Chapter Thirteen
The second Josh heard the panic in Holly’s voice, his heart lurched. He dropped the branches he’d been gathering to make a clearing, spun around, and raced to the embankment. But when he found her standing there, hands on her hips and kayak nowhere to be found, he cursed out loud and stepped into the water to search.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice a bit shaky. “I didn’t secure it right after I climbed out.”
He turned, and when he caught the worry on her face, the curses died on his tongue, and he gathered her into his arms. “Hey,” he said, pushing her hair back. Dark eyes met his, and his heart pinched. “It’s not your fault. It must have gotten pushed back out in the wind, or pulled by the current.” Actually, the mistake was his, and he was responsible for them being stranded. As the skilled kayaker of the two, a guy she’d put her trust in, he should have been the one who secured it properly.
Holly snuggled in tighter as he glanced up and down the river, the waves bigger now with the high winds. The rain would soon be here, and no way could they walk to base camp through the thick woods in the dark.
“The others probably won’t know we’re missing until they reach base,” Holly said as she inched away. She folded her arms around her middle and hugged herself as she stole a glance around the woods like she was trying to figure out their next plan of action. He glanced at his feet and found one small tent and both his and Holly’s backpacks. At least they had that much until someone came for them.
Holly crinkled her nose. “What are we going to do?”
He could survive in the woods for a night, no problem, but with limited supplies and shelter, he wasn’t about to put Holly in any kind of danger. And dammit, it was his stupidity that got her stranded here in the first place. At least she was with him, because he’d keep her out of harm’s way. He swallowed as a strong surge of protectiveness overcame him. It was almost frightening how much he wanted to take care of her, to protect her from the world.
Shit.
He gestured to her pack. “You still have your satellite phone.”
She nodded, then drew her lip between her teeth when the wind rustled the trees behind them. “Yeah, but…” He dropped to one knee, opened her bag, and pulled out the phone. She touched his hand. “Wait.”
He looked up and took in the trouble on her face. “What?”
“I don’t want to call for help.”
Jesus Christ, was she serious? Why the hell did she feel the need to do everything on her own? The woods were unknown to them and could be dangerous. “Listen—”
“No, please. It’s dark, raining, and windy. I’m not going to put anyone else at risk. Not under these conditions tonight.”
His fingers paused over the buttons. Sweet little Holly was worried about putting others in danger? Of course she was. She was the kind of girl who’d jump into a pool to save a stranger from drowning.
Jesus, I’m falling for her.
She made a noise, a half laugh, half snort, and said, “Besides it will look to Jeff like we couldn’t pull off a simple kayaking trip. If I can’t do that, then how am I supposed to lead a team of junior analysts, right?”
He shook his head to clear it, to think properly. “Okay, so you’re saying you want to bunker down for the night.” He pointed to his feet. “Here? On the ground?”
Her sweet smile turned him inside out. “Well, maybe not right here.” She pointed to the spot he’d been clearing. “Over there would probably be better.”
“You’re serious about this?”
“Yes, call them and tell them we’re fine, and we’ll hike out tomorrow.”
“Do you know how long it will take to hike out of here?”
“Hours, with us relying only on each other. I get it. But I’m not worried, Josh. I’ve got you.”
His heart squeezed at the trust she put in him, and he wanted to kick his own ass for getting her into this situation in the first place. “And you still want to do it?”
“Yes.”
He hesitated for a moment. In Jeff’s eyes, a failed kayaking expedition would surely take Holly down a few points, but it wouldn’t drive her home like he’d originally thought. It would make her fight harder, because she wanted this.
A wave of guilt washed over him. She was proving to be someone he wasn’t expecting. Someone who, despite having grown up with a silver spoon in her mouth, had depth, conviction, character, and integrity. A girl who just wanted to live her own life, the way she wanted to live it. Was putting her back in daddy’s care really what was best for her? But what would happen if he didn’t follow through with the mission and the threat was real. What if something happened to her? Every nerve in his body jumped at that thought.
This job came with a big payout, one that would help him finish his MBA and secure space to open his own business. If the threat proved not to be real, would he see to it that she lived the life she wanted to live, or would he sacrifice her happiness for the sake of his own?
Unguarded eyes met his. “Josh?”
Jesus, how could he go through with this mission?
How could he not?
