T he minutes tick by today, and it feels like the clock is going backward. Samantha agreed to meet me tonight. I have to handle this the right way—if I blow it again, that will be the end. I know it as sure as I know anything. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this anxious .

Even work can’t distract me enough to stop me from feeling anxious. I stay on my phone and computer all day, sending missives to Kim, who’s at home and hopefully ignoring my demands. Setting up phone calls with our new French branch, the first of many .

My emotions are chewing away at me. I barely recognize myself anymore. Who is this man who isn’t numb? Who is feeling, who is scared? So much is on the line. I stand to lose everything—everything that matters, anyway .

I arrive at the bar at six-thirty and request a private booth. When I hand the manager a thousand dollars and ask that we not be disturbed except for drink service, he practically craps himself to make me feel welcome and promises to wait on us personally, and that no one will be seated directly by us .

I order a whiskey, neat, and sip. Not going to get drunk. I need to have my wits about me to present my case. I scoff at my thoughts. Case, like I’m in the boardroom. That kind of mentality won’t win Samantha. I’m going to have to face my fears and let her in. Emotionally .

She arrives, wearing a red strapless dress that looks like it was made for her sinful body, and my mouth dries up. I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful in my entire life. Her hair is swept off her neck in a loose tie, and she’s got that sexy red lipstick on, the one that sent us on this path .

“You look fucking gorgeous,” I say in a raw tone .

Her delicate flush spreads up her throat and across the upper mounds of her breasts. I want to touch her so badly I can taste it. I keep my hands in my lap. Not too fast. “Thank you,” she replies. “You look amazing too. As usual .”

I nod my thanks, then glance over at the manager, who scuttles right to our side. He tells what the drink specials are. Samantha orders a cocktail, and I continue sipping my whiskey .

“Um. Okay, so I’m here,” she says, her hands resting on the table. She’s fidgeting with the small napkin sitting under her glass of water. Condensation dribbles down the side and she watches it with seeming fascination. “What did you want to talk about ?”

“Did you miss me?” I find myself asking. I wasn’t going to ask that, but I have to know, from her own mouth. I need a better glimpse into her heart, because mine is cracking apart .

She jerks her head up and looks at me, eyes wide with pain. “Did I miss you? Bentley, walking away from you was the hardest thing I ever did. But I had to. I deserved better than the way you treated me .”

“You’re right.” I can’t help it. I reach over and grab her fingers to still them. She lets me hold them, and I stroke the digits. “You did. I can’t go back and undo the mistakes I’ve made. And I know I’ve made a lot. But I can tell you I see that now .”

Her eyes are asking me questions I can’t quite interpret .

“What?” I ask .

“What happened to your former assistant?” she blurts out .

Okay, that wasn’t what I was expecting. Where is this going? “Um. She developed romantic feelings for me and quit right before I hired you.” As I speak the words, I see the connection. What this woman in front of me is thinking. She frowns and tries to tugs her hand away, but I won’t let her. “She was a decent employee, but she got obsessive about me. I never led her on. I never touched her . I swear to you.” I stare into Samantha’s eyes, willing her to believe me .

“I… Have you ever done that kind of thing with anyone else before? I mean, what we did. The ordering around, spanking...” Her voice is so quiet, so unsure .

“You were the only one I was ever serious with,” I say baldly. “I fumbled around a bit with some kinky stuff in my early twenties but didn’t really do much with it. I never let myself have that kind of relationship because I was afraid of the kind of person it made me. Someone who could be seen as mistreating women .”

Her hand jerks in mine, and then she flips it over and touches my hand. Light strokes up and down my fingers. “I never felt mistreated. I felt …”

The manager comes over and brings her drink, and I kind of want to punch the man for interrupting. But he’s just doing his job, so I wait patiently for him to go away .

“I felt desired,” she continues in a breathless rush. “In a way I never imagined I could before .”

Hearing those words unlocks something in me I didn’t even know was locked up. I didn’t make her feel dirty or used. “You were desired. You still are. I want you so badly right now. I hurt for you .”

Her lips part in a soft circle as she stares at me. “No one’s ever spoken to me the way you do.” Her fingers are pressing on mine now, and she’s leaning forward .

“I want to make you feel how much I need you,” I tell her. I let my thumb graze the tender flesh of her inner wrist. “How much I’ve fantasized about tasting your beautiful pussy again. You’ve ruined me for anyone else,” I finish .

I don’t know how better to tell her how I want her. But my words seem to have an effect. “Do you…” Her cheeks flame. “You really have, um, feelings ?”

I stand up and take her hand, slide her out of the booth. Tug her against me, uncaring who’s watching. Samantha is my love, my life. I want everyone to know it. I’m proud to be seen with her. “More than feelings. More than what I can articulate. My words do poor justice to what my heart feels for you. I love you .”

Her whole face is still for a moment as she stares into my eyes. Then she presses up on her toes and offers a gentle kiss on my lips. A brushing of flesh, a momentary touch. But enough to make the blood pump in my veins. Enough to give me hope .

