On the way home, our driver was chatty, and I sat in the front seat of his SUV, happy to have an excuse not to talk to Nick, or sit too near him, or even see him. If I got too close, I might crawl into his lap and try to fuck him again right there in the car. Or even worse, I’d confess that I liked him. Liked him so much, way too much.

I couldn’t risk that kind of pain. If I’d learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, I knew that sooner or later he’d disappoint me, just like everyone else.

He’d looked so worried after I’d stopped the sex, and so hurt when I said I wanted to keep things casual. I was starting to question myself.

Deal or no deal, I liked this man, he liked me, and the sex… The sex was hot. Maybe it was time to open myself up to the possibility of an actual relationship.

We barely knew each other, yet I had a sense that Nick might be the best thing that had ever happened to me. Seriously great. But that feeling was hard to trust.

A sharp ripple of hope traveled through me. Maybe Nick wouldn’t disappoint me. At least not in any big way we couldn’t get over. There was no way to be certain, but I’d never know if I didn’t give him the chance.

Nodding and half-listening to the driver, I watched Nick from the corner of my eye. His body was hunched to fit into the backseat, his legs spread wide to accommodate their length, and I wanted to reach back to make a connection. Even just a finger on the fabric of his jeans would be enough. But I didn’t dare.

I’d treated him horribly tonight, and yet it seemed he’d forgiven me, further evidence that Nick might be different.

Sure, I wanted to fuck him again, but even more than that, I wanted that sense of ease back between us. I wanted to fix what I’d broken. I wanted us to be friends.

The car pulled in front of Shady Oaks.

“Thanks, man,” Nick said to the driver as he pried himself out of the backseat behind me.

I opened my door. The SUV was high off the ground, and Nick reached out to help me down, but then dropped his hands quickly and turned away.

Shit. I’d really done a number on him tonight. I wasn’t good with apologies, unless they involved making food, but I knew when I owed someone one. And if I’d been in debt to Nick before, tonight that debt had quadrupled.

He held open the gate to the complex, squishing himself back against the concrete arch to give me lots of room to get through the door.

“Breakfast?” I asked as we walked past the poor excuse for a pool.

“Okay,” he said tentatively. “Sure. Good. I need to talk to you about something.”

“No need,” I said. “I mean”—I tried to laugh—“that is… I want to talk to you, too. Can I go first?”

“I guess so.” He took the stairs two at a time, and I did the same, even though I was in no hurry to face this difficult conversation. Apologies weren’t exactly my thing, relationships weren’t, that was for sure, and I hoped I could make him understand how hard it was for me to trust men, trust anyone.

“You going to shower first?” I asked.

“Nah. I think I’ll wait.” He stopped by my door. “Unless…” He glanced down toward his armpit.

“You’re good,” I laughed. “Besides, we both smell like...”

“We sure do.” His voice was deep and luscious.

“I wonder if the Lyft driver noticed?” I unlocked my door and went inside.

“That depends.” Following me, Nick closed the door behind him.

“Depends on what?” I tossed my backpack onto the crappy sofa.

“On whether or not he has a sense of smell.”

Chuckling, I smiled back at him, and the impact of his grinning expression went straight to my belly. I’d like to blame my fluttering stomach on hunger, but there was no denying its true cause. I liked this man. Really liked him. My heart and mind liked him as much, maybe more, than my lady parts liked him. And boy, my lady parts liked him a lot.

Thinking back on how I’d felt when he’d been inside me—how he’d looked at me like he saw everything, saw all the things I never showed anyone—I grew wet, my pussy pulsing and crying out to be filled again. Filled by Nick. And even more, I wanted to be wrapped up in his arms, pressed against his hard body, enveloped in his embrace.

To distract myself from my raging horniness, I turned on the oven and started putting strips of bacon onto a parchment-paper-covered baking sheet. “You okay with toast?” I asked. “Or I could do biscuits.”

“Toast is fine, and…”

“And what?” I turned back. “Biscuits are no problem. Easy peasy. Or I could make pancakes?”

“You don’t need to feed me. This isn’t… I don’t feel right about…”

“It’s no problem.” I felt bad that he still felt bad. “Even if I didn’t owe you, I’d be happy to cook you breakfast. Good neighbor stuff and all that. I like cooking, plus I need to eat, and it’s just as easy to make it for two.”

Happiness nearly lifted me off the kitchen floor. It had always given me pleasure to cook for others, especially people I cared about, but cooking for Nick… This feeling… It so wasn’t me.

For the first time in my life, I was having visions of domestic bliss. Of sharing my life with someone—sharing it with Nick. Assuming I hadn’t already ruined my chances.

I put the bacon in the oven and turned on the heat under my cast-iron skillet so it would heat slowly and be ready for the eggs. I wiped the bacon grease off my fingers with a cloth, taking longer than I needed to, gearing myself up for my apology and rehearsing what I was going to say.