As the air grew cooler, Holly hugged herself tighter. Dammit, she needed to get those clothes dry or get out of them. Preferably…
Okay, now was so not the time to be thinking about sex.
“You know what?” He shook his head and grinned. “You really are a lot tougher than you look.”
The smile that lit up her face warmed the darkest corners of his heart. “I never run from a challenge.”
He grabbed the tent and his bag. “Come on.” Holly snatched another tissue from her bag, wiped her nose, then threw her pack over her shoulder and followed him. “Help me get this cleared, then we’ll light a fire, make something hot to drink, and eat some berries.”
“Did you bring coffee?” she asked, her eyes so wide, her voice so hopeful it pulled a laugh from him.
“No, but we can make an herbal tea.”
“How are we going to do that?”
He dropped his pack, and gestured to it with a nod. “I have a stainless steel water bottle, full. All we need to do is add some berries and flowers. If I can find some anamu, it will also help with your allergies. It’s good for the immune system.”
“You’re not just a regular old Boy Scout, are you?”
“Mrs. J was a nurse, remember. She taught me things.”
“Yeah, well, I need to meet this woman.”
“She’s gone now, Holly,” he said, past the tightening of his throat.
She stepped up to him and put her hands on his face. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Josh.”
“She was the only mother I ever knew. She really helped my sister and I get back on the right track.”
“What did she do?”
“Anna was going down a bad road. We both were, and she nearly overdosed. The foster family we were with didn’t even bother going to the hospital. I visited every day, and Mrs. J took a real interest us. She never had a family of her own, and she started mothering Anna. Shortly after Anna was released, Mrs. J started the paperwork so we could live with her. We got lucky. I guess we must have done something right in a past life.”
“I don’t know, Josh. I think you do a lot right in this life. You’re one of the good guys, aren’t you?”
Oh Jesus, if she only knew.
“Are you forgetting what I did with those scarves? I’d hardly say I’m a good guy.”
She laughed, went up on her toes, and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was soft, slow, and deeply intimate.
When she inched away, he shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”
“I guess we have to do something to pass the time while we’re stuck here.”
“I can think of a few things.”
The wind blew around them, and she pointed to the woods. “Like getting those berries and that flower you’re talking about.”
“Right.”
“First make the call.”
He grabbed the phone and called the number taped to the back. After explaining the situation and insisting that they were both fine, he hung up and made his way into the woods. He pulled his shirt out from his shorts and used it to collect berries. He trekked a bit deeper in and found a few edible leaves. He couldn’t find the flower he was looking for, but he did find some other roots that were tasty and would help with her allergies. Foliage crunched beneath his feet as he plucked the berries, and when he reached the clearing and found Holly struggling with the small tent, he shook his head.
Honest to God, she really was something. “Need a hand?”
“No, I got this.”
“You don’t look like you got it.”
“I do.”
“Never been camping, huh?”
“Is it that obvious?” She pointed her finger.
“Yeah, kinda is.”
“Go make a fire and get the tea on. My nose won’t stop running.”
“Okay, then.” He carried his findings to his bag, pulled out a clean shirt, and set the berries and roots on it. After digging the matches from the bottom of his bag, he gathered dry wood and leaves and made a fire. “How you are making out back there?” he asked, and tossed a glance over his shoulder. “Almost done?”
“Yup.” Determination lighting her eyes, she secured the poles, dug them in the ground, and brushed her hands together. “Perfect.”
As he sat there looking at her, he was sure he couldn’t have chosen a better word. Perfect just about suited her. “Come here.” She tromped over, and he patted the ground. “Sit.”
She looked over his goods. “What did you find?”
“Some berries and roots.”
“Mm, yum.”
He shrugged. “Could have been worse.”
“Yeah.”
“I could have cooked that snake back there.”
She practically jumped into his arms. “Are you serious? I really don’t like snakes.”
He laughed, pulled out his metal water bottle, screwed off the lid, and set it at his feet. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” He scooped up some berries and handed them to her. “Here, eat these while I make tea.”
She munched on berries as he prepared the tea. “These are actually pretty good.” Josh added the roots and berries to his bottle, swirled it over the heat, then tasted.
“This isn’t too bad.” He handed it to her and she took a sip.
