Chapter Twenty-Four – A Troubled Soul
Staring back at her, his eyes wide as though he had slipped into a trance, her husband drew in a deep breath. Then the muscles in his neck became tense, and he worked to dislodge the lump that seemed to have settled in his throat. All the while, his blue eyes never left hers, contrasting emotions in them that changed from one second to the next as though he truly did not know what to think or how to feel.
Taking a deep breath herself, Beth felt the anger she had felt only a moment ago dissipate and a new sense of compassion fill her heart. Her hands resting on the sides of his face grew gentler as her muscles relaxed, and her eyes softened as she looked into his, willing him to see the truthfulness of her words. “Tell me,” she whispered, wishing he could trust her, wishing he could see into her heart and realise that she truly cared for him.
For despite his insecurities and tendency to a rather childish behaviour, he was a kind and gentle man: One who would keep his word, no matter what it would cost him. One who considered love the greatest good a man could possess. One who had the wisdom to see people for who they were−if only his uncle had not poisoned his mind.
For a moment, he closed his eyes, and pain as well as regret marked his features. “You don’t know what you’re asking,” he whispered then, a pleading look in his eyes that had Beth’s heart twist in agony.
Gently she skimmed her right thumb over his cheek, feeling his muscles tense as he drew in a shaky breath. “But I know what I’m offering,” she whispered. “My dreams are not unlike your own. I’ve always wished for a husband I could not only respect but also love with all my heart. A man who would give me children and raise them with me. A man who would smile at me and pull me into his arms, not afraid to show his feelings.”
As she spoke, the tortured expression on his face slowly changed, and a new sense of hope came to rest in his eyes.
“I do not know,” she continued, “why you would push me away with such insistence nor will I ever understand if you refuse to explain your motivations.”
He swallowed, and his face tensed once more as though he loathed to be reminded of something that only brought him pain.
“Hampton Hall,” Beth whispered as a new thought occurred to her.
Her husband’s eyes snapped up.
Sighing, she shook her head. “It was your uncle who suggested you send me away, wasn’t it?”
“He’s only looking out for me,” Tristan mumbled as his hands closed over hers, slowly removing them from his face. “He might seem harsh and unfeeling at times, but he’s only trying to protect me. Believe me, he’s not had it easy.”
“Protect you from what?” Beth asked, a deep frown drawing down her brows. “What don’t I know about you? There must be something that weighs on you heavily for I cannot believe that it is only the circumstances of our marriage that make you reject me so. It is almost as though you feel you have no right to find love and be happy, as though your dream is meant to remain only that: a dream. That is precisely what terrifies you more than anything else. Isn’t that so?”
Pressing his lips together, Tristan averted his eyes. “You do not know what kind of life I’ve lived.”
“You’re right,” Beth agreed, sensing her husband’s desire to share his burden. However, the habit of repressing his desires throughout the greater part of his life seemed to be standing in his way. “I don’t know much about your life.” She stepped forward and gently placed a hand on his arm, feeling encouraged when he looked at her. “But you know nothing about mine either.”
Tristan drew in a long breath, his head slightly nodding in acknowledgement of her words.
“If you insist,” Beth warned, “we can continue to lead separate lives, pretending as though nothing more but a marriage license connects us. However, I for one would not choose such a life willingly.” She angled her head forward, her eyes looking deeper into his. “I want to know who you are, and I want you to know who I am. I want to learn about your past, and I promise, I shall share mine with you as well.” She swallowed as shards of her own pain resurfaced.
In answer, her husband’s eyes narrowed, and she could read a touch of curiosity in them.
“My life is fairly complicated as well,” she whispered, feeling suddenly vulnerable under his scrutiny, “as I’ve only recently learnt. I am still trying to find my way, and it is far from easy.” Brushing a strand of hair from her face, Beth met his eyes openly. “I could use someone by my side. Someone to talk to and confide it. Someone who will listen and at least try to understand.”
Tristan nodded, the same longing shining in his eyes.
A soft smile came to Beth’s lips. “I know that everything happened very fast and that maybe you do need time to decide what it is that you truly want.” She drew in a deep breath. “Although I admit I am reluctant to do so, I will give you the time you need.”
He relaxed visibly.
“But,” she warned, her eyes unwavering as they held his, “I refuse to be ignored and treated as though I have committed a crime. Do you understand?”
He nodded. “That sounds fair.”
“And I will not leave,” she added, her index finger lifted in warning. “Not now. Not ever. Not unless you’re by my side.”
The ghost of a smile flashed over his face as though her insistence to remain by his side pleased him despite his own efforts to the contrary. He drew in a deep breath, and his shoulders tensed as a touch of red crept up his cheeks.
Delighted with his reaction, Beth bit her lower lip as a teasing smile curled up the corners of her mouth. “And believe me, I will test your resolve.”
Staring at her, he swallowed.
“This ought to be fun.”