“I love you,” I murmur again as I kiss every bit of her mouth. I taste her, feast on her. “Come upstairs with me. Please. Let me show you .”

“Yes,” she whispers, and the last of my worry dissipates into the air .

I dig out money, toss it on the table to cover the drinks, then take her hand and lead her to the elevator. When we get inside, I can barely keep my hands off her. Weeks without touching her…I’m starved for her. The indents of her waist, the flare of her hips. Touching her with the silky glide of her dress covering her just makes me harder, makes me ache to rip it off her and touch her naked body .

I press her into the corner and whisper in her ear, “I’m going to fuck you for hours. I’m going to make you come so hard that you can’t move .”

Her body shudders against mine. “I want you,” she says in a throaty voice .

“I missed you.” I can hear the raw ache in my voice, and I press a kiss to her brow .

Samantha’s soft sigh at the gesture, the way her hands reach up and wrap around my waist, makes me never want to move from this spot. “I missed you so much. Please don’t hurt me again .”

The ragged emotion in her words breaks me. I peer down at her. “I swear, I’ll never fucking hurt you again. It would kill me to do so .”

Then I kiss her, and she kisses me back, arms moving up to wrap around my shoulders. Here is my home, I realize. The thing I missed, the thing I’ve been looking for. The simple acceptance of this wonderful woman. The gentle care she gives me .

I can’t believe I almost lost it .

We barely manage to make it to my room before I’m stripping the dress off her. I want to worship her body, tease her, bring her to orgasm again and again. I crave her like I’ve never craved anything before .

I will show her how much I adore her, even if I can’t spell it out adequately enough .

I lay her back on the bed and sit beside her, still dressed, running my palms over her skin until she relaxes. Her eyes are closed, lips parted, and she looks like a fucking angel. I’ve never seen a human so beautiful in my life .

Samantha’s breathing steadies with my slow caresses. I move from head to toe, paying attention to every square inch, memorizing the feel of her flesh with my hands .

Then I follow the same path with my mouth .

Her breathing grows harsh as my lips draw closer to her apex. I can feel the shake in her thighs when she lets them drift apart for me .

“I need to taste you,” I say, and then I tug her panties off. Fuck, I can smell her cunt even without being buried in it. She’s soaked and ready for me .

I give myself the luxury of licking her, and we both moan at the same time. Jesus. Jesus. She’s so fucking sexy. I run my hands over her legs as I pry her apart and eat her in earnest. I want her come soaking my face. I suck her labia between my lips and nibble, taste the sensitive flesh .

Soon she’s bucking beneath me, her fists grabbing the bedspread. God yes, I want her wild and wicked .

“I missed tasting you,” I say against her pussy. I lick her clit and feel it harden beneath my ministrations. Her whole pussy is swelling, and she’s drenched. I can’t wait to make her explode .

“Bentley,” she breathes, and I hear her voice breaking. She’s close .

“Not yet,” I warn her. I need to torture her just a little more .

“I’m…” She cries out a little whimper that goes right to my dick. I’m already raging hard, blood pumping in my veins, and hearing her desperation makes me more so. “Please, please .”

“Don’t you dare fucking come yet,” I growl, then move back to licking that nub. Slow, steady, sure. It’s so swollen I’m sure she’s right there, and given how stiff her body is, she’s doing everything to hold it back .

When she’s shaking so hard that I’m sure she’ll fall off the bed, I suck her clit into my mouth and give a long pull. Then I release it and say, “Come now,” flicking it again and again .

Seconds later, her cries of pleasure fill the room, fill those empty spaces in my heart. God, I needed this. I need her. I need to give her pleasure .

Before she can come down, I’m stripping naked and rolling on a condom. Then I’m between her thighs, looking down at her .

“Taste my mouth,” I tell her. “Taste how fucking good you are. See why I crave eating you .”

Her eyes are wide with shock at my demand, but I lean down and kiss her, our bodies aligned. Then I push into her wetness, and we both groan .

“Oh God, yes,” she murmurs against my mouth. Her fingers reach up and dig into my shoulder blades. “Please, deeper .”

“As you wish, doll.” I withdraw and then plunge into her, my body smacking in her wet juices. I’m coated, the way I want to be. The way I need to be .

Samantha arches her pelvis to take me as much as she can. Her pussy is so tight, so delicious. I’m almost delirious from the pleasure of being inside her again. This is heaven, right here. I wrap my arms around her and breathe against her hair. Let myself smell her, feel her. Experience her .

I almost lost this .

I hammer her with abandon, getting us both right to the edge. God, I love how open and responsive she is for me. I need her to come on my cock again before I let myself orgasm. So I stave off my own and focus on her .

Pull back and lean down to suckle one breast into my mouth. Dig my hand into her hair at the nape of her neck, right where she likes it most .

Her soft exhale, the way her body loosens for me, tells me all I need to know. My baby loves me taking control. She wants it as much as I do .