“You’re right. Not too bad. But not too good, either,” she teased. They relaxed into each other, the wind and trees creaking around them as they shared the tea. The night grew darker, the clouds obscuring the night stars.
Holly held her hand out. “You feel that?”
He screwed the lid back on the bottle and left it beside the fire. “Yeah, we’d better get inside.”
Warm rain fell softly as they stood, gathered up their supplies, and climbed into the small tent. Josh dug a flashlight from his bag and turned it on, casting them in a soft, golden light.
“This is cozy,” she whispered, her soft voice falling over him as she snuggled close. He rooted through his bag, pulled out his knife, and set it beside him. Holly shimmied in to sit close behind him, her legs around his hips, as he searched for the granola bar he’d shoved in at the last minute. Her warm hands went around his body, and she linked them together over his chest. Shadows danced on the sides of the tent as she set her chin on his shoulder. She breathed softly, and it tickled the hairs on his neck. He shoved his damn hair back then ripped into the granola bar, giving her half.
“It’s not a steak dinner, but it will have to do.”
“You mean you’re not using that knife to go out there and hunt us up wild game? What kind of a man are you?” she teased.
He laughed. “If you want me to prove I’m a man, I have lots of ideas how to do that, and none of them involve stalking and hunting wild animals. Then again, I do have my sights set on a delicious specimen with big doe eyes.”
This time she laughed. “Let me see that,” she said, and reached for his knife.
“Careful. It’s sharp.”
“Yeah, and I’m a big girl.” As she examined the blades, he roughly ran his hand through his hair.
“What’s wrong?”
“My hair is too fucking long.”
“I kind of like it.”
Yeah, it was part of his undercover, but it was getting to him. “I hate it.”
“I could cut it for you if it’s bothering you that much.”
He was a clean-cut kind of guy, and the length really did bother the shit out of him, but it was all part of the gamer vibe he was trying to pull off. “Yeah?”
“Sure,” she said, her voice soft and intimate, whispering over his skin and arousing the hell out of him. “This knife has scissors. I could use them.”
“You really want to do this?”
She opened the knife and pulled out the scissors to examine them as he kicked off his shoes and removed hers. He felt her cold feet, and using their only blanket, he tossed it over her toes to keep them warm.
She ran her fingers through his hair, and his cock thickened. “I don’t like that it bothers you.” She shifted behind him, getting into a better position, and ran her nails through his hair. He relaxed into her, his cock loving the way she touched him.
“Is this supposed to be turning me on?”
“Are you turned on, Josh?”
“Yeah.”
She chuckled as wind and rain beat against the small tent, then began to hum softly as she played with his hair. He worked to tame his erection as the comfort between them grew, deepened to a level that he’d never before felt with a woman. In fact, he’d never been so relaxed with anyone. Warmth radiated from her fingers as she touched him, snipping his hair and putting it into a pile beside her. As silence fell over them, he closed his eyes and listened to the creak of the trees, the fronds rustling in the breeze, and the river raging just a few feet away.
“Josh,” she said, breaking the quiet.
“Yeah?”
“Who do you think will get the promotion?”
Her question caught him off-guard, and he went quiet again, not sure how to answer. The last thing we wanted to do was upset her, but in his gut, he honestly didn’t think it’d be her. Encore Software Solutions adhered to a boys’ club culture, and no matter how hard she worked, Jeff would likely never put her in a senior position.
He shrugged. “I don’t know, Holly.” After a beat, he asked, “Why did you say it represented independence?”
The scissors clicked as she snipped. Her soft breaths fell over him, and she said, “I left New York to get out from under my father’s thumb. He’s kind of an important and influential man. I want to make it on my own. You know, get by on my own merits.” She laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “I want to be more like Samantha.”
He went still, knowing she was revealing something very important. “Tell me more about Samantha.”
“She grew up with a single mom, and she had lots of freedom and independence. But she made good decisions, and look at her now, New York’s top designer.”
At the reminder, Josh swallowed. He sure as hell hoped she didn’t know his sister, that it wouldn’t get back to Holly who he really was. Fuck, he never should have taken this assignment, never should have slept with her. Never should have lied about his identity. Guilt sat like a boulder in his gut. Christ, he was in so deep now he’d need a damn compass to find his way out.
“My father never let me out of his sight, and when he did, he had one of his mouth-breathers hovering over me.”
Mouth-breathers? Shit, she was talking about him.
