I came to with harsh, bright lights beating against my face. Doors were slammed, feet stomped, and chaos seemed to be swirling around me. I was being carried by strong arms. Instinctively, I buried my face into the neck of the person holding me, breathing in their intoxicating scent. Grayson. But something was off about it. It was heady, more alluring, stirring something inside me. Without thinking, pure instinct took over. I was ravenous. My fangs eased into his neck striking his artery perfectly. I heard him hiss.

“Well that’s one way to do it, I guess,” I heard Shawn grumble.

“Here,” Chris spoke as he tossed something in our direction. I listened to it hit skin as Grayson caught it. “Think of yourself as an IV. We pump blood into you and she sucks it out of you. At least until she comes to then she can feed herself.”

“Fine,” Grayson groaned. He didn’t seem too delighted by the concept. I wished I could have retracted my fangs so he didn’t have to do it for me, but the rational part of my brain wasn’t working. I was running on raw impulse. I was thirsty and Grayson smelled divine. “You think we can sit down?”

“Sure,” Shawn agreed. I heard some rustling, felt a flutter of air across my skin then Grayson began to move holding me tighter to his chest. “Just try not to move too much so the blanket doesn’t slip and you make a mess on the couch.”

I released Grayson only long enough to find a better angle before I struck again. I heard him hiss once more.

“Does it hurt?” Shawn wondered.

“Yeah…”

“You say that like you didn’t expect it to.”

Grayson shook his head, jiggling me for a moment. “I didn’t. I mean it never has before. It’s more… arousing” I could feel his breathing become heavy as I pulled blood from him. The blood exchange between opposite sexes tended to turn sexual and even though my body tingled as his blood spread through me, my mind stayed focused on feeding. I was too blood deprived for anything else.

“She’s starving. She’s not really in the state of mind to be gentle. She bled herself completely dry. I’m amazed she stayed conscious as long as she did. It was the only way for her to complete the transition and with the amount of blood on the floor where we found you; I’m guessing she didn’t feed from you to do it. Honestly, it’s completely crazy that it even worked. I mean, she’s a half breed. From what she’s told me it’s a 50/50 shot whether it works or not. You’re one lucky bastard.”

“She told me that too, but I do remember right before I passed out she told me she could change me. She seemed so sure. I asked her how.” He paused trying to remember the conversation. “She told me...” his words faded and he let out a frustrated groaned. Sometimes life before the transition could seem a bit hazy. “She told me that now she knew she could.”

“Maybe she was just telling you that so you wouldn’t be afraid,” Chris chimed in. “I mean you were going to die either way. This way at least she tried.”

“Nice Chris,” Shawn scolded.

“What?”

“It’s fine Shawn. He’s probably right,” Grayson replied before drinking more from the blood bag.

“Yeah, I mean when you’re faced with death, you want to be comforted. That was probably what she was doing, easing your discomfort so you would choose to let her try to convert you.” I felt Grayson tense beneath me and the room fell silent. I wanted to speak up, to leave, to do anything other than listening to the conversation unfold, but my rational mind was still being subdued by my hunger. “I mean she…she did let you choose, right?” Shawn coaxed. I felt shame rush over me. Surely my face would have blushed from the humiliation if only I had enough blood to do it. It was bad enough that Grayson and I knew what I had done, but now Shawn?

Grayson replied, “I’m grateful for what she did. I’m alive, thanks to her.”

“Shit! Grayson. Fuck! Gabs,” Shawn groaned.

“I don’t understand,” Chris mumbled.

I reached down deep to find the strength to pull away from Grayson even though my hunger was still nagging at me. The conversation had become too heavy for me to ignore. I sat up, my eyes scanning over Grayson’s face. It was still tinged with dried blood. I looked into his eyes, which were normally smoky gray and saw my vampire honey green eyes, the proof of my sin, staring back at me. “I didn’t ask him if this life was something he wanted. I played god and made the decision for him because I selfishly couldn’t live without him,” I responded to Chris’s comment, but spoke directly to Grayson. I wanted him to know that I did see the fault in the situation. A forced tight lipped smile pulled on his mouth. He looked like he was about to speak, but I didn’t give him a chance. I was off his lap and blurred to the kitchen counter where blood bags had been laid out. I grabbed two before blurring to the bathroom. I didn’t want to see the judgment in everyone’s expression. I was judging myself hard enough without their help. Even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid it forever, for the moment I just needed a small reprieve.

