CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JEANIE
“Jeanie Bean!” I hear the screech as soon as I storm into the restaurant.
Despite my foul mood, some of the heat leaves me as I search the counter for Ava, the only person besides Luke who’d be calling me that.
She’s at the far end, standing up waving, her silver bangle bracelets jingling in time with the happy bounce of the black fringe on her top. With her eggplant purple hair, Monroe piercing, and violet contacts, she doesn’t exactly blend in.
“Ava!” I exclaim as we embrace. “It’s so good to see you. I didn’t think you were coming home this summer because of the internship.”
A student at the NYU Tisch School of the Arts, every time Ava comes back to town she’s morphed her look in some new way to set the gossips’ tongues wagging.
“I wasn’t supposed to, but I got a couple of days off and thought I’d surprise Mom for her birthday,” she says, sitting back down at the counter.
I look around the diner at the lingering lunch crowd, noticing the glances at Ava’s hard-to-miss presence.
“Well, I sure hope you already surprised her. You know secrets don’t stay secret long here,” I say, smiling.
Well, some secrets, anyway…
Her face breaks out into a villainous smile. “Yeah, I got in around 5am, so I hid in the backseat of her car with a clown mask on and scared the bejeesus out of her when she started it up for work this morning. Man, it was classic,” she says, laughing.
I smack her with my hand towel. “That’s so mean. Funny, but mostly mean,” I admonish, but I can’t help laughing.
“Oh, come on, she had it coming. Do you remember when she’d stand outside the window at sleepovers with that old gorilla mask on, pretending to be Sasquatch?”
Ava and Luke’s mom is an epic prankster. More than once I have gotten caught in the crossfire of their schemes upon each other.
Remembering the tooth paste-filled Oreos I had been duped into eating, I can’t help but ask, “How about Luke?”
“Pukey Lukey? I didn’t have enough time to plan anything elaborate, so I just climbed under his bed and when he got up I grabbed his ankles and screamed at the top of my lungs. It got the job done.”
I look back at the window into the kitchen to see Luke scowling and laughing. I’ve really missed Ava. Growing up an only child, she and Luke were like surrogate siblings. With everything going on with Jerry and now all this tension with Mason, it feels good to take a breather.
I see to my tables, balancing plates three to an arm and do what I can to grab snippets of time with Ava.
“So, what’s the internship like?” I ask.
“Well, it’s with a graphic design and marketing firm, so it’s not exactly as art-focused as I expected, but it’s really interesting, and I think the head designers see potential in me. Like right now, they’re actually letting me assist with an NFL campaign.”
“You? The NFL? But you hate football,” I say, surprised.
She waves her hand with a smile. “Meh, that was during my teen angst phase. I also used to listen to Good Charlotte and thought sharpies were acceptable substitutes for nail polish, so you know, the times they are a-changin!”
“Apparently…”
“This job is so extra, Jeanie. I got to help with a market research test group. Like, I went out on the street and invited complete randos to taste crackers. It was so fun. Oh! And for the NFL thing I got to sit in on the pitch to the Giants. There were even a couple real, live, pro footballers there. The sheer volume of male beauty was enough to blast even your V-card out of your hands,” she says, pretending to fan herself.
I feel the blush spreading across my cheeks, so I drop a mug and excuse myself to clean it. Ava is my dearest friend and not exactly a virgin herself, but I’m not feeling so great about the situation with Mason right now.
“Anyway, what’s up with you?” she asks. “Have you given any more thought to coming out to NY with me? My roommate Safi—you’d love her—she makes the best Massaman curry— anyway, she’s a photography assistant for Vanity Fair. She could probably help you find something in that sphere. Entry level, sure, but hey, we all start somewhere. And, I could totally give you a makeover! You would look so cute with denim hair. It’s a big deal right now.”
I laugh as she talks a mile a minute. She’s always been high energy, but ever since moving to the city, the speed and sheer quantity of words coming out of her mouth has increased exponentially. She looks at me expectantly. I realize there was a question in there.