“Always watching, stalking, hovering, telling me what I could and couldn’t do.”
“Maybe he just cares that much, you know. Wants what’s best for you.”
“I understand that, Josh, but he’s not considering what I want, doesn’t respect the choices I make, and if he really wanted what was best for me, he’d allow me to make my own decisions and live my own life, mistakes or not. I’m not one of his properties that he has full control over.”
Josh clenched his teeth together. No wonder she ran so far away from home. “What about your mom?” he asked. Blair never mentioned Holly’s mom, and in Josh’s background research on Holly, her mother had never once come up.
“She left. I was young. I don’t know where she is.”
The pain behind her words cut into him. “I’m sorry, Holly.”
“It’s fine.”
No, it wasn’t fine. In fact, it was the opposite of fine. Holly’s mom hadn’t just left her dad, she’d left Holly, too. He knew all about getting left behind and tossed around. It hurt. A hell of a lot.
She made a noise, a snort of sorts. “What?” he asked.
“Dad drove everyone away. If he’s not careful, he’s going to drive me away, too.”
“Who else did he drive away?” he asked quietly, wanting to know more, get a deeper understanding of Holly’s mind and the reasons behind her inner drive.
“My friends. Boyfriends.”
“How did he do that?”
“Outside of the inquisitions, he actually did background searches on the guys I dated and their parents.” Her fingers stroked along his neck as she cut another snippet of hair.
“Damn. That couldn’t have gone over well.”
“Nope. Word got around fast what a hard-ass he was, and eventually people just stopped coming around. I guess I really don’t blame them.”
He exhaled slowly, wanting to kick the living shit out of everyone who’d ever hurt her. “I do.”
“You do?”
“Sure. Because you’re worth the fight, Holly.” Christ, her own mother didn’t even fight for her. None of this was right.
She went still behind him and drew in a quick breath. Her fingers hovered near his nape, then she reached for another strand of hair and cut. “Yeah, well, maybe I just wasn’t a good judge of character, because none of those I let into my life ever thought I was worth it, and the other ones, well, they were just using me to get into my dad’s organization. I never knew who I could trust.” She snorted. “Hell, maybe my father was right to watch over me. I clearly have no instinctual perception about human nature, which is why I learned…” Her words fell off, like she was revealing too much, but damned if he’d allow her to stop now.
“Not to let anyone in.” Wind blew against the tent, and he put his hands on her thighs and gave a gentle squeeze as more of the puzzle known as Holly fell into place. She never asked for help because she was afraid of letting someone in, only for them to end up hurting her. He hated that she thought she wasn’t worth the fight, hated that people had used her. But was he any better? He was using this job to get what he wanted, and lying about who he was. “Don’t let them in, don’t get hurt,” he said quietly, the lump in his gut growing.
“Right.” A beat of silence, and then in the softest voice, she said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this, Josh.”
“You’ve been carrying a lot for a long time. Maybe you just needed someone to talk to.”
“Maybe those berries you fed me had truth serum in them or something.”
He chuckled softly, even though everything she was telling him tore at his heart and made him feel like a world-class prick.
“Just so you know, I think you deserve the senior analyst position,” he said quietly
“Thanks. I hope I get it. I want the experience, and the big bonus that comes with it, because someday I want to open my own software development firm.”
“Me, too,” he said quietly.
“Yeah?” He nodded, and she continued. “Then maybe my father will take me seriously, see that I’m all grown up, and stop trying to run my life.”
Silence fell over them again, both lost in their own thoughts. Her fingers swept through his hair, cutting it away from his neck. A yawn pulled at him, but he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to stay like this with Holly until morning. To learn more—everything—about her.
“Why computer software?” he asked.
She brushed hair from his shoulder. “I was always mathematically inclined, and a bit of a techie. Like I said, I spent a lot of time playing computer games when I was a kid, so maybe my love of coding developed from that. Dad couldn’t scare my online friends away, and they never knew who I really was so they couldn’t be using me to get to him.” She snorted again and went quiet for a long time. “Until I met Sam, I had no real friends.”
His gut tightened. The image of a little girl all alone with an overbearing father and no mother damn near broke his heart. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, but she wasn’t looking for his sympathy.
The scissors clinked together. “Oops.” She giggled. “Shoot, I wish I had a comb.”
