Chapter Nineteen

Chastity

Being the owner of the company came with a few perks. Like having my own private bathroom attached to my office. A little place I knew I could go to hide and not have anybody bother me. At least, in theory. There had been plenty of times I’d been hiding away in the bathroom only to have Patrick interrupt me by pounding on the door.

For the most part, it was my little sanctuary, and this morning, I needed my time alone more than ever. I sat on the closed lid of the toilet with fear and trepidation coursing through my veins. I just knew my period would come today, it had to.

The fact that I was this late was really freaking me out. I tried to rationalize it by telling myself that I’d been under an unnatural amount of stress lately. Which was true.

I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, so I’d picked up a pregnancy test. There was no way I could be pregnant, I thought to myself. It just wasn’t possible. We were always careful and used protection. I made sure of it. And Jordan was the only man I’d been with, so unless he had super sperm or the condoms were old or it broke.

Well, okay. I supposed it could be possible. Condoms weren’t one hundred percent effective to begin with. Then there was the fact that Jordan was rather well-endowed – even average-sized men broke condoms now and then.

Still, it couldn’t be possible, I told myself again, hoping that if I repeated the mantra enough, it would turn out to be true. The test was a precaution. Nothing more and nothing less. It was just a precaution to rule out what I already knew couldn’t be possible. But, better safe than sorry, right?

I held the pregnancy test in my hand, staring at that stupid little stick, waiting for it do something – and trying to will it to be negative – as the minutes counted down. I knew that staring at it wouldn’t make the answer appear any faster, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. Even though I had no doubt it would be negative – it just had to be –, my heart still raced and I was starting to stress out.

Jordan and I were getting closer, but there was no way we were anywhere near close enough to have a child together. I had a business to run, a fashion empire that needed me. I didn’t have time for a boyfriend, much less a baby. And Jordan? As much as I loved fucking him, he didn’t seem like a contender for father of the year. He didn’t seem like the type who wanted to be a father at all. His wild past coupled with his playboy ways? Yeah, I couldn’t imagine he’d be happy with a positive result either.

I looked at the stick again, trying to impose my will upon it. The result had to be negative. It just fucking had to be. So, when the two pink lines appeared in the stupid little box on the stupid little stick, I breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled ruefully to myself.

Two lines had to mean negative because there was no way I was pregnant. Something nagged at me though, and being the thorough person I was, I grabbed the box from the edge of the sink. Scanning the instructions again, just to verify that I was in fact, not pregnant, I felt my heart freeze up in my chest. A cold unlike anything I’d ever felt before spread throughout my body.

I read the instructions, clear as day – with pictures and all – and saw that two pink lines meant it was positive.

It meant that I was pregnant.

“No, it can’t be,” I muttered to myself. “It’s a false positive. It has to be. Those are more common than people think. Right?”

I read the paper again, poring over each and every word, like I could change what it said with just my eyes. The instructions said false positives were possible, but only in a miniscule amount of cases. If I’d had something like ovarian cancer or some other serious illness, it could trigger a false positive. The test detected hormones that would only show up in a few cases, pregnancy being the most common reason.

Meaning, if I didn’t have ovarian cancer or any of the other listed diseases, that I was pregnant. I stared at that stupid, goddamned little stick and then back at the instructions again. Not finding anything new, I stared at the stick again. I knew what it was all saying. What it was all pointing to. It wasn’t clicking in my head, not just yet.

I was busy furiously denying it to myself. It couldn’t be. It just fucking couldn’t be. Still sitting on the toilet seat, staring at the evil little stick with a genuine dread in my heart and tears welling in my eyes, I heard my office door swing open, slamming into the wall behind it as two male voices shouted at one another.

My heart skipped a beat when I recognized one of the voices – it was Jordan.

I stood up on shaky legs, checked myself in the mirror and dabbed the tears in my eyes, gathering myself as best as I could opening the bathroom door – making sure to deposit the pregnancy test in the trash first.

“What’s going on?” I asked, not feeling entirely present in the moment.

Patrick threw his hands in the air. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer,” he said. “He just shoved his way inside.”

“Because we need to talk,” Jordan said, his fists balled up at his sides.

“I told him you were busy, but –” Patrick tried to argue.

Jordan glowered at him, looking ready to punch my assistant in the face. I couldn’t tell if it was jealousy or something more, so I put a hand up and stopped Patrick before things really spiraled out of control.

“It’s okay, Patrick,” I said. “Can you give us a minute, please?”

I tried to remain calm and collected, even though my insides were going crazy. I was sick to my stomach, my legs felt weak and I thought I might pass out, but I had to keep myself composed and under control. Through the open door, I could see folks hovering and listening as the tension in my office boiled over. That was the last thing I needed, drama in the workplace.

Patrick looked uncertain, but finally nodded. “Fine,” he said. “If you need me to call security, I’m happy to do so.”

“That won’t be necessary,” I said. I walked over and ushered Jordan in, waving off the people outside the door. “Everyone can get back to work now. Show’s over.”