I closed the toilet lid using it as a makeshift seat to rest on. Ripping open the first blood bag, I drank it down quickly still feeling the burning thirst Grayson’s blood hadn’t quite quenched. He was a vampire after all. It didn’t hold the same value as his human blood once had.

I heard the floor creak before there was a gentle rap at the door. My head sagged between my shoulders. I had barely settled down before the world came back to plague me.

“Gaby,” Shawn called, but I didn’t answer. Instead I grabbed my second blood bag and hoped he would go away. “Baby girl, I know you’re in there.” Of course he did. Where else would I be? I heard the knob twist after not bothering to lock it. Everyone in the apartment was a supernatural being and they would be able to get through the door locked or not. I thought leaving it unlocked would be best for the doorframe. “Gaby,” Shawn’s voice was stern while ringing with disappointment. Failing my best friend’s opinion of me was one of the last things I wanted. It was right under losing Grayson and having Grayson despise me.  He shut the door before leaning against it. Again, I didn’t know why he bothered. Supernatural meant super hearing. A closed door wouldn’t keep the conversation private.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Shawn,” I admitted.

“Well tough shit, Gaby. What the hell were you thinking?” he scolded. “You changed him without his permission. Who does that?”

“Shawn,” I tired keeping my voice steady. “I love you, but you really need to get the hell out and leave me alone.”

“Fuck that Gabs,” he began gesturing with his hands. They always became more exaggerated the angrier he got and right now, they were pretty embellished. “I want to know what was going on in your head. You know a half breed changing someone isn’t safe. Did you figure, ‘what the hell he’s dead anyways?’” he insisted.

I stood up, slamming both now empty blood bags into the garbage next to the toilet.

I spoke through clenched teeth. “I was thinking I couldn’t live without him. I was thinking that I would rather have him hate me than to live an eternity with him dead, knowing I could have tried to save him. And I was thinking that since I’m not a half breed I had a better chance of pulling the DAMN THING OFF!” My voice gradually grew until I was yelling.

There was a pregnant pause before Shawn spoke in a disbelieving tone. “What!?”

“My fucking mother has been lying to me, to everyone, for years!” I shook my head and began pacing. “Not half human.” I pointed to myself with sarcasm ringing in my voice.

“But Gaby, you walk in the sunlight. You can’t be full vampire.” He spoke to me like I was a child. Almost as if he was trying to explain that the monster under the bed was a ridiculous notion.

“See that’s where you’re wrong Shawn,” I pointed at him, but continued pacing across the bathroom. “I am more vampire than my mother or even Anton. How else do you think I took him out?”

“What are you saying? You’re more vampire...? I don’t understand.”

“That’s funny ‘cause neither did I when she told me,” I laughed in a humorless way. “My blood,” I emphasized, “is less human than theirs is. They were all bitten, I wasn’t.”

“Again Gaby, not making any sense. We’ve met vampires that were born. They are exactly like ones that were bitten.” I could hear he was getting annoyed.

“Yeah, but was their father the first, the original, the father of the entire race?” I demanded, plopping back on the top of the toilet lid.

“What?”

“Yup, apparently my daddy is The First Vampire. From him the entire vampire race came into being and you’re looking at a vampire with a direct blood tie to him.”

“Well… Fuck!”

“Yup.”

He shook his head, “Okay, all that aside. Grayson?”

I closed my eyes, feeling my remorse turn to actual pain over what I had done. “I know it was wrong and I wish I could say I did it because he was unable to reply, but he could, I just didn’t wait to hear his answer. I was scared to lose him.” I shook my head trying to clear the shame that was weighing down on me. “If this isn’t something he wants, I’ll help him end it even if it kills me to do it. The choice should have been his in the first place. Not mine.” I looked up and saw Shawn’s outrage replaced with empathy. He cleared his throat then nodded. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a shower. I don’t know whose blood I’m wearing, but I want it off.”