I lick the rigid tip, flicking it, tasting her warm flesh. Digging my hands in her hair and squeezing, releasing. Keeping her focused on her body, on what I’m doing to her. My cock thrusting in and out, in and out .

She’s shuddering now, fingers spasming on my shoulders. She moans something incoherent—or maybe I’m beyond reason, beyond understanding. I’m just here in my body, giving her everything I have .

Fuck, I’m so hard. So hard. I want to come so badly in her .

When I can tell she’s ready for more, I draw her nipple into my mouth and bite down. Slowly increase the pressure to shoot that sensation right to her cunt .

“Yes, yes!” she cries out, and her hands are buried in my hair, thrusting my mouth closer .

Oh, fuck yes. I move to the other breast, delivering the same treatment, and she’s bucking so hard under me .

“I’m…going to come…” Her words are ground out and she’s slick against me .

“Yes, I want you to fucking come all over my cock,” I say. I pull away from her breast and look at her. “Don’t close your eyes. Keep staring at me as you come. I want to see it on your face .”

The words push her over the edge. Her mouth flies open and she’s screaming and falling over the edge, and I’m there, holding her as she shatters for me, like such a good girl, pleasing me and taking what I give her. Taking her own pleasure, the way she should .

Her pussy is soaked, tight, squeezing my cock impossibly hard. Almost pushing me out with its strength. The sensation sends me right to the edge, and I fall over right after her, roaring her name, the word that comes out like a prayer from my mouth .

It takes us both several moments to slide back into reality. I know that tonight will be etched in me for eternity. And I shared it with her .

With a grumble, I pull out of her. Flick the light switch off. I hurry back to her side and tug the blanket and sheet down, and she gives a weak laugh when I yank her back flush to my chest and cuddle her .

Our breath evens out as the minutes go by in silence. We’re both relaxed, languid. I’ve never felt so good in my entire life. The heat from her body pours against mine, and I know this is where I want to be .

I stroke her hair. “So, are you excited to get back into school ?”

I feel her nod. “It’s been too long. I’m ready to finish my degree. Just one year to go .”

“If you were that close, why did you leave ?”

She stiffens against me, and I have a feeling I walked into a landmine zone without realizing it. I instantly remember how I reacted when she asked questions about my adoption, and I backpedal .

“Never mind. It was a random question. Nothing important .”

“No, I…I want to share it with you. But I, um.” She clears her throat, and I can still feel the tension in her limbs. “I worry about what you might think .”

I wrap an arm protectively around her waist. Poor sweet girl. I made her this edgy, this afraid to open up. I may not be able to return the gesture, at least not for the immediate future, but I can listen. “ Tell me .”

Slowly, Samantha tells her story. About being a junior and taking English class with a professor who paid her an abnormal amount of attention. How it moved into a sort-of affair. I can hear the strain in her words, but to her credit, she keeps talking .

Meanwhile, I find my own lungs freezing in panic. Samantha is revealing something that is a dark secret for her. She’s opening up in a way I didn’t expect or anticipate .

She might expect the same from me .

I can hear the pain, the trauma as she tells me about the other girls he fooled around with, her shame and agony. How she ran away from the situation. It reminds me of how I dealt with my own pain and trauma. By running away, never facing it .

Stop , I will myself. Stop this right fucking now .

I’m not going to lose control. I won’t lose control. I will handle my emotions. Because I’m sure as fuck not ready to expose them to the light of day. To face my darkest time .

I suddenly realize Samantha has grown quiet. She turns in my arms and eyes me, and even in the darkness, I can see the concern on her brow .

“Are you… I can’t quite read you.” The tension in her is palpable .

I want to comfort her. To reassure her that my problem isn’t with her having an affair with her professor. But I’m struggling to find words. I’m suddenly alive and awake with pain again, pain I keep trying to shove down .

“Bentley, you’re shaking,” she says with a gasp. She sits up. I can feel her worried stare .

But I can’t look at her. I’m flooded with memories now, overwhelmed. I’m back in my head, in my pain, suffocating with the agony of the tortured secret I’ve been carrying since I was nine .

I blindly fumble out of bed and make my way to the mini bar. I need a drink. Something to dull this pain. It’s too soon. I’m not ready to feel it yet .

My hands are shaking so badly that I struggle to open the small bottle of liquor. I don’t even bother looking at what it is. I just finally rip it open .

I can hear Samantha behind me, sitting up in bed and saying soothing things, but I’m too mortified to listen. I’m not having a breakdown. Not here, not now .

She deserves better than this. Better than me. I’m a broken man with no hope of ever being right again .

“Bentley.” A small hand is resting on my shoulder .

I shake it off and prepare to down the contents of the bottle .

A flash of my mom’s lifeless eyes pops right up in my mind, and I shake again, my whole body ripping with trembles .

Samantha is gripping my upper arms and she spins me around before I can get the numbing drink down my throat .

“Bentley.” Her voice is a beacon, pulling me through the fog. “Bentley. Don’t shut me out. Talk to me, please .”

I can’t look at her. I close my eyes and hang my head, too ashamed .