“Oh, no, I don’t want to leave Silver Springs still,” I say, sobering a little and remembering she doesn’t know what’s going on with Jerry. “For one, I’d miss this place too much. I think it’s so wonderful you’re out there, following your dreams, I just… I guess my dreams are quieter. I still enjoy photography, but I don’t know that world is for me. I like the pace of life here, you know?”
She’s looking at me as if I’ve sprouted a unicorn’s horn, “Not really, but you were always an odd bird.”
“Says the girl in rainbow fringe,” I counter teasingly. “There is another reason, though. I meant to call you, but I know you’re busy, and it’s been a lot to deal with.”
She wags her brows. “Does it have anything to do with the part-time job you’ve got with the hunky new mechanic Maggie told me about?”
I shoot Maggie a look and turn back. “No… I mean there is that, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“Okay, well, after you talk about whatever else there is, I definitely want to hear all about that, too.”
I tell her about Jerry’s diagnosis. The words are heavy as they leave my mouth.
She’s touching my hand from across the counter, telling me how sorry she is, and I’m fighting the lump in my throat.
“Thanks. Anyway, he needs me right now and even if he didn’t, I want to be here. I want to have this time with him.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you with this,” she says seriously, her eyes looking a little damp. “But if you need anything, you know I’m here for you, right?”
I nod my head and we share a moment of silence, composing ourselves.
Ava lost her father to a brain tumor when she was nine. It was one of the things that brought us together. A wallflower and a rebel; we bonded over our strangeness and our scars, and we’d been best friends ever since.
One of my orders is up and I take it out, leaving Ava for a few minutes while I make my rounds, offering water and dessert.
Ava changes course when I get back. “Okay, so, now you have to tell me what’s going on with this part-time job at the garage, and just how hot is this mechanic?”
I sigh. I was hoping she had forgotten about that. “It’s nothing. I took the job to help pay for some repairs to Jerry’s old GTO. I wanted to get it fixed up for his birthday.”
“See, you know I’ve known you since fourth grade, and you know I know when you’re lying. So when you say it’s nothing, Jeanie Bean, I know you’re full of shit.”
All the frustration comes flooding back. “Fine, you’re right. It’s not nothing, but it’s not really something either.”
I try to explain everything in general terms, but from the expressions she’s making it’s clear I’m not doing such a good job of it.
Finally, she chimes in. “Shit, Jeanie, I haven’t seen you this hot and bothered about a guy since Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You. So, begs the question, is he as hot as Heath?
I roll my eyes but concede tersely, “Hotter.”
Her eyes go big and she smacks the counter. “Look at you little Jeanie Bean. Damn!” Then, more soberly, “So, do you really think he’s playing you?”
I scrub the counter more vigorously than necessary. “I don’t know what to think right now. But it’s weird, right? He said he wasn’t good at relationships, but he never said he didn’t want one. He protected me from Clint.”
“That dickwad,” she mutters angrily.
“And then he makes these promises… Why would he do that if this was all just a game to him? And why would he come out and meet Jerry, then basically blow me off? I just don’t get what’s going on, and I sure as heck don’t understand what he wants. I don’t know… maybe he doesn’t know what he wants either? It’s possible, too, he just got freaked out. Approximately one-hundred percent of the guys I know have issues with commitment.”
“Hmph!”
“You sound just like Jerry!” Ava laughs, and I realize she’s right.
“Well, I think if that’s what’s going on that it’s ridiculous. I’ve been very careful not to talk about the future. I mean, I don’t exactly expect anything at this point. Nothing more than basic acknowledgment and decency. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow. You know, it’s not like he hits all of the things on my list, not to mention he hasn’t made a secret of the fact he’s been around the block a few times, so if he thinks I’m trying to chase him down and rope him into a commitment, it’s just a bunch of bull!”
