn’s voice dipped low. A stark and desperate look came to his eyes. “Can I . . .” He lifted his arms. “Can I hug you?”

It was the same question Matthew asked, but it felt different from Finn. Or maybe I was the one different. I held back, surprised myself when I realized the old fear wasn’t there. It hadn’t knocked on the door like before when the other brother asked. It slammed me then.

This time, I felt it open. A small crack.

I glanced to Brody, who nodded his encouragement, and whispered, “Okay.” I braced myself, but he moved forward and his arms came around me so gently and slowly that my lungs expanded from relief. I didn’t feel closed in or suffocated.

He held me, an inch of space between us, and I hugged him back. Tentatively. I placed my palms against the back of his shoulders, which had him sucking in a sharp breath.

“Morgan.” A drop of wetness fell on my shoulder. I leaned back to find that he was crying.

I frowned. “I’m sorry.”

He stepped back, sliding his hands into his pockets. His eyes were raking all of me, studying every inch of my face, and a hoarse laugh filtered past his lips. “No. God, no.” He moved back in to hug me, going slow again. I nodded this time, and he closed the distance, holding me in his arms. His hand cupped the back of my head, and he rested his forehead to mine. “This is . . . I’ve missed you.”

He held me another moment before stepping back. He didn’t go far, just a couple steps back. His fiancée went to his side. She slipped her hand into his, and he used his other to wipe over his face. “Man, Morgan. Wow. I can’t . . .” He trailed off again, just looking me over. “You look amazing.”

His fiancée, Brody’s friend, gave him a quizzical look.

He squeezed his fiancée’s hand. “I’ll tell you later.” He asked me, his thumb pointing back to the house, “Matt’s at a meeting tonight, but Abby’s going to faint when I tell her you’re out here. Can I get her? She and Jen are friends. We were having a few drinks to celebrate her coming tonight.”

I looked past him.

I could go into that house. There was nothing actually stopping me.

Abby would be there. Finn.

Then a surge of need rose inside me. I wanted to see my sister. I wanted to laugh with her and my brother again. I wanted to feel what home used to be like.

I wanted to remember.

Before caution or anything else stopped me, I brushed past everyone, climbed the porch steps two at a time, and strode inside.

This wasn’t like before when they were asleep. There’d been an eeriness in the air then. I paused, taking it in. I smelled the mix of their wine in the air and the aroma of whatever they were eating. I knew they had put fruit on the table before I stepped in. There were older smells, but I liked the fresh ones better.

The home felt alive again.

Then the back patio door opened. Abby was coming back inside, holding her wine glass. She was saying, “Where’d you guys go? I thought we were moving to the patio . . .” Her voice faded, and her wine glass slipped from her hands. “Morgan!”

She started forward, but I yelled, “No! Don’t move.” The wine was spreading everywhere and pooling around shards of glass she was about to step on.

“Wha—” She stopped short and glanced down. “Oh.”

Finn strode forward. He had hiking shoes on, and ignoring the glass, he swept his sister up and moved her closer to me. He signaled to Jen. “Could you grab some paper towels? I’ll get a dustpan and mop.”

They went to work cleaning the spill at the same time Abby threw herself at me. She wrapped her arms around me without one ounce of hesitancy Finn showed outside. “Oh my gosh. Morgan.” She began sobbing. “Morgan. I’ve been hoping.” She tightened her hold, and as I did with Finn, I patted her on the back. Her body shook as she let me go, her face was drained of color. She continued to stare at me, shaking her head to herself. “I can’t believe it. I just can’t.”

She reached out and touched a strand of my hair. “You’re so tan. Your hair is so blonde.” She laughed to herself, her hand resting on the side of her own face. She continued to look me over. “You look so beautiful, Morgan.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she added, “Like Karen.”

Finn came up next to Abby, his arm going around her shoulders. She fell into his side, and neither reacted at how natural that movement was for them.

My throat started to burn.

My mother would come up behind me, run a hand over my head, tousling my hair, and I’d lean into her, just how Abby rested against Finn.

“Matt’s going to pop a vein when he finds out you were in the house and talking to us.”

Abby’s eyes lit up. “Do you want a glass of wine? Wait.” She frowned. “Do you drink?”

I glanced to Brody, who had come up beside me. He met my gaze, both of us remembering the time I drank with him.

I was torn.

His eyes softened, as if he were trying to tell me this was okay to do. He shifted on his feet, the back of his hand grazing against mine.

It was the slightest touch, but Finn saw it. He drawled, “So that’s actually happening?”

I tensed.

Brody didn’t.

No, that wasn’t right. I felt the air around him. He was just as tense as I was, but he didn’t look it. He threw a lazy grin back at my brother. “What’s happening?”

Abby’s mouth formed a small O.

Finn gestured between Brody and me with his free hand. “The two of you. Matt said it was, but it’s different seeing it.”

“What?” Finn’s fiancée asked, joining the conversation after putting away the mop and throwing the paper towels into the garbage. Frowning, she looked at us, noticing how close we were. “Oh,” she murmured.

“Matthew did?” Brody clipped out. His jaw clenched. “Really?”

Finn frowned. “Said you guys got cozy during your week off.”

Brody’s hand left mine as he shifted, almost shielding me. “And how would he have known that?”

“Uh . . .” Finn’s shoulders abruptly fell back down. “Shit.”

I moved around Brody. The old uneasiness I felt earlier came back, and this was it. It was back and building, burrowing deep into me.

“Finn.”

He looked at me.

“How did Matthew know about us?”

He jerked up an awkward shoulder. “I don’t know. He—uh—” He flung a hand, gesturing to Brody. “Didn’t you tell him?”

“Not about this past week.”

Anger was literally rippling from Brody, crashing into and melding with the bad feeling inside me. I was sinking, further and further down.

Abby said quickly, “What does it matter? Matthew knows everything. You’re here. You can have a glass of wine with us, right, Morgan?” A nervous laugh rang from her before she closed her mouth, chewing down on her bottom lip. “Come on. Let’s sit and talk.” Her voice rose up again with a desperate ring. “Or I’ll walk back with you to the fence. I want to know how you are. I want to know . . . I want to know everything.”

I looked at my sister. I remembered playing with her, having her do my hair, wanting to learn about makeup from her. I remembered how she would let me play dress-up with her clothes or take me to the mall to shop for hours.

I was shaking on the inside, but I nodded to her. “A walk would be fine.”

“Yeah?” She perked up and turned to Finn.

He was staring at her, and the two seemed to share a conversation with no words. Finally, he gave her a half-grin. “Go. Talk to our baby sis. Then come back and report everything.” He said to me, “I want to know too.”

I turned so that my back was to the rest and looked up at Brody. The anger was still there. I saw it flaming, but like Finn and Abby, he nodded to me. I was going to Shiloh. He knew what I was going to do, and he wasn’t fearful of never seeing me again like my siblings were.

I reached out, my hand grazing over his stomach. He caught it, giving it a small squeeze before letting go as I started for the door.

“Morgan!” Finn called out.

I looked back.

“Will you—”

I already knew the answer. “Yes.” I would see him again. I wouldn’t disappear.