“Okay Gabs.” Shawn walked over and moved to hug me, then thought better of it. Instead he placed his hand on my shoulder where Chris’s shirt covered me. “I’m glad you’re safe.” His expression changed to stern once more. “But don’t you ever scare me like that again or, original blood or not, I’ll kick your ass.” I smiled and nodded.

Shawn left me and being unable to sit in my blood caked clothes anymore, I decided that a shower did sound absolutely heavenly. I began peeling off my ruined clothing realizing that everything down to my bra and panties would need to be destroyed, not that I wanted to keep anything even if it was salvageable. The memories would haunt me enough.

Blood had soaked through my clothes. When it dried the fabric seemed to have glued to my skin. With some effort, I removed every last stitch. Turning on the shower, I set the water as hot as it would go, needing something to help with my achy muscles from blood deprivation. Stepping in, I watched as the water began to run crimson. I stood there under the beating head letting the hot water knead my tired muscles. I was lost in my own relaxing paradise when I heard the door groan open.

“Shawn, please. I really just want to enjoy my shower in peace,” I murmured not bothering to look up.

“It’s me.” I jolted in my steamy haven at the sound of Grayson’s voice. Having him surprise me made me wonder about our mating bond. Was it just because of how exhausted I was or when he died, even though temporarily, had our mating bond been damaged in some way? “Shawn and Chris left.” I opened the glass door, peeking around it; all the while tendrils of steam flourished out and around Grayson. I saw him standing there still enveloped in dry blood that had turned a rusty brown. His presence promptly made the room feel smaller.

“Hey…” I uttered timidly. He looked cautiously to the ground. He seemed nervous for some reason. “Oh my god…” Realization hit me. “You probably want a shower and I’m in here soaking up all the hot water.” I shook my head feeling idiotic for not thinking of him sitting out there caked in dried blood. “Just hand me a towel and I’ll get out of your way.”

“Or… I could join you,” he mumbled shyly while focusing intently on something on the floor.

Oh.

“Uhh…” After a drawn out pause, I finally whispered, “Okay,” feeling uncommonly nervous, like I had the first night we’d been together. I didn’t know why. We had been together many times since that first time, but things felt different now. It felt new, raw. In a way, I suppose it was. I had only ever been with a human. It was my first time with a vampire.

I watched, transfixed, as Grayson stripped off all his clothes until he stood gloriously in the nude. His red tinged skin was the only sign of his earlier injuries that had all healed, leaving behind not even a scar. His body was back to its original perfection, if not better. I stepped back allowing him to enter the shower. The water began to run red once more as it beaded off the sharp planes of his well defined body. He didn’t flinch under the heat. I met his gaze and we both just stood there locked in a trance. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what it meant. I knew what I hoped it meant, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions or make anymore bad choices.

Grayson’s hand lifted, cupping my cheek. Finding comfort in the small gesture, I closed my eyes leaning into him. I loved the way his skin felt against mine, but it also caused something in my blood to stir.

“I would have asked you,” he stated. My eyes shot open, uncertain I heard him correctly. “If you had waited for me to respond? I would have asked you to change me. I wouldn’t want to live without you either.” I felt the first tear stream down my face. I should have felt relieved, but I didn’t. He couldn’t understand how much those words meant to me. “I don’t hate you for making the decision, Gabriella. I would have made the same one.”

I shook my head wanting to believe his words, but Grayson was a vampire now. My vampire. I sired him and that made him my responsibility. Nature had a way of making sure that fledgling wanted and needed their sires.

“Grayson…” I then reminded him of an earlier conversation we had had. He was bound to me and I would never know his true feelings until I released him, and that was something I could not do. Not yet. He needed time to adjust to being who he was now.

“Then release me.”

I looked at him, confusion contouring my already broken expression. “It’s not that simple.”

“You told me that the sire has to release the fledgling. Then release me so I can tell you again that I wanted this. That this was my choice and you did nothing against my will.”