“Jesus, do I even want to know what you’re doing?” he asked, wanting to lighten the mood, even though his heart was squeezing so hard it was difficult to breathe.
She laughed and gave him a whack on the shoulder. “I think you’re going to like it. You’re going to look handsome. All the girls will want you.”
Except I only want you to want me.
Shit.
“You’d better hope it’s good, or you’ll be sorry.”
“Lucky me.” She nudged him. “Okay, all finished.” She sniffed. “Hey, my allergies are better.”
“I can make you more tea in the morning, before we trek out of here.” He ran his hand over his head, and it felt good. He felt like himself again. Except, after this week with Holly, he was sure he’d never be the same again. “You sure you still want to do that?”
“Absolutely. Look at me.”
He crawled out from between her legs and turned. The smile that lit up her face was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. “Handsome,” she said, and handed him the scissors. He shoved them to the side, needing desperately to taste her. He fell over her, pressing her down with his body, and her hand went to his jaw.
His gaze moved over her face. God, she was so strong and courageous, the most stunning woman he’d ever set eyes on. “Beautiful,” he murmured, then closed his mouth over hers. He kissed her with everything in him, ravenous for so much more. For everything.
She tugged at his clothes, her fingers curling in his shirt, and he inched back, quickly removing them until he knelt before her bare naked. He touched the hem of her shirt and gave it a little tug.
“Your turn.”
Dark eyes locked on his, and she sat up and removed her shirt and bra, gifting him with the most beautiful breasts, and pretty pink nipples he needed to spend more time with. She shimmied out of her shorts and slowly dragged her panties down. He growled and then caught her grin as she teased him.
Once naked, she fell back down and crooked her finger, but he needed a moment just to look at her, to drink her in. To wonder what was going to happen when this week was over and he had to walk away from the woman who’d washed away the memories of every other girl he’d ever been with. Christ, he could barely comprehend how quickly things were changing for him.
“I want you,” she whispered, her soft voice sweeping through him.
“You’ve got me.”
He fell over her, finding her lips and kissing her deeply. She moved beneath him, widening her legs, offering him the warmth of her body. With the need to be inside her driving him, pulsing through his blood, he slipped a hand between her legs. When he found her so wet and ready for him, he shifted, and positioned his cock at her entrance.
In one thrust, he pushed into her, and she let loose a blissful moan. He closed his mouth over hers and swallowed the sound as he kissed her. Her nails scraped over his shoulders, dragging skin, leaving him struggling for air. Jesus Christ, everything about her felt good, felt right. He buried his face in her neck, kissing her soft skin. The bristles on his chin scraped over her delicate flesh, and she whimpered.
“Josh,” she whispered, her hips rising to meet his as he pushed into her with long hard strokes that took him to the edge in record time. Damn what this woman could do to him without even trying. It was a little scary.
“Yeah.”
“Don’t stop.”
His heart slammed, and he breathed her in. “Don’t plan to.”
She moaned, and tension grew in his body, every muscle tight as his orgasm mounted.
“I’m…” Her voice was a coarse rasp and then, “Yessssss.”
Her muscles clenched and squeezed, and a storm built inside him, swirling, spinning, and lifting him clear from the ground. His brain shut down as he surrendered to the pleasure and joined her in release.
She looked up at him, her expression one of pure bliss, her eyes glimmering with sensuality, and he liked that he could put that look on her face. Fierce possession raged inside him at the thought of another man touching her, making her smile like that.
Beside them, the flashlight dimmed, and wanting to save the batteries, he turned it off, dousing them in darkness. He needed to move, to pull out of her, but couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it. Christ, he needed to hold her a little longer, or maybe…forever.
He shook his head, grasping to understand what was happening to him, what this woman was doing to him without even trying.
What about lessons learned?
Fuck that. He needed to talk to her. But how. And what the hell was he going to say, anyway? Shit. It wouldn’t matter what came out of his mouth. He could try to soften the blow with a million apologies, but once she found out who he was and what he was doing with her, she was going to hate him.
“You know what I think,” she whispered, her voice caressing the skin on his neck.
“What?”
“That you set this all up,” she teased. “Your way of making sure I slept in your tent.”
“Yeah, I’m busted.”
But he wasn’t just busted. No, he was absolutely, totally, fucking screwed.