“Although, that’s not to say I’m okay with this never having any potential to be more. If there isn’t even the possibility of a future, what are we doing?” I pause, taking in a breath and realizing I’m ranting a little.
Ava looks a surprised as she answers. “Good question—one you ought to ask him. Maybe he’s just as confused about your feelings as you are about his. I don’t know, I’m just spit-balling here. It sounds like you just need to be straightforward with him. No offense, Jeanie Bean, but you do like to bottle your thoughts and worries up.”
“Are you saying this is my fault?” I ask, feeling defensive.
“No, I’m just saying, you can’t get the answers you need without asking the questions. I’m no expert on relationships, but even I know you have to be honest with him. If it’s going somewhere or if it’s not, better to get that out in the open and deal with it.”
*
“Holy shit, that’s a nice car!” Ava exclaims.
The sun is setting as we park down the street from Mason’s white-trimmed bungalow. It’s almost like the old days when we’d ride around town, windows down, listening to music, lamenting high-school dramas and wishing we were grown-ups. Only now, we are grown-ups and life isn’t necessarily any less dramatic.
“What did you say his name was again?” she asks, pulling out her phone. “Maybe we can find something about him online.”
“Mason Beckett,” I say, nervous.
“Beckett? As in the Becketts? As in, he’s related to Cayden Beckett, the Giant’s quarterback that I met at the pitch?” she asks, incredulous.
My stomach churns nervously. “I don’t know.”
Ava looks back at the house and then shakes her head. “No, that wouldn’t make any sense. The New York Becketts are like old school WASPs. Why would someone from that world move here, to Silver Springs of all places? I’m sure that’s not it, but there’s definitely something mysterious about your hot mechanic. According to Google, that car is in the neighborhood of $240,000.”
I do a double take and look back at Mason’s car in the driveway.
“So, are you going to go talk to him or what?” she asks, reminding me why we drove here.
She walked with me to the shop, while I stressed over what to say. When he wasn’t there, Ava talked me into showing her his house.
“I don’t know…” I say, the nerves increasing and not just because I now know his car is worth more than my house.
“Oh, come on, Jeanie. If you like the guy, you owe it to yourself to find out where he stands,” she prods.
“I know, I know. I just… what if he doesn’t want anything more than this?”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “Then at least you know. Now get goin’.”
I check my appearance in the visor mirror and take a deep breath. “Okay, you’re right.”
I hug her and we say goodbye. She’s leaving tomorrow night and we won’t have a chance to meet up again.
I climb out of the car and walk down the sidewalk to his front door, feeling my nerves go haywire.
I knock on the door. A minute later, Mason swings it open.
His dark blond hair looks tousled and damp like he was in the shower recently. His shirt is gaping open, revealing the tanned ridges of his abs and the dusting of hair that trails in a line below the waistline of his jeans.
He looks surprised and dazed. “Hi…”
“Can I come in?” I ask. He steps back, letting the door swing open.
The lights are off inside except for a single lamp in the living room. Some kind of industrial rock is playing and a short glass sits on the coffee table beside a bottle of liquor. From the looks of it, he’s been brooding as much as I have.
“I thought you were mad at me,” he says.
I turn back to him and realize he’s stepped closer. “I am, but…” I swallow, feeling the heat from his body.
“But what?” he asks, looking at me with a kind of feral hunger, as though he’s not particularly interested in words.
He’s like a storm—beautiful and powerful and I want to be swept up in it, but I also know how badly it could hurt, that I might not make it out the other side.
I open my mouth to talk, but all of my insecurities rise up like a tide, swallowing my words.
A drop of water falls from his hair onto his bare chest and trickles down his stomach, sparkling in the low light and capturing my gaze. I reach out to wipe it away, but the contact is like a catalyst, a spark on a line of gasoline, igniting an inferno.
All I know is I’m against the wall, my hands in his hair as his body is grinding into mine. Everything from before falls away as our bodies, our needs collide, and erupt into flames.