I stood there shaking my head. Part of me desperately wanted to release him from our blood tie. The other part wanted to live in this moment where I didn’t truly know if what he was saying was real or not, but to believe him anyway, even if I knew I would be living a lie. Neither was the right choice. I knew the old law. The sire bond was created for a reason. New fledgling needed someone to help them, to show them how to be a vampire. If I released Grayson, and he was wrong about his feelings, who would be there to teach him? My personal feelings on the matter weren’t enough to let him go free without a guide into this new world I had just thrust him into.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I looked up into the smoky hue of his eyes. They were filled with such love and compassion, while mine looked back at him with fear and unease. “You are my fledgling, my responsibility. If you’re wrong and I release you…” I paused finding my words. “What if you want nothing to do with me? Who will be there to help you through this? Who will be there to help you learn how to be a vampire, if not me?”

With a soft reassuring smile, Grayson stepped towards me so our bodies were flushed. His knuckles skimmed down my jaw line. Blood still tinged his usual perfection. “Baby, I need you to trust me. I remember how I felt. You are the love of my life, Gaby. There is not a doubt in my mind that I wanted this. I promise you, nothing is going to make me want to leave you. You are the one thing I can’t live without. You just have to trust me. Please? Release me and let me prove it to you.” He gripped me tighter to him. “Let me show you.” He saw the struggle waging war on my face. “You told me that the sire bond is a sort of love, but would it make me lie to you? I know lying isn’t something you would want. I would never lie to you and with the sire bond in play wouldn’t it be impossible for me to do so since I know it would make you unhappy?”

He had a point, a rather confusing point. It felt wrong releasing him from the bond, from the blood tie that could keep him safe, but could I really live a lie for however long until I released him? Never knowing one way or the other? Could I allow myself to grow more in love with him just to have my world shattered later? No, I couldn’t. But this wasn’t about me. This was about Grayson. I had to do what was best for him. I couldn’t be selfish. I had already been selfish enough. With a heavy breath, I spoke. “Grayson,” I shook my head, “I can’t,” I whispered.

Grayson staggered back. I think he really thought his words would have gotten through to me and they had, but I had to be selfless here. I stood there anxiously awaiting his reaction. What happened next was unexpected. One moment Grayson stood in front of me looking unsure, the next he launched himself at me, his mouth claiming mine. I gasped in shock giving his tongue entrance to my mouth. He tasted different. Like himself only better.

I moaned in delight as his tongue moved with mine starting a frenzy deep inside me.

“Do you want me to stop,” he whispered against my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling myself closer. I didn’t. My earlier guilt was replaced with lust. His hands traveled up and down my back, gliding across my slick skin. Then a thought ran through my mind. What if this wasn’t really what he wanted, but the sire bond?

“Stop,” I heaved with everything I had.

“What?” He pulled back looking into my eyes, unsure he heard me right. It gave me a moment to think.

“As your sire, I command you to stop.” I forced the words out.

“No,” he smiled. Then faster than I had ever seen him move, and in one fluid motion, Grayson spun me around so my back was to his chest. His hand slid down body resting between the junction of my thighs. His fingers lightly teased me causing me to gasp in pleasure. When I didn’t protest, he grasped my thigh in his hand so I was only standing on one foot and sheathed himself inside of me. He felt deeper in this position. I cried out from the pleasurable pain of his swift invasion. My back arched pressing my breast out which Grayson took as an invitation. With his free hand he tweaked and swirled, hardening my tender nipples until they pebbled, increasing my bliss. Before I had a chance to catch my breath from his penetrating advance, Grayson began moving, thrusting himself hard. I moaned and writhed, wrapping my arm around his neck so I had something to anchor myself to. His strength never wavered as he held me up while driving into me. When the orgasm ripped through me, my entire world shattered. I screamed his name and a few choice profanities.

As my body settled, Grayson lowered my leg, but wrapped his arms gently around my waist when he saw my knees give. He let out a soft chuckle probably because he was pretty proud of himself. I could feel him still hard against me and it took me a moment to realize he hadn’t finished with me.

“Why didn’t you too?” I questioned him over my shoulder.

He pressed a light kiss to my nose. “Oh baby I’m not done with you yet. I just want to be able to lay you out in a bed to fully enjoy you.” My body quivered from the impression forming that there was more to come, completely forgetting my disobeyed order.