Slowly I turned, and when I looked up, he was leaning against the island part of the counter, watching me. He let his gaze drop, like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I felt so freaking guilty.

I’d done that. I’d made this big strong man think the floor, even the air around me, was covered in eggshells—more like land mines. I’d made him think he’d done something wrong when all the wrong was on me.

“Nick…” I cleared my throat. “What I said before, about keeping things casual between us.” I swallowed, my mouth parched. “Do you want a beer? I could use a beer.”

“Sure.”

I went for the fridge, but he did, too, and our hands landed on the handle together.

His flew off mine like I’d burned him.

I reached for that burned hand, and as I threaded our fingers together, his gaze rose from our hands to my eyes. Unable to bear the magnetic heat, I lifted onto my toes, pulled his head down with my other hand, and kissed him.

Action-based apologies were more my style.

I felt him groan more than I heard it, the sound rumbling through his lips to mine and spreading through my body. But all too soon he pulled his head away, breaking the kiss and dropping my hand.

“Before we do any more of that”—he opened the fridge and grabbed two beers—“we need to talk.”

“You’re right.” I took the beer he’d opened for me. “Better to keep dessert for last.” I shot him a knowing look, but he glanced away quickly.

A few short hours ago, that line would have gotten at least a grin or a laugh. I was screwing this up, and— The pan was smoking. Crap. I was going to ruin the food, too, maybe burn down Shady Oaks.

“Maybe we should talk after we eat?” I was such a chickenshit. “So I can concentrate on cooking?”

“Yes,” he said quickly. “Let’s talk after breakfast.”

After taking the skillet off the heat, I checked the bacon, then took the eggs and butter out of the fridge.

“Who taught you how to cook?” he asked.

“I taught myself. Read some stuff in the library. Watched YouTube.”

“Really? Wow. What about your mom?”

I grabbed a knife and the loaf of bread I’d baked earlier in the day, setting it on a wooden cutting board. “She was out of the picture, left for good when I was seven. After that it was just Dad and Crystal and me.”

“Crystal’s your sister?”

“Yeah.” I sliced a third piece of bread. “Two slices? Three?”

“Two’s good.”

I checked the bacon again and it was coming along fine, so I set the three slices of bread on the rack above the bacon to toast it. A toaster had not made the cut for the list of what I’d hauled to this new pad.

“Crystal’s in community college. Foothills. Down in the South Bay. She’s studying biology. But you know that, right?” Nick had arranged for her tuition and rent payments.

“She older or younger?”

“Younger by three years. She just graduated high school last spring. After Mom left, I pretty much took care of us both.”

“What about your dad?”

“Frank?” I shook my head as I dropped a pat of butter into the heated skillet. “Don’t even get me started.” I laughed. “Frank never figured out how to take care of himself, never mind two little girls.” I lifted the heavy pan, letting the butter slide around to coat it.

“I’m sorry.”

I cracked an egg into the pan, then turned around to face him. “What are you sorry about?”

“That you had a shitty childhood.”

“You know, it wasn’t shitty.” I added more eggs to the pan. “It was actually pretty great. Sure, if some social worker had found out about me and Crystal, how often we were left alone and all that, we would have ended up in the foster care system in a heartbeat, but no one found out. We took care of ourselves, took care of Frank… And it was mostly pretty great. Crystal and I—we figured it out.”

“You keep saying ‘we,’ but sounds like it was you.”

“Well, Crystal was a baby at first.” I took the sheet of bacon out of the oven and checked the toast.

The eggs were done, so I slid them onto plates and then retrieved the toast. I handed Nick his plate of breakfast, and he carried it to the table.

I followed. “How about you? You have brothers, right?”

A warm feeling spread through me as I dug into my food. This was what people in relationships did, right? They didn’t just fuck and leave. They learned about each other. Talked over meals. I liked it. And I wanted to know everything there was to know about Nick.

“I’m the youngest of five boys.”

“Five? Wow.” I tried to imagine four more Nicks. His poor mom.

He finished chewing a huge bite. “We grew up without a mom, too.”

“Really?”

“She died.” Sadness flashed in his eyes, but then he seemed to drown the sadness with two slices of bacon and a huge bite of toast.

“How about your dad? He still around?”

He nodded as he finished chewing. “Dad raised us. Except for when he was in jail.” Nick shook his head. “Which is where he is now.”

“Our dads have that in common.”

“Jail. Yeah. How’d you know I have brothers?” He licked bacon grease off his fingers.

“Angel mentioned one of them.” I shook my head. “Might have started with a K or a C?”

“Keagan?” Nick finished chewing another huge mouthful as I nodded. “He’s the oldest. Lives in unit 104.”

“Your brother lives here in Shady Oaks?”

“All the Downey brothers live here at the moment.”

“That must be nice.” I missed Crystal and Frank so much. Even though I knew Frank was better off inside.

Chewing, he shrugged, like it was a mixed bag.

