Emerson
I try to move, only I can’t. A weight presses against me, pinning me in place. I squint, the light shining through the windows practically blinding me. Stretched out at my side on the oversized couch is Nic, who is wrapped around me like a big warm blanket. The events of the evening before and the last few days come back to me all at once.
My father, losing my home, and everything I had hits me. Then warmth fills me despite all the loss because the handsome man at my side told me he loves me. Though I feel I don’t deserve his love, the knowledge that I have it is overwhelming.
“He didn’t leave your side all night.” I look to my left to find Gianna sitting in the recliner with a cup of coffee held securely in her hands. “Even after you fell asleep and Spencer decided to head home, he refused to leave.”
Nic’s head rests on my shoulder, his lips and nose tucked into the crook of my neck.
“He loves you, ya know?” I only nod as I lift my hand and comb my fingers through his hair. My heart feels so very full despite everything negative that had happened. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
I look back toward Gianna as tears fill my eyes.
“The last time we talked things didn’t end well.”
“No, they didn’t, but you’re my best friend, Em, and no fight over a fucked up father or any guy changes that. I missed you."
“I missed you too.” The confession burns my throat. “And I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” She takes in a deep breath as her nostrils flare; it is a sign she is doing her very best to hold herself together. “So, what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know.” I still continue to toy with Nic’s hair, softly combing my fingers through the ends. “I guess I need to find a cheap place to live and look for a job. I did manage to save some money over the last couple of years, that’s one thing I didn’t let him control.”
Silence set in as I try to register why I’d let my father manipulate so much of my life over the years.
“You can stay here for as long as you need to.”
“And sleep on your couch.” I smile as I turn back to look at her. “I appreciate it, I truly do, but I’m not gonna flip your life upside down because I was too stupid to see the man my father is capable of being. I have to start over, and that means I have to struggle until I find my way.”
“We’ll look for a bigger place,” Gianna insists, “a two bedroom.”
“Or you can just stay with me.”
My hand freezes, my fingers still intertwined in Nic’s hair. He doesn’t move except his arm that lay over me hugs me a little tighter. I know my eyes had to convey my surprise because Gia was smiling at me knowingly. “Jax misses you.”
Gianna snickers as she stands from the chair and walks off toward the kitchen. I’m sure she is only giving Nic and me a few minutes alone, but she doesn’t have to. I would have preferred she’d stayed because this is a conversation I am not quite ready for.
“I’ll take your silence as a sign you’re thinking about it.”
I open my mouth a couple of times to speak, only to come up empty each time.
Nic lifted his head, the sincerity in his eyes the first thing I’m met with. It is crazy, scary even, how safe I feel whenever he is near. It is a pull I felt the first time I saw him, only now it is even stronger.
“Em?”
“We can’t.” I shook my head trying to find the words to explain exactly why. I half expected him to argue or get upset, but instead, he only watched me and waited. “Just a week ago we weren’t even talking, and even without that we’ve only known one another for a short time."
“And?”
I laugh at his nonchalant reaction.
“And you’ll regret it. You can’t just offer me to move in with you when we aren’t…” I pause when his brow arches. “This,” I motion between us, “I don’t even know what it is.”
“I told you that I’m in love with you.” I swallow hard and notice the way a grin tugs at the corner of his mouth from my reaction. “This,” he repeats my earlier action, using his hand to motion between our bodies, “is whatever you want it to be. But just so that you know, I want it to be everything.”
“Nic.”
“Okay.” He gives in, and the look of disappointment in his eyes pulls at my heart. “But I think taking Gianna up on her offer to stay here for a while should be something you consider. Even if it’s just for a month or so until you figure things out.”
When he starts to get up, I grab his shirt and he pauses. “Thank you.” His gaze finds mine once more. “For being the man you are, for loving me.”
“That part’s easy.” He smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Now you have to learn to love yourself too. Figure out what you want in life and then go after it without letting someone else lead the way.”
I know he is referring to my father. I also understand he is talking about us, too.
“I need to head into the office.” He places a kiss on my temple before lifting his body off the couch. “I’ve got cases that need my attention.”
I feel the loss of his contact so profoundly that it makes my chest feel hollow. I watch as he looks around the room, almost like he’s avoiding eye contact with me. Movement from the left gains my attention just as Gianna steps out of the kitchen holding a red travel mug in her hand. “Coffee for the road.” She holds it out to Nic and I watch as he leans in and kisses her cheek before thanking her.
His eyes meet mine once more and a few seconds pass before either of us say a word.
“Remember what I said last night,” he finally speaks. “I’m here if you need me.”
I nod, my throat feeling as though it is too raw to speak. He walks toward the front door, giving me one last glance before he opens it and steps outside. Once the door closes behind him, I let the breath I’d been holding slowly release.
“What just happened?”
I don’t look toward Gianna, because I know I’ll be met with a look of disappointment.
“Emerson?”
“He deserves someone better than me.” I hear the slam of something and look in her direction. I see her coffee cup sitting near her on the countertop that separates the kitchen and living room, the contents now spilled and dripping from her hands. She seems completely unfazed.
“Why are you so upset?”
“I’m not upset, Emerson,” she declares as she grabs a towel and dries her hands. “I’m furious with you.” She pauses, shaking her head as if she’s trying to remain calm. Then she looks up and her eyes meet mine once more. “You have this amazing guy that is in love with you. He wants you, Emerson, not your father’s money. He wants you. He fucking lives for your damn smile alone and you keep pushing him away. It pisses me off so much.”
She rounds the side of the counter and stalks toward me.
“I’ve heard about nothing more than you from that man since the two of you stopped talking. Constantly asking me if I’d heard from you, needing to know you’re okay. He may have on the outside appeared as though losing what you two were beginning to build did not affect him, but I can assure you it did. As for someone better than you, you need to let that go. Your father is the ass here, Emerson, he’s the man that had one job in life when it came to his daughter and that was to love her unconditionally. He failed, you didn’t. He is a worthless piece of shit that no amount of riches could ever fix. Because at the end of the day, he’s still a prick. I don’t care how many hundreds of millions he has, he is worthless in my eyes. You need to see that and stop looking at yourself through his eyes.”
“I don’t know how.” I don’t. I have never been anything more than Hector’s daughter. Now I am not sure who I am.