Chapter 38
Eddie wanted Cheryl to stay at his penthouse, but the possibility of running into Jonny would’ve unraveled her. Then Eddie insisted that he loan her some money, but she turned that down too. She’d understood his concern, but she needed a clean break.
Now, a week later she was determined to stand on her own no matter what, but it pained her to return to a place that held nothing but bad memories. Two doors away from the room she shared with Nicky at the Oasis and working for Sal. It wasn’t her first choice, but under the circumstances, it was all she could afford, and the cheap rent would allow her to save her money. Of course, Sal hadn’t forgotten the three months back rent she and Nicky ditched, but she knew how to work Sal’s gruff exterior.
“I’ll make it up to you,” she wheedled. “I’ll work extra shifts.”
Sal shuffled through the mountain of papers covering his desk.
“I’ll clean up around here too,” Cheryl bargained, then motioned around the cluttered office.
“No salary, just tips.” Sal lit a new cigarette from the tip of the old one.
“Half salary till the back rents paid, and I get to keep my tips.” She placed her hands on the battered wooden desk.
“I’ve always been a sucker for beautiful women.” Sal shrugged. “How do you think I got three ex-wives?”
With negotiations done, she settled into her room over the Oasis. She’d rifled through the one garbage bag Sal saved but never found the tampon box with her money.
She sat on the bed and surveyed her surroundings. Same scarred wooden furniture over a threadbare rug in a small dingy room with an even smaller bathroom and kitchenette area. Although her time with Jonny was short, his luxurious lifestyle had spoiled her and made her see another side of life. But thinking about the past only brought pain, a tangible pain stabbing at her and stealing the air from her lungs with such force she struggled to breathe.
The blank expression in Jonny’s eyes when he left Frank’s office. Like she didn’t exist. She’d wanted to prove her resilience and desire to help him with Frank, but that freaked him out even more.
The room spun when she stood, so she leaned on the dresser for support. For one terrible moment, she feared she might vomit. She drew in a steady, deep breath as the familiar wave of nausea overwhelmed her, followed by a cold sweat. Slow. In and out, try to control it.
She stared into the mirror over the dresser at her pale, washed-out image searching for answers, but only seeing fear. Old fears of becoming a woman with no self-control. A woman ruled by desires who did whatever felt good at the moment without worrying about the consequences. A woman like her mother. But drugs and alcohol weren’t her downfall. She’d been stone cold sober, and on the run from Frank when Jonny’s strong body and soothing words made their actions primal, instinctive, beautiful and unprotected.
After a nerve-wracking trip to the drug store, she’d sat alone in her bathroom with a blue dot, a blue strip, and clearest of all, the word pregnant printed across the plastic applicator. No doubts. She was having Jonny’s baby.
The sound of footsteps down the hall set her heart off again. Paranoia over Frank’s death settled in her gut and made her suspicious of every sound or person who came within five feet of her. Freedom apparently came with a price. The long, heavy stride came closer, then stopped two seconds before the wooden door vibrated under the persistent knock.
“C’mon Cheryl, I know you’re in there.”
She sucked in another deep breath, unlocked the three security locks, and opened the door.
Eddie stepped through the door and eyeballed the locks. “Nice.” The sarcastic lilt followed him into the apartment.
She closed the door, and they stared at each other. She’d held off this inevitable visit with texts and phone calls, but she still wasn’t ready for his questions, and she certainly didn’t have the answers he wanted. Plus, she had to act normal and keep the biggest secret of her life.
His muscled frame crowded the tiny room. He did a half turn, which allowed him to view the entire apartment. “This place is a fuckin’ dump.”
His brutal honesty made him honorable, but very annoying.
“It’s not so bad, and Sal gave me a good deal.”
“Good deal? He oughta let you stay in this rathole for free.”
Eddie nailed her with a long examining gaze like he could see the baby growing inside her. She placed her hands on her still-flat abdomen, then felt foolish.
“Why are you here?” Her voice sounded small and strained.
“I came to check on you.”
“For Jonny?” She didn’t know what she hoped his response would be.
“No, can’t a friend check on a friend?”
“Of course.” Disappointment overwhelmed her as she motioned to the only chair in the room, then perched on the edge of the bed.
“Sal working you too hard?” Again, his blue eyes pierced through her. “You look like shit.”
“Just a little stomach thing.” The lie made her heart beat faster as a hot flash surrounded her neck.
“I’m just sayin’ . . .” Eddie surveyed the room again and frowned. “You could’ve had a condo overlooking the river, cash in the bank, but what do you do?”
“What any self-respecting woman would do. Throw it back in his face.”
An uncomfortable silence followed. She wanted so badly to blurt her condition and be comforted, but this was one secret she had to keep. The last thing she wanted was Jonny coming back to her out of obligation, or worse, pity.
“He’s been all fucked up since you left.”
“I didn’t leave, he threw me out, remember?” Her anger bubbled just below the surface. “Then I tried at the warehouse to make him see that he needed me, that I’m tough, and that I can take care of myself.”
“That screwed with him even more.”
“I’m done.” Easy to say the words, hard to believe them. The familiar twinge clutched her heart. The image of Jonny hurting caused her physical pain. “He’s not my problem anymore.”
“He knows he can’t control you, and he knows how strong you are.” Eddie scrubbed his hand over his jaw. “The same things he hates are the things he lov—”
“No, don’t.” She couldn’t bear to hear about feelings that no longer had any meaning. If he’d loved her as he said in Miami, he wouldn’t have left her.
“You’re both stubborn as fuck,” Eddie mumbled.
“I’ve got to get ready for work.” She stood, hoping he would take the hint.
The room shifted, and she swallowed hard against the simmering nausea.
Eddie moved to her side. “Are you sure you don’t want me to talk to Sal? Let you rest a little.”
“I’m fine.” It was only a matter of minutes before she would be hurling up her lunch. “You should go.”
Eddie grabbed her hand and pressed a wad of bills into her palm. She pulled back, but he closed her fist over the money.
“For fuck’s sake, just take it.” He moved toward the door. “I’ll be back next week. You need something before then, call me.”
She mumbled her thanks, embarrassed she needed the money, yet happy to have it for her slowly growing baby fund.
Eddie began to say something else, but she quickly closed the door, threw the locks, and bolted for the bathroom.
Ten minutes later she sat on the bathroom floor with her back against the cool porcelain tub, her elbows resting on her knees, her hands holding her head. Her barfing sessions were violent but quick, yet they left her washed-out and drained.
She struggled to a standing position, splashed cold water on her face, and reminded herself that this would be a temporary condition. Although the baby growing inside her and the reality of raising it alone was permanent. Along with the loneliness of never having her baby’s father. The only man she would ever love.