I’d eaten all I could, so I carried my plate to the sink, resting there for a moment, leaning on the cool tiles as I gathered my courage. It was time to make my apology.

I turned and leaned back against the sink. “About what happened earlier… I want to explain what was going on in my head. I must have seemed like a nutcase or something.”

Nick raised his eyebrows as he folded his remaining strips of bacon into a piece of buttered toast, then chomped down.

“When I said I was scared”—I took a sip of my beer—“I wasn’t scared of you, per se. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want, and I know you’d never hurt me…” I don’t know how I knew this, but I did. “It’s just that I’m not a relationship kind of person. I don’t know how…” I shook my head. “I just. While we were doing it, it seemed like you maybe wanted something more to happen between us, beyond the sex and…”

He wouldn’t look at me now. Shit, this was hard. I was making it worse.

I walked to the edge of the island, only a few feet from where he sat at the table, looking so hot and manly as he finished his bacon sandwich. On top of everything else, watching him eat my food was a massive turn-on.

“What I need to say.” Looking down, I licked my dry lips. “I want to say, to tell you… I mean, you looked hurt when I said I wanted to keep things casual and, um—” Shit. Here goes. “I want to take that back. If you’re in, I’m in, too.”

His head lifted like he wasn’t quite sure what he’d heard, but he still wouldn’t look me in the eyes.

I went all in. “I like you, too, Nick. Like a lot.” As the words released, I felt alive, free. I stared at the toe of my sneaker, fighting off a giggle that was bubbling up from inside me. I didn’t know why I’d been so nervous. Nick clearly liked me. He’d made that obvious. He’d even said it, hadn’t he?

Expecting to see that adorable smile, or better yet, lust in his eyes, I glanced up.

He looked uncomfortable, maybe horrified.

It was a punch to the gut.

I staggered back into the fridge, and the handle dug into my back.

“Jade.” He rose from the chair.

“Shit.” I shook my head. “I totally misread things, didn’t I? Casual sex is fine.” I’d take anything he’d give at the moment.

“You didn’t misread me. I want the same thing. I do. I want it.” He stepped forward. “I want you, Jade. So fucking much.”

I exhaled, feeling lightheaded, deprived of oxygen. “Thank god,” I said. “The expression on your face just now?” I walked toward him. “You fucking scared me, you asshole.” I playfully punched him in the chest.

He grabbed my arm. “But Jade.” His expression was serious again. “I need to tell you something first.”

“Okay.” My fluttering stomach started to churn. “Are you married? Dying of terminal cancer?” My chest froze. “Shit. You aren’t, are you?”

A short chuckle erupted from his broad body. “No. Not dying. Or married. But. Well. I need to just come out and say it.”

“Say what, Nick? Spit it out, because I want to fuck.”

His cheeks pinked, and his eyes darkened with lust.

I lifted my eyebrows a few times. “Ever do it in a bed? Or is that too kinky for you?” Chucking at my own joke, I pulled off my T-shirt, revealing my bare breasts.

His eyes widened, staring straight at my chest, but instead of taking me in his arms, he moved back. A forced-looking grin appeared on his face. “You know, it’s actually kind of funny when you think about it.”

“Then share the joke.” I circled one of my nipples with the lip of my beer bottle, and my bud turned even harder against the cold glass. “’Cause I’m ready.” I moved the base of the beer bottle between my legs, the coolness contrasting with my heat. “Or maybe you just want to watch?” I pressed harder with the bottle, putting much-needed pressure against my clit.

He shifted, and my eyes went straight to his package. That part of him was ready and willing, even if the rest of him wasn’t.

“What is it?” I set down the beer bottle. “Enough already. Spit it out.”

“I’m not the Nick you think I am.” His words shot out like a bullet.

“Isn’t that a line from Star Wars?” I asked. “I’m not the Nick you are looking for.” I grinned. So what if his name wasn’t Nick? “You undercover? In witness protection?” Grinning, and cupping my bare tits, I stepped toward him.

Then I stopped.

I blinked.

Pain and guilt took over his eyes and he nodded. “I don’t know anything about your dad except what you’ve told me. I don’t have a clue about the deal he worked out. When you showed up with the brownies, I had no idea what the fuck you were talking about. I didn’t know why you thought you owed me something. Not a clue.”

I froze. I couldn’t move as I processed the information.

Nick was a liar.

“I tried to tell you,” he continued, “but you cut me off. Plus, I was a little pissed off. You accused me of stealing your stuff when I was trying to help, and you were acting so tough and I figured, why not screw around with this girl who thinks she’s so tough? And then I got to know you and… And I realized how much I liked you.”

“Exactly when did you realize you liked me?” I spat out. “Before or after I cleaned your apartment, cooked your food, sucked your dick!”

“Jade, I—I’m so sorry.”

“Get out! Get out of my apartment, you fucking liar.”

“I didn’t lie, Jade. Not exactly. I just… You assumed something, and I didn’t correct—”

“Out! Get the fuck out of my apartment! Now!”