“Jay, wake up,” Allie said in a calm voice.
She placed a warm hand over his bare chest and shook a little. His fist arced up in retaliation, nearly catching her in the side of the head. Allie had been expecting it and was able to duck the hit. She had been trying to wake him up for ten minutes. She was kneeling beside him wearing a light grey nightshirt. She’d slipped it over her head when she realized Jay was having a nightmare and unable to wake up.
She hadn’t realized he was still having them. She bet he didn't tell anyone. Her heart constricted in pain as she realized how long he’d suffered alone. She ran her fingers lightly over his arms and torso, her eyes following the contraction of his muscles worriedly. He jerked and writhed on the bed, moaning. In the past his nightmares could become extremely violent. He’d forbidden her and Veronica from approaching him when he was trapped in one. They were the only two people that even knew he suffered night terrors.
Allie was fairly certain he would be pissed when he woke up and realized she’d stayed by his side during this episode. He would probably tell her to lock herself in another bedroom or call security to come help her. This would probably be the one time she would be safe from his demand that she must always sleep in his bed with him. Ironically, this was the one time she would refuse to leave him.
“I’ll fucking kill you!” he snarled, his voice so filled with violence that it was nearly unrecognizable to Allie.
She leaned back, out of reach while he arched backwards, his back and neck straining until tendons stood out along his throat and shoulders. Allie wanted to reach out and soothe them with her fingers, but waited until he settled back against the bed. She crawled up the bed and was about to reach out for him, when his eyes flew open. She gasped, but his gaze was empty, unseeing.
In one swift, violent motion, he grabbed Allie, pulled her up the bed and flipped her underneath him. One hand wrapped around her throat, cutting off her scream before she could get it out. The other slid down her front along her breasts and belly. Just as she was certain he was about to strangle her, he froze. Something in him seemed to slowly wake up.
“Allie…?” he asked, his voice strained and groggy.
“Jay!” she gasped, “it’s me, love!”
Realization struck and he rolled to the side, letting her go. Allie lay gasping for a few seconds, trying to comprehend the situation. Then Jay was laying on top of her again, caging her in his rock hard arms and glaring icy fire down at her.
“Why the fuck did you touch me when I was like that, you little idiot!” he growled angrily. “Goddamit, Allison! You run headlong into danger every damn time your soft heart tells you to and I can’t say a damn thing to convince you to keep yourself safe. Not even from me.”
“Jay…” Allie said softly, reaching up to touch him.
He shoved her hand aside and rolled off the bed. “I need some air,” he snapped, “can’t stay inside.”
She watched helplessly as he pulled a pair of jeans on and strode out the door without a backwards glance. She curled up on the bed, bunching the blanket up against herself for comfort. She didn’t blame him for being angry. He wasn’t mad at her. Jay was a private man. He would share anything with her, including his past. She and Veronica were the only two people in the world that knew some of the things that had happened to him.
Veronica met Jay the day Allie was born. Her pimp had locked her in a motel room to give birth. He’d planned on selling the baby and putting Veronica back to work as soon as he decided she could. A ten year old boy had heard her screams when she’d gone into labour, broken in through the bathroom window and helped her break out by sneaking her through the back alley. Nineteen year old Veronica had gone to a friend’s house to have the baby under the eagle eye protection of her saviour, Jay Le Croix.
In honour of Jay saving her and the baby, Veronica even let him help name the baby. He thought they should name the little girl after that character in that book, Alice in Wonderland. Only Jay had barely been able to read at the time and gotten the name wrong, calling her Allison in Wonderland. Years later, after Veronica painstakingly insisted on teaching a stubborn young Jay how to read and write, did he realized he’d gotten the name wrong and Veronica had kept it because she thought it was cute and funny. She also thought it was beautiful and poetically perfect.
The odd friendship had stuck. Jay had been fascinated by the newborn baby and her beautiful but broken mother. He vowed to watch over both of them. Veronica had accepted his help, knowing even at his young age that he was viciously street smart and capable. He brought food and news. He helped her avoid her old pimp and she helped him avoid his abusive fosters when he needed. As she grew, Allie had her loving mother and protective friend and was secure in the knowledge that her world had two amazing people in it that adored her.
When Allie was four and Jay was fourteen she helped save him from the last foster home he would ever be placed in. He lived a few blocks from her and Veronica in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. Of course, Allie was forbidden to venture out on her own at that age. But when Jay failed to show up to take her to the park at his usual time she went looking for him. She found him at home fighting with his foster father who was drunk and probably high. His foster dad often beat on Jay and used to lock him up all the time, but Jay was getting bigger and starting to fight back more. Only this time the foster dad picked up a tire iron and hit Jay over the head, knocking him out. Allie screamed, but the man yelled at her to go home or he’d hit her too. Then he picked Jay up and threw him in the trunk of a broken down car and slammed it shut.
Allie ran all the way home screaming and crying. Veronica was just coming in the door from work. She’d grabbed hold of a hysterical Allie and listened, her face going quickly from concern to rage. She took Allie by the hand, dragged her to the next door lady’s apartment and then went to get Jay. Later, Allie learned she’d stopped to pick up a few reinforcements, which included some of the guys Jay was recruiting toward having his own crew. By the time they got to Jay’s house, his foster dad had drunkenly set the car on fire. Veronica attacked the car with her bare hands, trying to get him out before one of the guys was able to pop the trunk open and drag Jay out.
Though he’d suffered from smoke inhalation, a concussion and a few burns, Jay had picked himself up off the ground and beaten the old bastard until he was close to death. Then he’d walked away from the foster care system for good. He’d lived with Veronica and Allie for a few months until he was able to set himself up in his own place.
Allie climbed off the bed and stood next to the window, staring out into the darkness. Just like when he was fourteen, she couldn’t leave him to suffer. She put on her moccasins then pulled a cardigan off a hanger in the closet and wrapped it around herself over the nightshirt. She followed the stone pathway outside toward the wooden staircase that led down to the dock. She knew he would have gone this way.
He stood on the end of the dock looking out at the water with his back to her. His hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were stiff.
“Jay,” she said softly, walking up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. She leaned her face against the muscular ridges of his back. He was warm despite the chill breeze coming off the ocean water.
He didn’t respond at first, then he said stiffly, “I’ve wanted so much for you to warm toward me, Allie. To remember the old times. But this isn’t what I want. I don’t want your pity. I don’t want the tender-hearted therapist.”
“Do you have some addictions that I don’t know about,” she asked teasingly.
He turned swiftly, taking her by the arms in a hard grip. “I mean it, Allie. You don’t need to feel sorry for me. Not after the things I’ve done in my life.”
She looked up at him seriously and nodded. “I know, Jay,” she said softly. “But we have a shared past and… it’s going to touch me sometimes. I do love you, I always have and it bothers me to see you suffer. Just like it upset you when I got stabbed. I know you want to be tough, but I’m one of the few people that knows you’re claustrophobic and knows about the nightmares. Please, just let me be with you and make it a little better if I can?”
He stared down at her, his hold on her arms gradually softening. He nodded. “I don’t know how I lived without you for as long as I did,” he said in a low voice. He pulled her into his arms and held her in a tight embrace.
After a while he sat on the dock, pulling her down with him. He settled her onto his lap and held her against his chest, stroking her hair down her back. She relaxed in his hold, letting the magic of his fingers sooth her scalp. They talked about people and places they used to know when they were younger. They kept the conversation light and talked until Allie was yawning widely and shivering with cold. She wanted to stay out on the dock, but Jay insisted they go back inside. He made hot tea to warm her up and tucked her back into bed. She frowned when he didn’t join her, but was too tired to make a formal protest.