I shut the door and turned to Jordan, my legs almost giving out beneath me as I looked into his eyes. I saw that his rage hadn’t dissipated in the least, but I had no idea what he was so pissed about. He wasn’t the only one angry at that point though. My blood was boiling, and now that we were alone in my office, I let it out.

“Jordan, you can’t come into my office and act like that,” I said, my voice rising a little more than I’d intended. “That was completely uncalled for. You’re making a spectacle of me.”

Jordan paced the office, stopping directly in front of me. When he turned to me, I saw the anger burning deep in his eyes. His nostrils flared and there was a tense, furious set to his jaw. Something had gotten under his skin in a big way – and it wasn’t Patrick.

“You know what else is uncalled for, Chastity?” he said, his voice low and tight with anger. “The fucking media following me around and harassing the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry, I thought they were there because of me,” I muttered.

“You knew they were outside my place? And you didn’t tell me?” Jordan asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked at me.

“Like I said, I thought they were there because of me,” I said, shrugging. “I didn’t think anything of it. I saw them when I left this morning. I just did what I usually do – ignored them and just went on my way. I figured that once I left, they would to. ”

“Yeah, well, you figured wrong. Maybe it’s easy for you,” he said. “It’s not like you have to worry about losing your job.”

His words cut straight through me, slicing me right down to the core. I stood there, slack-jawed for a moment, surprised at how he was talking to me. That wasn’t okay. That was really fucking far from okay.

“Excuse me?” I spat. “I have to be very careful about everything I do. I’m under a magnifying glass all day, every day. My entire life and my livelihood is about my image, Jordan. You storming in here, acting like a raging idiot is not doing me any favors. Yet, you don’t see me bursting into your office trying to pick a fight.”

“Because you aren’t the one with anything to lose,” he said, running a hand through his brown hair. “I stand to lose everything if my father finds out about us.”

My heart dropped. Last night, I was convinced maybe there was more there between us. I thought that maybe, we could be an actual couple. Apparently, I’d been an idiot to think so. His words and his attitude cemented my worst fears – we were a fling, nothing more. He could never tell his father about me. And honestly, there was no way I could have a man like him in my life. Not with his temper. Not with everything I had at stake.

“What’s the matter, Jordan?” I asked. “You afraid daddy might find out you’re sleeping with a client and force you out of the company? Because the way I see it, I’d be doing you a favor –”

“Don’t you dare use what I’ve told you against me,” he spat. “And it’s worse than that. I could be facing jail time again, all because of you –”

“Jail time?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Because we’re fucking?”

“No, because I fucking punched one of your paparazzi friends,” he said.

I froze. “You what?”

“You heard me.”

“Jesus Christ, Jordan,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Did you ever stop and think about what this would do to me? The impact it would have on my company? No, of course not –”

“Listen,” he stopped me, a dark anger painted upon his face. “I’m not cut out for this shit. I just want to be left alone.”

My lip trembled slightly, though I stopped myself from crying. My anger replaced my self-pity – a bolt of white-hot, electric anger. Nobody talked to me this way. Fucking nobody.

“You knew what you were getting into, Jordan,” I said. “Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten involved with me to begin with.”

For a split second, a look crossed his face. A look of fear. A look of dread. His face softened, just a little, and he refused to look me in the eyes. It seemed like the fight had suddenly gone out of him and he looked defeated. He simply stood there, looking at the ground.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said. “You said it from the very beginning – we’re not good for each other. We’re from two different worlds.”

His words cut me wide open and I had to stifle a sob, swallowing it down, and somehow, managing to keep myself composed. At least, for the moment.

“Seems that way, doesn’t it?” I asked, softly.

Last night, it felt different. Even when I left this morning, it felt different. He was still asleep when I left his place, but I had to be in earlier than he did. I kissed him goodbye, and he held my face in his hands. I swore I felt a connection there, something deeper than just sex.

I guess I was wrong. I’d been stupid to think that we could actually be something other than fuckbuddies. Jordan would never tell his dad about me. He’d always be this bull in a china shop, destroying everything that got in his way with his temper and anger. I couldn’t have that in my life. Not with my career and everything that came with it.

And there was no way we could raise a child together.

“I guess that’s it then,” I said, opening my office door. “It’s over.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said.

As he looked at me, his face tightened briefly, but then smoothed over and went blank. Suddenly, there was no emotion there anymore. He went completely blank, as if he was wearing a mask.

“Don’t worry, Chastity,” he spat. “You won’t have to worry about me ruining your reputation anymore. No need for you to keep slumming.”

He walked out the door, and I saw several of my employees still milling about, whispering amongst themselves. Jessa and Patrick, among others, were staring at me, and then watched Jordan as he left my office in a huff. The room was deathly quiet as he stalked out of the office, slamming the main entry door on his way out.

“What did I say earlier, you guys? Get back to work, I’m not paying you to stand around,” I yelled.

Truth be told, I was taking my anger out on them. My words came out harsher than intended. It wasn’t their fault. But, I needed them to stop paying attention to me. I needed them to stop fucking gossiping about me.

I closed my office door, and once I was alone, I finally allowed the tears to fall.